I started cranking.
He bit back a laugh and gave me his head-tilt. “The other way.”
Guh! My face burning, I made no comment, just shoved the steering wheel hard the other direction and cranked with all my might.
Griffin flinched his jaw and stepped back, watching me stress a bit longer, then returned to the window. “Want me to do it?”
I cocked my head totally wanting to say yes, only there was a part of me that didn’t want to back down. I wanted to show Griffin I could drive. But it seemed kind of too late for that. Plus, I could hear Destiny making groaning sounds in between her snoring. I was afraid any second she was going to barf—in Mom’s car. I needed to get home. Now.
Griffin grinned when I took forever to answer.
“Look,” his lips twitched at the corners, “it would be hard for anyone. You’re packed in here really tight.”
I sighed and scooted over. Griffin grinned but didn’t say anything. He simply slid into the driver’s seat and snaked the car out of the long, narrow driveway. He did it super easy and quick as though it was cake.
When we were safely out on the street, he put the car in neutral and reached for me. My heart kicked up a notch. I was so going to let him kiss me this time; I would just go with my heart and enjoy a little heaven. My entire body filled with tingles. I closed my eyes and leaned in for it. But then … Griffin didn’t kiss me. Instead, he gently brushed another piece of popcorn out of my hair.
“Good night, Heaven,” he said.
He opened the car door, and then he was gone. He went back into the party and I was left with snoring Destiny and a pounding heart.
CHAPTER 20
All that night I thought about Griffin—about our near kiss. It had me tossing and turning and feeling all agitated. There was this one scene from the night—this perfect moment. It kept playing over and over in my head.
When Griffin brought his mouth down to my ear. “I didn’t really get your poem … but I liked it.” His leaning in even closer. “I like you, Heaven.”
I like you, Heaven.
I like you, Heaven.
I like you, Heaven.
Oh! There was no way I could sleep, never again.
I got out of bed and started writing in my ratty old song-journal. I wrote about Griffin’s lips, his kiss, but still—still!—I kept thinking about that scene. Of course he hadn’t gotten my poem. I had made it impossible to “get.” I had done that on purpose. But he had liked it. He liked me!
The thought had me all tingly. For a moment. Until I started thinking about later—in my car. When he didn’t even try to kiss me. He had just pulled that stupid piece of popcorn out of my hair and then … left. Went back into the party to give his heart-stopping, seductive pick-up lines to some other girl. An easier girl.
Ugh!
I was such a sap.
I crawled into bed and immediately started crying. I was so screwed—liking a guy that I could never even date.
CHAPTER 21
The next day I read Aiden’s newest text. It just said, Ally, are you ever going to talk to me?
When I’d been with Aiden I’d been stable, comfortable. My stomach didn’t feel all fluttery or violent or in knots all the time. It just felt … normal.
I wanted to feel that again. I needed to feel it. Milo was too boring and Griffin was too exciting but Aiden?—Aiden was just right. Only, ugh! Despite Aiden’s constant texts he seemed to be with Fauna now. Sure, I’d catch him looking at me with longing—but did that actually mean anything? I wasn’t sure. I mean, he hadn’t really tried to woo me back, at all. I’d kept waiting and waiting. But no. Nothing. He never did. Just his stupid texts.
“Maybe you just shouldn’t have a boyfriend for a while,” Jazz said the next day when I discussed how I was contemplating getting back together with Aiden while she gushed about Conner Watts.
Deep down I knew she was probably right, I knew that. But the thing was I had this ache inside me, this need. Okay actually, in reality the need was Griffin. My heart wanted him, ached for him. But my heart was so messed up! It was stupid.
I sighed, unable to tell her that—explain to her that the real reason I wanted Aiden back—the real, true reason—was just so I could stop fantasizing about Griffin. I didn’t like fantasizing about The Griff. I hated it. It left me so unsettled, made me want to scream or cry or rip out my hair. I mean, it was so incredibly pointless to yearn for him. Because I couldn’t have him—even if he somehow miraculously wanted me. Which, of course, he didn’t. Not really. It was just a game to him. Seeing how far he could stir “School Girl.” Ugh.
But if I had Aiden—if we got back together—maybe things could go back to the way they were. Maybe I could feel happy and satisfied with my life again. Like I used to feel … before Griffin’s kiss.
CHAPTER 22
Monday morning I got another text from Aiden. It said: Can we talk?
I thought about it a long time, then during World History I finally wrote back: Sure. After School?
Aiden texted back almost immediately. Okay! Meet me outside the gym at 3:00.
Seeing the words—from Aiden—dear, sweet Aiden—almost made me cry. It was so easy. Why hadn’t I done this earlier?
We could get back together and write songs together again—have things go back to the way they were. Be happy and comfortable and settled.
That was totally my plan.
But then a weird thing happened. In French class, Miss Feefee (that wasn’t her real name—it was Mrs. Fergusson—but we all called her Miss Feefee), sent me and a few other students from our class to an early study hall as we had aced a test that the rest of the class needed to retake. She didn’t just let us stay in the class, though, because she needed our seats for some other students from other classes that also needed to retake the test.
So … we had to go to study hall.
But that’s not the weird thing. The weird thing was, when I got to study hall, there was Griffin. Seeing him made me turn all red and act stupid. I lunged into the nearest empty seat and grabbed a book out of my backpack and stared at it like I was totally engrossed in it—like it was the most fascinating read of my entire life. But really, I wasn’t even sure what the book was—a novel, math? I had no clue. My brain was totally gone.
All I knew was, I could feel Griffin’s eyes on me—or anyway, I imagined I could. For all I really knew, he didn’t even know I was in the room. That was possible. But I didn’t chance it. I didn’t look up. Not until Mrs. Harris, the study hall teacher, said in a loud, booming voice, “Griffin, Griffin, Griffin.” She said it like tsk, tsk, tsk.
I looked up, my stomach all stirring and twisting, wondering why she was saying his name. I knew she really didn’t know this, but the way she said it—all tsk, tsk, tsk—to me it was like she knew. Knew that my heart was ready to explode just because he was in the room, that all it took these days to turn me into a brainless bag of hormones was his presence.
But no, she didn’t know.
She took Griffin’s cell phone from him and studied it. Then—shock!—she walked across the classroom—to me! She placed his phone on my desk saying, “You can choose whether to delete that or not—but don’t give the phone back to ‘The Griff’ until after class.”
Then she announced loudly to the rest of the room, “This is ‘Study Hall’ people! You’re supposed to be studying—not practicing your candid photography.”
Candid … photography?
My heart was suddenly beating all crazy and wild, even more so than before. What was she talking about? I gazed down at Griffin’s cell phone and gasped, and my stomach did these weird loop-d-loops things. ‘Cause of what was on his phone.
It was a picture.
Of me!
Griffin had obviously just taken it—like a minute before Mrs. Harris caught him. I was staring down at my book (it was Biology), and my face was red as a beet, but I actually looked like I was reading it and totally into it. And the we
ird thing was, I looked … pretty.
While I was staring at the picture—which I’d probably been doing a long, long time—a text message came on Griffin’s phone.
Weird. It was from Jake. Hm. I was pretty sure I’d seen Jake when I first came into the classroom before I’d noticed Griffin. Those moments were all a frenzied blur, but still I was pretty sure … which meant Jake was here in the room and knew I had Griffin’s phone.
Puzzled, I glanced up and then sucked in my breath. Griffin smiled at me from across the room. He was sitting right next to Jake with a cell phone in his hands—apparently Jake’s. The Griff gestured at the phone and eased back in his seat, watching me.
I gave him a sideways glance, then read the text since that seemed to be what he wanted. Don’t delete the picture.
Purrrrr.
Seeing the message gave me tingles and made me all happy and warm inside. I guess it was because I liked the picture too. I smiled, feeling toasty good that he had taken the picture and wanted to keep it.
So, of course I didn’t delete it. Not that I would have anyway, unless I looked super ugly in it.
Swallowing up some courage I dared to text back: Can I look at your other pictures?
A second later Griffin answered: No.
That was all it said. Just that one word. No.
Seeing it made my stomach knot a little though, and I wasn’t all happy and toasty warm anymore. In fact, now I was anxious and depressed. What other kind of pictures did he have on the phone? Pictures of Hailey? And girls like Hailey? Probably. The thought depressed me. And made me want to hurry and get back together with Aiden. Stop liking Griffin who liked girls like Hailey and made me feel all out of control and hopeless.
When class was over Griffin met me at the door to retrieve his phone—and that was probably the only reason he waited for me. Seriously, the only reason. I mean, I did all these kooky things—making him treats, leaving them in his locker, doodling his name all over my homework assignments, writing poems about him. The list went on and on. And I thought about him all the time, constantly. But it seemed he only thought of me when I was right there—in front of his face. The rest of the time it was exactly like the saying: Out of sight, out of mind. I’d already known that’s the way he was, but I was feeling it anew. When I wasn’t in his sight, I was completely out of his mind.
And that’s why he took the picture of me, because I was right there. And why he gave me a ride home that day, because I was right there. And why he kissed me at that party, because I was right there. But he didn’t actually ever think about me when I wasn’t “right there.” Or try to get to know me. He wasn’t like that—he was a “love the one you’re with” kind of guy. And that sucked. Because I wanted him to like me. Really like me. Me, me, me. Not just any girl that was around. And not just to be a tease.
Ugh.
I wanted him to really like me. And it wasn’t fair. Because I knew he didn’t. Even though he had said he did the other night—and no matter how hard I longed to believe him I knew I shouldn’t. Because I knew he didn’t. Not really and truly.
“Why’d you take the picture of me?” I asked as I handed him his phone. I asked it all defiant and challenging since I was feeling—well, defiant and challenging. Seriously. I was all wound up and ready to throw things.
Griffin grinned, talking all husky as he headed to his next class, walking backwards so he could face me. “I told you. I like you, Heaven.”
Hah!
He was so full of it. A smooth-talker, all seductive and heart-melting. Grr! It was a game to him, though—I knew that—a total game. But still, my heart throbbed and yearned anyway. Totally purred.
I probably turned a thousand shades of pink, probably, because Griffin’s lips twitched with amusement as he continued to walk backwards watching me with his eyes trained on mine. But once he finally turned around, I snapped out of my hormone-induced daze, daring to call after him, “You don’t even know me.”
Griffin turned back to me and grinned. “Don’t I?”
Then he disappeared into the crowd of student traffic and I was left wondering what he meant by that. The way he said it, he seemed so—I don’t know—humored? Mischievous? Something. Like he knew me better than I thought. Okay, probably he was just doing his usual—messing around. But I spent the whole next class period—the whole hour—hoping I was wrong earlier. That maybe Griffin did think about me sometimes. And maybe he knew me … sort of.
It didn’t seem possible. But I wanted it to be.
CHAPTER 23
By lunchtime I was doing my best to forget about Griffin again. He was all wrong for me. He was a “bad boy.” And a tease. And that’s all he was doing with my heart—teasing it. I saw him on my way to the cafeteria, though he didn’t see me. He was leaving campus with Hailey and a bunch of Hailey wanna-bees. And Jake. Big, mean Jake.
So …. no. No, no, no. He just wasn’t my type, not at all.
I had to get that through to my head once and for all. Though really, my head got it. It did. It was my heart that was having trouble. It was all mushy and hot for Griffin.
I want Aiden, I want Aiden, I want Aiden! That’s what I kept trying to tell myself all through lunch as I listened to Jazz gush about the school dance this Friday. She was going with Conner and totally psyched about it—which was strange because Jazz loathed school dances, hated them. Obviously she really, really liked Conner to get so excited about the dance.
While she talked, I kept thinking: Maybe I’ll go to the dance with Aiden.
The idea made me happy. I loved school dances and Aiden and I had always gone together. They were fun and I was on the dance committee. Until today I’d been dreading Friday’s dance, knowing I’d have to help with the preparations but probably wouldn’t be going to the dance itself. The thought was depressing. But going to the dance with Aiden—I knew it would be fun, like old times. Suddenly, I was all perky and happy.
Until Destiny woke me out of my Aiden plans. She asked almost certain-like, “You’re going to the dance with Milo, right?”
“Huh? Oh.” I cleared my throat.
I hadn’t told her or Jazz that I had plans to meet with Aiden after school. I got the feeling they wouldn’t approve. Actually, I knew they wouldn’t. They thought Aiden and I should call it quits for good and move on. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that Aiden seemed to have actually moved on. But whatever. They didn’t know how Aiden looked at me sometimes—like he really, really wanted me back. And they didn’t know about some of his texts. They knew about most, but not about all.
“Um, no,” I said. “I’m not going to the dance with Milo. He didn’t ask me.”
“You mean not yet,” Destiny said. “I have him in my history class. He’s so sweet and he has it for you bad, Ally. And you used to act like you liked him. He’s still hoping you do.” She shook her head, like the situation was sad and she felt sorry for him. “He’s going to ask you, Ally. I guarantee it—he’ll ask you to the dance.”
I groaned. “I hope he doesn’t.”
She tilted her head at me, like I was an alien creature from another planet. “He’s really cute, Ally. And so is Griffin—what’s your problem?”
I blinked. “Griffin? What does he have to do with this?”
Destiny made a huffing sound and got up from the table. “I’m done eating,” she said all snippety. “I’m going to go make-up a test.”
I watched her march off, totally baffled. She seemed mad. “What’s up with her?”
Jazz sighed. “I told her about Griffin asking you out the other day.”
My stomach knotted. “He didn’t ask me out. He just asked me to hang out. There’s a total difference. Griffin’s not interested in me—he’s just playing around.”
Jazz shrugged. “Well, Destiny wants him to play with her.”
I texted Destiny. I’m sorry, I wrote. Really. But Griffin doesn’t like me. Not for real.
She didn’t text me back until lun
ch was over. But then she texted this big, long essay thing saying she was sorry that she was jealous of me, and that she wanted me to be happy, and that she thought I should go for Griffin.
I read the message like three hundred times, then read it again.
She was jealous of me? I’d had no idea. As far as I knew, no one had ever been jealous of me before in my life. Well, except maybe Fauna. She had been jealous that I had Aiden. But then … she got him. So, I didn’t really like thinking that someone was jealous of me, especially not one of my very best friends.
It had my stomach in knots.
I didn’t know how to explain to her that she didn’t have to worry about Griffin. That he wasn’t right for either of us. That we were both better off to stay clear of him. I didn’t bother to lecture her about that, because well … what could I say? I was having trouble listening to the words myself—I wasn’t going to go spouting them.
I waited for Destiny after her Spanish class. “You don’t need to be jealous of me,” I told her. “I’m such a mess.”
I explained to her that I was trying not to like Griffin, then confessed I was planning to get back together with Aiden—maybe.
Destiny shook her head. “Don’t go back to Aiden,” she said. “You guys used to be a cute couple—but really, it seems like you’ve both moved on. Really, Ally.”
When I didn’t say anything, she bit her lip, then went on, hesitantly. “Look, okay? You’re telling me Griffin is all wrong for you—so I don’t want to give you bad advise, but if I were you, I’d totally, totally go for Griffin.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, already knowing that. She didn’t need to be me; she had gone after Griffin—she’d sat in his lap, and played with his hair, and sniffed his neck.
Destiny paused, turning a little pink as she went on with the rest of her spiel. “That night at Jake’s party Griffin kept talking about you.” She was beet red now. “I remember being all drunk and he pulled me away from—from some guy that was macking on me. He said, ‘That’s Ally Grange’s little friend, leave her alone.’ He said that! And then he like, baby-sat me the rest of the night … until you came.”
The Heartbreaker Next Door (The Hockey Team Book 1) Page 17