He really doesn’t look great. He seems to be a shade whiter and just looks generally weak and exhausted, with dark circles appearing under his eyes.
‘Your sympathy is touching but you’re overreacting,’ Jay chuckles, yawning. ‘I’m just tired. Exams are right around the corner you know, it’s the stress.’
‘We still have the Christmas holidays to study, give yourself a break, Nerd,’ I laugh.
‘I have, like, six exams,’ Jay groans. ‘You take that many and see how you like it.’
‘Okay, okay, I get it. Still, I have no chance of passing the few I am actually taking. I can’t seem to get my head around any of it. I’m doomed,’ I whine, resting my head on the table.
‘Well, I don’t know much about Psychology, but I can help you out with Biology,’ Jay says thoughtfully. ‘I could tutor you if you like?’
I lift my head and contemplate this for a moment. Well I guess my grades can’t get any worse, and if I want to try this college thing I would need some other subjects to help get me in.
‘Sounds like a plan,’ I shrug. Jay nods and yawns again.
‘Hey, don’t give me that look. If anything, blame Blake. He found this new online game and talked me into it, we didn’t get much sleep,’ he replies defensively and I roll my eyes. Despite his light attitude though, there’s something concerning behind the light in his eyes that makes it seem more than just tiredness and stress.
‘Whatever, just do me a favour and go home and get some sleep. Please?’ I ask, holding his gaze.
Jay finally rolls his eyes and starts packing up his stuff.
‘Fine, but only because I’m scared you’ll burn holes through my skull if I stay here any longer. But we’re still on for tomorrow right?’
‘Are you sure you’re going to be up for it?’ I frown.
‘I’ll be fine and dandy,’ he replies dismissively.
If only he had realised how wrong he was.
The next day I’m hanging around outside the cinema, leaning on the post and staring at the time on my phone. For a December day it isn’t that cold, in fact the sun is even out and I have left my coat at home, content just in a snug hoodie. The British weather never fails to amaze me; it can be summer in October and the middle of winter during July.
My bike is currently locked up by the huge glass doors, swinging slightly in the breeze. Jay isn’t late, I had just expected him to get here first. He usually does.
My phone starts to buzz and after seeing Jay’s name lighting up the screen, I put the phone to my ear.
‘Feel free to say I told you so,’ he grumbles unhappily. He sounds awful.
‘You sound like death.’ I raise an eyebrow.
‘Yeah, feel like it,’ Jay laughs. ‘Anyway, I didn’t want you giving up on life, figuratively speaking, because I wasn’t there so I sent a replacement. It’s not as good as the original, but then again, nothing is,’ Jay explains, a little smugly.
As Jay finishes his sentence, a sleek, black car arrives, speeding into the car park and beeping before disappearing to look for a car park space.
‘Jay, I’m not going to jump off a bridge because I missed a movie,’ I say dryly, my eyebrow raised although he can’t see it.
‘Well how am I supposed to know? You may really want to see this movie.’
‘You’re an idiot.’
‘Oh stop, your compliments flatter me so,’ he adds mockingly. ‘Besides, it’s James Bond. I tried to get out of the house this morning because it was James Bond. The only reason I failed was because Mum is on watchdog duty,’ Jay sighs irritably. ‘Anyway, enjoy.’ Then he hangs up.
I raise an eyebrow at my phone and look up, my lips quirking upwards in amusement.
‘Of all the people, Jay sent his older brother?’ I laugh as Blake approaches, running a hand through his hair and winking. Blake can pull off the one hundred watt smile just as well as Jay can, although when Blake does it, the notion sets off butterflies in my stomach.
‘Like he knows anyone cooler,’ Blake grins. Suddenly the honking of the black car makes sense; I bet it was Blake’s.
‘Yeah, so cool that you have nothing better to do than hang out with your brother’s mates because he can’t?’
‘Cooler,’ he smirks. ‘So what are we seeing? I was thinking that, what with the absence of my wimpy brother, we could watch something with a bit more entertainment value. You like horrors right?’
‘What did you have in mind?’ I laugh, folding my arms. Blake winks and points to an advertisement for a film with a scary, disjointed looking girl on the front with dead eyes and rotting skin and I shrug. ‘Go for it.’
We pay for our tickets and buy a large bag of popcorn that Blake nearly drops when a small child takes him by surprise and comes running around the corner, his high-pitched yelp-type-scream only adding to his supposed coolness.
While the film is supposedly a horror, Blake and I seem to be the only ones who aren’t scared stiff in our seats. In fact, we find the whole thing rather funny and instead of jumping halfway towards the ceiling when something pops out, we just burst into laughter, much to the annoyance of those around us.
After someone shouts at us, we stay ducked in our seats and resort to stifling our laughter with mouthfuls of popcorn, which doesn’t always work out. Of course that doesn’t stop us and pretty soon we have fallen into whispers, filling in our own narrative of what we think the characters are thinking or saying.
As soon as the lights come back up, Blake takes my hand and we dart out of there, ignoring the glares as best we can. We burst out of the cinema and share a look before bursting into fits of unexplainable laughter.
‘Okay, next time you pick the film,’ Blake snorts when he seems to have recovered. I haven’t yet, so instead of coming up with a retort, I just nod with a wide grin on my face. ‘Come on, I’ll walk you home.’
‘Didn’t you drive?’ I question with confusion.
‘I’ll come back for it. Besides, I can’t fit your bike in the boot,’ he shrugs. Seeing my confusion over how he knows I biked here, he smirks. ‘Jay explained that you take that thing everywhere.’
‘It’s not a thing,’ I scowl. True, my bike isn’t in the best condition and is pretty old, but it doesn’t deserve abuse either. I unchain the poor thing and decide that as short-term payback, Blake can push it home.
‘Have you seen the state of it?’ Blake laughs. Then his expression sobers. ‘Look, if Marty or anyone like that tries anything again, let me know, okay?’
I snort. ‘What, so you can rough them up?’ I ask sceptically, trying to keep my voice light and skipping over that little trip down memory lane.
We’re heading into uncharted territory. With Jay it is easy, but I’m not so sure with Blake just yet and the change of topic makes me feel slightly uneasy. Maybe it’s because Jay has seen me at my worst, so I had nothing left to fear of him seeing me at my weakest and most vulnerable. Blake hasn’t seen that side of me yet, and I’m not sure I’m ready to share that part of myself with anyone else.
‘Thanks for what you did though, getting them to back off,’ I add quietly, looking down at the ground. ‘Sorry I wasn’t, erm… more grateful at the time?’
Blake laughs at my awkwardness. ‘Don’t worry about it, sorry I didn’t know what to do. But what those guys were doing, it wasn’t right.’ His face contorts again.
‘I’m used to it,’ I shrug. ‘It’s no big deal,’ I lie.
‘It didn’t look like it,’ Blake replies softly. ‘Neve, what did they do?’
I look up, my expression guarded, to see Blake watching me carefully, waiting. I sigh.
‘How much has Jay told you?’ I ask, worried about the answer. Blake blinks, confused with the question.
‘Just how great you are, how much you love art and such, why?’
I smile then; Jay hasn’t spilled any of my dark past to even his brother. One of the many thoughts weighing me down in my mind is suddenly lifted.
‘
Has he said anything about my family?’
‘Only that you live with your uncle.’
‘Right. My parents died a long time ago, Martin was rubbing that little fact in when you came over,’ I explain bitterly. I mentally evaluate whether to tell him about Alex or not, but decide to keep it hidden for now.
Blake’s expression darkens. ‘Yeah, they do that.’
I want to ask what he means, but his change in demeanour stops me. Whatever it is, it isn’t a place Blake wants to revisit; a feeling I’m well acquainted with.
‘How come those kids freaked out so much when you approached?’ I ask instead, a brief flashback of Ben’s terrified face coming to mind. I ain’t scared of some prissy boy. Martin’s comment suddenly makes a lot more sense; Blake’s family are stinky rich after all. ‘I mean, I know your Dad’s head of police or whatever, but surely that isn’t enough to make them freak out like that?’
Blake’s face moulds into something between light amusement and embarrassment. ‘It’s a long story, last time I was here I got into a fight. You know Terrance Mitchell?’
Unfortunately I do, he’s twice as bad as Martin and looks it too. Although he had mysteriously disappeared last summer, rumours saying that someone had shaken him up so badly he’d lost his pride and gone to find some new turf to boast about.
My mouth gapes open. ‘That was you?’ I ask with genuine astonishment.
Blake shrugs. ‘He started a fight, I ended it.’ Yet there is no pride in his voice, he just sounds, to put it simply, grim.
Now Ben’s reaction is completely understandable. Mitchell is one those guys who is rumoured to go around with knives strapped to his belt, invincible in his own eyes and to those of his followers. To take down someone like that would certainly shake up the rest of them.
‘Wow, I don’t know whether to be impressed or seriously concerned for my health,’ I say lightly, but Blake just shakes his head.
‘Don’t be impressed.’ Then he looks up at me in alarm. ‘But don’t be worried either, I mean, it’s not like I go beating the crap out of every random guy…’ he rushes.
I laugh. ‘Relax, I get it. Everyone has bad days. So Jay tells me you’re on your gap year?’ I ask instead, redirecting the flow of conversation. Blake visibly relaxes at the change in topic and falls back into his usual self, running a hand through his hair.
‘It’s not a gap year as such, I’m just not up for university this year. Next year though I’ll be at Warwick, I was accepted this year but they’ve agreed to hold a place for me.’
‘Nice,’ I reply, impressed. ‘To do what?’
‘Physics.’ Blake sees my expression and laughs genuinely. ‘What? You think Jay’s the only smart one in the family?’
I grin and shake my head. ‘I just didn’t have you down as the nerdy type.’
‘Oh, and what did you have me down as?’ he raises an eyebrow.
‘I’m not sure,’ I admit. ‘Maybe the sporty type?’
Blake makes a face. ‘I do the odd bits and pieces, but overall try to avoid sport as much as possible.’
‘Pansy.’ I laugh as Blake pushes me playfully which I return with a slap to his arm.
‘Don’t forget, I have Bessie here for ransom.’ Blake warns, motioning to the bike he was still pushing along.
‘Bessie?’ I raise an eyebrow. ‘Did you just name my bike?’
‘We have a grandma called Bessie, she’s a complete nutcase but kinda lovable. It reminded me of your relationship with this thing. So yes, Bessie it is.’
Can’t argue with that.
CHAPTER 10
Happily, by Monday, Jay is back to his usual self, just in time to experience the usual week-long buzz humming around the school before we break up for Christmas.
Some of the teachers are festive enough to put decorations up in their classrooms, lines of tinsel crossing the ceilings and miniature Christmas trees and other novelty characters like snowmen sitting on the edges of teacher’s desks. The art students have decorated the art block, and paper chains dangle precariously. Cut out stars are stuck down with masking tape to windows.
The younger years are buzzing especially, as the last week before Christmas generally means cheesy films instead of any actual work. For the sixth form though, it’s business as usual, but most of the teachers have chilled out about deadlines and often Christmas music can be heard pouring out of classrooms, lighting up the dreary corridors.
All around me, people just seem to be happier. The week has flown by and people are running around, wanting to hand out those last Christmas cards and presents before the holidays start. Some people even smile or nod in my direction as I pass.
Personally, I’ve never been one for the Christmas cheer; Charlie and I just don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s always just been us on Christmas. We would hand over the few presents we had to give and then spend the rest of day watching movies or just doing our own thing. We don’t do the whole Christmas lunch, seeing as neither of us know how to or even dare to attempt to cook a turkey, so we settle for snacks like cocktail sausages and mince pies.
That then moves into New Years, which is always spent at my Grandma’s house. She’s a snooty old witch who I’ve never liked, mainly because, despite the obviously fake smile I’m always greeted with, she hates me.
I can never truly work out why. I’ve always boiled it down to two things though; either she has decided that my parent’s car crash was my fault, or she blames me for dragging Charlie down over the years.
My Grandma has high standards, and Charlie’s lousy car sales job doesn’t make the cut, as much as it pays for the bills, which she protests loudly against every time we go to see her.
I assume it’s that, or she just really doesn’t like my hair.
Yet despite this, I’m in higher spirits than I usually am. This is because of two things. Firstly, I haven’t heard from my tormentor in a week. Nothing; no threatening, blaming or just plain abusive texts. Nothing.
Although, I can’t decide if this is a good or a bad thing. I mean, I’m glad they’ve stopped, more than glad, but something keeps niggling at the back of my mind. Why would they spend all that time, put all that energy into doing what they did, to just give it up without a moments notice?
Then, of course, the second reason for my good mood is that I have had a week filled with the Ellsworth boy’s madness. I’m spending more time at their house or at the coffee shop than I am in my own home.
But, as weird as it sounds, it’s not always the boys who I end up hanging out with. Sometimes when they are too heavily involved in one of their dumb video games, I would venture downstairs and natter with Joy about silly things or help her with the cooking.
I often wonder what Blake gets up too when Jay and I aren’t around or at school. The only conclusion I can come to is that he’s glued to his games consol.
I’ve also narrowed down my college choices to three, all within an hour’s drive of here. My plan is to apply over Christmas and hope for the best. Emphasis on hope.
Walking down the corridors, I notice posters for end of school bake sales or the advertising for the Christmas school production, that had taken place last week, but no one has bothered to take down.
So consumed in my own thoughts, I almost scream when a thick piece of material is pulled over my head.
‘Jesus Christ!’ I yelp, lifting up the material to find it’s actually a novelty Santa hat.
‘No, Jay Ellsworth. That’s Jesus Christ,’ Jay tsks, trying hard to keep a perfectly straight face as he points over to the lit up figure pinned up on the door to a Religious Studies classroom. ‘But I can see how you may get confused, I do seem to glow with power,’ he winks.
‘More like arrogance,’ I retort, taking off the ridiculous hat and crushing it against his chest. He does his Oscar winning broken-heart act and takes the hat back, wearing it proudly on his own head.
‘Scrooge,’ he accuses before heading off. ‘Gotta run, I’ll see you
later!’
‘Idiot!’ I call, laughing as he disappears.
The final school bell of twenty-twelve has just rung, but despite this there are still students milling around, or waiting in large groups for others to tag along before venturing for a celebratory lunch in town, since it’s a half-day.
I’m currently passing through the sixth form block on the way to the bike shed when my phone charms in my pocket. Glancing down, my good mood shatters into thousands of tiny pieces.
A huge lump builds in the back of my throat, and shakily I press down on the ‘open’ button.
News just in. Anybody noticed that new hottie Neve Willows has been hanging around with? Anybody wondering how this mysterious pair met? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t your usual Cinderella story, unless Cindy took a leap at death just at the right moment to drop straight into her Prince’s arms. Wondering how this tragedy for that attention-seeking whore will end? Why don’t you ask Charming yourself?
My first reaction isn’t to burst into tears, or fall on the ground, or scream. No, it’s far worse. My first reaction is to look up.
Every student in the sixth form block has their phone out, either staring disbelievingly or sniggering. A few just look disgusted, whether its disgust at the actions laid down in the text or the text itself, I don’t bother to find out.
Every student in the sixth form has just been sent that text. Every single student in the sixth form knows about my… I don’t know what to call it, the words attempted suicide just feel like acid burning my insides.
I don’t stick around to take in anymore of the reactions and fly down the hall, just in time to pass by Kai and her group. I press against the wall to let them through, but don’t miss Kai’s words, although she barely acts as if I existed.
‘I always wondered when Jay would get over her, glad he’s finally come to his senses.’ Her laugh drums through my ears, but her words hit harder.
I trusted him, my mind reminds me bitterly. He told everyone.
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