by Abra Ebner
“So, yesterday went well I take it?” Her voice was all business as she walked past me and continued up the hill.
I followed her, drawn in by her comment. “How did you know about all that, Molly?”
“How do you know what you do? You didn’t think you were a happy accident, did you?” She looked at my side, knowing the bruising that was there, “Obviously a careless one, though.”
“You’re like me?” I caught up to her, grabbing her arm and twisting her to face me, her eyes so clear they were hard to look at.
She snorted. “Hardly.”
“You are like me, aren’t you? That’s why you knew all that, that’s why when I see you, something happens in my head.” I was surprised, but not as surprised as I had anticipated. When I first started leaping, I had wondered if there were more people like me that had it figured out.
“Yes, I’m like you, a Shifter.” She blinked and looked at a group of students nearby.
“A Shifter?” I was shocked that there was even an official name.
“Yeah, except I don’t delight in microwaving my body at every whim. I’m careful.” Her voice had sass, just as it always did.
My jaw tightened. “Seriously, do you have to be so rude? Lighten up a little.”
Her mouth was so pale and there was no visible hint of happiness anywhere about it. “Life is serious, Jordan.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know that, but if you take it too seriously, you’ll never get out alive,” I retorted.
She rolled her eyes. “No one gets out alive.”
I let out a sharp breath, stung by her negativity. “Alright, I get it.” I looked at her sideways. “Geez.”
We walked for a moment in silence before she spoke again. “Listen Jordan, you’re hurt and I can help.”
I laughed. “I don’t need help.”
She kicked a stone on the ground. “Trust me, you do.”
I touched my side and rubbed it, finding she was right. “What’s in it for you? Why does it matter that Kenzie is alright?”
She laughed and I looked at her, the corners of her mouth finally giving. “I don’t care about Kenzie. I care about our kind, the Shifters. I just know that you’re dumb enough to fall for the Romeo and Juliet of your little love story, and right now you should concentrate on healing.”
Another disgruntled snort escaped my lips. “I will not fall for that.”
She looked at me sideways past the rim of her hood. “Yeah, right.”
“What’s so wrong with that?” I shrugged. “Love is a wonderful thing.”
“Yeah sure, one sided relationships with someone who has no real idea of who you are is a real blast.” She let out one mocking laugh.
I locked my jaw. “Whatever.”
Molly paused for a moment. “Jordan, have you ever cared about yourself? Have you ever lived life just for you? Made a friend or had fun?” She rolled her eyes. “Other than at the race track.”
Her words stung, but only because she was right. I had never allowed myself the fun and pleasure of living. I had no friends, two college degrees, and an obsession with Kenzie’s life. In the normal world, I’d be considered in the running for the next serial murder suspect. “So what?”
“I’m just saying, perhaps you’d live longer if you had a little fun, lived a little of the real life like you have the last few days. We can’t Shift around like you have so frequently. We’re not cut out for that. After all, we’re still human.” She was watching the ground in front of her. “Each Shift you make, you burn through your life as though it were fuel, think of it that way. You’re like an S.U.V.”
“Have you seen me die?” I lingered on the idea, my curiosity piqued.
“Maybe, but it depends on you, depends on the choices you make between now and then. If you’re smart, than that time will grow. If not.” She brought her hand out of her pocket and slid it across her throat.
“Real nice, Molly. That really makes me feel much better about all this.” I swallowed hard, thinking of death and how horrible it feels. I saw the biology building up ahead and knew our conversation was coming to an end. “So, what do I do now, if you seem to know so much better than me?”
She sighed. “Just be friends with Kenzie. No dating.”
“What? Why?” I felt as though she were my mother telling me what to do.
“Think about it, Jordan. Even in the real world, a relationship born from the situations she was just in will never last. A friendship, on the other hand, will. Trust me on this one. One day you will get your chance, but right now she needs a friend, and so do you. She’ll understand. She’s not as flighty as you think. Just remember who she was before you Shifted the living daylights out of her life, and you’ll know what I mean.” We stopped and she looked at me, a strand of her hair trying to fall from her hood, but she pressed it back before it even got a chance.
“I suppose you’re right. I guess you know.” My face was frank. The things she told me were advice because she knew what paths lay ahead, because she had been there. “Well, where are you going to go?”
“Back to my life.” She shrugged.
I reveled in her reply, wondering what it was like to have a life. “How soon will you be back?”
“Not too soon. You won’t need me for a while. Just work on being friends.” She dropped her hands from her pockets, her sleeves hanging to her fingers.
“What can I tell her?” I paused. “I mean, she’s already told me so much about her dreams, about her other life.”
Molly smiled. “You can tell her things, just don’t tell her about what you do.” Her face became stern. “I’m serious. That is just as detrimental as all else.”
I furrowed my brow, but saw the reality of it.
“She’ll freak out, trust me. I know that right now she just needs someone that’s always going to be there. You can’t dump a friend, so it’s a guaranteed way not to screw it up.” I saw her give me a look as though she’d expected me to mess it all up.
“What about you? What is your life like?” I had so many questions and stories to tell, but no one to relate to until now.
“Good. There are some things I wish I had, but I’m working on it. I have friends, at least.” She gave me another small smile.
I looked at her face closely, “How old are you right now? About eighteen, right?”
I saw her smile. “Yeah, just. Finally an adult, I suppose, though what’s the point in getting excited when you’ve been there?” She gave me a look of understanding.
I laughed. “Tell me about it. Things certainly lack luster in that respect.”
She watched a group of students walk into the biology building, “She’ll be here soon, so…”
“Well, I better go, then.” I looked at my watch.
Molly nodded, her face solemn once again. “Have a good time, Jordan. Try to think of yourself. Heal. I’ll see you soon.” She reached out and touched my arm.
Her touch felt electric, cold and soft. She was different than me, but I didn’t understand how. All I knew was that she, too, could Shift, and that alone was a comfort. “Thanks, Molly, for helping me.” I felt nervous. “I’m not normally the type to ask for help, but then again, no one has ever offered to give me any, so...”
She nodded. “I know Jordan, but now you do. So next time, just look for me before you leap, got it?”
I felt my mouth curl into a smile, “Sounds like a deal.”
She walked away then, and I saw Kenzie out of the corner of my eye, walking up the path. When I looked back in the direction where Molly had walked, I found she was already gone.
“Who was that?” Kenzie reached me faster than I’d thought with her long stride, and I turned to face her.
“A girl looking for her class,” I blinked.
She pursed her lips. “She doesn’t look like she belongs here, that’s for sure.” She tilted her head, “Shall we?”
I nodded. “Yep, time to be bored I suppose.”
Stat
ement from Dr. Ashcroft,
Vincent Memorial Hospital, Boston
August 4, 2009
04:18 a.m.
Agent Donnery:
Heavy stuff.
Dr. Ashcroft:
Yes, but wait, there’s more I want to add. This totally makes sense now…
Agent Donnery:
Then by all means, don’t let me interrupt.
Told by Dr. Ashcroft,
Stories from the journals of Patient #32185
October 4, 2005
08:27 p.m.
“Hey Kenzie, I was just thinking.” Jordan was fidgeting with the bottle of make-up from my desk. He had seemed a little distant all day, shell shocked perhaps, by the fact that I had kissed him.
“What were you thinking?” I smiled, lathering on the charm and wondering why it wasn’t working.
“I just… I’ve never had friends you know, and well, I was hoping that perhaps we could just keep things like that for a while.” He looked at me with sorry eyes.
I took a slow, discreet breath. “Yeah.” I paused, disliking the idea but figuring I’d take what I could get. “That’s fine. I understand.” I forced a smile.
He nodded. “I think that considering the situation and all, it seems like a good idea. I think we could both use someone to talk to, someone that won’t end up growing apart because of love, or whatever.”
I could see the way he flinched when he said the word love. I knew so little about him, and I felt as though there were a lot of underlying issues at hand. There had to be another reason why he was saying this. There was no denying the way he looked at me.
“Jordan, tell me about your childhood. What was that like for you?” I dove right in, figuring I hated suspense.
He gave me a surprised look. “It was…” He paused. “I was an orphan for most of it. That probably sums it up.”
I leaned into my pillow with my long legs sprawled out in front of me, and I hooked my hands behind my head. Jordan sat rigid in my chair, unwilling to relax, though I’d tried to put him at ease. I exhaled as I mourned his continual sad stories.
“I don’t know what to say to that…” I looked at his face, wondering what it was like to be like him. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “Don’t be, it was no one’s fault that I had to grow up alone. It was what it was and…” He paused again. “And nothing would have changed that.”
“Did your parents die?” It was another curt question, but a necessary one.
“Yes, first my mother from cancer, then my father to alcohol and liver failure.” He didn’t seem at all phased to say it, and I felt relieved.
“Wow. So you really are all alone.” I cursed myself as soon as the words left my lips, and I instantly wished I’d had more of a filter.
He laughed. “Gee, thanks for pointing that out.”
I sat up. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I was thinking out loud. I’m sorry. I just thought, perhaps being friends does make a lot of sense.” I could see that perhaps his decision was more about him now than me, and I felt relieved to know that it wasn’t something I had done wrong.
Jordan changed the subject. “Any word about Max?”
I let out a sharp chuckle. “Institutionalized.”
“Really? Good. That guy was weird. I feel bad that you spent half your life with him.” His eyes sank as though he felt guilty.
I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. “Jordan, it’s not your fault.” I laughed. “You need to learn to lighten up a little. Breathe.”
Amy walked in then. “Oh hey Superman. What’s up?”
Jordan smirked. “Hi, Amy. How are things?”
“Refreshing.” She took a big dramatic breath of air. “Do you smell that?”
I rolled my eyes. “Smell what, Amy?”
“The makings of a great memoir.” She gave us a sly smile.
Jordan lifted one brow. “I thought your thing was to write a book about the morals of women?”
Amy laughed. “Ha! I think I’m better off chastising myself into a story, total bestseller material.”
“Real nice, Amy.” Jordan tapped his finger on the chair, and I saw him begin to relax.
I could be friends with him. This would work. I knew he wasn’t about to run off and be with another girl. He didn’t have the guts. Besides, as his best friend, I would be the first to know.
“Well, I better get going,” Amy sighed.
I pressed my brows together in frustration. “Where are you going?” I looked at her frumpy clothes and bruised face.
“The library,” came her curt reply.
“Really? So, you have changed.” I pointed at her with pride.
She shrugged. “I’ve had enough date rape drugs and guns for one year. The library is safe.”
“Good for you, Amy.” Jordan smiled, as though proud of himself for getting her to turn a new leaf.
She left then, and the room fell back to silence. Jordan stood and walked over to Amy’s bed, finally lying down to relax.
“So, where do you live?” I had never asked and I began to wonder.
I could hear him breathing as he looked up at the ceiling. “I have a house.”
“A house?”
He nodded. “Yeah, a house. Maybe I’ll take you there one day.”
“Soon?”
He traced his finger along a crack in the ceiling. “Sure, Kenzie, soon.”
I shook my head, thinking that each time he opened his mouth, something surprising came out. Though I felt as though I could love this man, did love him, this was the smart decision. With all his secrets, it did make me worry that there could be more, less savory ones, in the wings. I could tell that he was relieved he didn’t have to jump into anything serious. And after all he’d done for me, I could wait.
Statement from Dr. Ashcroft,
Vincent Memorial Hospital, Boston
August 4, 2009
04:26 a.m.
Agent Donnery:
So he listened to Molly, and you became friends, though it’s clear now that both of you really wanted more.
Dr. Ashcroft:
(pause) Sorry, I’m just surprised, but yes. And just as we thought, Molly was like him somehow.
Agent Donnery:
There are certainly more like Jordan. Hearing about Molly confirms that for us.
Dr. Ashcroft:
It seems your work is not yet over, Agent.
Agent Donnery:
So, tell me the truth (pause). You really never knew about any of this?
Dr. Ashcroft:
No, he never told me about Molly. I guess he didn’t want me to know about her. Perhaps he thought I’d be jealous, as I already was, because they seemed to have a connection that was stronger than ours, though I didn’t even know her. It was just something I sensed.
Agent Donnery:
Did you see her again?
Dr. Ashcroft:
No, I… no.
Agent Donnery:
Are you sure?
Dr. Ashcroft:
Yes, I’m sure. I’ve never seen her again.
Agent Donnery:
Okay then, I trust you.
Dr. Ashcroft:
(pause) I remember asking myself why he didn’t want to date me when it was so obvious we had chemistry.
Agent Donnery:
Again, he did it to save you.
Dr. Ashcroft:
I know that now, but at first I never understood. For years it was like that, and we remained friends. Eventually, though, we could no longer bear it.
Agent Donnery:
He was the one to make the next move, then?
Dr. Ashcroft:
Yes. Flipping through these papers, I see that for quite some time he just wrote about everyday life, nothing more than a journal. But here, this one, I remember this day.
Agent Donnery:
What day was that?
Dr. Ashcroft:
Graduation. Let me explain.
Told by Dr
. Ashcroft,
Stories from the journals of Patient #32185
May 5, 2007
04:27 p.m.
“Jordan! We’re finally getting out of here. We’re finally free!” Kenzie jumped up and down in the hall.
I watched her, laughing. “Yes we are, Kenzie. Finally.” For her, it was just two years, but to me it had felt like decades.
We were in the living room of my house, though not the green house down the lane. After I told her that I had a house, I couldn’t bring myself to take her back there, to let her know that the person there had been me. Instead, I bought the quaint row house that I had owned in the other life, the house she had brought me to when she had found me on the bus. It seemed fitting.
She threw herself down on the couch opposite me in the living room, the space set up in the same fashion it had been in the past. It was a bit strange, but like it had been before, it was exactly the way I wanted it.