by Ava Hayworth
“So you and Davis?” James presses.
I narrow my eyes at him. We are back to that are we? “How about this,” I bargain. “I will tell you about Davis if you tell me about Elizabeth.”
James raises his eyebrows in genuine surprise. “Elizabeth? Elizabeth Duffy?” he clarifies.
“Yes, Elizabeth Duffy. You know, your date for tonight.”
“Elizabeth isn’t my date. I am here alone tonight.”
Well, I guess that is something. “Let me clarify then. I am referring to all the inter-office flirting, and every time I turn around, you are together.”
James seems taken aback. “Are you jealous? Of Elizabeth?”
To cover up my embarrassment, I say the first thing that pops into my head. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander?”
James cocks an eyebrow at me. “You’re kind of a nerd, did you know that? A gorgeous, hot and sexy one, but all the same a nerd.”
Is he flirting with me? I scrunch my nose up at him, and James smiles warmly at me, his dimple peeking out. I melt. Okay, he is definitely flirting with me. Maybe it is not the smartest thing to be in a dark, well at least relatively dark, and enclosed space with James McAllister, I think dreamily.
Sounds from the corridor penetrate our little bubble. I raise alarmed eyes to James, who just shrugs. “I think someone is looking for you.”
I widen my eyes in outrage. Ya think? “What are we going to do?”
“There isn’t much we can do,” he says smiling smugly. “It’s hard to escape from a boat, so I imagine he will just keep looking until he finds you.” I narrow my eyes at him.
At that moment there is a knock at the door. I turn and look at the door in horror before turning back to James. I hiss, “You stay here.” He raises his hands as if in surrender, but I know better. He is enjoying every moment of this. I wave my hands, frantically indicating that he is to stand behind the door. I am just going to have to brazen this out I think. I unlock the door and open it just enough for me to squeeze out before closing it again. The corridor is narrow. Davis, who is standing in front of the door, has no time or room to back up a step, so I am pressed right up against him.
“Lainey, where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you.” He gives the door behind me a puzzled look.
“I got held up talking to people. You know how it is,” I say lamely, taking his arm and pulling him back down the corridor.
Luckily, Davis does not question me further. I heave an inward sigh of relief as we head back up to the deck. We arrive back on deck to a spectacular view of the Statue of Liberty on our right and the Manhattan skyline on our left. Inside my bag my phone pings. Pulling out my bag, I see that I have a text message from James.
You never answered my question.
I look around to see if he has followed us up to the deck. I see him, but he seems engrossed in conversation with one of the senior partners. I deliberate what to answer back, and then decide that silence is best. Let him stew.
We have been moored off the southern tip of Manhattan in front of the Statue of Liberty for at least an hour when the cruise ship starts back up the East River.
CHAPTER 4
I wake up Saturday morning – or rather afternoon – feeling sluggish and headachy. I hadn’t drunk that much the night before, so I attribute my lethargy to dehydration and the crazy ups and downs from the week. Looking into the refrigerator, I see that shopping is on the agenda for the day. I drink the last of the orange juice, swallowing an ibuprofen along with it.
Under a pelting stream of hot water, I replay my conversation with Davis from the night before. Surprisingly, he had not been all that shocked when I explained that I was struggling with feelings for someone else. He had suspected that there was more going on with the guy from the club than I was letting on. I wasn’t sure how well he had seen James there, and if he had recognized him on the cruise last night. Either way he hadn’t said anything, and I hadn’t either. He assured me that I shouldn’t feel bad, since we weren’t seeing each other exclusively. All in all, I reflect, it hadn’t gone that badly.
I step out of the shower feeling slightly more refreshed. Resisting the urge to crawl back under the covers of my bed, I text Sam.
Where r u?
She replies almost immediately. At gym. Will be home soon.
This surprises me, since she rarely works out. Bitch. You have guilted me into going for a run. C u later.
I smile at the response that comes in a second later. (: luv u too babe.
Groaning, I put on my running gear and head out the door. I run west towards the river. Once I hit the running path, I deliberate momentarily before turning left and heading south. In the back of my mind, I realize that I am not fooling myself; I want to see James. I hit my stride as I run past the usual landmarks – Intrepid Museum, helicopter pad, and tennis courts. Before I know it, I am breathing hard from exertion and standing in front of James’s building. Bending over with my hands on my knees, I breathe slowly in and out until my heart rate returns to normal. Maybe he’s not at home. Elaine Hart, stop being a coward I think and make myself march up to the building entrance.
I walk through the glass doors and give my name at the front desk. I don’t know whether to hope he is at home or that he isn’t. I watch as the concierge picks up the phone he uses to call tenants. He regards me steadily as we both wait for James to answer. A mixture of disappointment and relief overtakes me the longer we stand there. Suddenly the concierge is speaking into the phone and gesturing me towards the elevator bank. Now I am filled with trepidation as I walk to the elevators and press the call button. Numbly, I ride the elevator to James’s floor. The elevator door opens, and James is standing there in sweats that dip low on his hips and a well-worn Columbia t-shirt. My stomach tightens at the sight of him. I watch as his eyes take in my attire. “You’ve been running.”
I nod. Uncertainty holds me immobile. James cocks his head at me. “Are you going to come in?”
Nodding again, I force my legs to move me forward. I stand awkwardly in front of him, wondering what to say.
“You’ve spoken to your brother?”
Mutely, I nod my head. Looking at me wryly, James turns and walks to the kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of water. Uncapping the water, he turns back and holds it out to me. I accept it gratefully and take a long sip as he stands there watching me. I am sure that he is trying to gauge my reaction to what Jett has told me. Of one thing I am definitely certain; Jett is not a fan of James. With that in mind, I had decided to reserve judgement until after talking with James. Lowering the bottle, I lean against the granite-top island. We stand there looking intently at each other until James finally breaks the silence. “I am sure you have some questions. Do you want to sit down?”
“Okay.” I move around to the chair facing the island and hoist myself into it. “So…” I pick at the label on the bottle of water, unsure of where to start. “I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s true it is a part of my past and I would like it to stay there... but as soon as I learned that Jett was your brother, I knew that wouldn’t be possible.”
My mind flashes to my own past, and I shudder.
James waits patiently. When I remain silent, he gently prods. “Why don’t you tell me what Jett told you?”
I think back to the evening before, when I had finally gotten home and called Jett. He was twelve hours ahead in Taiwan, so it had been midday Saturday for him. My announcement that I worked with one of his old classmates had been met with enthusiasm at first, then total silence after I revealed that it was James McAllister. Jett’s warning still rang in my ears, “Stay away from him, Lainey. He is not a good person.” Despite my begging and pleading, he refused to say more. All I know is that my brother hates James McAllister. This left me with some disturbing questions. The first of which was why my easy-going, laid-back brother would hate anyone. My second was wh
y he would hate James in particular.
“He didn’t tell me anything, James. I just know that he doesn’t like you.”
James scoffs, “That’s putting it mildly. Lainey, your brother hates me. If he knew that we… spent time together, he would kill me.”
James had obviously softened what he really wanted to say, which was… If Jett knew that James had fucked his sister, he would beat him to a bloody pulp. I still didn’t know the reason why. “But why, James? Why does Jett hate you?” I had to swallow hard at the word hate.
James walks over to stare at the view of the Hudson River. I jump off my chair and walk over to stand beside him. Finally, he turns and looks down at me. “He hates me because I killed his girlfriend.”
I cannot hold back my involuntary gasp. I don’t know what I was expecting to hear, but it wasn’t that. “Wh… what?” I ask stupidly, certain that I must have misunderstood.
“You heard me,” he states grimly. “I killed Amanda Peterson. Your brother’s girlfriend.”
To my knowledge, Jett had never had a serious girlfriend named Amanda. I was confused. “When did this happen?”
“When we were in law school. Amanda was in my class and Jett was a year ahead of us.”
I think back. That would have been about eight years ago. It is plausible that Jett might not have told his fourteen-year-old sister about every girlfriend. I had been pretty self-absorbed at that age I thought regretfully. “What happened? Can you explain it to me?”
James sighs with resignation and turns back to the window so that I can no longer see his face. “I know it may seem incredible. You know what a small world law school can be... but I swear to you, I didn’t know that Amanda was seeing Jett. Amanda and I hooked up one night. The next thing I know she tells me that she is leaving her boyfriend for me. This was my standard MO, letting girls hang around until I moved on to the next one. She was pretty and smart, and I let it happen like I always did.”
At James’s words jealousy rears its ugly head. Did he love her? Does he still love her after all this time? Maybe Amanda is the reason he has not been in a relationship since then. With these doubts and questions running through my head, I try to focus on what James is telling me. He turns his head and looks at me directly. “Lainey, you have to understand that I’ve never had a girlfriend. I could see from the relationships that my friends got into that it was something to be avoided. It was easy for me to have girls without the drama of a relationship. Ever since I can remember, girls have chased me. If I liked them, I let them stick around until the next girl that interested me came along.”
“And then you would dump them?”
“Yea, that is how it worked, until Amanda.”
“What happened with Amanda?”
“She refused to be dumped. For a while, I thought maybe this is what I needed, a girl to stand up to me and not let me push her around. Truthfully, I was tired of being that jerk… the one who uses girls until something better comes along. The only nice thing you could say about me was that I never cheated on a girl. That is how it was all through high school and then college.
“Amanda was different though. She just wouldn’t accept that I wanted to break up with her. Every time I tried, she would convince me to stay.”
“How long were you with her?”
“That’s the really crazy part.” James lets out a sound that could have been a laugh. “It was only three months.”
I finally ask the question that I’m not sure I want to hear the answer to. “How did she die?”
“The short answer is that she overdosed on drugs.”
“And the long answer?”
James turns his back to the view and slides down the window pane until he is sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head resting back against the window. I sit down cross-legged beside him, but turned so that I can see his face. Staring at his hands, which are draped across his knees, James continues. “Every time I tried to break up with her, she would do something to make me change my mind.” James gives me a sidelong glance, “Usually involving sex.”
“You mean the sex was so good you would decide to stay with her.”
“Yea, something like that. She could be very creative and was always willing to try out new things... experiment...” he trails off.
Jeesh. Is this more than I want to know? Now I will always wonder how I measure up to Amanda in bed, not to mention the fact that she had been my brother’s girlfriend too. Just ewww. “Okay, but what does that have to do with overdosing on drugs?”
“I had let her distract me from breaking up several times. Like I said, it wasn’t hard, because I did like her, but I think she knew the writing was on the wall.
“A group of us went out one night, and I had been paying a lot of attention to some other girl who was flirting with me. Amanda must have felt threatened and decided to step up her game. When we got back to her place that night, she showed me these pills that were supposed to make sex incredible. I had been drinking, and it all sounded good to me. We each took a pill, which ended up being a mix of ecstasy and Viagra. Anyway, you can probably guess what happened next. Let’s just say it didn’t end well for Amanda.”
I let his words sink in and then ask, “And my brother… how does he fit into it?”
“He doesn’t really… not with her death anyway. At first he was pissed that I moved in on his girl… that she broke up with him for me. Then he held me responsible for her death. I can’t say that I blame him. I am responsible.”
“How can you say that? You didn’t make her take the drugs. It was her choice.”
“True, but I could have saved her. She didn’t have to die. It would have been so easy to save her, but I was too fucked up.” The vulnerability in his expression is so uncharacteristic that it leaves me feeling disoriented and unsure of what to do or say next. He bows his head down on his folded arms, which are resting on his knees.
Tentatively, I reach my hand out and place it on his shoulder. Hee jerks back. “I don’t need your pity or your absolution. I came to terms with it a long time ago. It did teach me one good lesson though. I do not let women manipulate me into relationships.”
“Is that what you think I am doing? Manipulating you into a relationship?” I rear back. “You are the one who has been pursuing me.” I start to get to my feet, but James reaches out and pulls me back down.
“Don’t go.”
I consider his words for a moment. Looking into his handsome face, I relax back onto my calves and rest my palms on my thighs.
“Lainey, before I met you on that train, I never wanted to be in a relationship. Before Amanda, it was all fun and games... fucking around. After Amanda… well… at first I punished myself by staying away from women altogether. Then it turned into one-night stands, or seeing a woman a couple of times before breaking it off before they could make it into anything serious. I don’t know what it is about you, Lainey, but I have this feeling that we are the same. I know you.”
I am rocked by the sincerity in his eyes. When his words hit me, I am shocked to realize that he has identified the same elusive feelings that I have. We are the same. If he only knew how right he is, I think. He is not the only one who feels responsible for the death of someone else. I know what he is going through, what he has gone through. His next words flow through me, healing places that I didn’t even know were broken.
“I want to protect you. I want to fuck you. Hell, I just want to look at you.” Extending a hand, he brushes his thumb across my cheek. “So soft.” Turning my head, I kiss his palm. He moves his hand to the back of my head and pulls me forward until my lips are touching his. “I’ve missed this,” he whispers across my lips before consuming me in a hard kiss that sends heat racing through my body.
The kiss goes on and on, his tongue exploring every crevice of my mouth. Then he is pulling off my shirt and sports bra. I raise my hands over my head as he whips them off of me. The feel of his hands touching me makes me shudd
er with desire, but then he pulls back and looks down at me. “Lainey, if you don’t want this to go further, you have to tell me to stop.”
I look into his eyes and everything else diminishes into oblivion. I wind my arms around his neck and pull his head back down to mine. This time I am the one kissing him, letting my tongue speak for me in another way. James yanks down my running shorts and the boy shorts I am wearing underneath. Barely breaking our kiss, he flings off his own clothes, which fly everywhere. He leans me back against the gray shag carpet in front of the vast windows, and I open my legs for him as he pushes into me. Giving me only a moment to adjust, he begins thrusting in and out of me to the point of pain. I wrap my legs around him, and he groans. Raking my nails down his back, I dig in and spur him on to be rougher and harder. It is not gentleness that I want. I need affirmation that he wants me and only me. I want him to mark me with his hands, his body, his mind. His hard hands grip me, and the room begins to spin. “Let go, Lainey. Let go.” I hear him rasp as I dissolve into nothingness.
CHAPTER 5
James flashes a smile at me, “Feel like a shower?”
I laugh because the question seems so mundane after the intensity of the last hour. He stands up and taking my hand leads me nude to the bathroom. Turning on the multiple shower heads, he adjusts the temperature to his satisfaction before drawing me under the warm spray. We let the warm water flow over us. Rubbing body wash between my hands, I rub them over his chest and abs, relishing the feel of his firm muscles. When it is his turn, he lathers the soap and rubs it over every inch of my body. My eyes track his every move until he is finished. Looking into his eyes, I reach down and take firm hold of his hard cock, squeezing it and moving my hand up and down its length. James fumbles with the water knobs until the water shuts off. “I want to be inside you again,” he says gruffly, backing us both out of the shower and toweling us off quickly. I try to help, but he just bats my hands away. He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. I let out a shriek when he throws me onto the bed and then pounces on top of me. Rising up onto his elbows, he looks down at me. “God, I love this body.” He begins kissing down my front, lavishing special attention on my breasts before moving on to my abdomen. I writhe and moan with desire.