by Mir Amman
‘“The boy’s humble submission and poverty made me all the more generous to him. There and then I asked the eunuch to look after him, give him good clothes to wear and bring him up under his care and to see that he did not mix with idle boys. I made it clear to him that I wanted the boy to be properly brought up and to become worthy of my company. The eunuch, finding me so interested in the boy, faithfully carried out my orders and took every care in bringing him up. And thus it was not long before the boy wore a good appearance and like a snake cast off his old slough. Much as I resisted, his beautiful form made me so fond of him that I always wanted him to remain with me and I wished to hug him to my breast. At last I made him my companion. I would dress him in rich clothes and jewels and keep him before me for hours and hours together. Thus did I comfort my aching heart. I saw to it that he got what he wished. I felt restless when he was away from me. In a few years he grew into a fine youth and the down appeared on his lips. Now the servants would take note of his presence and the guards objected to his entering the female apartments. His visits were thus discontinued. But I could not live without him. Every moment of his absence weighed heavy on my heart; it seemed as if I was facing death itself. I was restless, for I could not even speak of it to anyone, nor could I bear his separation from me. O God, what would I do? Sadness sat heavy on my heart. I called my eunuch who had kept all my secrets and said to him, ‘Look here, I wanted the boy to be brought up well and to flourish. I propose now that he be given a thousand gold sovereigns so that he may have a jeweller’s shop in the market and live well. Buy him a well-built house near my residence. Get him servants and slaves and fix their pay so that he may live in all comfort and ease. The eunuch established for him a jeweller’s shop and got him a well-furnished house and whatever else was needed. In a short time his shop was the talk of the place. Rich clothes and robes of honour and precious jewels and other things required for the king and the nobles could only be had from him. By and by the choicest things of every country were available there. The business of all other jewellers became dull. In short, no other jeweller could match him in the city, nor in any other country. Thus he made a great fortune. But his separation from me was telling on my heart. I could not think of any plan to meet him and comfort myself. So I again took my eunuch into confidence and said to him, ‘I cannot think of any plan to see him and comfort myself except that an underground passage be made from his house to my apartment.’ Immediately work was started and in a few days the passage was ready. So, every day, as the evening set in, the eunuch secretly conducted the young man to me and for the whole night we remained together and enjoyed ourselves. Both of us were divinely happy when together. When the morning star appeared and the muezzin called the people for the morning prayers, the eunuch led him by the same underground passage to his house. No one except the eunuch and the two maids who had nursed me in my childhood knew about this.
‘“We passed fairly a long time in this way. One day the eunuch went to call him as usual to my apartment. Finding him sad he asked, ‘Is all well? Why do you look so sad? Come along, the princess has sent for you.’ The youth made no response. The eunuch came back and reported it to me. Possessed by the devil as I was, I continued to think of him with love. Had I known that love for such an ungrateful one could ruin me and bring me a bad name and that I would lose my honour and respect, I would have controlled myself and taken a vow not to think of him any more, let alone remain devoted to him. But, alas, it was so destined. I ignored his shameless attitude and regarded his disobedience as affectation and airs of a lover. The result is that you too have come to know of all that has happened. Disregarding his mulish attitude I sent him this message through my man: ‘If you do not present yourself here just now I shall come there and you must know that this is fraught with danger. If it leaks out, it will be disastrous for you. Do not behave in a way which may bring us nothing but disgrace. Better you come here rather than force me to come to your place.’
‘“From the message he knew that my love for him was unbounded and he came assuming airs and in a disagreeable mood. When he sat down by me I asked him, ‘What is it that makes you so disturbed and cold today? Never before have you been so disrespectful. You always obeyed me.’ He said, ‘I was poor and an unknown person. By your kindness and help I have amassed so much wealth. I live very comfortably and pray for your long life and prosperity. Please forgive me for my misconduct. Most humbly I beg your pardon.’ As I really loved him, I accepted his apology in good faith and did not suspect any evil design on his part. With even greater affection I asked him, ‘What is it that disturbs you so much? Just say it and it shall be solved.’ Humbly he said, ‘Everything difficult for me is easy for you.’ From his roundabout talk I gathered that an elegant garden with a grand house in it in the heart of the city near his residence was for sale, and that with the garden a female slave, who was a good singer and well-versed in music, was also to be sold. But it was a package deal, like a cat tied to a camel’s neck. Whoever purchased the garden would also have to buy the slave; and, strangely enough, the price of the garden was only a hundred thousand while the price of the slave was five hundred thousand. He humbly said, ‘I am unable at present to spend so large a sum.’
‘“Thus I discovered that he had set his heart on them, for even though he was in my presence he looked gloomy and sad. As I always wanted to see him happy, I at once ordered the eunuch to get the sale deeds completed in his name and to pay the amount from the royal treasury the next day. The young man thanked me and his face brightened. We passed the night as usual, enjoying each other’s company. In the morning he took his leave. The eunuch faithfully carried out my orders. He bought both the garden and the slave for him. The young man continued to visit me at night and leave in the morning as usual.
‘“One day in the rainy season, the clouds were hanging low and it was drizzling. Lightning flashed through the dark clouds and a pleasant breeze was blowing. It was so delightful. As I saw the display of wines of various colours in flower-shaped glasses nicely arranged on the niche, I was tempted to take a draught. After drinking two or three cups, thoughts of the newly purchased garden came to my mind. I thought of visiting it for a while. As they say: ‘When misfortune comes, the dog bites the camel rider’. Taking a female servant with me I went to the young man’s house through the underground passage from where I proceeded to the garden. It was really a delightful place, like the proverbial Garden of Eden. Drops of rain on the green leaves shone like pearls set in emerald; red flowers against the low-hanging clouds presented a sight as that of the crimson red of the sky when the sun sets. The canals, full of rippling water, glistened like a floor of glass.
‘“I strolled about in the garden till the day came to an end and the night set in. It was then that I saw the young man taking a stroll. When he saw me, with all respect and warmth he came near and, taking me by my hand, led me towards the pavilion. As I stepped in, I found that its beauty far excelled the elegance of the garden itself. The illumination was superb. The lights were so well-arranged—there were many lamps arranged in the shape of cypresses and some were lotus-shaped; some were placed in beautiful chandeliers with their branches holding the lights while there were others with decorated shades, placed in an assembly. All of them had been lit. There was so much brightness that even the Shab-i-Barat with its full moon and illumination would have appeared dark before it. Fireworks of numerous kinds were being displayed.
‘“Meanwhile, the bright moon emerged from behind the dispersing clouds like a lovely mistress dressed in lilac. This made everything all the more delightful and as the moonlight spread the young man said to me, ‘Let us now go to the balcony of the pavilion.’ Like a fool I did whatever the wretched fellow proposed. He led me upstairs. I found the balcony was so high that all the buildings and the street lights could be easily seen from there. With my arm around his neck I sat there enjoying the sight when an ugly woman came to us with a flask of wine in her hand. I was disple
ased to see her. Rather alarmed at her sight I said to the young man, ‘It seems a strange affliction! Who is she?’ Folding his hands in respect to me he said, ‘This is the slave girl bought with this garden by your kindness.’ I realized then that the fool had set his heart on her. I was much displeased and felt indignant but said nothing. But that rascal did much more to annoy me. Imagine, he had the audacity to make that unworthy woman the cup-bearer for me! I was, indeed, like a parrot caged together with a crow. Neither did I wish to stay there nor had I the opportunity to leave. The wine was so strong, it could make a beast of man. She served him two or three cups of that fiery drink at a stretch. Willy-nilly I also gulped down half a cupful on his insistence. In short, that shameless unworthy woman got drunk and started taking liberties with the young man. That mean fellow too got intoxicated and started to behave unbecomingly. I was so ashamed that I wished the earth to split at that moment and gobble me up. But so crazed was I in love for him that even then I said nothing. A vile wretch as he was, he did not think much of my forbearance. Already intoxicated, he drank two cups more and lost whatever little sense he had. He forgot all about respect for me and began to behave more indecently. Completely intoxicated, the impudent villain indulged with that ugly woman in my presence. And she too, the hideous one, lay there with all her female airs and affectations. As they say: ‘like priest, Like people’; the two were well-matched; he was as ungrateful as she was shameless. I felt so out of place that I cursed myself for having gone there and brought this upon myself. It was perhaps a proper punishment for my folly but how long, after all, could I put up with it? I was on fire from head to foot, as though rolling on burning coals. My presence there reminded me of the proverb, ‘The pannier jumped without the ox, whoever saw such a paradox?’ So I got up to leave the place. He guessed his ruin in this. Perhaps he dreaded the consequence if I felt offended. So he thought of killing me if he could. Having thus resolved in his mind and taking that shameless woman into confidence, he put his girdle round his neck as a sign of submission and fell at my feet. Putting his turban at my feet and with tears rolling down from his eyes he humbly begged of me to forgive him. Because of my infatuation for him he made me do whatever he liked. In fact, I was like a handmill in his hands and he turned me as he wished. I had no will of my own. So I was easily persuaded to take my seat. He filled two more cups of that fiery wine and induced me to drink as well. The strong wine soon made me completely senseless. And then, that cruel ungrateful fellow wounded me with his sword and thought I was dead. On receiving the wounds I opened my eyes and said, ‘Well, I got what I deserved. But save thyself from the consequence of unjustly shedding my blood:
Wash the stains of my blood from thy clothes
Lest some cruel one take hold of thee!
What is done is done; do not reveal our secret relationship to anyone. I have not spared even my life for thee.’ Thus wishing him mercy of God I lay unconscious and knew nothing of what happened thereafter. Perhaps that callous man thought me dead and put me in the chest and let it down over the city wall where you found it.
‘“I wished no one ill; yet such misfortune was in store for me. Nobody can rub off the lines of one’s fate. My eyes were the cause of all this. If I had not taken a fancy for that handsome ungrateful fellow, he could not have become the cause of my ruin. God so ordained that you reached there and saved my life. I am so ashamed of all this disgrace that I wish to live no more, or at least to hide myself from everyone. But how can I? One cannot choose even one’s own death. I was almost dead but God gave me life anew. Let us see what fate has in store for me now! Apparently your kind attention and care did me good and I recovered from those deadly wounds. You spent on me whatever you had. When I saw you worried because you were short of money, I wrote the note to Sidi Bahar who keeps my accounts. I had written that I was safe and had asked him to inform my kind mother of my unfortunate circumstances and whereabouts. He entrusted you with those trays of gold for my expenses. Then I asked you to purchase jewellery and rich clothes from Yusuf, the merchant. I knew that the poor fellow made friends with everyone and would certainly try to make friends with you as well and, due to his boastful nature, would probably invite you to a feast. My conjectures proved right. He did what I had thought; on your return after making a promise to him you told me of his insistence. I was pleased at this for I knew if you accepted his invitation you would also like to invite him in return and that he would be only too eager to oblige. So I quickly sent you back to him. After three days when you returned and made apologies for your absence I said, ‘Doesn’t matter; I know you could not come unless he would let you. But not to be equally courteous and remain indebted to him is not fair.’ So I asked you to go to him and extend a return invitation. When you left I realized that there was little to entertain him at our place if he happened to come along with you. Luckily, it is the custom of the kings here to go on tour for eight months in a year to look after the state of affairs in the country and collect the revenue. They stay in the capital only during the four rainy months. The king, that is the father of this unfortunate being, had gone on a tour of the country at that time. Sidi Bahar had told the queen, my mother, of my unfortunate circumstances. Before you returned with the young man I, although deeply ashamed of my behaviour, got the time to present myself before her and tell her all that had happened to me. Wondering about the consequences of my disappearance, she kept it a guarded secret out of motherly affection and foresight. She had concealed my sins in her maternal breast. Nevertheless, she had all along been worrying about me. As I told her all about my disappearance and the ill treatment I had suffered, she was full of tears and said, ‘You unfortunate being! You have scarred royal honour and glory. A pity, that you have ruined your fair name too. Better if I had brought forth a stone than you, my daughter. Even now you should repent; whatever was written in your fate has come to be! What are you after now? Will you live or die!’ Much ashamed of myself I said, ‘It was so ordained in my fate that I should live in disgrace and distress even after such adversities. Better if I were dead! I may have earned a bad name, but I don’t think I have done any such thing which may bring disgrace to my parents. What pains me is that both those shameless persons should go unpunished and enjoy themselves. What a pity if I cannot punish them! I request that Your Majesty’s steward be ordered to make arrangements for a feast at my house so that under the cover of a feast I may punish the two for their evil deeds and thus avenge myself. I will cut them to pieces as he had so callously wounded me. Only then will my thirst for revenge be quenched, otherwise its flames raging within me shall reduce me to ashes.’ With these words, my mother, out of maternal affection and love, sent all that was needed for the grand feast, including the attendants, under the supervision of the eunuch. In the evening you returned with that mean villain. I wanted his shameless harlot also to be there. So I pointedly asked you to send for her. When she came and all of you assembled together, they drank plenty of wine and became intoxicated. You too lay dead drunk with them. I ordered their heads to be cut off. The armed woman guard drew her sword and cut off their heads then and there, leaving their bodies bathed in blood. I felt angry with you because I had permitted you to entertain them and not to get drunk with persons you scarcely knew. Indeed, I was not at all pleased with this folly of yours because how could one expect faithfulness from one who had intoxicated himself ignoring all other considerations? But I am so bound in gratitude to you that I cannot but forgive you.
‘“Now you know every fact from the beginning to the end. Do you want any more explanations? As I have done my part I wish you to do yours. I think it is no longer proper for you or for me to stay in this city. But, of course, now it is entirely at your discretion.”
‘God be praised! The princess thus narrated her story. As I held her sweet will to be above everything else and was deeply in love with her, I said, “As your gracious self is pleased to propose, I will do all that you wish me to do and without hesitation.”<
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‘Impressed by my sincerity and faithfulness the princess advised me to get two strong and swift horses from the royal stable and keep them ready. I picked up two such horses, got them saddled and brought them to our house. When a few hours of the night remained, the princess, disguised as a man, armed herself and mounted one of them. I also armed myself and mounted the other horse, and we set out. By the evening, as darkness fell, we reached the banks of a big lake. Alighting from our horses we washed ourselves, hurriedly took a little food, mounted again and set off. Now and then the princess would say, “For your sake, I have sacrificed my honour and left my parents and country and all. my wealth. Now you too may not behave with me like that ungrateful and cruel one.” Sometimes I talked of different things to pass the time as we rode on. I tried to allay her doubts and said, “Know it, my princess, that all men are not alike. He must have been low of birth. That is why he behaved as he did. I have spent all that I had on you and to you I have devoted my life. You have done me honour in every way. I am now just like a slave without the purchase price and will not utter a word of complaint even if you wish to make shoes of my skin and wear them.” We passed the time in such conversation and on and on we went night and day. At times, feeling tired, we alighted from our horses. We killed birds and animals in the woods and striking a fire with our flints, roasted them and ate them with the salt we had with us and let the horses out to graze.