Protective Love (Hidden Secrets)

by P. J. Belden

  Kayla nodded her head, and I took her hand and led her inside. She walked toward the den and stopped outside the door. I squeezed her hand to let her know I was right here with her. She looked up at me and tried to smile, but didn’t quite pull it off.

  She walked in slowly. The den had a couple of couches and chairs around a fireplace, and bookshelves lining the walls along one side. In the corner, near double doors that went out to the backyard, Cara lay on a dog bed. Glancing at Kayla, I could already see she was crying. Her feet finally started moving, carrying her over to Cara’s bed before she knelt down beside her, talking to her softly.

  Now, I was no vet, but Cara barely responded and even I knew that couldn’t be good. I knelt down next to Kayla and wrapped my arm around her.

  “I know you are worried and scared right now, but you need to bring the vet in you forward. What do we need to do to help her?” I softly asked.

  “Um, I need… I need…” she stuttered.

  “Just do it Kay. Don’t talk about it, just do it.”

  She did. She looked over Cara, checked her vitals, stuck her with a needle to draw blood, and then performed a ton of other diagnostic tests that I couldn’t even begin to understand. She was finishing up, while her mom talked to me about how Kayla was doing. My eyes never left Kayla. If she was going to break down, I wanted to make sure I was there for her.

  Once Kayla was finished, she told her mom, she couldn’t stay that she had to get the stuff to the clinic right away to find out what was going on. In the amount of time it took to take a deep breath, we were back on the road and headed to the clinic.

  She had me go to her office. I looked around her office while she worked. I looked out the sliding glass doors and watched all the dogs out there playing, and thought about how things had reached that point. As much as I was afraid of history repeating itself, Kayla was different, and I knew it. When I was around her, pasts didn’t matter – it was the way we were together. I had never been one to enjoy kissing. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, but it was personal and meant for a personal connection, whereas to me, it was a natural need being fulfilled. Call me crazy, but that was how I viewed it. With Kayla, I could kiss her all the time and never get tired or have less of a reaction to her.

  Don’t get me wrong, I was a man and would have loved nothing more than to make love to her, but I knew she wasn’t ready for that, and I was okay with it. Kissing her was just that amazing and satisfying.

  I was beginning to worry that I was falling in too deep and was going to end up being broken in the end. Even knowing that was a possibility, I couldn’t stop myself from going there. It was to the point that I knew that my feelings were stronger than what I was willing to admit. I wasn’t ready to admit it yet, either. It was there, but I wouldn’t let myself say it or acknowledge it, because then I would be choosing my path with no turning back. There were just a few wild cards that needed to be played before I laid my hand down.

  Something told me that no matter what, Kayla was sent to me for a reason. It didn’t matter at that point. All that mattered was how I felt with her and getting that psycho pervert off her back so she could smile and enjoy life again.

  Seeing her laughing and having a good time on game night was an enjoyable experience. Then Alex blew in and sent her into a panic attack. My body tensed and my heart ached with thoughts of her nightmare the previous night. I didn’t think I would ever forget that moment. Sleeping sitting up with my head laid on the back of the couch was not the most comfortable position, and my neck still hurt, but holding her just felt right. I loved the feel of her in my arms. When she started crying again in the morning, it scared me to the core.

  How will she ever break free of those nightmares?

  “You seem pretty lost in thought. Everything okay?”

  Kayla’s voice broke into my thoughts.

  “Everything’s perfect now,” I said, smiling at her. “How’s Cara’s tests going?”

  “I won’t know anything for a little while. If you want to go, you can. You don’t have to stay here.”

  “Actually, since you are going to be here a while, I need to go to your apartment. The new bed is being delivered today.” I looked at my watch. “In fact, it’ll be there within the next hour. You sure you don’t want to come? We could have lunch.”

  She seemed to think about it for a moment and then smiled.

  “Sure, but can we eat at my place. I just don’t like being out in public places. I promise I can come up with something just as good as any restaurant could serve.”

  “I agree only on one condition. I am going to cook your lunch. After all, you cooked supper.”

  She agreed and we headed to her place. We were about halfway home when I realized that she used the phrase ‘my place.’ She hadn’t used that phrase before. I smiled, hoping that it was because she felt like she was getting a little more control back in her life.

  “What are you wanting to eat? Should I stop at the store?”

  “No, believe me, I have plenty there. You can surely cook up something.”

  She grinned at me.

  I loved the new side of her. I loved seeing her happy. It somehow made me feel better about everything.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ~KAYLA~

  When we got back, I thought about helping him, but then I remembered that he had put a note on my old bed. I excused myself and walked down the hall. I stood in front of my door for a moment. It was like a foreign object to me. I just couldn’t get out of my head what had happened in there. It was the reason I moved so many times, because I couldn’t get the bad out of my head. It was easier to just pick up and move, then try and deal with it. But frankly, I was tired of moving. I was tired of running. It was time to face shit and deal with it.

  I’m not fucking weak! This fucking prick is not taking any more of my life away!

  With that final pep talk from myself, I stormed into my bedroom and over to my bed. Once I knew it wasn’t something that Alex had done, I was able to focus what Jason did for me. My breath caught in my throat.

  The bed was made beautifully, flower petals spread across the bed and a note rested against the pillows.

  Where did he get the flowers from?

  I reached for the letter. My hands were shaking and I wasn’t sure why. I already knew where we stood, but something about reading this letter that was written before we got to that point scared me.

  Sunshine,

  I am sure that this will be hard to believe or even see at this point in your life, but you are the strongest person I have ever met. I cannot imagine trying to carry on with my life after suffering as much as you have. You have not only carried on, but you have excelled. You are an amazing vet, cook, and a person. Whatever you think you may have lost from his attacks, you haven’t.

  When I look at you, I lose myself. Your beauty drags me in and your personality keeps me there. I have never met someone as beautiful as you are. I cannot stop thinking about you. You’re on my mind from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep, and then you are in my dreams.

  Soon, sunshine, I will get this asshole out of your life, and you will never have to look over your shoulder again. I hope that when I do, somewhere in your life is room for me. Things in my past have not been all rainbows and unicorns either, and I lost faith in anyone, but especially women. You have brought me out of that, but only with you.

  I have felt lost to the world around me, and suddenly one day the sun shone bright in my life. You lit up every dark space inside me, and for the first time (yes, even after a week) I see a future. I see hope. I see you, Kayla. You make me a better person.

  One day you will see what I see in you. One day you will come out of your shell and the world will see your light. I want to be by your side on that day, helping you shine brighter than you ever have.

  You deserve the world, and one day you will have the moon, too. Stay strong, and remember: he only controls what you let him. You can be free b
efore he’s even caught. Be free Kayla, and I will protect you every step of your journey.

  Yours,

  Jason

  Tears slipped down my cheeks on the final words of his letter, and I sat on the bed.

  P.S. One day, I might be worthy of you. One day I hope to be the reason for your happiness because you are mine.

  I held the letter to my chest and I closed my eyes.

  How could he see those things in me and know my past? My present?

  There was nothing that I could offer someone like Jason. He was confident, knew where he wanted to be, and wasn’t afraid to go for anything.

  “How could he want me?” I whispered.

  “Because you are exactly what I had once envisioned as my dream woman.”

  I jumped and screamed.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I had been calling you.”

  He sat on the bed next to me. Suddenly things seemed different in the room. They always changed when he was around me.

  “I could tell you what I see and how I feel, but you’re not ready to hear it. When you’re ready, I will be here waiting to tell you everything I see and feel.”

  He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips.

  “They’re here with the new bed, and lunch is ready.”

  I nodded my head, and we walked back out to the living area after stripping the bed of its linens.

  I was shocked to see what he made for lunch. Looking up at him and smiling, I nodded to the bowl on the table.

  He shrugged.

  “I was going to make something better, but then they called saying they were almost here, so I decided on something quick and easy, but still good.”

  “It’s okay, really. I love grilled chicken salad. Thank You.”

  By the time we had finished our salads, the company had set up the new bed and hauled away the old one. When I walked into my room, I was completely speechless. I stared at Jason, dumbfounded. He shrugged.

  “I didn’t think the bed you had before was really you. This bed seems like you more. I wanted to make you happy.”

  “I have always wanted a sleigh bed. It completely transforms the room,” I whispered.

  The reason I never purchased one came back to haunt me. As if sensing the change in my demeanor, Jason took his shoes off and jumped up on the bed. He grabbed a pillow and tossed it at me, then picked up one for himself.

  “Come on, get up here loser. First one to knock the other down makes the bed and dinner.”

  I grinned widely at him. He knew me too well already. I slipped my shoes off and jumped up on the bed. I got the first hit.

  Time passed with each of us hitting the other, and the horrible memory in that room soon melted away, being replaced by the fun memory. It no longer seemed dark and suffocating in there.

  One final hit and Jason fell to the bed, knocking me down with him. We laughed as he held me in his arms.

  “Does that count as a tie, or did I lose?” he panted.

  “You lost buddy.”

  I yawned, and Jason did too.

  “Why don’t we take a nap? It has been one long day.”

  I nodded my head, and when he started to get up, I wrapped my arm around his waist.

  “S-stay, please.”

  He cuddled back into me, and I laid my head on his chest. I sighed contently, and soon slipped off to sleep.

  No, my bedroom was no longer haunting. It was filled with a new memory I planned to keep with me for as long as I could. Thanks to Jason, I was slowly getting my life back.

  Waking up, I felt odd again, and it took a moment to remember why. Jason was curled around me holding me tightly. I could feel his breath against my hair. I smiled to myself, loving the feeling of him wrapped around me, holding me, protecting me. I nestled deeper into his hold and his arms tightened around.

  “You awake Sunshine?”

  “No.”

  He laughed softly into my neck. He tightened his arms around me again and pulled me closer to him, burying his face in my neck.

  “This is the best way to sleep. Having you in my arms, even for a nap, is the best sleep ever.”

  “At least one of got some sleep. I thought I was going to be sucked into your mouth.”

  He laughed and started tickling me.

  “Stop. Stop. I can’t breathe.”

  I rolled over to my back and stared up at Jason’s beautiful face as he lay propped up on his elbow looking down at me. He slowly leaned down and waited for my approval before taking my lips with his. The kiss deepened and intensified. He rolled over top of me and pressed his hips into me. For the first time, I didn’t tense up. I relished the feeling. Shockingly, I found myself raising my hips to meet his.

  He moaned and pushed his hips into me again. I tipped my head back and he moved his kisses down my neck and up to my ear. He was breathing heavily as he sucked my earlobe into his mouth.

  “Ah!”

  “God baby…” He breathed before taking my mouth again.

  He moved his hand up to my breast, running his thumb over my nipple.

  “Oh God…” I breathed.

  A foreign feeling started to take over me. I didn’t know what it was, so I panicked.

  “Stop… stop. Jason, please.”

  He stopped and pulled back, looking down at me with worry on his face. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself down. I felt the bed shift, then Jason pulled me up and into his lap.

  “Kay, it’s okay. Calm down. What happened?”

  “I just… this feeling… I…”

  “Did I do something wrong? Did I do something you didn’t like?”

  “N-no I don’t think so. I just got this feeling that I’ve never felt before…”

  I looked down, and he held me tighter.

  “I think I know what may have happened, but Kay - thank you for stopping me when you got uncomfortable.”

  I looked up at him.

  “You’re not mad?”

  “No baby, I’m not. I won’t lie to you, I was enjoying it, but Kayla…” he lifted my head to look into my eyes. “I wouldn’t enjoy it if I knew you weren’t.”

  We sat there for a few minutes just holding each other. I cleared my throat. I wanted to know what had happened.

  “Um, Jason?”

  “Yeah, Sunshine?”

  “What, um, do you, uh, think happened?”

  He took a deep breath.

  “Baby, I don’t know what you were feeling for sure, but I think you might have been about to have an orgasm.”

  “Oh.”

  We sat there for a little while longer and I realized that my room was mine again. I had Jason to thank for that. He truly was giving me my life back.

  We eventually got up and went out to the living room to find Mary and Nate cuddling on the couch. It seemed I might not have been the only one falling for a detective.

  We settled into a comfortable routine after that. I didn’t ask any more about the letter, and he didn’t say anything else about it. He followed me to and from work during the week, and he was at my place on the weekends. I was actually comfortable with him there; it was nicer - safer. We didn’t share a bed again after that. I think both of us were taking temptation away until I was ready.

  Before we knew it, several weeks had passed. I was still afraid of when Alex would come back. By then, he was surely healed from Carson’s attack. I’d had a rough couple of days after seeing the photos and knowing that he was taunting the police the whole time. It was like I was some kind of bait, and it made me feel cheap and like trash. Jason helped me pull out of that funk, and I was so grateful for him.

  Our routine continued with him following me to and from work. He said he just wanted to make sure I made it okay. It was a routine that we were used to, and it was comforting.

  The day was no different from any other day as he followed me home from work. There was a note on the counter that Nate and Mary had gone grocery shopping. Jason had held my hand fro
m the car and smiled at me before letting it go and sitting on the couch. I checked the messages on my machine and then walked over and sat down next to him.

  “How was work?”

  “I had a couple of surgeries today, seemed like a million checkups, and some training. I had to ask a couple to surrender their dog because they neglected it so much that if they had waited a few hours longer he would have died. It didn’t go well; it never does. People like that view animals as property, not as beings capable of feelings.”

  Jason pulled my feet in his lap and began to massage my feet. I couldn’t stop the moan from coming out.

  “Did they surrender their pet?”

  “That’s the thing, when I approached him, he said that he paid money for the dog and he belonged to him. He told me if I took him, then I needed to pay him what he paid as well as the money I’d be causing him to lose. He didn’t care about the animal at all. He cared about the money he would bring in from him.”

  “Was he fighting the dog?”

  I tipped my head back and enjoyed the foot massage I was getting. It was a wonderful feeling, and he was definitely good at it.

  “I think so. I’m just judging by the wounds, past and present. I’m also assuming he lost a match and was punished for it, because there were wounds that look like whip markings and he was extremely emaciated.”

  “You know, we’ve recently set up a task force to stop them. If you have pictures and all that, we might be able to find where the rings are and set up some kind of bust to bring the ring down. It could save a lot of dogs that way.”

  My head shot up and I met his eyes.

  “Really? I didn’t think that law enforcement did anything about that stuff anymore with budget cuts and what not. I will get the files together. I have several I suspect, but cannot fully prove, but if you look at the wounds, it looks to me like fighting marks.”

  I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice. The dog fighting had really gotten out of control the past few years, and I was amazed that there was enough in the police budget for them to have a task force.