by Mei Silk
Sara closed her eyes, and thought that she must have been dreaming. Such extraordinary romances didn’t happen in real life. When did she start dreaming? Did she fall asleep right after dinner? Or was the whole camping trip a dream? Maybe she had dreamed up Mateo in the first place? Could she still be in Oregon? Still being married to that guy whose name she didn’t want to recall? With those thoughts tumbling around in her mind, she drifted off to sleep.
* * *
Mateo studied Sara’s face. He couldn’t believe it. Here he was, fifteen years later, holding Yingying in his arms. He’d told her how long he had been waiting for her, and she remembered him. He was a little worried, though. Now that she knew who he had been, would it change their relationship? Would she treat him as a boyfriend, or would she push him away?
“Sara, please don’t leave me again,” he whispered as he tightened his hold on her.
Chapter 17
The next morning, they woke early with the rising sun. The valley was immersed in a gorgeous golden light. Because of extra staffing over the weekend, Mateo decided to skip the camp activities and spend time with Sara. After breakfast, they hiked in the mountains until noon. And then took the returning van after lunch.
In the van, Sara sat next to Mateo, just as she had wished for on her way to the camp. She felt so happy and so in love. Yes, in love. She leaned her head against Mateo’s strong arm when she felt drowsy. She wished she could always have that strong arm next to her, every day of her life, whenever she needed it. Its firm presence assured her that everything would be okay.
She had always craved for such an assurance from a man, but had never been able to attain it. None of the guys that she had gone out with in college had showed any signs of reliability. They were either indecisive, or changeable. None of them knew exactly what they wanted to be after college. At first, Bill had attracted her as a guy who knew what he wanted, and wanted only one thing in his life: to do math. She had mistaken age for maturity. But later, his possessiveness and obsession brought endless anxiety to her life. His mood was unpredictable. She’d never felt safe when she was with him. She had always worried about what she had done wrong and what he’d criticize her about. Over dinner when they exchanged anecdotes of their days, he would become moody or suddenly throw a plate on the floor and tell her to shut up.
“What’s wrong?” She heard Mateo’s gentle voice in her ear.
“Nothing.” She opened her eyes.
“Why are you crying?”
“I am? Oh, I didn’t realize. But I’m okay.” She fumbled in her bag to find a Kleenex, but he offered her his arm again.
“Just use my shirt.”
She chuckled and pressed her eyes against his shirt.
Mateo held her waist and pulled her to him. Then, completely unaware of passengers around them, he kissed her hair and her temple.
“Sara,” he whispered to her ear.
“Yes?” Sara was bewildered by his sudden passion.
“Marry me.”
Sara’s cheeks burned at that unexpected proposal. She quickly glanced around, and finding no one else was looking at them, she laughed nervously. “You can’t joke about a thing like that.”
“I’m not joking,” he said quickly.
“Yes, you are.” She put her head on his arm and closed her eyes, pretending to sleep.
* * *
They hadn’t spoken another word before the van reached the parking lot of the Y. Mateo wanted to clear the air of discomfort that hung between them. His proposal had been bad timing. He knew that, but he hadn’t been able to stop the words coming out of his mouth. He hadn’t really expected her to say yes. After all, she’d been quite shocked last night when he had bombarded her with his feelings. He’d have to wait for her to be ready. She didn’t even think of him as her boyfriend, yet. But he wasn’t a patient man. He wanted to know how she felt about him. He wanted her to be with him forever, and he wanted her to know that.
“Let me take you home,” Mateo said to her as soon as they got out of the van, hoping they could talk on the drive.
But Sara quickly refused him. “I can’t leave my car here. I need it to go to work tomorrow. And besides, you must be tired. Go home, shower and rest, little boy.”
“Little boy?” He grimaced as he pulled her to him. “I thought I had become a big boy.”
He lowered his lips to hers, but Sara turned away before he could kiss her on her lips.
“You haven’t.” She studied his face, and he wondered what she was seeing. “In my eyes, you’ll always be the little boy that clung to me in the camp.”
“Clung to you?” His voice was entreating. “Oh, Sara. How can you make it sound so childish? I hope you’re not letting the past influence your present feelings for me . . .”
“No, I’m not,” Sara said weakly before turning away. “I’m just trying to reconcile, no, disassociate the past and present images of you.”
“Okay,” Mateo said in a raspy voice, “I hope you’ll succeed soon. And call me when you do!”
* * *
As soon as she was alone in her car, Sara attempted to sort out her entangled thoughts. This affair with Mateo had developed on its own course, without her control. The unexpected emotions and proposal from Mateo were like a sweet bomb. She was bewildered and overcome by the explosion.
A gorgeous guy had been in love with her for fifteen years and asked her to marry him? How often did that happen to anyone? And what was she going to do about it from now on? She had, up to last night, been treating him as an irresistible temptation. She had yielded to it, but didn’t dare wish the affair would last. And now, all of a sudden, she was facing the possibility that it was going to be a relationship, a serious one. After all, he had waited for a long time. She was unprepared for such a relationship. She wasn’t ready to have any serious, long-term relationship at all. What was she supposed to do? Perhaps she needed to keep a distance between them. It wouldn’t do. It just sounded too unreal. She didn’t want to expect too much and get hurt at the end. Feeling happy and confused at the same time, she reached the conclusion that she would keep a cool head and treat the matter with passivity. After all, she was very different from the person that Mateo had remembered, and he might change his attitude towards her before long. She thought Mateo was perfect, but she didn’t know much about men. They could be unfathomable. Bill had been fine in the beginning and then he’d showed his true nature. Mateo was reliable and trustworthy now, but what if he changed later on? She couldn’t wait to get home. An herbal bath would help her to relax. The weekend had been too exciting. She had to put those matters aside and prepare for next week’s coursework.
As Sara got out of the garage and walked towards her unit, an ominous feeling possessed her. She hoped nothing bad had happened to her yard again. She hadn’t gotten a chance to get a lock for her gate yet.
The yard looked fine. There weren’t any sign of trampling or digging. The roses were blooming again. She sighed with relief and headed towards the front door.
But as she unlocked the door something, didn’t feel right—the upper lock was already unlocked. She tried to recall the moment she had left the house the previous day. She had left in a hurry, in order to catch the van that left at six o’clock in the morning. She had probably forgotten to lock it or hadn’t turned the lock right.
As soon as she got inside, she dropped into the sofa and shouted happily. She really felt ten years younger, no, fifteen. Making love under a starlit sky, oh, it did feel good. She wished she had done it fifteen years before. If it weren’t because of Mateo, that was. How could this be possible? Again, she thought about the whole impossible matter. A few minutes later, she decided to quit thinking and got up.
She glanced around, and noted that there was indeed something wrong in her apartment.
The window was open too widely. She had a habit of leaving the window open a crack when she wasn’t home, but not that wide. Had she been that careless? She shook her he
ad. As she got closer to it, she realized the screen was not put on properly. The rotating tab on top was not locked in place. Had someone come in through the window? The idea frightened her, but she pulled herself together and rejected that idea. Not possible. It might have been this way for a while and she just hadn’t noticed it. That was it. She began to examine objects in the house. The place didn’t seem to have been ransacked. Everything was in its right place.
Taking an umbrella from the closet for a weapon, she walked nervously up the stairs.
Again, everything looked just the same as it had been the moment she left: the laptop, which was the most valuable item in the house, was sitting on the desk. Nothing seemed to have been moved or touched, all the drawers were closed. The wardrobe door was closed—and that wasn’t right. She had a habit of leaving it open just a crack because it often felt stuffy inside.
Alarmed, she clutched the doorknob and inhaled deeply. Her legs wobbled for a moment, but she discarded the idea of anyone hiding in her closet. Why would anyone hide in her wardrobe? If a thief had come in, then he would have come in during the night and would have left already, right? She pushed the wardrobe door open and turned on the light, then exhaled deeply. No one was hiding inside.
Sara leaned against the wall to steady herself. Her legs were trembling and her heart was beating violently. Taking a few deep breaths, she calmed herself and burst out laughing. What had happened to her? The camp had made her paranoid, for sure.
Then, as she had planned, she drew a lavender bath for herself.
Before getting into the bath, Mateo called but she didn’t answer. She needed to get him out of her mind for at least a second, and talking to him wouldn’t help. Then she smiled as she got into the bath. They had parted less than half an hour ago, and he was already calling her. He was very impatient. Just like a young man. He was so young, so gorgeous. She trembled whenever she remembered his face. She had to stop thinking about him. She needed to relax. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. But it was no use, Mateo’s voice kept ringing in her ear.
“You’re the brightest star in the galaxy.”
“I’ve never forgotten you, Sara.”
“Marry me, Sara.”
Marriage was a serious thing. She couldn’t consider it simply because of physical attraction. She had to consider practicality. She had made a mistake by losing her head over some guy with a brilliant mind, only to find out later that he was as insane as Hitler.
But Mateo was different. True or not, she wanted to believe it desperately. Mateo was sweet, caring, and absolutely sane. But how could she be sure when her mind was befuddled by the glorious sex? No, not marriage. She’d call him tomorrow and tell him. She was happy with their current relationship and would like it to stay that way. Yes, she would tell him that.
Chapter 18
Sara started up from her bed the next morning and walked right into the wardrobe. She flipped through the clothes on the rack. Her favorite light-weight jacket that she always wore in the morning was not there. She had the habit of hanging it on top of other clothes, so she could grab it with ease every day. She hadn’t realized it wasn’t there when she’d checked her closet the previous day.
Fear again crept over her, but she tamped it down. Instead of looking for it and upsetting herself more, she grabbed another jacket and went down for breakfast.
While she was having cereal, the phone rang. Sara’s heart sank when she saw the number on caller ID: Portland, Jessica.
“Hi Jessica, how are you?”
“I’m fine. Where have you been? I called you a dozen times over the weekend.”
“Oh I–I was, uh . . .”
“Never mind. Did you get my message?”
“Your message? No, there was no message on the machine.”
“Really? That was weird. I thought I heard the beep. Anyway, listen, I have something to tell you regarding Bill.”
“What happened?”
“It turns out that he isn’t in Portland at all. In fact, he might be in California.”
“What?” Sara dropped the spoon in her hand and spilled milk all over her. “Isn’t he doing an independent study with someone?”
“He is. But they’re doing it online and over the phone. The student he’s working with told me the other day.”
“And he told you that Bill was in California?”
“Yes. He said he was spending the summer in Fresno, at his uncle’s farm.”
“Oh God,” Sara murmured. Her hands were cold and sweaty. She couldn’t speak for a few seconds.
“Are you all right, Sara?” She could hear the worry in Jessica’s voice.
“I think Bill was here. I wasn’t home Saturday night. I think he got in. He might still be here.” She froze at the thought of Bill being in her house.
“Don’t worry, Sara. I’m here. If he did anything to you, I would call the police. He wouldn’t be as stupid as that.”
Sara took a deep breath and calmed herself down. “I’m sure he isn’t around. I checked every corner of the house carefully. And besides, he could’ve done whatever he wanted to me when I was asleep last night.”
“What are you going to do now? Are you going to call the police?” Jessica asked.
“Probably, although I don’t think it’ll help. Remember in Portland, they wouldn’t do anything about it until he actually grabbed me on the street? I don’t even know where he’s staying right now.”
“I wish you hadn’t dropped the charge against him.”
“I couldn’t do otherwise. He was going to lose everything, including his job. He’d be completely ruined if he lost his teaching position at the university. And he was begging me. He promised me he would leave me alone.” Sara paused and then said cheerfully, “You know what? Let’s hope that it isn’t him. Someone might have broken into my house, but left when they didn’t find anything of value.”
“I hope so. But you should still call the police and stay with your dad for a while, probably until the end of summer. He should be back to teach in fall.”
“Yes, I will do that. Thanks, Jessica.”
“No problem. Call me whenever you need me. And take care of yourself. And don’t get too stressed. Bill is crazy, but he hasn’t lost his mind yet.”
Hasn’t lost his mind yet. Sara thought over that last line from Jessica as he put down the receiver. In Sara’s mind, Bill was pretty insane. She checked the answering machine again and didn’t find any messages. Had Bill been in her house and deleted her messages? The thought horrified her. If that were the case, then Bill knew she was aware of his presence near her, and that meant he could do something really crazy pretty soon.
She shook her head to clear it of the thought. It was eight-thirty and she had about an hour before her class began. Should she go to the police before or after her class? After, she decided without hesitation. Students always came before her personal matters. Her class had another midterm today, and she wanted to make sure that they would have enough time to do it. In fact, she had to be there early. She would go to the police station after work, and for now she would pack some clothes to stay at her dad’s house.
* * *
“Hi, Dad!” Sara called as she stepped inside the flower shop in the afternoon. To her surprise, her father wasn’t alone. Teresa was with him. The two of them were working on a basket together.
“Sara, honey. What’s up? Why are you here?” Her father seemed surprised to see her there.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Hi, Teresa. Am I interrupting?”
“No, not at all!” Teresa stood up and came to Sara. “How are you, Sara? Good to see you again. Did you enjoy the camp? Mateo told me that you were there.”
Sara blushed. What else had Mateo told his mom?
“I had a good time. Thanks to Mateo.”
“Oh, I’m glad to hear that. Would you like to have some chicken empanadas? I made them this morning.” She went over to the table in the back of the store and brought over a lunch b
ox.
“Great. I haven’t had time for lunch.”
“They’re quite good,” Derek said. “Very much like the guozai we make over the New Year.”
“I know, Dad, I had them at Teresa’s house.” Sara said, and practically swallowed the first one she put in her mouth. “Yum.” She gave Teresa a thumbs up.
After she had eaten half of the dozen empanadas, Sara asked Derek, “Dad, can I stay at your house tonight?”
“Of course, what’s wrong?” Derek looked at her in surprise.
Sara looked at Teresa and hesitated for a moment. She trusted Teresa, but she wasn’t ready to reveal her personal problems to her. Besides, she didn’t want Mateo to know about Bill yet.
It seemed like Teresa had the same gift Mateo had of reading minds, because she stood up, ready to leave. “It’s time for me to go home.”
“I’m sorry, Teresa, I don’t mean to be rude, it’s just that . . .” Sara tried to explain.
“Don’t worry about it, Sara. Derek, thank you for letting me make the basket. I really enjoyed it. I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time.” Teresa waved at them as she made her way to the door.
“All right. Call me if you can’t make it.” Derek waved back.
As soon as Teresa left, Sara sighed. “Dad, I think Bill is after me again.”
“What? How come?”
Sara told her dad about the incidents that had happened in the past month, and the phone call from Jessica in the morning.
“Did you report it to the police?”
“I did. Just came from there. But there isn’t anything they can do yet. I can’t be sure that he’s been to my house.”
“Could they at least check whether he’s in LA?”
“That’s what I asked them. They said they would try.”
* * *
After closing the shop, Sara and her father drove to his house and had just sat down to dinner when the doorbell rang.