by Jen McConnel
Confusion flickered across her face, but then she smiled. “Okay. See you at the reception, right?”
I nodded. “I’ll be there.”
“Good. I’m looking forward to dancing with you again.” She dropped her voice privately, and I fought back the urge to shiver.
Trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach, I pushed through the crowd and found Pops standing near the door, looking a little lost. He reached out and gave me a hug.
“Quite the big day, isn’t it?”
I nodded, looking around at the crowd of smiling people. “Where’s Mom?”
“She’s talking to Mr. Hertzle.” He paused and looked down at me. “You looked lovely up there, Joey.”
“Thanks. Was, er, was my hair okay?”
He pulled on a strand playfully. “It’s different, but I think it suits you. Petra didn’t mind that you’d cut it before her big day?”
I shook my head. “She liked it.”
“Then that’s all that matters. As long as you like it?”
I nodded. “I think it’s a good change.”
“Ah, my baby girl. You’re probably right, but I’m not sure I’m ready for any more changes.”
I slipped a hand around his waist. “Sorry, Pops,” I said, watching Vi talking to the other bridesmaids, “change is sort of inevitable.”
He looked down at me, curious. “When’d you get so grown-up, kiddo?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He looked back toward Petra and Charlie. “They seem happy.”
“Yeah. I think they are.”
“That’s good. I just want my kids to be happy, you know?”
I had the feeling he wasn’t just talking about Charlie, and for a moment, I almost decided to come out right then and there, but I couldn’t find the right words. Instead, I just slipped my hand into my dad’s and gave him a gentle squeeze.
Chapter Fifteen
Petra and Charlie had rented the ballroom in the hotel where my family was staying for the reception, which was really good for us. If I got too tired, I figured I could just slip upstairs and take a break from the party. But before we could cut loose, Petra and Charlie corralled the bridal party for photos.
We drove all over the city, posing in front of Charlottenburg Palace, the old cathedral, and a piece of the Berlin Wall covered in graffiti. I probably saw more of Berlin in that afternoon than I had the whole time we’d been there, but I hardly registered any of the sites. We’d passed around a bottle of champagne in the limo Petra had hired, and I hadn’t had anything to eat since my hangover breakfast that morning in Charlie’s room, so by the time the photographer was done with us, I was more than a little buzzed. It wasn’t unpleasant, but after the previous night, I decided to go easy on alcohol at the reception. Petra wasn’t drinking, but no one had commented on that fact; maybe they hadn’t noticed?
With another bridesmaid, I helped hold Petra’s skirt so she could propel her way out of the car. She popped onto the sidewalk, and a couple of passersby clapped and whistled. Petra beamed at them, twirling once in her skirt before she took Charlie’s arm and headed into the reception.
There wasn’t a procession or anything like some weddings in America; we all just poured into the dimly lit ballroom haphazardly, although the crowd of guests that was already there did applaud when Petra and Charlie walked in. Mom motioned me in her direction, and I realized there wasn’t a head table, so I headed to the seat she’d saved for me. As I was about to sit down, I noticed Vi across the room, an empty chair beside her. She smiled at me and pointed, and I hesitated.
“Mom, can I go sit with some of my friends?”
She looked disappointed, but then she nodded. “I suppose. But we’ve got lots to talk about, young lady. Like your hair.”
I nodded and waved her off, heading for Vi’s table. I almost turned back when I realized Johan had grabbed a seat at the same round table, but then I shrugged. Nothing said I couldn’t hang out with him, too, right? I sat down beside Vi.
“Thanks for saving me a chair.”
“No problem. You haven’t missed any real food yet; just the appetizers.”
My stomach rumbled, and I laughed. “That’s good. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
Vi reached over and picked up the glass of wine in front of my place. “In that case, you won’t be needing this just yet.”
I giggled. “All yours. Maybe I’ll join in on the next round.”
A waiter dressed in black appeared at the table, carrying a tray loaded with plates. While he set them down, I took a minute to look around the room. Even though I’d helped Mom and Petra make the centerpieces, I still thought they were beautiful. Clear glass vases held purple and opalescent glass beads, and cream candles of different sizes glinted on top of the beads. Everything was perfect.
The waiter set a bowl down in front of me, and I sniffed. “What is it?” Mini meatballs floated in a brown broth, and it smelled delicious.
“Traditional wedding soup. It’s really good!” Vi was already slurping hers, so I grabbed my spoon and dug in. The soup was really good; rich and spicy, and totally comforting. The rest of the food was just as good as the soup, and by the time I was polishing off my third roll, I started to think I might be ready for a glass of wine. Vi had already drunk mine long ago, and I stood up in search of the bar.
“Do you want anything?” I asked her as I smoothed my skirt.
“Sure. Whatever you’re having.”
Johan stood up. “I’ll come with you.”
I shrugged, but I forced a smile. He’d been avoiding me like the plague all day, but that didn’t mean I needed to be rude to him.
We pushed our way through the crowded ballroom to the bar in the corner. The line wasn’t too long, but it was awkward to stand their waiting with Johan. I took a stab at small talk. “It was a really pretty wedding.”
He shrugged noncommittally. “Yes.”
I gestured to the sweetheart table where Charlie and Petra were seated. “I’m glad they’re happy.”
Johan looked at me. “And are you happy?”
I thought about it. “I guess so.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you’re gay?”
I stared at him, openmouthed. “What?”
“Why did you let me court you? You made me look like a fool.”
“Hang on a minute. I didn’t let you court me. I just hung out with you a few times.”
“And kissed me, Joelle. You kissed me.”
I glared at him, hands on my hips. “You kissed me, if I remember correctly. I just . . . didn’t tell you no.”
He puffed out his chest. “But then you flaunt your girlfriend in front of me! Why couldn’t you have just been honest?”
“Vi’s not my girlfriend.” I dropped my voice, looking around the room nervously. What if someone overheard us?
“That’s not what it looked like last night.”
“It was spin the bottle, Johan. I kissed you, too, remember?”
He shook his head. “I just don’t understand why you had to lie.”
“I didn’t lie. I’m not gay, I’m bi.”
He snorted. “Right.”
I was about to retort, but the line had thinned, and Johan pushed his way to the bar. He ordered two beers and walked back to our table without a word, carrying a glass in each hand. I watched him for a minute, and then I shook myself and asked for two glasses of white wine. At least it’s an open bar, I thought as the bartender passed me the wineglasses and turned to the next guest.
When I slid into my chair beside Vi, I noticed that Johan had already downed one of his beers and was on the second, but I tried to ignore him. I handed Vi her wine, and she smiled at me.
“Here’s to new beginnings!” She held out her glass, and when we clinked, I felt a pulse of anticipation in my stomach.
Before I had the chance to do more than take a sip of my wine, Vi grabbed my hand.
“The dancing has started. Come on!”
&
nbsp; I let her lead me to the dance floor, but I was way more self-conscious than I had been last night in the club. That kiss changed everything, and I was sort of worried about dancing with Vi again. Worried, but excited, too. Instead of the rocking techno pop from the previous night, the DJ was playing an old doo-wop number. Vi grabbed both my hands and started to shimmy.
Soon, my self-consciousness melted away, and I really started to have fun. Vi and I danced for five fast songs before the DJ shifted to a slow, smooth romantic number. I started to leave the dance floor, but Vi held onto my hand.
“Dance with me?” Her eyes were hopeful, and my heart flipped over.
I glanced over my shoulder. Even though no one seemed to be watching us, it still felt weird. But then I had an idea. “Come with me.”
I led her through the side door of the ballroom, into one of the hotel’s deserted hallways. We could still hear the music, although it was muffled by the heavy double doors that guarded the ballroom, and I felt less on display out here. I turned to Vi and tentatively held out my hands. “Now?”
She looked disappointed for a minute, but then she stepped toward me, putting her hand around my waist. Tingles raced up my torso from her touch. “You’ve never done this before, have you?” Her voice was sultry and low, and when I looked at her, I realized her face was hovering closer to mine than I’d thought.
I swallowed, my hands resting on her waist. “Not really.”
She grinned at me, and I felt my feet melt. “I can tell. But you don’t mind, do you?” She drew me a little bit closer, and my heart sped up.
“No,” I managed to say. “I don’t think I mind.”
My breath hitched as she leaned forward and kissed me. Even without alcohol, her kiss sent shivers through my body, and my fingers tightened on her waist in response. Kissing Vi was like nothing I’d ever experienced before; it felt like forever since anyone made me feel light-headed, but with Vi, I just wanted to float away.
A door slammed shut, and I jumped, pulling away from Vi. I looked around the hallway, but we were still alone.
Vi was watching me closely. “You aren’t out, are you?
I shook my head. “There hasn’t . . . I mean, I’m not sure how—” I floundered, trying to figure out what to say that wouldn’t offend her.
She surprised me by leaning forward to kiss me again. “You are so, so sweet.”
Tentatively, I kissed her back, but then I forced myself to step back. “How did you know?”
“About you, or me?” She raised an eyebrow.
“You.”
She smiled gently. “I guess I always knew. I never really liked any of the boys I dated, you know?”
I shrugged, wondering what she’d think if I told her I swung both ways.
“The first time I kissed a girl, something just clicked. It felt right.” She paused and bit her lip. “It feels right when I kiss you.”
My pulse was racing. “I think it feels right, too.”
Vi leaned toward me, but I stopped her.
“Not out here. I mean, what if someone saw?”
“Someone like your parents?”
I nodded, feeling ashamed, and Vi sighed.
“I forget how hard it was for me, too, at first.” She thought for a minute. “Maybe we could go to another part of the hotel?”
The hotel. I felt like an idiot. “Let me go talk to my mom for a minute.”
Vi looked crestfallen. “Oh.”
“I’m not trying to ditch you! We’re staying here in this hotel, but I don’t have my key. I’ll go borrow Mom’s.” I paused, suddenly shy. “Is that okay with you?”
Her lips stretched wide, and her eyes sparkled. “Does this mean I get to kiss you again?”
I gulped and nodded.
“Then of course it’s okay!”
I hurried toward the ballroom. “I’ll tell her I have a headache or something. Wait here; I’ll be right back.”
Chapter Sixteen
It didn’t take long for me to find Mom’s purse. It was sitting on her table, but she wasn’t there. I glanced out at the dance floor, but Mom was dancing with Charlie and Pops was spinning Petra around. For a minute, I debated telling them where I was going, but then I shook my head. There was no reason to interrupt, and besides, they were having so much fun that they probably wouldn’t even miss me.
I swiped the key and headed back into the hall, my heart pounding. Vi was waiting for me by the stairs, leaning casually against the railing and playing with her phone when I left the ballroom. She looked up and smiled at me, and my knees felt a little bit weak.
“Ready for a little privacy?”
I nodded, flashing her the key. “Let’s go.”
I led the way up to our room, and Vi ran her finger over my wrist when I unlocked the door. I shivered at her touch, but I managed to look into her eyes. “I don’t really know what I’m doing,” I admitted.
“That’s why we’re coming up here. To talk.” She grinned. “And kiss. But we can talk, too.”
I nodded, feeling a weird mix of fear and exhilaration as I pushed the door open. The room was dark, and as I reached for the light switch, Vi interlaced her fingers through mine.
Changing my mind, I led her into the dark room, hanging onto her hand like it was a life raft. When we sat down on the sofa, I flicked the switch on the small table lamp, letting the yellow glow pool around us. Vi’s skirt was shorter than mine, and her leg was pressed against me. I shivered in delight as I felt my bare skin against hers.
“So,” Vi whispered, “what did you want to talk about?”
This time, I kissed her first.
She ran her hand up my leg, tickling my knee, but I didn’t pull away. The more we kissed, the braver I became, and I put one of my hands on the back of her head, savoring the way her hair felt. She fiddled with the hem of my dress, but when her hand started to creep under the skirt, I sucked in my breath and she pulled away.
“Too much?” Her eyes looked concerned.
I nodded. “Too fast.” I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to slow my heart down, but before I could decide what to say, the door to the room swung open.
Mom flicked on the switch but gave a little scream when she saw me and Vi sitting on the sofa. “What in the world are you doing up here, Joey? And who’s your friend?”
I hurried to straighten my skirt while I tried to figure out something to say. “Um, I had a headache so I wanted a break. This is Vi.”
Mom smiled at Vi, but she looked a little puzzled. “Why didn’t you tell somebody?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t want you to worry. I’ll be right down.”
Mom nodded. “I had a headache, too. I came up for some aspirin. Do you want one?”
I stood up quickly. “No, I’m feeling a lot better now.”
“Are you sure? You look a little flushed, honey. Are you getting sick?”
Vi covered her smile with her hand, and I shook my head. “No, really. I’m okay.”
Mom hesitated a moment longer, but then she nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you back down there.” She paused, looking at Vi again. “It’s nice to meet you, Vi.”
“Nice to meet you, too.”
I grabbed Vi’s arm and pulled her into the hall. Once we were safely around the corner from my parents’ room, I dissolved into nervous laughter. After a minute, Vi joined me, and soon we were clutching our sides, laughing hysterically.
“Oh God, your face!” Vi could barely speak. “You looked terrified!”
“I know! What if she’d come in a second sooner?”
Vi shook her head. “‘You look a little flushed,’” she repeated. “If she only knew!”
Suddenly, my giggles disappeared. “But she can’t know.”
Vi looked at me, her gaze steady, and I had to look away. “Why not?”
“I just—I’m not ready. Besides, I won’t be in Berlin much longer.”
She looked hurt. “I’m just a fling?”
I shook my he
ad. “That’s not what I meant.”
Vi turned away. “I see. So I am just an experiment to you, jah?”
“No, not at all!” I grabbed for her hand, but she pulled away. “I’m sorry.”
Silence descended between us, and finally Vi sighed. “You need to decide what you want, Joelle: to be truthful to your family, or to hide yourself. No one can make up your mind for you.”
“It’s not like I have to do anything right now, right?” I asked, desperately. I wasn’t ready to consider Vi’s words.
She shook her head sadly. “No, you don’t have to do anything. I’m sorry if you think I pushed you into this.”
“You didn’t. I really—I liked it.”
“I know. Me, too.”
After a moment, I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Should we go back to the party?”
Vi shrugged. “Actually, I think I’ll go home. I’m tired from all this.”
I stared at her, confused. “But will I see you again?”
She shrugged again. “I guess that’s up to you.” Vi paused, but then she shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not looking for a secret affair, Joelle. I’m ready for the real thing, for someone who isn’t afraid to hold my hand in public, and I don’t think seeing each other again would be good for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
She hugged me. “Me, too.”
I hugged her back tight, not ready to let go. Finally, she dropped her arms and turned to walk away. I watched her for a minute, but then I turned in the other direction and headed back to the ballroom, my steps heavy.
Guests were starting to trickle away, and the room was less crowded than when I’d left with Vi. I slid into an empty chair beside Pops, and he glanced at me curiously.
“Where did you get off to?”
“I went upstairs. I needed to get away from the noise for a minute.”
“Did you see your mother?”
I nodded, leaning back in my chair. “She said she’d be right down.”
Pops looked around the room at the thinning guests. “Wonder how much longer they’ll be at it.” He gestured to Petra and Charlie, who were entwined together on the dance floor. Her head was tucked under his chin, and they were barely swaying to the music.