Doesn’t she see the pain I’m in? There must be a gaping hole where my heart used to be, because it’s gone.
“I can’t sing. I can’t breathe!” I sit up and tears start to form.
“I can see that you’re a mess, but no one gives a shit. You want a chance in this business?”
Right now, I really don’t give a shit.
Wade leans against the door, watching this go down. “You’re some bodyguard. I’m being physically assaulted and you just stand there?”
“Yeah, Ginny is really doing a number on you by making you get up and shower.” He takes a bite of his apple. “That’s a real threat to your safety. Plus, you’re supposed to be paying my salary so you need to work. I’m doing what’s in my best interest.”
Smug cowboy.
He’s telling the truth, though. Yesterday, he told me he’s adding two additional members to the overall team. They’ll be in charge of personal effects and focus on ensuring no one can access my bus especially. While I was hosting my pity party, Wade installed security cameras in my bus so we know if anyone manages to get past outside security. Then, he’s talking about bringing another member from McKay-Taggart since Luke’s security team is clearly a bunch of idiots. His words, not mine.
This all sounds great, but the fact is, it isn’t me I’m worried about. It’s Cooper.
She cups my chin and pulls it toward her. “I get that the man I told you to stay away from hurt you. I’m sorry that you’re broken, but you sing country music, honey. Go out there and tell it in your music.”
“I can’t go on that stage,” I murmur as I look away.
Standing in the same place where he threatened me and the people I love... I’m not strong enough. I glance up to find Wade watching me suspiciously.
“You’re quitting then?” Ginny asks.
I could never. Music is who I am, but I can’t imagine going out there.
“She’ll be ready in an hour,” Wade answers.
“Excuse me?” I don’t think so, buddy. You don’t get to tell me what I’m doing.
“I said you’ll be ready for your show. You want me to stay on as your bodyguard, then you need to actually leave the damn bus. Otherwise, there’s no reason for me to be here. You have your panic button, a security team, as well as cameras installed to keep you safe. Get up, get ready, and sing your pretty little heart out.”
My jaw drops. “You work for me. I’m in charge.”
He laughs and then takes another bite.
“I like him,” Ginny notes. “I’ll see you in an hour.”
Both of them leave the room, and I flop back on the bed.
My phone dings, and I grab it quickly, hoping it’s Cooper.
Grace: What the ever-loving hell have you done?
Disappointment strikes me that it isn’t him. He must hate me.
I hate me.
Me: Please don’t...
Grace: You fell in love with your bodyguard? Really? Cooper is a good guy, Em.
Like I don’t know that. He’s a good guy that doesn’t deserve to lose his herd. He’s a good guy who doesn’t need some crazy asshole trying to kill him just to prove his undying love to me. It isn’t what I want. None of this is.
I want Cooper.
I want our love, but sacrificing your own happiness is sometimes what love is.
I’m doing the unselfish thing by letting him go.
Me: Don’t forget that you’re married to Trent and not Cooper.
It’s a low blow, but she doesn’t have the right to judge me. I’m not actually dating Wade. Hell, I can barely stand his bossiness most days.
Grace: I know how my story played out, honey. It’s yours that I’m worried about.
Me: Tell me this gets easier. Tell me that I will stop feeling like I’m the worst person in the world.
Grace: Oh, Em. I wish it did.
I bite my thumbnail, debating whether I should ask her if she’s seen him. I’m assuming she heard about the breakup from Presley.
Me: Is he okay?
Grace: Not really. He lost you to another man that he hired to protect you. I’m not really sure what you’re thinking.
Neither am I.
“Fifty minutes,” Wade yells from the other side of the door.
Ugh. “I never said I was doing it,” I reply.
“You either get your ass in the shower on your own or I’ll strip you down and put you in there myself,” he warns.
He wouldn’t dare. Would he?
Not wanting to take any chances, I get up and lock the door, not that I think that’ll actually keep him out, but hopefully it’s a deterrent.
I shoot a text off to Grace before GI Joe decides it’s time for a shower.
Me: I have to get ready for my show. Can I call you later?
Grace: Of course. Just think about what you’re doing. I hate to see you give up something we both know you’ve wanted for a long time.
“Forty-five minutes,” the pain-in-the-ass-guard’s voice reminds me.
“Who needs alarm clocks when they have Wade Rycroft?”
I hear his chuckle as I turn the shower on.
My reflection actually makes me gasp. I look like shit. There’s no other way to describe it. My hair is knotted, my eyes are completely bloodshot, and I look like I went a few rounds in a boxing ring with Tyson, based on the swelling.
How the hell am I going to look human enough to perform?
As much as I want to enjoy the shower, I don’t have time. I quickly get myself scrubbed up, and thanks to the creep, I now get dressed in here.
I know the bus was swept for videos, but I’m completely sure whoever this guy is, he works on the tour in some capacity. Probably sound crew.
“Ten minutes, Emily.” Wade’s voice isn’t condescending for the first time in his countdown.
I unlock the door and stare at him. “Why are you suddenly being nice?”
“Because you’re listening.”
“You’re a complicated man.”
He smiles. “Not really. I’m pretty simple. Tell me the truth, love your family, and do the right thing.”
I sit at the table adjacent to him and the desire to tell him everything bubbles up. I’ve lied to everyone, and I no longer believe putting Cooper through this pain is the right thing.
My lips part, the words on the tip of my tongue, but they stay there. I don’t tell him anything out of fear.
“And what about love?”
Wade shrugs. “Love is an illusion.”
“Love is beautiful,” I counter.
“Until you lose it.”
There’s nothing to say back to that. He’s right. There’s nothing beautiful about what I’m feeling right now. However, he isn’t seeing the whole picture. “Even if I knew how this would go, I’d do it again and again. Because that beautiful part is worth all the ugly I’m feeling right now.”
I grab my guitar and head to the stairs. Wade doesn’t say anything as he follows, and I hope that one day some girl will show him that the reward is only there if you take a risk.
Chapter Sixteen
Emily
Getting on stage was the hardest thing I ever did, but I’m here now.
Music transports me, gives me a sense of relief, and with all the feelings swirling around, I need a release. It’s a gift that I feel my fans give me by allowing me the chance to give them a piece of me. Each song comes from deep in my soul.
“Would y’all mind if I sing something a little different tonight?”
Cheers erupt, and I strum my guitar and head to the edge of the stage. I sit with my legs over the side, and it’s as if I’m with the crowd.
One of the stage crew brings a microphone to me. “Have you ever lost someone you loved?” I play a few chords. “I’ve had a rough few days, and I’d like to sing this song as if we’re all sittin’ in my living room. Tonight, you’re my best friend and we’re going to work out our pain. Is that all right?”
The crowd qu
iets, and there’s only one song that fits this moment. I start the intro to my favorite Garth Brooks song. The lyrics to “The Dance” pour out of me. With my eyes closed, I imagine Cooper standing in front of me. I tell him how perfect my world was when I had him, and that even though things didn’t work, I wouldn’t change anything.
My voice is filled with my regret, my turmoil, and my anger toward the man who is doing this to me. I sing each note as if it could be my last and feel the tears that stream down my face.
I can almost see his green eyes as I give him this piece of my soul. Each verse speaks the truth regarding what’s inside my heart.
When I finish, I open my eyes and the arena goes nuts. I see people wiping their faces, screaming with their hands in the air, and the clapping is deafening.
“Thank you for listenin’.” I smile through the tears. “I love y’all so much!”
My throat is tight as I get to my feet. I walk back to center stage and pull myself together.
“All right, now I want everyone on their feet!” I shift gears and perform like it’s my life’s mission.
Song after song, I push past any performance I’ve ever given. The sounds coming from the audience let me know I did my job.
“Wow,” Luke says as I head off the stage. “I’ve never seen anything like that.”
“Thanks!” I bounce a little, feeding off the adrenaline.
“That was amazing!” Vince pulls me in his arms. “Damn, girl!”
Praises are passed around, and I blush a little. “Okay, y’all, it wasn’t that great.”
“Not that great?” Luke scoffs. “I don’t want to follow that.”
He’s ridiculous. “I know you’re just sayin’ that because you know I’m feeling shitty.”
Luke and Vince share a look and shake their heads. “No. We really aren’t. That was impressive, and I have a feeling you won’t be feeling shitty for very long if you keep that up.”
I continue talking with the boys, but when they head out to stage, Wade escorts me back to the bus.
“Do you have my phone?” I ask.
He hands it to me, and my mood plummets when I note there’s still no texts or calls.
“Have you talked to Cooper?” I ask, attempting to be indifferent.
“No. I figured after your breakup I’d hear something, but it’s been two days and nothing.”
The sound of my heartbeat pounds in my ears. “Nothin’?”
Cooper isn’t a sit-back kind of guy, so I’m sort of shocked he didn’t call Wade and lose his shit.
“Not a word. Made it easy to respect your wishes to keep him out of the loop.”
I drop my eyes to the floor to hide my disappointment. “I guess I wasn’t that important.”
Or I hurt him so bad he can’t stand the thought of me.
“You really have no idea how much he cares for you, do you?” Wade asks.
“Cared,” I correct.
“Cares.”
“You don’t know the whole story. I assure you, there’s no comin’ back from it.”
Wade smirks. “You know what drives a cowboy to go radio silent?”
“Pants too tight?”
He laughs and walks closer. “When he doesn’t know how to handle feelin’ out of control. I’m assuming it was you who ended it?”
I nod.
“And he was against it?”
“At first.” Right until I told him it was you who I had feelings for.
Wade towers over me and sighs. “Until you pushed him to the brink?”
“Yeah,” I admit.
“Well, he’s probably pissed, but more than that, he doesn’t know what to do about it. He’ll figure it out, and when he does, darlin’, I hope you’re ready for what’s comin’.”
I have no idea what any of that means.
A knock on the door causes my heart to leap from my chest.
Wade walks over and steps outside. I can hear his voice raise but can’t understand what he’s saying. The other voices argue with him, and then he storms back into the bus, furious.
“Everything okay?” I ask, my throat dry as I wait for him to answer.
“I’m going to find this motherfucker,” Wade says. “I’m going to tear him apart for what he’s done.”
“Done?” Fear grips me more than ever before as another possibility hits me. “Oh, God!” I sink down on the couch. “Please tell me...” Breathing is difficult as I gasp for air. I think about Cooper being hurt, or worse, because of me.
“Breathe, Emily.” Wade’s hands are on my shoulders. “I’m just upset.”
“Is it Cooper?” I look at him, waiting for the worst.
Wade’s warm brown eyes narrow. “Why would you think it’s Cooper?”
“I-I...” I stammer. “I just...”
He’s crouched in front of me and takes my face in his hands.
“Why would that be what you thought?”
Before I can answer him, the door flies open and my world goes upside down.
Chapter Seventeen
Cooper
Wade is holding her face as if he’s going to kiss her.
“Get your hands off her,” I say as I charge forward. I’m going to beat the shit out of him. Some fucking friend. “You son of a bitch!”
“Cooper!” Emily yells and moves in front of me. “Don’t do this.”
“What the hell is your problem?” Wade questions.
“You!” I bellow and push toward my target.
Emily tries to move me back, but there’s no stopping me. I saw her tonight. I heard her sing that damn song, and I stupidly thought it was about us. Seems I was wrong… It was about her and Wade.
“Please! Calm down, Coop!” Emily yells, but there isn’t a chance of that. “Please! It’s not... It’s not what you think.”
Her small hands pull at my shoulders, but I’m heading toward him, ready to fight.
“Not what?” I laugh. “Not walking in on you and Wade in your intimate moment?”
“Intimate?” Wade slides back a step, casually leaning a shoulder against a wall as if I’m not two seconds away from ripping his throat out.
“At least give me the respect of admitting to whatever the two of you are doing.” I shove closer.
Emily’s fingers press against my face and she tilts my head down. “I lied, Cooper.”
“Don’t lie to me now, Emily. I saw you!”
She shakes her head. “No, I lied before. There’s nothing goin’ on.”
“Can someone fill me in?” Wade’s voice echoes in the small space.
Without taking her eyes from mine, Emily says, “I told Cooper I had feelings for you.”
“You what?” His eyes dart between us. “Why the fuck would you say that?”
Emily takes a step back and wraps her arms around her stomach. “Because he told me I had to get rid of Cooper or he would!”
Wade clears his throat. “Who is he?”
“Him! Who do you think?”
“So that’s why you pushed me away. Not because you have feelings for Wade?” I ask, the tight knot of rage loosening even though the hurt is still there.
“No! God, it isn’t like that... I can’t do this. I can’t let him take you from me.” Emily’s voice cracks on the last word.
Her blue eyes lock on mine, and my anger dissipates a bit more. She’s terrified, and her entire body is trembling. I step toward her, wanting to pull her into my arms and take away her fear. As much as I want that, I need to know what is going on.
“Wade?”
“Nothing is going on here, man.” Wade gives me a look of incredulity, as if he can’t believe I would actually buy that shit.
She shakes her head. “Cooper, you have to leave before he finds out you’re here.”
This time, I do pull her to me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Her head presses into my chest, and I feel her shake as she starts to sob.
“I’m not trying to interrupt, but when exactl
y did he, who I’m assuming is your stalker, make contact?” Wade presses for the answer I’d like to know as well.
“Two nights ago,” she admits.
He moves closer, and my arms instinctually tighten. “I need you to tell me everything.”
I help her to the couch, holding her the whole time. In my arms, Emily confesses everything about the other night. Her teeth chatter as she retells the details of things that were said.
All I want to do is find this guy and kill him myself. Not because of the cows—they’re replaceable—but because he’s terrified her. He’s played games, hurt her, and made her feel as if she had to be alone in order for me to be safe.
I hold my emotions inside. She’s been through enough, but if I ever come face to face with him, he’d better pray.
“What about his voice? Deep? Throaty? A lisp?”
She shakes her head and tries to describe his voice since he kept her from seeing his face. “His voice was low when he spoke, but he didn’t have a twang or accent that I could tell.”
“Okay, good. Keep going.” Wade writes down things she says, nodding as she reveals another clue.
“His hands…” She shudders.
“He touched you?” I practically growl. I thought I knew what rage was before. I had no clue. He touched her, and for that alone, I’m going to kill him.
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Wade jumps in and shoots me a look. “If you need to step outside and cool off, go.”
Like I’m going to leave her. “I’m fine.”
Emily’s hand squeezes mine.
“I’m sorry. You’re doing great, darlin’,” I encourage her. “What else did he say?”
She tells us more, and then Wade starts a new line of questioning.
“Was he taller than I am?”
“I don’t know. He was big enough that I thought it was you.” She pats her eyes with a tissue.
Say You Won't Let Go: A Return to Me/Masters and Mercenaries Novella (Lexi Blake Crossover Collection Book 4) Page 10