by Lilian Darcy
He held her again, his chest warm and hard against her body. She wrapped her arms tight because it didnt seem that she could ever get enough of him. Even this wasnt close enough. Even when he kissed her deeply, drowning her mouth with his, it wasnt enough.
He unfastened her jeans and she helped him slide them down over her hips, then remembered aloud, Im wearing boots.
Very sexy boots, he growled. Sit on the bed. He bent low and slid them from her feet one at a time, along with the silky-thin socks she wore beneath. He curved his warm palms around each bare instep and pressed his lips to her ankles, pulled off her jeans and panties, kissed the tender skin in the crooks of her knees.
Then he moved higher.
She leaned back on her hands, gasping. Her hair fell across her face like a caress. He held her hips as if he thought she might pull away, but she was chained in place by the ecstasy of what he did to her. When she dropped back to the bed, he slid all the way up her body, his chest brushing her breasts, his thighs heavy over hers.
He buried his face in the soft quilt above her shoulder, and then in her hair. She was throbbing, aching with satisfaction and yet ready for more. Please she begged him.
Not yet. We can make it better. He rolled until she lay on top of him. You see, I need these. He cupped her breasts again, took them into his mouth, lavished them with erotic sensation until she almost sobbed. Let me inside you, now, he said at last.
Oh, please!
He turned away for a moment and she heard the sound of tearing, bringing her a dose of reality. Shed almost forgotten about the need for such things, and was grateful that hed thought to protect her. Then again, he wasnt an impulsive teenager anymore. Not emotionally, and not physically. He was mature and sure of himself in every way.
With one hard, sliding motion, he filled her completely, sensitizing her swollen folds to bursting point. She rocked slowly against him over and over, her movement like a ripple through water, her soft lower belly locked seamlessly with his flat expanse of muscle.
By now they barely needed to move. They couldnt move. It all happened without effort or will or impulse. It flooded forward like a torrent, out of their control. He gripped the tops of her thighs with his hands and made one final surging movement and they both cascaded into their release, crying out in unison.
Stacey couldnt speak. No words felt right. After theyd slid apart, she lay with her head pillowed on Jakes chest and just listened to his heartbeat and his breathing, feeling his warm arms around her. She didnt want him to speakdidnt want to have to move or change or think.
Maybe he didnt want to do any of those things, either. He stayed as silent and motionless as she was, waiting for the world to end.
But it kept going, of course.
The numbers on his clock changed, and changed, and changed again. A car went past outside. The soft winter light spilling through the big windows faded into a premature gloom. The clouds had lowered again, and the rain had started. The room was so quiet that Stacey could hear the droplets spitting gently on the glass. It was over an hour since shed left the twins to fall asleep. They could awaken again at any time.
She envisioned scrambling to get dressed while they stood in their crib, crying and trying to climb out. Ella had made some pretty serious attempts at it lately, gripping the padded rail and stretching her leg up like a mini ballerina. Soon she would succeed, and Max would follow, and one or both of them would topple to the other side and bump their heads hard on the floor.
Jake?
Beautiful, he murmured, and squeezed her tight. Oh, Stacey, it was incredible. My hearts still beating too fast.
She couldnt move yet. She had to hold on to this for a little longer.
She reached out her fingers and traced the smooth line of his lips, the skin around his eyes, his neat ears, his hairline, relearning all the familiar things and exploring the new onesthose fine smile wrinkles, the strands of silver-gray. Yes, it was incredible, she echoed.
What happens when the twins wake up?
Im hoping to be dressed by then.
No, butDo you have to leave?
How long do you want us to stay?
All night.
Her heart sank as reality rushed in.
They couldnt stay all night.
On the weekends when he didnt see Max and Ella, John always phoned to wish them good-night, and the twins had just recently begun to expect it and enjoy it. They took turns holding the phone to their ear, and listened silently to what he said to them with big smiles on their faces. They still seemed to expect him to come climbing out of the phone. They thought the whole thing was magic.
If she called John from here so that he didnt get the machine at her place, hed want to know where she wasnot in a demanding way, but just because it was the kind of friendly question he often asked. Friendly or not, she hated the idea of explaining. She wasnt remotely ready to talk to John about Jake.
She had talked about him when they were first married. John knew about Anna, the breakup, the hurt and mess. At one point hed been so mad hed been ready to hunt Jake down. Stacey had expected an old-fashioned duelgauntlets thrown to the ground, pistols at dawn, the works.
And I tried to defend him, she remembered. I talked about how young we were, how we never could have made it work back then.
I never really got Jake out of my system, did I? Not even when I was angry with him.
No wonder the marriage hadnt succeeded.
I have to get the twins home, she blurted out, after a silence that had lasted too long.
Do you have to be somewhere later?
Well, no, but I justlike to have them sleep in their own beds at night. Theyre outgrowing the portable crib, especially sharing it.
She described Ellas attempts to climb out of it, and out of her proper crib at home, not sure if she sounded as though she was making excuses. Then she heard her daughters voice along the corridor. Mo-mmm-eeee!
Scrambling to get dressed. Just what she hadnt wanted.
Jake pulled on his jeans and sweater more quickly than she did. Do you want me to go?
Youd better. Ill be there in a second.
He padded down the corridor in his bare feet while she fumbled with bra hook and tank top straps and boots, hearing Ella and Max both crying, now. When she entered the room, Jake had both twins held awkwardly in his arms. Im sorry. They dont know me well enough. I shouldnt have picked them up.
She held her hands out for them and he passed them across. She wouldnt be able to hold them both at once like this for much longer, they were getting so heavy! Hey, you guys, she crooned. This is a major overreaction, dont you think? Why so cranky? Jake, you dont have to stay in here for this.
He nodded, treating her words as a dismissal. Watching his tight, angular movements as he left the room, Stacey could read his complex reaction so easily. He looked as if hed had a door slammed in his face.
Yes, Jake, you did, she said to him in her head, but two-year-olds cant fake what they feel. They dont feel comfortable with you yet, and theyre not going to pretend. Its best that you left.
She felt unhappy about pushing him awayabout making love with him and then reminding them both of all the ways he didnt fully belong in her life.
Except that maybe he would be grateful for this. After hed recovered from the door-slam feeling, hed realize that he had no wish to belong everywhere in her life, he only wanted to belong in her bed.
The possibility rocked her, although it shouldnt have come as a surprise. She already had all the evidence she needed about what kind of boundaries he had safely in place. Shed chosen to ignore it. Incurable optimist or sucker for punishment? That, she didnt know.
The twins settled after a few minutes. She put them down, held their hands and said, Lets go downstairs.
She found Jake pacing the great room as he spoke on the cordless phone. He had those sleeves rolled again, showing his ropy forearms, and he looked confident and in control.
Get her
admitted, he said in a clipped decisive way. I would. I wouldnt mess around on this, with her history. He listened for a moment. No, dont apologize, Lindsay, you did the right thing to call. Ill see her Monday in the maternity unit, hopefully still pregnant. He listened again. Yeah, you, too. Bye.
When hed put the phone down, he saw Stacey and the twins and his face changed at once. The focused aura of professional confidence had gone and there was a smoky, unreadable look in its place. Wariness? So he said slowly. What did we decide about tonight?
Vulnerability, she realized with a shock.
He felt vulnerable, the same way she did.
II dont want to just say goodbye and go home, Jake, its not that. She dropped her voice, because this next bit was even harder to say. Id love to spend the whole night with you.
You would
But could we make it at my place?
His expression cleared. Of course. Yes. He whooshed out an unconscious sigh of relief and suddenly they were both grinning at each other like happy, goofy idiots. He came toward her, laced his fingers together in the small of her back and whirled her around, then pulled her close and buried his face in her neck, where she felt the heat of his breath. Im so glad we got that sorted out.
So am I.
Now Im trying to think what we can do.
Oh she said vaguely. Does it matter? Play around here for a bit, head to my place, get takeout for us for dinner, and Max and Ella can have eggs and fruit. That doesnt take up enough hours, does it? Imagination deserted her and she spread her hands, helpless. I dont care what we do.
Neither do I. Pick up a DVD? Just talk and hang out and
act like we were fourteen. Perfect!
Stop grinning at me, Handley.
Yeah, Logan? Why?
Youre making my face ache.
But in a good way, right?
Always, he said, and she knew she wanted the word to mean a lot more than it really did.
Chapter Seven
S ay, Bye-bye, Daddy, Stacey instructed Ella. She waited. So far, neither of the twins had ever said it, no matter how intently they appeared to listen to John saying it to them. Go ahead, bye-bye, Daddy.
Bye-bye, Daddy, uv you.
Omigosh! There! She did say it!
Stacey laughed and took the phone as Ella held it out. Did you hear that, John?
Yes, but what was the second bit?
Uv you. I love you. Its what I always say to them when I drop them at day care. Bye-bye, sweetheart, I love you. Oh, wasnt it just darling?
John laughed, too. It was pretty neat, I have to admit. Can we get Max back for another try?
Uh, no, sorry, hes long gone, back to his new blocks.
You bought them new blocks? I just bought them a set here at home, a big one. We should coordinate. And we shouldnt spoil them.
Were not. These were aa gift from a friend.
Yeah? What had he heard in her tone? Valbona? Suzanne? Her two closest friends, as he knew.
No, not them. Listen, I should go. Theyre pretty tired, and
I wont keep you.
There was a beat of silence between them, and she knew he was wondering about the friend shed managed not to namewondering if the friend was male, and, if so, what he meant in Staceys life. Maybe there was no such thing as an amicable divorce. She knew John still hadnt forgiven himself for not winning her whole heart. And he hadnt forgiven her because shed never given it to him.
He had a stubborn temperament, which could be a good quality in a man when he also knew how to let go. John didnt, sometimes. He pushed too much. If hed been a military commander in days gone by, he would still have been fighting long after his last man had fallen, with the enemy overrunning his doomed ground.
Heroic, but not useful.
She had a rush of remorse. They needed honesty if they were going to manage parenting and divorce. Listen, she told him, Its Jake, actually, who gave the blocks to the kids. Jake Logan.
Jake Logan? The one who?
Yes. Him. Hes back in Portland. An ob-gyn specialist at the hospital.
You should have told me.
I am telling you.
And youre seeing each other.
Im not sure if Id define
This is not a good idea, Stacey. Dont you remember what you said to me about what you went through with him before? He didnt give her a chance to reply. And there are Max and Ella to consider.
I know all that
I cant believe you would even contemplate
but at this stage theres nothing for us to discuss. You know I would never overlook Max and Ellas needs. I told you about the blocks because it felt wrong to hold it back, but please dont
I will! I absolutely will say or do whatever I think is necessary! Ill tell you exactly what I think about it if theres any suggestion its going to hurt the kids
John
His voice dropped. or hurt you, Stacey! We dont hate each other, do we?
I hope not. I hope we never
So Im going to look out for you, even if you cant look out for yourself. Be careful. And take care of my kids!
He hung up the phone before she could say anything more. Theyd had too many of these conversations, a million prickly, unfinished sentences, cutting in on each other, seeing things differently, never getting it right no matter how hard they tried.
Because they had tried, in the beginning. Theyd tried for years.
Her warm feeling after Ellas Bye-bye Daddy, uv you, had totally disappeared.
And Jake must have overheard.
Some of it, anyway.
He stood in the doorway. I should pack up the blocks, Im thinking. The kids are getting a little wild again. He didnt mention John.
Ill help.
The twins had already had their baths and were snug in pajamas and fluffy slippers. Theyd eaten their soft-boiled eggs with toast soldiers dipped in, and their plates of cut-up fruit. They would be ready for sleep very soon, and Stacey was getting hungry. She and Jake had decided to order their takeout to eat once the house was peaceful.
They tidied the blocks together, involving the twins by turning it into a low-key game about colors. All the red blocks first, then all the blue, and the green and the yellow. It helped the twins to settle down, and they almost knew the colors now. Lello, Max said. He found a couple of other colors that theyd missed under the couch. Dween. Boo. More lello.
They seem pretty bright, Jake commented.
Not that you should sound so surprised about it, Logan. Their mother has a college degree.
Their mother puts in a lot of effort. I didnt mean to sound surprised. Many kids dont learn to talk so well, and definitely dont learn things like colors so early, unless they hear it one-on-one.
Well, thank you. Im not hothousing them, or anything. But when Im with them all day, its natural to talk to them.
She was about to take the twins upstairs, but Jakes next words stopped her. John didnt seem too happy about the blocks.
You heard that.
Im sorry. I didnt intend to.
Its okay. You should probably know. Hes notready for me to start dating again. Especially to start dating you, Jake Logan.
Is it his business? Jake demanded. Does he think he has those kinds of rights over you?
He thinks he has the right to make sure I dont mess up his kids.
Thats!
No, she cut in quickly. Its not feudal or dictatorial.
No?
If Im honest, I feel the same. If he included a date during his weekends with Max and Ella, Id want to know something about her, something about the relationship and her attitudes. Is she going to think she can smack them and yell at them and shut them in their rooms if they do something they shouldnt? Is she going to want John to off-load them onto a sitter whenever shes around? Does she see herself as a potential stepmother, and if so, how does she feel about that? On the other hand, if shes only a casual fling, how would I feel about the twins discovering her in his bed in the mo
rning, if there had been a different woman the time before? Its important, and you get protective. Theyre still so little
And John is asking those same questions about me.
He would be, yes. Im sorry thatsYou probably dont need the pressure of knowing that.
I could have worked it out for myself, if Id thought. Youre right. Its natural. He frowned. So you dont want me to stay till morning?
I want you to. But youd better not.
Okay. Are you giving me a curfew hour?
No, Im not. Do I need to? Please dont turn it into
Sorry. Im sorry. I wont.
Id better, um she began awkwardly.
Yes, take them upstairs. Ill order dinner. If Im not here when you get back down, Ive gone to pick it up. He rubbed his shoulder. Id like to get some air. Theyd decided on Chinese food, and had already agreed on the dishes. They had similar wide-ranging tastes in food, enjoyed spice, liked to try new things. Stacey hoped the tension over Johns attitude wouldnt spoil anything.
My mouth is watering already, she told Jake, hiding her doubts.
The steamy aromas of shrimp and soy sauce and spice filled Jakes car when he parked it in front of Staceys garage. The house looked quiet from this angle, its painted wooden charm typical of the Lair Hill neighborhood, although muted in the darkness. Despite the apparent peacefulness, he steeled himself to find chaos and two crying children when he went to open the front door with the key shed given him.
Turning it in the lock, he held his breath and listened.
Ah, quiet!
After completely exhausting two healthy adults with nothing more than typical toddler activity and behavior, Max and Ella must be safely in bed.
He brought the bag of hot food into the kitchen, where he found Stacey hunting up blue-and-white Chinese bowls, blue linen place mats, wineglasses and silverware. Are we eating in front of the DVD? he asked.
Theyd decided on this earlier, and hed somehow envisioned forking in the food direct from the cartons. He now realized how much this betrayed about his bachelor status. He ate this way at least three times a week.