by J. C. Eaton
Everyone turned in my direction.
“Don’t look at me. I was never coaxed by food.”
Just then Kevin and Wayne walked in alongside Constance and Cecilia. Next to each other, the two men reminded me of Laurel and Hardy. While Kevin was thin and wiry, Wayne was short, stout, and muscular.
The waitress started filling the coffee cups on the table as we waited for the rest of the crew to arrive. My aunt Ina made her usual entrance as if auditioning for Gloria Swanson’s role in Sunset Boulevard. A faux leopard scarf was draped around her head and neck, and her earrings had more jewels than the ones in Queen Elizabeth’s throne room.
She took the chair next to mine, greeted everyone, and gave me a poke in the elbow. “Where’s your mother? I thought she’d be here by now.”
“Dog problems,” I said.
Bill grumbled a quick hello to the women as he poured sugar into his coffee. “Let’s get this show on the road. I want to get over to Curley’s as soon as we get out of here. We should’ve held this meeting over there.”
Cecilia gave him a nasty look as she reached for her cup. “Then you would’ve held it without us.”
“I’m here! I’m here!” My mother’s voice was like an explosion. “Did I miss anything? You’d better not have started this powwow without me.”
She rushed over to the table and sat down next to Herb. “Who’s missing?”
“Only Kenny and he’ll be here any sec. . . . Great! He’s coming in right now.”
Motioning for everyone to lean into the table, my mother bent her head as if she was rolling dice. “We need to keep our voices low. We can’t risk being overheard.”
“This isn’t the CIA, Harriet,” Louise said. “And other than that really elderly couple in the corner, no one else is in here. Besides, my hearing aids aren’t working too well, so you’ll have to speak up.”
My mother furrowed her brow. “If you wouldn’t insist on covering your ears with all that long hair of yours, maybe the hearing aids would work.”
“Hearing aids don’t have anything to do with long or short hair. And since when is below the chin considered long? Anyway, this meeting better not take all night. I received a summons to appear for jury duty selection in the morning, and I don’t want to be fined for being late. Jury duty. Of all the rotten things. In two years I turn seventy-five and get automatically excused. I can’t bear the thought of getting stuck on some jury. In downtown Phoenix, no less. Why does the courthouse have to be in downtown Phoenix?”
“Will you give it a rest, Louise?” Bill asked. “Damn courthouse is in Phoenix since it’s the county seat. Now, if you want to get out of jury duty, this is what you do. When they call your name and you go to the front of the courtroom, look at the judge and say, ‘Give me an old-fashioned murder case. An old-fashioned murder case.’ Pound on your chair if you have to. Then act kind of casual and say, ‘Do they still have hangings in Arizona?’ It’ll work like a charm. They’ll excuse you from that jury faster than you can get out of your seat. They’ll thank you for your service and get you out the door.”
“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to wind up on that horrible Darla Marlinde case.”
Bill scratched his chin. “The one where she killed her boyfriend by putting the poisonous scorpions in his bed?”
“Uh-huh. It’s been all over the news. Along with that other case. The embezzlement one. So, you’re certain your tactics will work?”
“Oh yeah. Haven’t been called back since 1998.”
Herb glared at Bill and raised his voice. “Enough with Louise’s jury duty. If this meeting takes any longer, she’ll be sitting on Sorrel Harlan’s case. That is, if they ever find her killer. Meanwhile, we need to squelch that insane proposal of Sorrel’s before it’s too late. Hey, move over Kevin, here comes Kenny. Now we can get going.”
As soon as Kenny took a seat at the table, Herb started the meeting or “powwow” or whatever name one can give to a haphazard strategic planning session. No sooner did he get started, Wayne began to complain about his back and Cecilia said her bunions were bothering her. It took all Herb could do to get everyone to focus. A few people ordered bagels and that production lasted longer than an epic poem. Finally, the group accomplished something. And that was because my mother took over, much to Herb’s relief.
“We haven’t got all night,” she said. “It’s really simple. There are eight board members and sixteen of us. I’ll read off each board member’s name and assign two people to that person. Unless someone has a particular board member in mind.”
Cecilia waved her hand in the air as if she was back in a third-grade classroom. “I volunteer for Eloise Frable. She goes to my church, and I can always find a way to talk to her during social hour after the Sunday services.”
“Good, good,” my mother replied. “What about you, Shirley? Did you make hats for any of them?”
“No, but Mildred Saperstein plays mahjong at Palm Ridge on Tuesdays. She’s not at my table, but I’ll find a way to start a conversation. Lordy, it can’t be that hard.”
Then Shirley turned to my aunt Ina. “Aren’t you in the mahjong league, Ina?”
“I was, but it interfered with the yoga meditation classes Louis wanted us to attend. Never mind, I’ll skip yoga, and Louis can meditate by himself for an afternoon or so. Put me down for Mildred.”
My mother looked directly at me. “Are you getting this, Phee? Are you writing this down?”
“Huh? What? I didn’t know I was supposed to take notes.”
“Well, you work in an office, don’t you? Who else is going to take notes?”
Rather than start an argument, I rummaged in my bag for a piece of paper, pulled out an old receipt, and used the back of it to write down the names.
“You men have been awfully quiet,” Lucinda said as she eyeballed Kenny, who had seated himself next to her. “Who are you going after?”
“Kevin and I will take Harold Stevens. We see that old coot every morning at Putters Paradise. Might as well chew the fat and see if we can get anywhere.”
“I’ll take Jeannine Simone,” Herb shouted. “I mean, if no one else wants to.”
“Do you know anything about her?” my mother asked.
“Other than the fact she’s drop-dead gorgeous? What else is there to know? I’ll figure out something.”
Just then, Wayne elbowed Herb. “Well, you’re not going to do that on your own. I’ll take Jeannine with you.”
“Fine. Get that down, Phee.”
My mother shook her head. “I’m not so sure it’s a good idea for both of you to go after Jeannine. She might think you’re stalking her or something. Maybe we should reassign her to the women.”
Herb’s face turned beet red. “Hell no. I called dibs on her first.”
“Dibs? She’s not a soccer ball. What’s the matter with you? I think it would be better if Myrna and Riva took Jeannine.”
Myrna looked up from her bagel. “Not me. I’d rather take Bethany Gillmore. Have Riva do it with Marianne or Constance.”
“That’s all right with me.” Constance stared directly at Herb.
“Well, it’s not fine with me. Wayne and I are not going to stalk Jeannine. We’ll simply strike up a nice conversation with her. I’ve seen her at the Friday night bingo games. It’s a wide-open social hall, Harriet, so she’s not going to feel threatened.”
“Goodness, Herb. You’re as bad as Streetman when he gets his mouth around a bone. You and Wayne can keep Jeannine but don’t mess it up.”
Twenty-five minutes later, all the names were assigned, leaving only Burton Barre to my mother and me.
“Um, does anyone know anything about Burton?” I asked.
“Yes,” Lucinda said. “He works on the giant summer puzzle at the library every year. Been doing it forever it seems. He’s even on the committee to select the puzzle. I read about it in the community newsletter. Of course, it’s February, so I don’t know if he’ll be hanging around the
library.”
“Don’t worry,” my mother said. “Phee and I will track him down. She has connections, you know.”
If you think I’m going to ask Nate or Marshall to profile this guy, think again.
“And one more thing,” she continued. “Don’t go asking anyone any questions about Sorrel. We should leave that to the sheriff’s department and Phee’s office. Then again, if they offer information—”
“Tell them to call Williams Investigations or the Maricopa County Sheriff.” The words couldn’t come out of my mouth fast enough. “Last thing anyone needs is to misconstrue something.”
Bill got up from his seat and shoved the chair into the table. “Got it. No Sorrel. Guess that’s it for the night. I’m off to Curley’s. Who’s going to join me for a brewski?”
“Not yet,” Herb shouted. “Sit down. We need to set up the next meeting.” Then he turned to me. “So, sweetie, when can you get the hit list to all of us?”
Shirley shushed him as soon as he said the words “hit list.” “Lordy, Herb, we don’t need anyone overhearing us.”
“Ain’t no one here except a few old buzzards, and they’re halfway around the room. And they’ll only hear us if they’ve got their hearing aids turned up.”
Suddenly, Louise, who was seated next to Herb, elbowed him. “That comment had better not have been meant for me.”
Herb simply groaned. The next powwow was set for the same time and place the following week. If I was back in Minnesota, I’d be praying for a blizzard. Out here in the desert, the best I could hope for was a monsoon, and they only happened in the summer.
Chapter 11
“I see you survived that little strategic planning committee meeting of Herb’s last night,” Marshall said when I got into work the next morning.
“Survive is a good word. It’s a miracle they were able to accomplish anything. Honestly, their attention spans are as bad as preschoolers. Any little thing gets them off task. The worst was when Lucinda started to put butter on her bagel and Wayne jumped all over her because ‘you’re supposed to put cream cheese on a bagel.’”
“They didn’t mention anything about questioning the board members regarding Sorrel’s murder, did they?”
“No. You can relax. They agreed to leave those questions for the authorities. Speaking of which, any news?”
“Yeah. Her toxicology report came back negative. No sign of drugs or alcohol or anything suspicious, and the cause of death was officially listed as the severing of an artery due to an arrow wound to the neck. No surprise there. I know we spoke to the members of the archery club, but we’re going to pursue that further. In fact, I’m on my way out the door to meet with the manager of the archery range. He may have some information that the club members are hesitant to disclose.”
“Nate going with you?”
“No. He’s got appointments all morning and will be leaving early to check on his aunt in Sierra Vista. I think he’s hoping she’ll recuperate soon from the broken hip so he can return that parrot of hers. Apparently Mr. Fluffy-pants isn’t the quietest roommate.”
“I don’t suppose he is. Still, he’s probably a lot less neurotic than my mother’s dog. Anyway, I’d better get to work.”
“We’re still on for dinner tonight, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
The rest of the day was relatively quiet until a little past four. I was working at my desk and sat up with a jolt as Augusta pounded on the doorjamb.
“There’s a Louise Munson to see you. She wanted to meet with Nate, but when I told her he was out of town until Monday, she said you’ll do.”
“Louise is one of my mother’s book club friends. Tell her to come on in.”
I couldn’t possibly imagine why on earth Louise would need to see Nate, but the more I became acquainted with the book club ladies, the less I was surprised about anything they did.
Louise charged into my office and pulled a chair close to my desk. “Phee! Thank goodness you’re in. That nice secretary offered me coffee, but I’m too wound up to drink anything. Can you believe it? I was selected for jury duty. When I see Bill Sanders, I’m going to wring his neck! That plan of his didn’t work. In fact, the prosecuting attorney couldn’t get me on the jury fast enough. At least it’s not the Darla Marlinde, scorpion-killer case. If I read one more thing about her, I’ll go out of my mind. I even let Shirley and Lucinda talk me into buying one of those small, black-light flashlights for my key chain, so I can check for scorpions around the house.”
She held her key chain in front of me and pointed to the small cylinder tube with a tiny logo of a scorpion. Scorpions turned all sorts of fluorescent colors under a black light, and that was how they could be spotted. What I didn’t realize was how worked up my mother’s friends got over some tabloid news. I imagined my mother had purchased a black light, too. God forbid a scorpion got within five yards of Streetman.
“Anyway, Phee,” Louise went on, “like I said, it’s not that case. It’s some other boring thing. The embezzlement one. I’m not supposed to talk about it with anyone, but it hasn’t started yet, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”
She was talking a mile a minute, and I was still at a loss as to why she came into our office.
“Um, is there something I can help you with?” I asked.
“No. Unless you can get me off of that jury. Why did I ever listen to Bill?”
“So, you wanted Nate to see how you can be removed?”
“No, no, that’s not why I’m here. I was going to call your off ice, but I had to pass by on my way back from Phoenix and figured it would be easier if I stopped in.”
“Because . . . ?”
I wanted to yell “spit it out, spit it out,” but took a breath and forced a smile.
“That jury selection took forever. There had to be at least fifty people in the courtroom, and it was moving slow. I needed to use the ladies’ room so I asked the bailiff, I think that’s what you call those guys. Well, anyway, I asked him if I could be excused to use the restroom and he said yes.”
I gave up thinking I’d get a clear and succinct response to my question, so I leaned across the desk. “Go on.”
“Anyway, when I got into my stall, two women came in, and I don’t think they realized I was there. I always take the farthest stall because I figure people won’t walk that far and the stall might be cleaner.”
I let out a long sigh, but Louise didn’t seem to notice. “The two women were complaining they’d lost their key witness. And you’ll never guess who that witness was.”
Now she had my interest, and I sat up straight. “Who? Who was it?”
“Sorrel Harlan. They didn’t mention her name exactly, but I know it was her from what they were saying.”
“Um, I don’t want to sound rude, but weren’t you having some problems with your hearing aids?”
“Oh, that. Turns out they just had to be cleaned. I can hear a penny drop from a mile off now.”
“That’s great. Tell me, what did they say?”
Louise pulled her chair even closer to the desk. “Sure. The one woman said, ‘Imagine. An arrow to the neck, and boom. There goes our case.’ And the other one said, ‘We’ll be hard pressed to find another witness. We need to get a postponement.’ I was hoping it was for my idiotic case, but it wasn’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because the first woman said, ‘You don’t get many eye witnesses to something like that. She saw who did it, and it wasn’t our client.’ It can’t be my case. I mean, how do you see someone embezzle money? It had to be something else. Maybe Sorrel witnessed a murder or tampering with evidence or a robbery. But whatever it was, maybe that’s what got her killed and not the golf course proposal. What do you think?”
I think there are more motives floating around for Sorrel Harlan’s murder than grains of sand on a beach.
“Uh, I don’t really know. Listen, I’ll tell Nate and Marshall you stopped by, and one of them
will give you a call. Okay? Meanwhile, please don’t say anything about this to anyone. It could really muddy the waters, if you know what I mean.”
“When I first came in, you asked if it was about Nate getting me off jury duty. Can he do that?”
“I don’t think so, but I don’t know. You can ask him or Marshall when you speak with one of them.”
“Thanks, Phee. I don’t have to report to jury duty for a few days. Who knows what can happen in that time.”
She thanked me and headed out the door. A few minutes later, I stood to stretch and get myself a cup of coffee before Augusta turned off the machine for the weekend. While I added some half-and-half to the brew, I heard Marshall’s voice.
“Hey, everyone! I’m back. Did you miss me? Whoa, look what time it is. I can’t believe I’ve been gone all day with interviews.”
“Phee had an interesting one, too.” Augusta seemed unable to keep herself from laughing.
“Really? You’ll have to tell me about it.”
“It’s going to complicate your murder investigation,” I said.
“Not any more than anything else. I think we can safely eliminate the Sun City West Archery Club members as suspects. I spoke with the range manager, and he is positive no one in that club has the skills to hit a target so precisely. He went on to say that some members are lucky if they can land an arrow on the side of a barn.”
“Gee. They sound as skillful as Myrna’s bocce league.”
“Here’s the kicker, though. The range manager told me there are lots of sharpshooters who don’t use a range. They go out in the desert, take a foam target or even a hay bale, and practice. He did mention a few idiots he’d heard of who shoot at cacti, but the fines for doing that, especially with saguaro, are really steep. It’ll be nearly impossible to track down those desert shooters. If we’re going to get anywhere with this, we’ll have to focus on motive.”
“Yeah. About that ... Louise Munson from the book club stopped by, and she added motive number three to your list.”
“You mean to tell me there are more people who wanted Sorrel Harlan out of the way, other than the golf course homeowners and the garden club?”