I saw a boy fishing with his father and when he began to wander up the hill by himself, an idea came to me. A polaroid camera materialized in my hand and I hollered at him, “Hey, kid.” His head snapped around to look at me. I waved him over and he came too easily—I was going to have to warn him about the danger of strangers after he helped me.
He stopped once he stood by my legs. “Is there a pretty blonde sitting on that bench?” I asked, pointing.
He turned his head toward the bench then back to me. His eyebrows were pinched together as if he were confused as to why I ask such an odd question before nodding. “Yeah.”
“Can you do me a favor?”
At least he knew to be somewhat wary of strangers because now he was looking at me uncertainly. “What kind of favor?”
“Can you take a quick picture of her without her noticing? I’ll get you to take one of me in return to give to her.” Now he was looking at me like I was some sort of serial killer. He was too young to hide his accusing stare. “I’m her boyfriend,” I added. “I’m trying to do something sweet.”
He looked at her sitting on the bench again. “Really?” he asked, still unsure, but I could already tell the idea intrigued him. He would agree just for the idea—the boy was young and the shine in his eyes told me he was a romantic and would probably make someone happy one day. He would live a long life, that I knew.
I nodded when he looked back at me. “Okay,” he agreed, and I handed him the camera. He did a great job at making it look like he was taking a picture of the ducks instead of her. I couldn’t help but grin as the picture fell into his hand from the camera. He ran back to me waving it around so that it would develop faster. By the time the picture was in my hand, my heart was pounding. I waited for the picture to fade from black and my heart leaped onto the picture when I saw her. I hadn’t expected it to work.
Three years. Almost three hundred in the Underworld. I took a deep breath and fell in love all over again.
She was leaning over a bit, her legs stretched out on the ground with a pen in her mouth and her diary in her lap. She looked deep in thought. She wasn’t smiling in the picture, but she was beautiful.
“She’s very pretty,” the boy told me, and I smiled. “Now, I’ll take yours.” He took it the same time he spoke, which was probably for the best because I tensed at the thought of trying to pose in front of a camera.
“Here ya go.” He handed it to me.
When he started to walk away, I stopped him. “One more thing, Josh.”
His eyes widened. “I don’t remember telling you my name.” I probably shouldn’t have said his name.
“I heard your dad say your name,” I lied. “Can you give her my picture and a letter?” I asked.
“Sure, where’s the letter?” he asked.
I smiled. “Hold on, I’m about to write it.”
______
The moment the boy ran to deliver the letter and picture to Melanie, an angel appeared by my side. I expected one of them to show. I sighed and stood, dusting the dirt from my pants. He shook his head, eyes full of disapproval.
“You risk demons finding her every time you are near her. It doesn’t matter that she’s completely human right now. They’d have all the motivation they need to harm her if they knew what she’s to become and what she means to you. We’ve not only hidden her from you but the Devil as well.”
“She belongs with me. I’d never risk her life, I just want—” to see her. Hold her. Be with her.
“It’s not just you she’s important to,” he replied. If he expected a different reaction from me, he wasn’t going to get one. It was their fault I met Melanie this soon. He must have been reading my thoughts when he shook his head. “Do you want to be banned from this world?”
I arched an eyebrow and almost snorted. “You can’t ban me from the human world, I wouldn’t be able to do my job otherwise.”
The angel crossed his arms. “Have you forgotten about all the Reapers you’ve made over the centuries?” Something felt heavy in my chest and my stomach churned. They couldn’t—there was no way I’d survive without this world, the world she was in. But I wasn’t willing to take the chance either.
“I’m leaving,” the words felt bitter and hard to swallow as I said them. I took one last look at the bench and tried to smile, but couldn’t. At least my words got to her one last time in this lifetime.
Chapter Thirty-One
Melanie
“Here ya go.” I looked up from my diary and saw a cute little boy standing in front of me. He held something in his hands. He smiled bashfully and brought his hands out to me. “This is for you.” It was an envelope. He kept urging me to take it. I smiled. Did he have a little crush on me?
“What is it?” I asked, taking it from his hands.
“It’s from your boyfriend.” The boy took off running with a giant grin. My smile vanished as the feeling of hope set in. Could it be…
I tore into the envelope, a letter and a photo fell onto my diary. Killian. The picture was of Killian. My cheeks were hot and the butterflies were coming on strong in my stomach. He sat underneath a tree—wait, I recognized that tree. I turned around, but of course, he wasn’t there.
Tears filled my eyes. I sat there for the longest time just looking at his photo until I finally gathered enough nerve to read his letter.
Melanie,
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
There will never be enough in words to tell you how much I miss you, but I want you to know that my heart is where you are, my body is right here waiting, and my soul is crying to be with you.
I hope that you get this letter before an angel takes it or erases it before you get the chance to see it. I want you to know that I read your letters every day through your necklace. I can’t see you, but your words are everything to me. Sorry it took so long for me to find a way to get my words to you at least once until I see you again.
Live life doing what makes you happy because I want you happy and know that I’ll be right there to take you back when this life is over for you.
Ryan is staying with me. He’s been through a lot, but he finally came. He’s still Ryan, but there’s more to him now. He had to make changes to survive and live as Fear. I’ll help him, I don’t want you to worry. I just want you to accept the fact that he’s Fear for when you finally meet him again. Not just for your sake but his as well.
You’re in my thoughts and dreams every night until I have you in my arms again. By my side is exactly where you belong.
I love you.
Killian, Grim
How could a letter make me feel so much? I wiped my eyes and smiled.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Killian,
I’ve never given much thought to my powers until now and don’t laugh or even crack a grin while you read this, or so help me… but I’m exhausted since I started working. I knew this job was physically demanding, but I guess I hadn’t realized just how much. I’m out of shape…
I didn’t think we’d have so many late-night emergency calls in our community, but I was wrong. My first night we got a 9-1-1 call of a man having a heart attack and when we got there, he was a big guy and I only ended up embarrassing myself because I could hardly help Landon—my co-worker with the lifting. He told me I’d get the hang of it, but I’m sure he only said that because I almost burst into tears when I practically dropped our patient.
I was mortified. This job involves lives, and I didn’t want to make mistakes. I wanted to help people, not make things worse. I already told you before I almost quit that day, but I didn’t. No more living in fear. And since then, I’ve seen multiple overdoses, two wrecks, and other house calls all within a week.
It would be great to have the strength I had from my power, but I don’t, so I bought a membership at the gym. I’m going use my free time to get in shape so that lifting is easier for me. This job isn’t what I was expecting, it’s a lo
t more, a lot harder, but I enjoy it.
I hope one day helping people with this job comes as naturally as using my powers had.
Love, Melanie
Melanie,
You’re doing great, I’m sure. You’ll get the hang of it.
As for Ryan, he’s battling his own problems, but he’s okay. He’s finding ways to keep Fear satisfied. He gets these spells where he needs violence, destruction. He needs to physically do harm. If he doesn’t, he risks Fear coming to the surface and doing much worse. He pretends he’s okay when he’s completely himself, but I see him when he’s teetering off the edge and Fear’s madness consumes him. He hates himself.
But, he lets it all out often with me—we spend a lot of time fighting the hell out of each other. Sometimes, it’s not enough so I started collecting the demons that I’m supposed to kill and delivering them to him so he can be the one to end them. It doesn’t matter who kills them, as long as I send their souls to Satan’s flames afterward.
Penny has been hanging out with him a lot. I think it helps that that she’s not disgusted by him, in fact, I think she cares a lot for him. She won’t admit it, but I think she’s been secretly going to check on you every now and then. I’d have never thought I’d see her develop feelings for two humans, well, one former one.
Sky doesn’t judge Ryan when he’s in a bad state, instead, she’s there to comfort him when it’s over. I think she does what she thinks you would do if you were here.
One day, I hope he can calm the burden he carries. He has a home here now. I won’t let him fade away or give up. He’s important to you and that makes him important to me.
Killian
_____
Killian,
I can’t believe I finally moved into my apartment today. In a way, I feel bad that I left Alex and Mom alone, but I couldn’t survive another second there, after she brought her co-worker’s son home trying to set us up. Our relationship was already rocky but now it’s worse.
Alex stays a few nights at our aunt’s out of the week since Mom and me both work night shifts. My apartment has two bedrooms so I already promised him that room for when he stays here. He better know how much I love him, I really wanted a room for my bookshelves. It won’t be long until he’s twelve. How does time manage to feel both fast and slow to me?
I’m never going to be with anyone or start a family like my mom someday wants me to have. As a daughter, I know I scare her. She doesn’t want me alone, but I wish she’d just take a good, hard look at me and see how fine I truly am.
I’m happy.
But it’s even awkward running into her at the hospital when we bring a patient to the ER. Tess somehow manages to find me every time I’m there—yes, she makes a great nurse and yes, I’m still surprised at how much my best friend’s grown over the last four years. Ryan would be proud.
Love, Melanie
Melanie,
Your relationship with your mom is my fault. I swear I’ll make it up to you, but I hope you can make amends with her before then.
____
Killian,
Tess met a foreign doctor at the hospital. I don’t see her much now that she switched to day shift, but I reckon the two of them are dating now. I think he’s Asian—Chinese, maybe. She’s totally swooning for this guy, so that means I’ll probably be meeting him soon.
____
Killian,
I turned twenty-five today, but you probably remembered. You better have! I spent most of the day sleeping until Alex and his friend came barging into my apartment. The brat wouldn’t let me go back to sleep. I made sure to call and yell at Mom for dropping them off, but she only laughed and wished me a happy birthday.
Alex is fourteen now and the little dweeb is already taller than me. His height totally came out of nowhere this year! I think his friend might have a crush on me, though. He’s always blushing when I talk to him.
Poor kid—I’m shaking my head and sighing as I write. Nobody knows I have a boyfriend.
I ended up taking them to the movies even though it was my birthday. I mean, does my family have no shame? I need love too… but I suppose my love’s in another world missing me, too? See what I did there? I’m totally flirting with you since you’re the only lucky one that gets to read my letters.
___
Tess is pregnant. Okay, first I should probably tell you that she’s getting married, but a BABY! I can’t imagine her as a mother….
___
I want to steal Rylan. I’m holding him in my arms as I write. He’s so beautiful, fat, and lovable. Babies smell good. They were going to name him, Rylan, regardless if he was a boy or girl, but I’m glad they named the baby after Ryan. I know he would have spoiled him if he were here, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Of course, Tess proves me wrong. She’s a great mommy already.
___
It must be all the diapers I’m around lately, but baby-fever has hit me hard. Killian… will we get to have kids of our own one day, and would you want to?
___
Melanie,
We’ll repopulate the whole damn Underworld if you want. Bloody hell, why did you have to write that? Now I can’t stop imagining what you’d look like with your stomach swelled with my child. You are giving me everything I never thought was possible for me. A family… I never would have dreamed of the possibility until now. I love you so damn much.
___
Killian,
Fifteen years has come and gone faster than I realized. I can’t believe I’m already thirty-three. I’m aging, not just in years but in my body, as well. Funny how I didn’t really notice until I looked in the mirror this morning. I guess I look the same, just older, but my looks are only going to continue to change. Maybe what I’m feeling is relief—relief that you can’t see me as I age while you stay the same handsome man I remember.
Melanie,
You’re wrong. I have seen a recent picture of you. Every few years I get a new one of you on my desk. I don’t know who takes it, but I have a good guess it’s Penny because Ryan gets them as well of Tess and her family, and you.
You’re beautiful now as you were when I last saw you. Your body is more filled out with age, and I find it a damn shame I can’t trace the new curves on your body, but I’ll make up for that loss one day.
Age is a beautiful thing to me, maybe because I won’t ever experience it. I’m glad you get to experience time and age before you become like me.
___
Killian,
Today was a nightmare. Mom tried to set me up with Alex’s friend. I threw a fit and as soon as the poor guy left, Mom and Alex sat me down and asked if maybe I liked women and if so, they were cool with it. They just wanted me to stop hiding it if I was…
So, I told them I was and that I always had a huge crush on Tess, but she was straight and happily married. Of course, they didn’t believe me. (Almost time for Rylan’s baby sister to get here, but that’s getting off the subject… still, I’m so excited!!!)
I know they mean well, but what I’m going through with you is something they’ll never know or understand. I hate it and it makes me miss you tonight even more so.
Love, Melanie
Chapter Thirty-Three
Killian
The last few months, Ryan and I have spent building a place on the other side of the woods for him to live. He and I both agreed that it was time for him to leave the castle so that he can have his own place and be who he wants. Penny and him weren’t together, but they were spending all their time together—I don’t want to be the one to tell them that it was one and the same. They liked what they had, and I wasn’t going to ruin it for them.
It had been a long battle—still ongoing—with his relationship with Fear. Not only was it hard for him to keep him satisfied, but Ryan admitted that a part of him—the part that was Fear—hated me. It wasn’t easy for him to be around me some days, yet he immediately agreed when I asked if he wanted to live on the
other side of the woods. Maybe it was to get back at Fear in some way, or maybe it was to see Melanie again one day, I didn’t know and I wouldn’t ever ask—, truthfully, I didn’t mind his company.
Maybe I was getting fond of him, and it even bothered me the days he couldn’t stand to look at me. I’ve already known him for over a century now.
Unlike me, Ryan wasn’t connected, he didn’t feel like one person with Fear. He said it felt like a power struggle over his body all the time. He’d hear Fear’s voice in his head a lot trying to unsettle him and when Fear managed to take control, he’d disappear for a bit and come back—Ryan was sure that Fear went through the same thing with him—I couldn’t imagine a conflict between two very different beings inside one mind. It made me wonder why Fear had chosen to merge with Ryan. They were too different—one good, the other bad. I didn’t think he’d ever feel the wholeness I felt with the merge. I was Killian. I was Grim. I was one being that went by many different names all according to who spoke to me.
Ryan disappeared one day and Penny came to me worried. It wasn’t the first time and surely wouldn’t be the last. It didn’t take me long to find him, I just sought out Fear and easily found him. He was at a whore-house in the Underworld, buried deep in a busty brunette he had pinned beneath him. Only it wasn’t Ryan, it was Fear. He probably sought out this place because most of these females could handle the kind of violence Fear lived on. This was one of the ways Ryan was keeping Fear satisfied, but I interfered when his tail wrapped around her neck. If it were Ryan, he would do just enough to get high from it, but with Fear, he would probably kill her. Before I interfered, the female’s face morphed into a giant mouth with razor sharp teeth—she was determined to protect herself. I yanked him off of her and she hissed when I did. He would survive anything that happened to him, but I’d save him from the pain.
Fear turned back and looked at me, only to change back into Ryan. He laughed, before saying, “I was fine. I had him under control.” And I believed him. He looked completely at ease and relaxed.
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