SOURCE: J Weaver, “What Are Our Dating Pet Peeves?,” Elle/MSNBC.com Sex and Beauty Survey, MSNBC.com, May 5, 2005, http://www.nbcnews.com/id/7736649.
1 in 5 women and 1 in 2.1 men report they would dump a partner who became fat.
SOURCES: AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating and Sex,” The Great Female Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/yahoo_shine_great_female_survey/part1.html. AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating & Sex,” The Great Male Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/2011_great_male_survey.
Numbers Tell the Story
She suspects:
The odds a woman will report she is not comfortable with her boyfriend “friending” his exes on Facebook: 1 in 3
The odds a woman will report she has never read her boyfriend’s email or instant messages but would if she suspected he was up to something: 1 in 6.7
She asks him to stop:
The odds a man will report that if he could change one thing about his partner he would change her nagging: 1 in 11.2
He spends an evening on the town flirting with her best friend:
The odds a man has ever fantasized about his partner’s friend: 1 in 1.5
The last straw—an out-of-town trip with his sexy colleague:
The odds a man has never had sex with a coworker but would if the opportunity arose: 1 in 1.9
She hacks into his email:
The odds a woman will report she has read her boyfriend’s email or electronic messages by breaking into his email or messaging account: 1 in 8.3
It’s over—or maybe not:
The odds a stalker is a former lover: 1 in 7.6
SOURCES: AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating and Sex,” The Great Female Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/yahoo_shine_great_female_survey/part1.html. AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating & Sex,” The Great Male Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/2011_great_male_survey. K Baum, S Catalano, M Rand, Stalking Victimization in the United States, National Crime Victimization Survey, Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report, January 13, 2009.
The Kiss Is the Cutoff
The point at which a man considers his girlfriend to be cheating:
Kissed someone 1 in 1.9
Slept with someone 1 in 5
Danced suggestively with someone 1 in 7.7
Flirted with someone 1 in 12.5
Fantasized about someone 1 in 20
SOURCE: AskMen.com, “Men’s Dating Trends,” The Great Male Sex Survey, 2008 Edition, http://static.askmen.com/specials/2008_great_male_survey/2008_dating_survey.html.
GENDER WARS
The odds a woman says she would cheat on her partner if there was no way he could find out but would feel guilty about it: 1 in 10
For a man: 1 in 5.3
SOURCES: AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating and Sex,” The Great Female Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/yahoo_shine_great_female_survey/part1.html. AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating & Sex,” The Great Male Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/2011_great_male_survey.
$how Me the Money
Financial Worth
SOURCE: AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating & Sex,” The Great Male Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/2011_great_male_survey.
ODDS COUPLE
“Just Friends”
The odds a man will report that he is not comfortable with a partner “friending” her exes on Facebook: 1 in 3.4
The odds a man will report he knows someone who has used the Internet to facilitate cheating: 1 in 3
SOURCE: AskMen.com, “Part I: Dating & Sex,” The Great Male Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/2011_great_male_survey.
The odds an undergraduate student has ever broken up and gotten back together with the same person: 1 in 1.6
SOURCE: Book of Odds estimate based on RM Dailey, A Pfiester, B Jin, G Beck, G Clark, “On-Again/Off-Again Dating Relationships: How Are They Different from Other Dating Relationships?” Personal Relationships, 16(1), March 2009: 23–47.
Why the Breakup?
The odds an undergraduate student in a relationship will report...
his or her last relationship ended because of physical distance: 1 in 5.4
his or her last relationship ended because of unbalanced needs or expectations: 1 in 6.5
his or her last relationship ended because of a third party or external sources: 1 in 7
his or her last relationship ended because of communication problems: 1 in 7.4
his or her last relationship ended because of negative behavior: 1 in 8.6
his or her last relationship ended because of a desire to explore other options: 1 in 9.9
his or her last relationship ended because of a negative change in the relationship: 1 in 10.2
his or her last relationship ended because of a need for independence: 1 in 12.2
his or her last relationship ended because of cheating: 1 in 13.7
his or her last relationship ended because of trust issues: 1 in 28.6
his or her last relationship ended because of lying: 1 in 62.5
Leaving Your Lover
Whose idea was it?
The odds an undergraduate student in a relationship will report...
his or her last relationship ended by a direct dissolution by one partner: 1 in 4.1
his or her last relationship ended with an explanation or justification: 1 in 4.1
his or her last relationship ended mutually: 1 in 6.1
his or her last relationship ended by agreeing to take a break: 1 in 11.5
his or her last relationship ended in conflict from both partners blaming each other: 1 in 14.5
his or her last relationship ended with one partner withdrawing from the relationship: 1 in 16.1
his or her last relationship ended with one partner suggesting that they both date other people: 1 in 25
his or her last relationship ended by both partners drifting apart: 1 in 40
The odds a man will report that he is usually the one to initiate a breakup: 1 in 2.5
The odds a man will report that his breakups are usually a mutual decision: 1 in 2.6
The odds a man will report that his girlfriends are usually the ones to dump him: 1 in 4.6
How was it done?
The odds an undergraduate student in a relationship will report his or her last relationship ended using manipulation, bullying, or third parties: 1 in 111
The odds a woman 18–34 who uses social media will report having used Facebook as a way to break up: 1 in 11.1
The odds a man 18–34 who uses social media will report having used Facebook as a way to break up: 1 in 4.2
The odds a woman 18–34 who uses social media will report having used texting as a way to break up: 1 in 7.1
The odds a man 18–34 who uses social media will report having used texting as a way to break up: 1 in 3.2
Not on my birthday!
The odds a person 18 or older believes the worst time for a breakup is a birthday: 1 in 2.9
The odds a person 18 or older believes the worst time for a breakup is the holiday season: 1 in 3.3
Worst Way
The odds a person 18 or older believes the worst way to break up with someone is through an email at work are 1 in 3.2.
The odds a person 18 or older believes the worst way to break up with someone is through a family member or friend are 1 in 3.7.
SOURCES: RM Dailey, A Pfiester, B Jin, G Beck, G Clark, “On-Again/Off-Again Dating Relationships: How Are They Different from Other Dating Relationships?” Personal Relationships 16(1), March 2009:23–47. AskMen.com, “Men’s Dating Trends,” The Great Male Sex Survey, 2008 Edition, http://static.askmen.com/specials/2008_great_male_survey/2008_dating_survey.html. Oxygen Media Insights Group, “The United States of Facebook,” 2010. Yahoo! Personals, “What Does America Think About Breakups?,” July 2008.
Ouch
An international survey conducted by the market research company Syn
ovate found that 1 in 8.3 cell phone owners had dumped someone via text message. Another survey by SNAP Interactive, makers of an iPhone dating app, surveyed a thousand Facebook users and found that almost 1 in 4 has learned his or her relationship was terminated by seeing the news posted on the social networking site.
SOURCES: K LaCapria, “More Relationships Are Ending Via Facebook, Survey Finds,” SNAP Interactive Survey Results, June 15, 2010, http://www.inquisitr.com/75923/facebook-breakup-survey/. Synovate, “Global Survey Shows Cell Phone is ‘Remote Control’ for Life: 42% of Americans ‘Can’t Live Without It’ and Almost Half Sleep with It Nearby,” Global Cell Phone Survey Results, September 17, 2009, http://www.synovate.com/news/article/2009/09/global-survey-shows-cell-phone-is-remote-control-for-life-42–of-americans-can-t-live-without-it-and-almost-half-sleep-with-it-nearby.html.
Man Up
The odds a man most recently broke up with someone in person: 1 in 1.8
The odds a man has never broken up with someone 1 in 4.8
The odds a man most recently broke up with someone on the phone 1 in 6.3
The odds a man most recently broke up with someone via text message 1 in 14.3
The odds a man most recently broke up with someone via Facebook message 1 in 100
SOURCE: AskMen.com, “Part III: Men in 2011,” The Great Male Survey, 2011 Edition, http://www.askmen.com/specials/2011_great_male_survey.
Getting Over Her
To get over a breakup, the odds a man:
Distracts himself with exercise or hobbies 1 in 1.9
Parties and drinks 1 in 4
Has rebound sex 1 in 4.4
Sleeps with someone else 1 in 7.7
Mopes around the house 1 in 11.1
SOURCE: AskMen.com, “Men’s Dating Trends,” The Great Male Sex Survey, 2008 Edition, http://static.askmen.com/specials/2008_great_male_survey/2008_dating_survey.html.
And Here Come the Tears
The odds a man will report that he has shed tears over a woman when he was alone 1 in 2.8
The odds a man will report that he has shed tears over a woman in front of her 1 in 3.1
SOURCE: Social Issues Research Centre, The Kleenex for Men Crying Report: A Study of Men and Crying, September 30, 2004.
CHAPTER 3
LOVE, MARRIAGE, AND DIVORCE
Love at First Sight
The odds an adult believes in love at first sight: 1 in 1.9
SOURCE: DK Carlson, “Over Half of Americans Believe in Love at First Sight,” Gallup Poll, February 14, 2001, 2000, http://www.gallup.com/poll/2017/Over-Half-Americans-Believe-Love-First-Sight.aspx.
ODDS OF BEING married, single, widowed, or divorced
by race/ethnicity
The odds a white adult…
is married 1 in 1.8
is divorced 1 in 9.6
is widowed 1 in 15.8
is separated 1 in 47.1
has never married 1 in 4.1
The odds a black adult…
is married 1 in 2.9
is divorced 1 in 8.5
is widowed 1 in 15
is separated 1 in 22.6
has never married 1 in 2.3
The odds an Asian adult…
is married 1 in 1.6
is divorced 1 in 22.4
is widowed 1 in 20.5
is separated 1 in 75.8
has never married 1 in 4
The odds a Hispanic adult…
is married 1 in 2
is divorced 1 in 12.2
is widowed 1 in 26.6
is separated 1 in 22.8
has never married 1 in 2.9
SOURCE: US Census Bureau, Current Population Survey Annual Social and Economic Supplement, November 2010.
In 1980, the odds a couple were from different races or ethnicities, no matter when they married, were 1 in 31.3.
In 2010 the odds a couple were from different races or ethnicities, no matter when they married, were 1 in 11.9.
SOURCE: W Wang “The Rise of Intermarriage, Rates Characteristics Vary by Race and Gender,” Social & Demographic Trend, Pew Research Center, February 16, 2012.
The odds a woman believes her relationship is the result of fate: 1 in 1.3
The odds she believes it was pure chance: 1 in 4.6
SOURCE: Yahoo! Personals and TheKnot.com, “Dating Survey: Women on Finding ‘The One.’”
The Power of Love
If there is a measure of love’s power it is perhaps altruism. The odds an adult 30–49 will report he or she would rather suffer than let his or her loved one suffer are 1 in 1.1—that’s 90%. Almost as many would “endure all things” for the sake of the one he or she loves: 1 in 1.3. Even younger people (age 18–29), whom we might expect to be more self-focused, come in at 1 in 1.3 in this extreme measure of devotion. We wouldn’t just endure pain for someone we love—we’d also give up our own heart’s desires. The odds an adult 30–49 will report he or she is willing to sacrifice his or her wishes for his or her loved one’s are 1 in 1.2. Folks 65 and up are even more willing to do so, at 1 in 1.1. Perhaps they’ve grown even more giving. Or maybe they just have fewer dreams left unfulfilled.
SOURCE: JA Davis, TW Smith, PV Marsden, General Social Surveys, 1972–2008 [CUMULATIVE FILE] [Computer file] ICPSR04697 v. 1., Chicago: National Opinion Research Center [producer], 2009; Storrs, CT: Roper Center for Public Opinion Research, University of Connecticut/Ann Arbor, MI: Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research [distributors].
Numbers Tell the Story
Odds of Finding Prince Charming by 30
Almost a Sure Thing?
The odds a woman is married by 30 are 1 in 1.4.
The odds are the same that . . .
A female high school graduate will go to college within a year of graduation
An adult living in North Carolina is a registered voter
An NBA team will score at least 90 points in a game
A divorced female 15–44 will remarry within ten years of the divorce
Maybe Not
The odds a woman is not married by 30 are 1 in 3.5.
The odds are the same that...
A woman has ever suggested her partner lose weight
A person shares his or her last name with 9,999–99,998 people
A person is younger than 21
A female high school student will be the passenger of a drunk driver in a month
SOURCES: Book of Odds estimate based on Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Survey of Family Growth 2006–2008, Public Use Data Files. National Center for Education Statistics, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department of Education. Digest of Education Statistics, 2009. US Census Bureau, “Voting and Registration in the Election of November 2008,” http://www.census.gov/population/wwww/socdemo/voting/cps2008.html. Basketball Reference [Internet]. Sports Reference LLC. http://www.basketball-reference.com/. J Weaver, “What Are Our Dating Pet Peeves?,” Elle/MSNBC.com Sex and Beauty Survey, MSNBC.com, May 5, 2005, http://www.nbcnews.com/id/7736649. US Census Bureau, “Top 1,000 Names.” Book of Odds estimate based on US Census Bureau, Population Estimates Program, http://www.census.gov/popest/estimates.php. DK Eaton, L Kann, S Kinchen, S Shanklin, J Ross, J Hawkins, et al., “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 2009,” Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report 59(SS-5), June 4, 2010.
GENDER WARS
The odds a romance novel reader is female: 1 in 1.1
The odds a romance novel reader is male: 1 in 10.5
SOURCE: Romance Writers of America, “Romance Literature Statistics,” 2009 RWA Readers Survey, May 2009.
Soul Mates?
Can you fall in love with any number of people?
1 in 4.2 adults thinks so—compared to 1 in 1.4 who believes we each have no more than one true love.
SOURCE: DK Carlson, “Over Half of Americans Believe in Love at First Sight,” Gallup Poll, February 14, 2001, http://www.gallup.com/poll/2017/Over-Half-Americans-Believe-Love-First-Sight.aspx.
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Objectum Sexuality
It can be a steam locomotive, an archer’s bow, even the Eiffel Tower—the object of one’s affections can literally be an object, as cherished as any person. Just ask Erika Eiffel, one of the 71% of married adults who report their marriage has lasted because of deep love. We know her spouse as the Eiffel Tower.
Ms. Eiffel is an objectum-sexual, one of a small group of people who love and are attracted to things.
The idea of sincerely loving an object in an emotional and/or physical way has been around for a long time, although it didn’t always have a name. For centuries, schoolchildren have been taught the legend of Pygmalion, an ancient Greek sculptor who fell madly in love with a female figure he’d carved from ivory. He loved her so singularly, the myth goes, and prayed so fervently that the goddess Aphrodite eventually took pity on him and made her flesh. They immediately tied the knot.
Not all objectum-sexuals are interested in matrimony—or having material transformed into flesh. Most find objects sexy as objects; there is hardly any talk of wishing they were human, because many objectophiles are not attracted to humans.
The term “objectum-sexual” (OS) was first coined by Eija-Riitta Eklöf Berliner-Mauer, who may be the first self-declared objectum-sexual of modern times. In 1979, she and the Berlin Wall were “wed,” and her last name reflects her part of the commitment: in German, Berliner-Mauer means “Berlin-Wall.”
Many of us find comfort in taming the unusual by naming it. Some psychologists with this obsession classify OS as an obsession turned paraphilia, defined in the DSM-IV as a sexual feeling/behavior that involves nonhuman or nonconsenting sexual partners. By this criterion, objectum sexuality is a mental disorder—in the same category as pedophilia or bestiality.
Others consider it more of an independent orientation—independent of heterosexuality and homosexuality alike. While there are theories as to how objectum sexuality originates in the psyche (e.g., in autism or childhood abuse), objectophiles simply cast themselves in with the 1 in 1.4 adults who report being in love, regardless of whom—or what—they love.
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