by Bea Paige
“What did I say?” Hudson raises his hand to my face as a rebellious tear falls from my eyes. I am stronger than this. For so many years I have kept this well of pain within me, and for some reason amongst these men it is trying to escape.
“You are not the only ones to have suffered a cruel childhood, Hudson. Although my mother is still in my life, she abandoned me a long time ago for the oblivion she could find at the bottom of a bottle. So, I get what it’s like. I understand, truly.”
Hudson moves towards me, surprise, guilt, then sorrow tracking across his features. I take another step away. “Perhaps Max is right, perhaps I am the Ice Queen. I don’t have room in me for more lost souls, my own is more than enough to deal with. Besides, I wouldn’t give away something so precious to a person who uses women so carelessly. I’ve seen my mother do that time and time again. That isn’t me,” I say, my voice cracking with emotion. I turn away from Hudson and walk towards the door.
“Louisa,” he says, staring at me. He looks so lost, so vulnerable that I almost, almost, go back into the room.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry, for earlier. That was the fucked-up me, the one that needs to make every woman he meets want him. You don’t want me, or any of us it would seem, and it made me mad. I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I could have you if I wished. I was an arsehole. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll back off.”
I look up at him, at the tiny beauty spot that sits just under his eye, at his full pink mouth. I look at Max sleeping peacefully on the bed, I remember the look in Bryce’s eyes as I ignored his attempts at making me jealous this morning, and sigh.
“You’re all beautiful, any woman would be mad not to be flattered by your advances. But I can’t give you what you want. I’m too broken already to allow any more people in to break what’s left of my heart. I can’t just have sex without it meaning something. I won’t be used like that, and none of you can have meaningful relationships. That’s pretty clear.”
“Louisa…” he starts, but I hold my hand up.
“Hudson, I am not like other women. I won’t be a part of any games, yours or your brothers’. I’m going to go to my room now. Tomorrow, when Max has recovered and you guys are alone together, I would appreciate it if you can make clear to them both what my position is. I am here to work, that is it. There is nothing beyond that. Fuck whoever you want, just don’t try to fuck me over. If you don’t think you can do that, then I will happily swap with another chalet girl.”
With that I turn on my heel and head to my room, passing a scowling Sacha on the way down. I don’t care if she heard what I said, I am no threat to her. It’s all the other available women she needs to watch out for.
Chapter Eight
Since my discussion with Hudson two weeks ago when Max passed out at their impromptu party, the boundaries I have put in place have seemed to work for us all. The brothers have stopped trying to get into my knickers and we have settled into an easy, relaxed rhythm. Every morning breakfast is dished up at eight am. We sit and chat together whilst we all eat, then we spend the day apart. I hang out on my own or with Shawna and the brothers go skiing, or fucking, I’m not really sure what they do with their day, and frankly, I don’t ask. Then we come together again in the evening for supper where we sit and discuss what we’ve done in the day or talk about general, light-hearted stuff. The conversations never get deep, the brothers never mention the women they are seeing and somehow an easy friendship has begun to form between the four of us.
This morning I am feeling revived after an early morning swim in the pool and a quick go in the sauna. The brothers have no issues with me using the facilities so long as breakfast is served at eight am sharp. Turning back to the task at hand, I dish up the full English breakfast they have come to expect every morning and place the warmed plates on the kitchen island. My phone rings, making me almost drop a plate when I see who’s calling.
“Hi, Mum,” I say, trying to hide the note of dread in my voice. She hasn’t rung me at all since I’ve been here. Had it not been for Richard’s regular texts I wouldn’t have known what was going on back home. Last night he sent me a message saying he thought Mum was up to something fishy and warning me that there was trouble brewing. Hence the nauseous feeling when answering the phone now.
“I need five hundred quid,” Mum says. No hello, how are you? No, how are you getting on? Christmas Day is only three days away, but there’s no mention of that either. Mum’s straight to the point as always.
“I don’t have five hundred quid, Mum,” I say. “I don’t get paid until the end of the month. Can’t it wait until then?”
“No, it can’t bloody well wait. I need the money now. I’ve got a loan shark after my arse. They’ll get nasty if I don’t find the money soon,” Mum whines.
I have the sudden urge to scream. “Can’t you ask Dom? Maybe he can help you out,” I say instead.
Mum’s laugh is high and brittle. “Dom’s fucked off and Paul hasn’t got that kind of money.”
“Who’s Paul?”
“My new fella of course,” she says. “Please, Louisa. I wouldn’t ask if I had the money myself.”
Frankly, there is fat chance of Mum ever having any money. She doesn’t work, and all her benefit money goes on booze. “All right, Mum. I’ll get it for you,” I say quietly, not wishing for the brothers to overhear my conversation. “But you have to give me a bit of time.”
“I don’t have time. It has to be today, or I’m screwed.”
I almost say, ‘aren’t you always’ but I hold my tongue, not wishing to get into an argument with her.
“Fine, I’ll sort it,” I say, clicking my phone off and chucking it onto the kitchen counter. I knew this would happen. I knew this was too good to be true. I’ve been here just two damn weeks and she’s already asking me to get her out of some shit she’s got herself into back home because I am not there to babysit her. How in the hell had she managed to get herself into trouble with a loan shark? “Damn it,” I say, slamming my hand on the counter. Why can’t she stay out of trouble? Why can’t she leave me alone?
“Everything alright?”
I turn around to see Bryce staring at me. He’s dressed in a soft black tracksuit slung low over his hips and a tight fitting white t-shirt. His hair is pulled up in a high bun on his head and his beard is neatly groomed, even though it’s early in the morning.
“Fine,” I say, giving him the best smile I can muster. “Chalet girl stuff, that’s all.”
He nods and sits on one of the stools.
“Morning, Icy,” Max says as he skids into the room.
“Morning, Jester,” I retort, laughing despite myself. He’s such a big kid at heart that my nickname suits him perfectly. Besides, he calls me Icy, so I have to get my own back somehow.
A moment later Hudson steps into the kitchen with dishevelled hair and sleep still pulling at his eyes. He isn’t much of an early riser, but he always gets up with his brothers because, well, that’s just what he does.
“Morning,” he mumbles.
“Morning, Hudson,” I say, handing him a cup of coffee.
“Shall I ask Louisa then?” Max says, looking from Hudson to Bryce.
“Ask me what?” I say, dishing up their breakfast.
“Well, if you haven’t already noticed, it’s Christmas day soon and Bryce, Hudson and I usually head out to a cabin further up the mountain. It gets a bit busy down here in the resort. We thought you might want to come too,” Max says, almost shyly.
“I see.” I glance at each brother in turn. “I’m not sure. I mean, I don’t want to get in the way of your celebrations. I imagine you’ll have company. I’ll be fine on my own.” I take a sip of my lukewarm coffee and peer at the brothers over the rim of the cup.
“There won’t be anyone else. Just us, and you. If you want to join us that is,” Hudson says, his eyes never leaving mine.
“But I thought you’d want to have, you know…” I wave
my hand around in the air. “Company,” I finish. Sex, that’s what I want to say. Basically, it sounds like the perfect place to take a few girls and have an orgy.
“We’ve never invited a woman to the cabin, but we’d like your company. None of us are particularly interested in anyone else’s right now,” Hudson says, then slams his mouth shut. Bryce and Max both give him a look that makes me think there is more to this request than meets the eye.
“Um, I don’t know.”
All three of them are staring at me whilst I dither between my sudden desire to be alone with them in a cabin in the mountains, and the urge to run screaming from the chalet. I can see Bryce’s expectant look, Max’s hopeful expression, and Hudson’s hot gaze and I feel incredibly uncomfortable in my skin all of a sudden.
“It’ll just be a couple of quiet days hanging out and eating,” Max says with a shrug. The strange thing is, although he is acting like it’s not a big deal, I can tell he really wants me to say yes. There’s almost a look of desperation about him. Bryce and Hudson are the same, they seem way too tense for this to be a casual request.
“Tell that to all the girls hankering after you three. I’m pretty sure most of the females in the resort would love to join you and would happily take my place,” I say, trying to make light of what is fast becoming a very tense situation.
“Like Hud said, we don’t want anyone else,” Bryce says, his hazel eyes darkening so that they are almost the same colour as Max’s.
“We thought it would be fun,” Max chimes in, his voice slower, more sensual than usual.
Thank God there is a kitchen island between me and the brothers because right now I feel as though they are all about a second away from doing something stupid. My heart is beginning to thump erratically in my chest as my mouth opens and closes like some dumb-arse goldfish. I am saved from responding at all when my phone rings loudly. I snatch it up from the counter. It’s Mum.
Flipping open the phone, I walk from the room listening to my mother’s tirade whilst the brothers Freed watch me walk away from them yet again.
Chapter Nine
Later that evening I sit at the table with the brothers, swallowing down the rising sickness I feel and trying to act like nothing’s the matter.
“You not hungry, Louisa?” Hudson asks, pointing to my half-eaten lasagne.
I plop my fork on the plate, giving up on trying to eat. “Nope, I’m not feeling that great. I don’t have an appetite tonight.”
“Do you think you’re coming down with something?” Bryce asks, a look of concern on his handsome face.
“Nope, just a cold or something. I feel a bit bunged up, shivery. I’ll be fine with some paracetamol and an early night,” I say, ending the conversation. They eat the rest of their meal and talk about their day on the slopes, every now and then giving me surreptitious looks. I pretend not to notice. As soon as they are all finished, Hudson gets up and starts clearing the table.
“Hey, you don’t need to do that,” I say, placing my hand on his arm. His eyes flick up and I snatch my hand away, the skin of my palms burning from the contact.
“We want to,” Bryce says, looking between me and Hudson. “It’s about time we took care of you.” He’s doing that sexy thing with his voice again and it's distracting me. I look at Max helplessly, but he too has a strange look on his face like he’s about to do something silly.
“Erm, thanks. I’m just going to sit on the sofa, watch a movie then. Have fun this evening.”
“You shouldn’t be alone if you’re unwell. One of us will keep you company,” Hudson says from his spot in the kitchen.
“Don’t worry about it, honestly. I’ll probably just turn in early.” I go and sit on the sofa and start flicking through the choice of movies that are available to watch.
It doesn’t take the three of them long to tidy up and after a few minutes they are making their way to their rooms. I can hear the low murmur of their chat, but I can’t make out what they are saying. I imagine it will have to do with which one of them is willing to stay behind, not that I want any of them to do that. The fact that they are willing to spend their own precious holiday time staying in with me when they could be out having fun makes me feel so much worse.
A wave of nausea hits me as I recall the five hundred pounds I stole this morning. Trust me to have a mother who gets herself in trouble with a loan shark then uses her daughter as a cash cow. The hate I have for her right now is toxic, making the nauseous feeling worse. I’ve never stolen before, but Mum had sounded so scared, desperate even, that I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I’m not due my first wage packet until the end of the month, and no matter how much I hate my Mum for putting me in such a predicament, I can’t allow anything to happen to her. So, I did what I promised myself I’d never do, I withdrew the money from the cash machine in the resort using the credit card I’d been given to buy supplies. Then I deposited the cash into my bank account and transferred it directly into Mum’s account. It had been that easy.
Now, as I sit on the sofa absentmindedly flicking through the cable channels, I hate myself even more than I already do, and a very real pain blooms inside my chest.
“Here, take this,” Max says, bringing me out of my worrisome thoughts. I push them aside as he strolls towards me. He’s wearing a pair of slacks and a loose jumper. In his hand is a hot-water bottle. I guess he’s drawn the short straw to stay behind with me.
“Thanks,” I say softly, surprised by his consideration.
He settles himself next to me. “I’ve decided to stay in tonight, keep you company,” he says, making himself comfortable. His blonde hair is rough dried, and he smells of the vanilla shampoo that has become so familiar now. I find myself having the sudden urge to lean in and sniff his hair. Stop it. Don’t even go there.
“Good, you’ve got the hot water bottle. That should help with the chills.” I turn my head and Hudson is staring at me, a strange look in his eyes.
“Where are you going tonight?” I ask, noticing the casual attire he is wearing.
“I’m not going out.” He looks at me, his eyes trailing over my face.
I smile brightly, trying to hide my growing nerves but almost jump out of my skin as Hudson sits beside me. Stealing that money has sure made me a nervous wreck. I really hope the brothers don’t notice and start questioning me about it.
“You don’t have to, Hudson. Max has already said he’s staying in. I’m sure Sacha would be glad to see you.”
Hudson frowns. “Sacha and I are history.”
“Why?”
“I like someone else,” he says, shrugging.
“Oh,” I say, not sure why that makes me feel worse.
“Actually, we’re all staying in,” Bryce says as he strolls into the room. He too has showered and changed into something more comfortable than skiwear. He has a pair of soft slacks on and a fine-knit, grey jumper.
“You okay with that?” He chooses to sit on the floor rather than the sofa, and I can feel the warmth of his arm as it presses against my leg.
“Sure, okay,” I murmur, not certain that I am okay, given the strange mix of nausea and butterflies I’m feeling.
“What are we watching then?” Max asks, gently prising the control from my hands.
“You choose,” I say, feeling decidedly antsy in close proximity to all three brothers. Granted, I’ve been alone with each of them separately these last couple weeks, but the air seems charged differently tonight and I’m not sure what to make of it. Probably a mixture of guilt from stealing that money and the strange looks the guys keep giving me.
Bryce presses a button on another control, which dims the lights and closes the curtains automatically, whilst Max picks a movie. I don’t pay much attention to his choice, acutely aware that both Hudson and Max have somehow moved in closer to me. Bryce is resting his hand on the floor so close to my foot that I can feel the warmth of his finger as it brushes against my skin. That touch alone has my heart hammer
ing in my chest. It’s so loud, I am certain they can hear it.
About halfway through the thriller we are watching, a scene comes on where the main character is seducing a woman. The sex is graphic, and I find my heart rate increasing, not because of what I am watching, but because the atmosphere in the room has changed from charged to electric. I breathe in sharply when I feel Bryce’s warm hand curling around my ankle. That sudden intake of breath seems to ignite something within the room.
“Damn it, Louisa,” Hudson groans into my ear at the same time as Max presses a kiss against the side of my face. Stunned, I clutch onto the hot water bottle, pressing it into my belly.
“What are you doing,” I whisper. It’s a stupid question, it is pretty damn obvious what they are doing, but I need them to answer me.
“You must know how we feel about you,” Hudson says, pressing his soft lips just behind my ear. A thousand traitorous tingles rush down my spine and pool in my belly at his words and his touch.
“I don’t know what you mean…” My words are lost in the warmth of Hudson’s mouth as he gently turns my face to him and pulls me in for a kiss. His kiss is slow and gentle, and sweet, and nothing like I expected. As Hudson’s kiss deepens, as his tongue explores my mouth, I am acutely aware that Bryce has shifted position and is now kneeling between my parted legs, his hands massaging my calves. They are firm and strong as they knead my flesh. Hudson pulls his mouth away and presses his forehead against my own, breathing heavily. He leans back and as I turn away from him, he gently pushes aside my hair and kisses my neck again, sucking slightly on the skin there. My eyes flutter closed until I feel Bryce’s hands rest on my knees. When I open them, I find myself staring into Bryce’s hazel eyes. As he moves towards me, the dim golden glow of the table-lamp casts a soft warmth across his features, making him impossibly handsome. Something catches in my throat as his gaze flicks from my eyes to my mouth. In a sudden rush of decisiveness, he has his hands tangled in my hair and his tongue shamelessly probing my mouth. The feel of his coarse beard against my skin only seems to heighten the kiss. I let go of the hot-water bottle and wrap my hands around his back.