by Abra Ebner
“Ok,” she breathed, releasing a relieved breath. “You’re home.” She looked around the room and removed her sodden coat and scarf. “Do you mind if I borrow your phone?” Her hair was dripping from the few stray strands on her cheek.
I looked at her and then around the room, wondering where a phone even was, unable to recognize anything but the feeling in my gut that this place was mine. I nodded and shrugged, finding there was little else to do.
She let go of my arm and I steadied myself on my feet as she walked in a brisk pace toward what looked like the kitchen, trusting her instincts as to where a phone could hide. I blinked and looked around the room, taking it in and finding that as I looked closer there were a few things I did recognize like pictures and a few trinkets; all now tattered with age.
Looking up I saw that there was a mirror across the room above a fireplace, and I made my way toward it, moving my hand from one object to the next, hoping each was sturdy enough to support me. Though my large hands had scared me, I found they were much easier to use and could grasp things in their entirety. I supported my weight with my arms, the muscles flexing as they never had before, like He-man’s did in my comic books back home, wherever home was.
As I got to the hearth, I placed my hand on the sill, like a newborn baby learning to walk. I could hear the woman in the other room on the phone, whispering in hushed tones that were both frantic and a little scared. I turned my attention to the reflection before me, recognizing nothing but the child I had known underneath, my eyes telling the truth as they still held the twinkle I had known.
My face had grown considerably and the once soft youthful skin was replaced by stubble and pronounced features. I nodded to myself, finding that overall I was pleased with the way I had turned out, relieved that I was in fact quite handsome despite what my father had said. I watched as I blinked, almost fearing the man in the mirror, still unable to completely accept that he and I were the same entity.
I turned my head and inspected the side view. My nose had the same small hook it always had and my ears were just as big, though the size of my face had now caught up to them. My deep grey-blue eyes were full of the youth I had seen everyday though now pressed into the mask of a man I struggled to know. I did not look much older than twenty-seven, but it was hard to tell as I had never been twenty-seven before.
I saw the woman exit from the kitchen through the reflection of the mirror, coming toward me with reddened eyes and a saddened brow. She kept her gaze away from mine as though ashamed by what had just transpired over the phone, afraid that if she looked at me, she may fall apart.
She tried to gather herself as she cleared her throat. “I told my husband I was working late and missed the bus so I’d just work through the night.”
My gut ached with guilt as my eyes followed her lips as she spoke, a soft crimson that reminded me of my mother’s when she was upset. I could see in her tired eyes that her husband had been a horrid man. I knew this because I had seen the same look from my mother. Her husband was probably drunk and mean as my father had been and it made my heart throb with pain. I doubt he noticed how beautiful she was, the kiss of a freckle on her cheek, the sharp green of her eyes.
I turned to face her, finding the overwhelming need to give her a hug, to comfort her when it seemed no one would. I put my arms out toward her, and to my surprise she fell into them and began to sob without hesitation, as though I were her best friend. I felt awkward holding her, my body looming over her small frame and my arms wrapping around her almost twice.
After a moment she pulled back and wiped the tears from her face, her scar reddened by the blood that had rushed to her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I must seem crazy; inviting myself in and hugging a complete stranger.” She blinked and looked me in the eyes.
“Oh…” I paused, still surprised by my own voice. “It’s alright.” I cleared my throat. “To tell you the truth I don’t what happened to me, either, I feel as out of sorts as you.”
She blinked some more and narrowed her eyes. “You must have some sort of amnesia or perhaps you had a seizure?”
Her attention turned away from the phone call and back to me. She grabbed my cheeks and looked into my eyes, inspecting them before grabbing my hand and leading me to the couch in front of the fireplace. She sat me down, taking the cushion beside me, her movements graceful.
“Forgive me, but something about you seems different.” She put her hand out and grabbed my cheek to turn my head to face her.
I shied away from her touch, but she was stubborn.
“You have the eyes of a child, but the body of a man.” Her eyes were full of a depth I doubted few could understand the way I did now. It felt so sudden, so strange to feel this way about someone I hardly knew. I found it hard to justify the connection, but there was one. It was as though I had grown up with her as her best friend, been there for every stage of her life.
“I…” I paused, finding the words I was about to say absurd.
She looked at me with an eager stare.
“I don’t expect you to believe me, but I was six just a short while ago, and now I’m here and I’m…”
“Twenty-seven?” she finished my sentence.
I nodded. “Sure, I suppose.”
“It was on the license,” she nodded and pursed her lips, taking a moment to think before looking back to me, content with her answer.
I glanced around the room and took a deep breath. I could tell she didn’t believe me, more likely she just believed I was crazy, but it didn’t matter. I needed to say it because to me it was real. “I think I may not be in the right time, if that makes sense. Do you think that’s possible?”
She laughed. “I’m not sure but I wish that were true.” I saw her roll her eyes and turn the scarred side of her face away from me. “I wish I could change things and go back in time.” she allowed herself to imagine it.
I laughed in return. “What would you change? You seem wonderful.” I was surprised that she was willing to entertain the idea and it distracted me from the fear in my stomach.
She smiled and I could see tears welling in her eyes. This stranger before me felt like much more than that, as though she were an old friend, someone whom had risked many things to save me tonight, to make me feel as though I was not lost.
She let out one chuckle. “I would change everything.”
My heart stung as she said it, feeling the hurt and pain in her words. It did not seem fair that such a beautiful creature could become so forgotten by God, left to fend for herself in a world where no one would lend a hand.
“I would take back all I’ve done.” She ran her hand along the hem of her nurse’s scrubs. “I would change this.” She touched her face and ran her hand across the scar. “It changed everything for me, took my beauty, my confidence.” She pressed back tears. “I used to want to be a doctor, but when you look like a monster, everything is hard.”
I watched her with focused eyes, my heart breaking at her every word.
“And my husband…” She shook her head.
“You deserve better.” I knew what to say because I had longed to tell my mother the same thing for years but I never got the chance before she died. I always thought that when she got cancer it was God’s answers to her prayers. My mother wanted to die; I saw it in her face everyday and now I saw it in the woman’s as well, the look of an empty soul that had been left alone in this world.
She nodded and sobbed into her hands. “I’m twenty-five with so much future left to live but I fear I don’t want to, I fear my own mind. I have tried so hard that now I have given up. What other choice do I have but to accept my awful fate?”
I placed my hand on her back. “If I could I would save you,” I mumbled, and in my mind, I made it a point to save her. No matter what life I was now living, this was my single focus from here on out.
She laughed with tear stained eyes. “I would love you for that.”
She looked at me then, and for the f
irst time since reading Cinderella, I felt what love at first sight was like.
“This seems strange, but I think we were meant to meet.” My breathing was shallow but I knew enough about fate and life to know that everything happened for a reason.
She smiled, revealing perfect teeth, “You don’t even know my name.”
I smiled back. “Well then, what’s your name?”
A sly look crossed her face and I knew it meant trouble. “Well,” she paused, still thinking. “If we were meant to meet, and you’re not from this time, let’s make a game of it. Let’s say that the next time I meet you, whatever time that is, then I will tell you my name.”
I laughed. “Makes sense. But how will you remember?”
She winked at me, “Fate will remind me. No matter what happens, meeting you now has left a mark on me that will never fade, just like my scar. No matter what time, I won’t forget you. I promise.”
She put her hand in the air like a pledge before lowering it back into her lap. “For the record, a part of me really does believe you. I like to think there are still amazing and unexplainable things in this world.”
“Well then, you may be the only one that does believe me. I couldn’t imagine anyone else would.” The conversation hit a lull as we both thought over what was just explained.
She shifted on the cushion of the couch. “Is it alright if I stay here?” She looked me in the eyes, finding a reason. “I mean besides, if you have had a seizure, you’ll want me here to watch you to make sure you don’t have another.”
I shrugged. “Sure, I don’t mind.” Truthfully I wanted her to stay, not just because I liked this woman but because I was also frightened to be alone.
She shook her head with a smile. “And to think, earlier today I figured God was a fraud. I guess this is his way of proving me wrong.”
I raised my eyebrows and thought about my own predicament. “Yeah, me too.”
She laughed again, and it made me feel good, as though her laughter had touched my very soul. There was another couch opposite the one on which we were sitting, and I eyed it. I was sure I had a bedroom somewhere, but I desperately wanted to be close to her, to hear her sleep. After another moment of silence I made a move to get up, but she stopped me.
“You stay here.” She rose from the couch and grabbed a blanket that had been thrown over the back and laid it over me, tucking the edges. She then walked over to the other couch and let herself fall into it, exhaling as her back met the cushion, dust flying everywhere.
We laid there for a moment before I heard her breathing change, and when I looked, I saw she was asleep. There were dark circles under her eyes and I could swear she looked dead, but I could understand. This woman beside me had given me all her heart, her last ounce of understanding; just as I was sure she had to everyone she’d met.
I pressed my head against the pillow, feeling lost. Why was I here? Why was I living this dream? I pinched my arm, but nothing happened. What if this was real? What if I had somehow traveled into my future, as I had longed to do for so long? I always wanted to know that there was life beyond what I knew at home, beyond the hell that was my childhood. Perhaps I had manifested it hard enough that now here I was, living it.
I shut my eyes, concentrating now on the past and the life I had known. The room began to feel cold and things around me to shook like an earthquake. I opened my eyes and looked at the woman, but she did not wake. It was then that the same feeling overcame me and my blood began to boil in my veins. I opened my mouth to scream, but before I could utter a word, I was back on the park bench with nothing but a popsicle stick in my hand and an orange stain on my khakis where it had melted.
Formulated from the journals
of Patient #32185
July 6th, 1988
3:47 p.m.
I dropped the popsicle stick to the ground, my legs dangling from the bench. I put my hands to my forehead that was now ripping open with pain, much as it had on the bus. My stomach lurched then, my body doubling over as I rolled off the bench and to the ground. A cold sweat coated my body, and I begged for my life to end, to stop the pain. I lay frozen for a moment, concentrating on my breathing, until the aching began to subside and I was able to take a deep breath and open my eyes.
To my relief, no one had noticed that I was here and it was hard to know what had happened in the time since I left. I looked at my pants and I could feel my cheeks flush as the orange syrup became sticky between my fingers. I propped myself up off the ground with one shaky arm, dirt clinging to the stain on my pants as I rested for a moment.
It was then that the pain was replaced by fear, fear of what my father would do when he saw me. I wiped the sweat from my brow and got to my feet where I ran to the nearest drinking fountain. I clasped my hands together and gathered a handful of water, splashing it on my pants and praying the stain would leave. After scrubbing as well as I could, I let my pants dry in the sun, looking at my pale young skin and remembering the way it had looked just moments ago.
I thought about the woman, searching my brain and finding her existence felt real, not like a dream that would quickly fade. My fingers still tingled with the memory of the way her hand had felt, her soft skin. It was real.
My head was still pounding but I found that all the knowledge I had gained on the bus had stayed with me. I looked toward a nearby sign, finding that reading it became easy, each word a recognizable symbol rather than the complicated mess it had been at kindergarten. I crunched my brows together, realizing the power of the talent that was now within my grasp. I was confused as to why or how this had happened to me, scared that it wouldn’t go away, but then again, did I want it to?
I kept breathing, not knowing what else to do. Everything felt like it was happening so fast that my mind raced with the possibilities, finding that perhaps at a time like this, finding reason was a waste of energy. If I were dreaming, as I hoped I was, then why could I see and feel everything with such vivid detail? I looked at the scar on my hand, seeing that it was now fresher than it had been on the bus, youthful and new like before.
An idea came to mind then and a childish smile spread across my face, my large ears flexing toward my hair. I needed to test this, to see what it was I could do, to see if it was something I could control. My body still ached from before, but I didn’t care, the feeling of adrenaline was too strong to ignore. I lay back in the grass and closed my eyes, allowing the world around me to dissipate as I began to think.
I concentrated on the day I got the scar and the neighbor dog that had bit me. They had put the dog down because of it, claiming he had never done anything like it before, but my father didn’t care. He had threatened to kill it himself if they didn’t, and they believed him. I had felt horrible about his death everyday since because it hadn’t been the dog’s fault. If I hadn’t poked it in the eye, it would have never cared and it would have never died. I had loved that dog because I could relate to it, trapped inside a fence all of its life, never able to reach the world beyond.
A deep pain welled in my heart, and I felt a tear form in my eye as the feeling of guilt overcame me. I opened my mouth and took a deep breath, pressing down the feeling and concentrating on it. It was then that the ground began to shake like an earthquake and I felt my heart begin to beat faster, as though beating in reverse. The blood in my veins began to rush toward my head and the ground left me, as though God had grabbed my sides and thrown me like a baseball, thrown me back to that day.
Formulated from the journals
of Patient #32185
August 18, 1986
10:53 a.m.
I winced as loose gravel dug into the palms of my hands, landing on the hot pavement of my driveway. Forcing my eyes open as they watered with pain, I looked at my palms, now burning from the gravel wedged deep inside. I bit my lip, forcing back tears as I saw and felt more like a child, younger and less able to handle the pain. The urge to have my mommy overwhelmed me.
I focused on
the blood dripping toward my elbows, my arms now tiny. The world around me was spinning as it had in the park, but it took less time to calm as my body grew used to the changes. The blood in my veins felt hot and furious, alive in a way that reminded me I was still human. I looked around and saw my tricycle had been pushed onto its side just to my left, the wheels still spinning, telling me I had been riding it.
I wanted to smile but found I couldn’t, the excitement of the whole situation too overwhelming. It felt like déjà vu, only in reverse, my memories and intelligence from the future remaining with me. It was as though I was hovering above myself, watching my life as a four year old run in my head like a movie I’d seen a hundred times. I was fascinated by what was happening, fascinated that I had defied science in a way that had changed my whole life.
A sharp bark came from my left, and I craned my head to look as I wiped the blood from my arms on my overalls. Rover continued to bark at me through the fence, his tongue wagging between each howl in the same way I remembered. I pushed myself off the ground and brushed off my pants, assessing the new scars one last time, and realizing they would be with me for the rest of my life.
I walked toward the fence, noting that my legs weren’t as long as I had been used to, and making sure to take the right number of steps. Rover’s tail began to wag, excited that I was coming to say hello. Placing one hand on the fence to steady myself, I pushed my other through the gate and patted him on the head.
“Its okay bud. I won’t hurt you.” My voice sounded like an infant, though my words were now well articulated, absent of the lisp I once had.
Rover licked my hand and began to whine, almost as if happy that I hadn’t poked him in the eye like before. I laughed, allowing his cool tongue to ease the stinging that still remained on the palms of my hands, his nose sniffing the blood and his eyes watching me as though sorry. I smiled, finding that I had done all I needed, I had forced change and the future would surely reflect that. It was then that I heard the voice of an angel behind me, and I jumped, feeling as though I’d heard a ghost.