My hands rested to her hip and her ass as I moved slower than normal. A pace where I felt every inch of myself moving within her. A pace where I looked down to watch my honey coated hardness slide in and out of her. Feeling, hearing, and seeing… and then the sweet and sinful scent of the desire attacking me.
So slow.
So fucking intense.
Lauren finally looked at me.
She had a little bit of a confused look on her face.
Which I understood.
I was no longer fucking her.
I was… dammit…
I was making love to her.
* * *
I bent forward and kissed her, so I didn’t have to look her in the eyes.
I tried to kiss her wildly like we always did.
Except she slowed the kissing down.
She somehow twisted her hand and touched my cheek. Her nails didn’t dig at me though. Her fingers pulled, in a loving and needing way.
She rocked her hips back at me with the same slow and thorough pace that I offered her. I couldn’t go faster. I didn’t want to go faster. I wanted every second of this memorized. I wanted every second of this feeling to be locked inside me.
As I kissed her, I fell into the moment.
I balanced myself with my left hand flat to the bed. My right hand touched her chin and turned her head a little bit more. I kissed her so fucking slow I tasted her breath. Her warm, sex laced breath. My tongue exploring her tongue with caring force. The kisses were so slow that when I closed my lips and she closed hers, the sound of our mouths smacking and popping sounded like some stupid cliché kissing couple in a park on a spring day.
Again, I couldn’t stop myself.
And I didn’t stop myself.
I pulled back like the hammer of a gun and fucked forward at her beautiful body, taking myself to the hilt, again and again… and again and again…
I wanted it to last forever.
Forever?
Forever…
That word didn’t exist in my mind.
I broke the kiss and put my lips to her bare shoulder.
I shut my eyes and hissed as the rush hit me.
The unstoppable rush.
My right hand touched her side but slid over to her belly.
It all crashed into me as I crashed into Lauren.
I loved her… I always had and always will…
* * *
She was sound asleep by eight.
She needed it.
The day had been long. And then me bringing her home tired her out even more.
I thought about my place. We hadn’t been there yet. Not that there was much to see. It was the typical bachelor pad kind of place. I used it for sleeping and to keep the beer cold. It wasn’t the right kind of place for a baby though. Or a family.
That shit going through my head was rough.
That wasn’t my style. It wasn’t me.
The whole home and family thing never made sense and never worked.
In the dining room, I saw a small box with the lid open. It only caught my eye because of what was next to the box. It was a little shirt. With buttons at the bottom. What the hell was that called… a onesie? I lifted it up and saw the logo for Lauren’s coffeeshop on the front of the super small piece of clothing. I couldn’t picture a baby that small to fit it.
It struck me hard.
Really fucking hard.
I put the shirt down and swallowed hard.
I looked around the apartment, knowing there were two choices.
Go to the bedroom or go out the front door.
I hated myself as I left the apartment, like I always did. I started my truck and drove away, torn between loving Lauren and realizing what life would be like with her. She was always this geeky girl next door. But she was always pretty. In her own way. Even with those annoying big ass glasses on her face. And those horrible flower dresses her Gram used to make her wear. She always looked out for me. She was always bothering me, trying to pull me away from trouble. And all I would do was pull her into trouble. And we’d meet in the middle in this intense moment of what to do next.
I always knew what I wanted to do next with her.
She was always just so…
My phone buzzed with a text.
It was Jared.
He needed me at the stop.
ASAP
So that’s where I went.
Jared was pacing the first garage with Tristian sitting on a motorcycle with a beer in his hand.
“That fucking order for Vegas never went through,” Jared said.
I hooked my thumbs to the belt loops on my jeans. “What?”
“We lost a big one here, man,” Tristian said.
“Vegas,” Jared said. “He was going to get us a ton of business. You were supposed to set that up.”
“I did what I was supposed to do,” I said. “I showed him what we had and what we could do. If he moved on, that’s on him.”
“It’s on us,” Jared said. “It’s going hurt a little. I can’t get a hold of him. Where the fuck were you today?”
“I had shit to do,” I said.
“Like what? Sucking on Ember’s tits?”
My eyes went wide. “Watch your mouth, Jared.”
“Easy, guys,” Tristian said. “Why don’t we just go out there? Go right to him?”
“You need to get your shit straight,” Jared said.
“What’s that now?” I asked.
“You heard me. You’re trying to balance everything. Pick a fucking spot.”
“Jared,” Tristian said.
“No, no, no,” I said. “Let him say what he wants.”
Jared stood like an animal ready to attack.
“Have at it,” I said.
“You want to be here? Then show up. You want to be buried between the legs of a stripper? Then do it. You want to be a father? Then actually be a fucking father.”
“What’s your point?”
“You can’t have it all,” Jared said. “You think you can, but you can’t.”
“What does this have to do with Vegas?” I asked.
“Maybe nothing. But you need to get your shit together. Once and for all. You can’t leave that woman hanging like that. What are you going to do? Show up once a month during the pregnancy? Then what? Be a part-time father?”
“What the fuck does my personal life have to do with you?” I asked.
“Pick what you want, and fucking do it, Asher,” Jared said. “I’m tired of watching this spiral bullshit with you. You hurt everyone that gets near you. I don’t care about me, Tristian, Jessie, or anyone else. But you got someone pregnant, man. Think about that. You’ve told me shit about your old man. Your family. And now look at you. Doing the same thing.”
I moved at Jared.
“Don’t fucking do it,” Tristian said. He hurried to get off the motorcycle and get between me and Jared. He dropped his beer bottle and it shattered on the floor. “Just don’t”
I tossed Tristian aside.
“Come on,” Jared said. “Try me. Tell me I’m not right.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, I do. You told me about her before. The girl you picked on. You really liked her, huh? You left her alone because you didn’t want her to get hurt. Now look what you did. So, do the right thing.”
“The right thing…”
“Yeah,” Jared said. “Figure it out and do the right thing.”
I was nose to nose with Jared.
“You two are fucking assholes,” Tristian said. “You want to air out bullshit? Do it at a better time. We were supposed to talk about Vegas. Figure out the order…”
“Nothing to figure out,” I said.
I backed away.
“That’s right,” Jared said. “Take off, Asher. Do your thing.”
“You say another word and I’m going to drop you,” I warned.
I walked to my truck and when I started it,
I looked at Jared as he stood there.
Pissed off. Defiant. Stubborn as hell.
The guy - the friend - I confided in.
I needed a drink and needed to forget about everything.
Which would lead me into trouble.
But that was okay.
Letting people down… hurting people… that was my thing.
And for the record, there was only one reason why I didn’t punch Jared.
Because everything Jared said… was right.
22
(Lauren)
NOW
“We have a delivery coming around noon today,” I said to Peggy as she wrestled her way out of her office chair.
“Hey, forget the order,” she said. “Can we chat?”
“Sure.”
Peggy moved by me and paused for a second to touch my belly. She officially deemed the baby her little peanut. She had to touch my belly each time she was close enough to do so. She told me to deal with it, not that I had a problem with it. She made me promise her I wouldn’t have the baby call her Grandma Peggy, because she didn’t want to feel old.
It touched me that she thought of herself as the baby’s grandmother.
Which meant Peggy was like my mother.
Or a mother to me.
The stupid pregnancy hormones made me cry over everything.
Peggy led the way to the front of the cafe where Marissa was waiting with coffee.
I had the sudden sinking feeling that I was at an intervention.
“Are you set on everything you want and need for the baby?” Peggy asked.
“I’m getting there. Slowly.”
“I’ll just say it… has Asher done anything?” Marissa asked.
I held my coffee mug tight. I read that caffeine wasn’t good to have while pregnant, so I went from drinking coffee all day to sipping it a little here and there.
“What does… I mean…”
“We’re not worried about you,” Peggy said. “I mean that in a good way. You’re strong enough to do anything on your own. It’s just…”
“He needs to shit or get off the pot,” Marissa said.
“That’s one way of putting it,” Peggy said.
“No,” I said. “This is my life. My business. You two can’t do this…”
“We don’t want you hurt,” Marissa said. “You’re strong, like Peggy said, but sometimes-”
“I have nobody else right now,” I said. “And what I do is my business. Okay? Look at me. I’m pregnant. No other guy is going to want me. At least right now. I wouldn’t want anyone to touch me either. So, I do what works for me.”
“What about your heart?” Marissa asked.
I laughed. “My life is about this baby right now. And will be for a long time. Once he or she is born, then Asher can figure himself out.”
“That’s a tough road,” Peggy said.
“You think I don’t know that?” I asked.
I refused to cry.
“Shit,” Marissa said. “We’re not trying to attack you, Lauren. This is coming off wrong. You just haven’t talked about it. I mean, how you feel. Anything with Asher. So, it’s just…”
“Please don’t hold anything in,” Peggy said. “Especially to us.”
“Okay,” I said. “I love him. I’m in love with Asher. I was in love with him when I was a kid and I am now. And back then it was confusing and weird and… I don’t know. It was a crush. Or something more. I don’t know. But when I saw him again, it was… real. He is real. There was never anyone else but Asher. As dumb as that sounds.”
“It’s not dumb,” Peggy said. She put an arm around me. “I want to smack him in the mouth though.”
“Stand in line,” I said.
Marissa sighed. “Why are the hot ones always douchebags?”
“Amen,” Peggy said.
I laughed… then cried a little.
* * *
I sat on my bed with my laptop looking at apartments.
Peggy suggested looking at a house, but that felt… so grown up.
Yet I was pregnant.
I owned a business.
What wasn’t grown up about that?
I scrolled from apartments to houses, looking up mortgage calculators, and looking at tax rates and all kinds of numbers stuff.
It was exhausting and stressful.
I found an apartment I liked.
And a house I liked.
Buying a house felt like a family thing though.
Something I would do with my…
Asher.
I sighed.
I shut the laptop and put my head down on my pillow.
I fell asleep until my phone started ringing.
Normally I put it on silent mode, but I crashed at eight. Pregnancy made me want to sleep earlier and sleep longer.
It was one in the morning and Asher was calling.
Calling?
I hurried to take the call.
“Asher, are you okay?”
“Um, this isn’t Asher,” a woman’s voice said.
Her voice was light and fluffy, cute or something like that. In the background there was a muffled thumping sound. Maybe music.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“Uh, sorry to bother you. I know you’re… uh… pregnant and everything…”
“What the fuck do you want?” I growled.
“Asher is drunk and about to get himself into trouble. All he wants is you. Can you come get him?”
I asked where he was and the answer shouldn’t have surprised me, but it hurt.
He was at a strip club.
* * *
I was pregnant, in a strip club.
This was my life.
A bouncer and another guy were with Asher as he barely stood up.
Someone touched my arm and I jumped, ready to swing.
“Hey, sorry, it’s me.”
“What?” I asked.
“Oh, damn. I’m Ember. I called you.”
I looked her up and down.
She was wearing strings. Nothing but strings. Strings that barely covered anything.
My anger rose up and I wanted to scream.
“Did you fuck him?” I asked.
“What? No. He made it clear… oh, shit… he’s with you.”
“With me?” I asked.
“That’s what he told everyone.”
“When?”
“A long time ago,” Ember said. “He said he met up with a girl he used to have a thing for. And it was getting serious. That you were pregnant.”
“So why the fuck does he still come here?” I growled.
“He stopped for a while. It’s only been the last few nights. He gets really drunk and wants to talk about you.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel.
So, this meant Asher kept his promise to not be with anyone but me.
But still… he was drunk. In a strip club.
“I think he loves you,” Ember said.
“Great,” I said.
How typical of Asher. Instead of just telling me he loved me, he had a half-naked woman with glitter on her cheeks and red eye shadow tell it to me.
I walked away from Ember and walked up to Asher.
He looked at me and blinked fast. “Lauren.”
“Asher,” I said.
“Oh, shit, sweetheart. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I want to-”
I wound up and punched him in the mouth.
I looked at the bouncer. “Are you going throw me out?”
“Hell no,” the bouncer said. “I think I might hire you.”
“Shit,” the other guy said. “Let me get him to your car.”
“My car?” I asked.
“He’s not coming home with me,” the guy said. “He wants you.”
“Who the hell are you?”
“I’m Tristian,” he said. “I’m trying to keep his ass out of the fire.”
“It looks a little charred to me,” I said.
“I’l
l help get him into the car,” the bouncer said.
“And what do I do when I get him home?” I asked.
“Leave him there,” Tristian said.
I shook my head.
I had no choice.
I sure as hell didn’t want him sleeping at a damn strip club.
So, they carried Asher to my car.
Of course, Ember had to follow.
“You look really pretty, by the way,” she said to me. “And I hope you’re really happy. You look like you’re going to be a great mother.”
“Thanks,” I said. “This is the life I’ve always dreamed of.”
“Me too,” Ember said with a wink.
Asher was in the back of my car and I drove him home.
I couldn’t believe he had a stripper tell me he loved me. Then he told me himself, while he was dead drunk.
When we got back to my place, I told him he could either sleep in the car or walk his ass up the steps.
It took him a little while to get up the steps.
And when we were inside my apartment, I pushed him against a wall.
“Are you going to puke?” I asked.
“I never puke from drinking,” he said. “And I never get a hangover. Ever.”
His eyes were suddenly clear.
“Do you really love me, Asher?” I asked.
“I really do,” he whispered.
“Fuck,” I said.
I loved him too, but I wasn’t going to admit it just yet.
I grabbed his hand and led him stumbling to the bedroom.
We got into my bed and I hated myself for cuddling up next to him the way I did.
I was about two seconds away from reality and kicking him out of the bed.
I would kick his ass in the morning though.
Tonight, I wanted to be held.
And just when I thought I was losing my mind, Asher kissed the top of my head.
Then he whispered, “And I love our baby too.”
23
(Asher)
NOW
My rules in life were pretty simple.
I never got sick while drinking.
I never got a hangover the next day.
And I never would fall in love, no matter how good the night was.
LUCKY KISS Page 11