The Couple Most Likely To

by Lilian Darcy

  And by late tomorrow afternoon shed have gotten all of that need for freedom out of her system and shed start missing Max and Ella the way astronauts missed gravity, or cave explorers missed light. Her love for them was so powerful and fundamental, it provided the anchor point for her whole universe.

  She almost had vertigo when the twins went to Johns.

  Shed felt an alarming and unexpected degree of vertigo seeing Jake this afternoon, also, but since they were inevitably going to run across each other around the hospital, they both might as well bite the bullet and get used to it now. She would definitely go to the potluck dinner at his place tomorrow night.

  I did as we agreed and invited a few extra people, Jillian told Jake on Saturday evening, at just before six.

  Shed arrived at his newly rented house a little early, as shed promised to do, bearing not only the agreed-upon chocolate mud cakes for dessert, but wine, napkins, extra silverwaremost of the party supplies, in fact. She had to send him out to her car to bring in two more bags.

  Great place, she told him, when he returned.

  Hed rented a modern log home on a generous acre of land on the hilly outskirts of the city. The property had peace and space and warmth, as well as the easy freeway access to the hospital that he would need when racing to a delivery in the middle of the night.

  Hed rented furniture and hired a professional interior designer to add some finishing touches, and in forty-eight hours the place had gone from bare and echoey to fully furnished, before hed moved his personal belongings in here on Wednesday. Despite the designers expert eye and attention to detail, Jake wasnt totally happy with the result, however. Something was missing.

  You didnt have to bring all this, he said to Jillian.

  Well, I did have to, with all the extra people. She shrugged and smiled, laughing at herself a little.

  So just how many non-Logans did you invite?

  She ticked them off on her fingers. Brian and Carrie Summers. They adopted through Childrens Connection and it went so well for them that the birth mother, Lisa, is still a big part of their lives. Shes become a real friend, so shell be here, too. And Stacey, whom you know. She and her husbandex-husband, she corrected quickly, with a regretful expression, conceived their twins through IVF treatment at the center. Thats not a confidence Im betraying because shes very open about it. And Eric and Jenny asked if they could bring

  But Jake didnt hear who Eric and Jenny were bringing.

  Stacey and John had conceived through IVF.

  For some reason, he reacted to this news with a powerful surge of complex emotion. His thoughts whirled. He and Stacey had had no trouble conceiving by accident seventeen years ago. But then Annas birth had been so horrible. Stacey had bled too much afterward. Theyd both been so upset and bewildered. She hadnt realized her postpartum flow was greater than normal, and of course he had no medical knowledge at that point. Neither of them realized soon enough that she had an infection and needed antibiotics.

  Want to help set out the glasses? Jillian asked, and he nodded absently and set to work, needing only a fraction of his concentration for the mechanical task.

  Stacey had had to listen to some typically insensitive opinions from her mother after the birththat the loss of Anna was for the best, that in future maybe you wont be so thoughtless. Hed been rocked by the sense of a burden lifted warring with his genuine grief. They were both a total mess at that point. Had Stacey been scarred physically as well as emotionally by Annas birth and death? Was this why she hadnt been able to conceive naturally with her husband?

  How long had they been trying before theyd resorted to IVF? Treatment for infertility could put an enormous strain on a couples marriage. The divorce made more sense to him, now.

  He looked up from the current task he was working onarranging platters of crackers, cheese and dips; he didnt even remember Jillian asking him to do itand there was Stacey herself, following Jillian into the kitchen with a big, glass-lidded casserole dish in her hands. He wanted to confront her with a hundred questions about her marriage, the fertility treatment, the divorce, and almost had to bite his tongue to keep them back.

  Hed never felt such a powerful need to make sure that someone was all right. It stunned him that he could still feel so protective toward her, that he obviously at some level considered he still had, oh, visiting rights to her heart, the way Dr. Jake Logan, specialist in ob-gyn, had visiting rights to Portland General Hospital.

  Hi, Jake, she said, her eyes huge and bright andyeahaware. Nervous. It must show in both of them.

  She wore a short-sleeved cream top in some silky, lacy fabric that clung to every curve on her body. A full skirt in a light, patterned fabric swished around her legs and emphasized the swing of her hips when she moved. Her cheeks were pink from the cold outside air between her car and the house, and her honey-toned hair glistened with drops of rain like diamonds scattered over gold.

  Hi. His voice didnt come out right. His body felt angular and awkward, and forbidden parts of it throbbed.

  In the oven? Jillian asked her, talking about the casserole.

  Yes, Stacey said, because I made it this morning and its chilled from the fridge. Dont make the temperature too hot, though.

  Jake? Jillian gestured at the sleek stainless steel front of the wall oven, with its row of control knobs.

  Do I know how to switch it on? No clue. He stepped toward it just as Stacey put her casserole down on the countertop and did the same.

  They stood side by side, studying the situation. He knew hed swayed too close to her, but he couldnt help it. It felt right, standing close, where he could smell her sweetness and glance down at her pretty profile. He noticed she didnt move away. Her skirt brushed his legs.

  Chemistry, again.

  Memories.

  Needs.

  Hmm, she murmured. Five separate controls, and none of them have words on.

  This one? He reached toward it.

  Maybe. She seemed skeptical, and tilted her head. At thirty-five, the fluted line of her neck was still smooth. But which setting? Do we want plain rectangle, or rectangle with horizontal line near the top, or rectangle with

  Youre right, he agreed. What happened to words? And what idiot designs these symbols?

  Im going out on a limb, here. Im going with rectangle with horizontal line near the bottom and Mercedes-Benz symbol in the middle.

  I think the Mercedes-Benz symbol must mean the fan, although Im sure the car company is appreciative of the publicity.

  Stacey laughed, then turned the control to the setting theyd agreed on.

  Nothing happened.

  She shrugged at him and smiled. Not the million-watt smile, but the crooked one with the dimple in one cheek. Her sarcastic smile. He remembered it very well. Only Stacey Handley produced dimples along with her sarcasm. Any new theories, Sherlock? she asked.

  Right now, he didnt want theories. He didnt care if it took their combined brainpower another hour to work out how to switch the oven on, as long as it meant they could keep standing closeflirting, remembering the good times instead of the badand he could watch her mouth as she spoke.

  More people had arrived. What was it about parties that made everyone crowd into the kitchen, when he had that whole professionally decorated great room through the doorway, where they were supposed to congregate? He heard greetings, including the voices of his brothers Ryan and Scott, but didnt turn around.

  This one must be the timer setting, he said to Stacey, as if the oven controls also governed the whole solar system.

  And this is the temperature control. It does actually have numbers, if not words.

  They both reached for the remaining knob at the same time, and Jakes hand landed on top of hers. They turned and looked into each others eyes. IIm not prepared for this, she said, breathy and gabbling. I know Im responsible for it just as much as you are. But Im not prepared. Stillshe left her hand where it was, beneath his. He let the ball of his thumb make sl
ow circles over her knuckles.

  Lets assume it blows up Russia and go with the rectangles instead, he said softly.

  II didnt mean the control.

  I know, and youre losing yours a little, arent you?

  For an answer, she just closed her eyes.

  So am I, he muttered, intending that she should hear, and she did. She pressed her lips together into two tight lines and he wanted to kiss them and soften them and make them part, using his own mouth.

  Hell, what was he doing?

  He couldnt afford this. Neither of them could. They shared a past but there was no way they could share a future, which meant that following up on his instinctive, powerful, astonishingly familiar attraction just wasnt on. Thered be nowhere for it to go. The attitudes that had separated them hadnt changed. There were feelings theyd never talked about or dealt with.

  Turn it, she said. He couldnt even work out what she meant, for a moment. I think the first setting has to be for the broiler plate, and the second is for the oven.

  Right. Yes.

  If we put the temperature at about 320 She did so, and at last the oven responded. They heard a fan start up, and when Stacey picked up the casserole and Jake opened the oven door, they could already feel warmth spilling onto their faces.

  Bingo! he said.

  Great things happen when two powerful minds work together, LoJake.

  Shed almost called him Logan, the way she had yesterday in her office, but shed read the same danger into those old teasing habits as he had, so shed quickly changed course.

  Changing course wasnt enough. She was frowning now, as if playing out memories of the far darker times theyd shared. They needed to get this out in the openthe ongoing attraction, the sense of familiarity, and all the important things theyd never said.

  Lets get a drink and go somewhere where we can talk, he said.

  But the timing was impossible. Jillian raised her voice right at that moment. Everybody? The kitchen and adjoining sunroom had filled with people and the noise level of numerous conversations had climbed. If the music hed put on earlier was still playing, he couldnt hear it anymore, and people hadnt heard Jillian, either.

  Everyone? she repeated, speaking louder this time. She sounded nervous, as if she didnt want to do this but would do it anyhow, on principle. Can I have your attention for a minute? Dont worry, it wont take long. The room quieted.

  Youre right, Jillian, said her brother Eric. We should talk about why most of us are here.

  Jake? She turned to him. Do you want to recap? Tell everyone what happened when we met up in Seattle?

  I think you should do that, he told her. You were the one who approached me, and I know that took some guts, under the circumstances.

  He heard a tiny sound from Stacey, still standing beside him. She didnt move, but she looked interested and curiousas well she might. He felt awkward about the fact that everyonehis brothers, his cousins, their partners, spouses, dates and friendswould see the two of them standing like a couple at such a significant moment.

  Jillian nodded. All right, she agreed quietly, then raised her voice again. Many of you know this part. I saw Jakes name on a conference program in Seattle a few months ago, and realized from his looks and his age and his biography in the conference program that he had to be one of those Logans. You know the ones, Robbie, Eric, Bridget? The ones we never speak about? The ones we never see? The ones who might as well not exist?

  They nodded. The family knew. Some people didnt.

  I listened to Jake give his presentation on infertility and emotional well-being, and at first I thought Id just sneak out afterward and not say anythingthe way weve not said anything to or about Lawrence Logan and his family almost our whole lives. But then I thought, Whats wrong with this picture? Here I was, a social worker, listening to a doctor talk about family dysfunction and family healing. And the doctor was my own cousin. And I hadnt met or spoken to him ever, because my father couldnt forgive his father for things that had happened twenty and thirty years ago.

  Thirty years? murmured his brother Scotts date, as if dinosaurs had still roamed the earth.

  So when the session was over, I went up to him, Jillian continued. My legs were shaking. I had no idea what kind of a reception Id get.

  But you came up to me anyhow, Jillian. Jake picked up the story. For those of you who dont know this

  He threw a brief glance at Stacey, but there would be others, he knew. His brother Ryans girlfriend, Brian and Carrie Summers, their friend Lisa. There were several more unfamiliar faces, also. His stepsister Suzie was here and had brought a date, as had Scott. His cousin Erics wife, Jenny, had brought her brother Jordan, a high-power corporate attorney.

  Thirty-one years ago, our cousin Robbie was kidnapped. He saw Nancy squeeze her husbands hand and frown at his words. It was a devastating event for my uncle and aunt, as you can imagine. My parents wanted to help, but Uncle Terrence couldnt accept that kind of support from them. As brothers, their life choices and priorities had always been at odds, and I know my uncle was racked with a belief that if hed been a better father, Robbie would never have disappeared.

  There was a murmur from the listeners.

  My father was hurt by the repeated rebuffs, Jake continued, and when he went on, a decade later, to write his two bestselling books on family values he was careless in the case studies he chose. One of them was strongly based on his brother, Terrence, and if there had been any chance of reconciliation before the books were published, there certainly wasnt once they achieved their stellar success. Hardest to Forgive stayed at the top of the New York Times Nonfiction Bestseller List for forty-three weeks.

  Beside him, Stacey made another sound. Shed read it. Millions of people had. It had surpassed even the sales of his dads first book, The Most Important Thing.

  There were some crucial sections in the second book which Dad intended as an attempt to reach out to his brother, but unfortunately the timing was bad.

  With both books the timing was bad, Jillian said. A false lead had come up regarding Robbies whereabouts. I know my parents received several fresh blows over the years. Although we all shared their anguish, we were just kids. I cant even imagine what it must have been like.

  At the back of the room, Robbie nodded, while his wife, Nancy, squeezed his arm. Jake had only been four years old at the time, but the suffering on both sides of the Logan family had been fierce for years afterward. He still had some distant memories of phone calls and police cars and angry confrontationsof his parents trying to help his aunt and uncle, his mother bringing casseroles, his father wanting to hand out fliers, and all their efforts being rebuffed.

  In his anguish over Robbie, he continued, Uncle Terrence took everything Dad had written in the opposite way to what hed intendedas a further indictment of my uncles choices, his marriage, and the way he was raising his kids. I can understand my fathers message. The thousands of letters hes received over the years from around the world attest to its value. Im proud of him and what he achieved, but my uncle and his family did suffer because of that book.

  We all did, Eric Logan said. Word got around. Ive seen copies of both books with the fictional names Uncle Lawrence gave us footnoted by hand with our real names. Our friends parents passed the book around the way people used to with dirty magazines in high school.

  Bridget picked up the story, while Jillian stayed significantly silent, Jake noted. He had the impression shed reached her personal comfort threshold and was ready to leave the emotional revelations to others. Kids would ask us if he beat us, Bridget said, and what was wrong with our mom, and why didnt they just get a divorce, and was my dad the worst father in the world, if it said so in a book that millions of people had read.

  Eric put his arm around his sister. People willfully took the books message in the wrong way, when it referred to our family. A lot of people were very happy for us to prove single-handed that money cant buy happiness. I heard whisperings that Robbie hadnt been kid
napped at all, that he was buried in our basement and our parents had put him there.

  Nancy clicked her tongue in distress and she and Robbie held each other more tightly.

  I was the youngest, which spared me the worst treatment, Bridget said, but as I grew older I could understand why Dad was angry.

  And yet weve all lost out, over the years, Jillian came in. Her tone edged toward clinical. I think people always do, when theres that level of family conflict. I want to heal the riftin this generation, and hopefully even between our parents. Over coffee at the conference, I convinced Jake to come back to Portland. This potluck supper is our first attempt at reconciliation.

  Im glad its happening, said Scott. Im glad to be a part of it. Jillian and Jake, thanks. He put his hands together and began to applaud, and soon everyone had joined in.

  Your parents arent here, Stacey said beside Jake, when the applause died. The story had drawn her in. He could see the troubled emotion in her face. Because shed never felt close to her own parents or her sister? Jake wondered. He knew theyd moved to San Diego some years ago.

  Jillian pulled a wry face in answer to Staceys question. No. Well. First things first. Well have to work up to it.

  Were they asked?

  My father and stepmother are in New York for a few days, Jake said, Visiting my brother L. J.

  And our parents didnt want to know, Jillian put in. Especially Dad.

  I think its his problem, Jillian. Time heals, but he wont let it do so in this case. Bridget hugged her older sister. I agree with Scott. Im so glad youve done this.

  The formality began to fragment and the noise level rose again. Stacey remained at Jakes side. I had no idea about the rift in your family, she said, when no one else was close enough to hear. You never told me.

  It didnt seem important to me back then.

  But it does now? It must, or you wouldnt have come back to Portland. She stayed silent for a moment as she thought, then her face changed suddenly. No. Thats right. Yesterday you told Nancy if family tensions run too high, its very easy for you to leave. Portland might be your hometown, but its a way station for you, just like any other place, just as you always wanted.