by L. B. Dunbar
But that other boat might have been closer than I thought and a ripple of waves counteracted the waves that flowed under my skis. Feeling myself lose control, I wobbled as my skis separated at odd angles, then crossed each other. I couldn’t get them uncrossed, panicked, and dropped the line only to go face first into the water.
Being underwater is a peaceful experience when swimming. The weightlessness. The feeling of moving effortlessly. The sensation of floating, almost like flying, as you sail through the water. But falling into water can be frightening and my bearings were easily turned upside down as swirls of white bubbles surrounded me, and the ski jacket seemed to make any attempts to move more cumbersome. My arms were flailing and my legs kicked frantically at the shock of cold water pressing on me. All I could see was murky brown water swirling around me.
Suddenly I was yanked upward and gasped for air as I broke the surface of the water. I knew someone was behind me, but I was too busy choking on water to know who it was.
“I’ve got you,” that familiar voice said, sounding strained.
“I’m okay,” I coughed. “Did you see me? I was awesome.” The adrenaline rushed through me before the shock took over.
“Oh, I saw you. Awesome isn’t how I would describe it.” He reached around me, gripping the life jacket to spin me to face him.
“Holy shit. Are you okay?” Jess’ dripping fingers touched my head.
“Ouch.” He pulled away his hand to reveal bright red blood and I gingerly touched my forehead above my left eye. More red blood mixed with my wet fingertips.
“Oh, God.”
“Please tell me you don’t faint at the sight of blood?” Jess looked panicked. He began swimming in a backwards motion, pulling me by the front of the jacket.
“I’m fine. How bad does it look?”
“Bad. Bad-ass, actually.”
“Funny.”
“Holy crap. You scared the hell out of him.” Tom laughed as Jess helped me into the boat and with shaky hands removed my jacket. As soon as I was free, he pulled me into an embrace before pushing back enough to exam the wound with his eyes. He still held me tightly pressed against his wet chest.
“I’ve never heard him scream like that. Turned pure white and practically threw himself into the air,” Tom continued. I felt all eyes on us, and I tried to move out of Jess’ hold, saying I was fine.
“That doesn’t look fine, sister,” Tom laughed. “Well, you look fine, in a different sort of way, of course.” My wet bathing suit clung to me and revealed how cold I was. Jess grabbed a towel and wrapped me up, forcing me to sit down. He took another towel, leaned over the edge of the boat to wet it, and pressed the cold compress to my head. He had his arm around the back of me and his other hand was holding the too-large wet towel. I felt ridiculous.
“I got it,” I said, reaching up to pull the towel away to see how much I was bleeding.
“Head wounds always bleed the most,” Tom yelled over the boat engine. We had picked up speed as we travelled across the lake. “We’ll have Mom take a look at you.”
I watched Katie over Jess’ shoulder. She was gripping the back of the passenger seat so hard her tan knuckles were white.
“I’m okay,” I said in Katie’s direction and motioned for her to sit next to me. Jess still had his arm around me and I placed an arm around Katie when she sat down. For a brief second, I thought Katie might sit between Jess and me, but she didn’t. Pulling her up close to my side, I kissed her wet hair. In an attempt to distract the girl, I spoke.
“You know what tomorrow is, right?”
Katie looked at me, questioning.
“Night of the fire in the sky. Remember?”
Katie stared at me as dawning broke on her face.
“What?” Jess interjected.
“Night of the fire in the sky,” I repeated.
“Sounds like something spooky.”
“Nope. Not spooky. Magical. Right, Katie?”
Katie didn’t look so sure.
“I REALLY THINK you should see a doctor, but I know the clinic is closing early today. I can give you these bandage strips to hold it together, but you might have a scar without proper stitches. Being on the face, you might want to consider stitches. Don’t want anything to be mucking up that beauty.” Mrs. Carter pinched the skin back together and applied a second butterfly strip.
“She’d be beautiful no matter what,” Jess mumbled as he stood behind me. I raised an eyebrow and Mrs. Carter frowned.
“Hold still. Jess, get the girl some dry clothes. Head wounds are serious and you’ll need to watch yourself. Waking up every two hours. Any dizziness, nausea, vomiting, seek a doctor immediately. Got it?”
“Got it, Mrs. Carter.”
“Please, call me Mary. Jess, take her home for a while. Relax for a bit, honey, okay?” She patted my arm. When she left the kitchen to put away the first aid supplies, I told Jess I didn’t need dry clothes, just a ride home. When we arrived at my house, I thanked him for the day and exited the truck alone. Suddenly, Jess was walking around the vehicle.
“I’m coming in.”
“Jess, really, you don’t have to. I’m fine. I’m just going to rest for a bit.”
“No resting without supervision.” He followed me into the house and up to my room. There I paused before grabbing a change of clothes from the dresser.
“I’d like to shower, if you don’t mind. I’ll just be a few minutes.”
When I returned to the bedroom, Jess was stretched out on the bed with his eyes closed. I thought he was sleeping and quietly stepped around the four posters to climb in next to him. He opened his eyes as soon as I knelt on the mattress.
“You are beautiful.” I stopped in my crouched position, looking like an animal ready to attack her victim, frozen before the pounce. Wet hair fell from my shoulders and my tank top dipped to reveal a bit of breast. I smiled at Jess.
“So are you.”
“Come here,” he said in that low tone of his, and I finished my crawl to place my head on the pillow next to him. We faced each other and he gently drew a circle around my bandage.
“How do you feel?”
“It’s sore and I’m tired, but it will be okay.”
“I never finished my apology today.”
“Ah, Jess, you don’t have to…”
“No, I do,” he cut me off. “I need to know that you understand where I’m coming from. I’m a single dad in a small town working two jobs. I have a great, but pushy family, and I would never trade Katie for anything, but sometimes, just sometimes, I want something to be about me, Jess, and not us, Jess and Katie. Does that sound terrible? Does it sound selfish?”
“It sounds human, Jess,” I spoke softly.
“I know you’re going soon. And I understand – home, work, probably friends waiting. You’re free to do as you please.” His voice was sad. “I don’t have that freedom, and I’m not complaining, but I need you to understand that when your freedom takes you away, there will be someone left in the wake.” He was tracing a pattern around my eye, down my cheekbone, and over to my mouth.
“I know, Jess. I do.”
“It’s not just Katie,” he whispered.
“Jess, it won’t affect just Katie and you, but me as well.” My heart was breaking and I leaned over to kiss him softly. It was tender and tentative as I pressed against his warm lips. I bit his bottom lip gently, then sucked it to soothe the bite. He sighed softly and I moved closer. Placing my hands on his chest to push him backwards, I continued the kiss as I straddled his body. We were matched up in between my legs and I intensified the kiss, feeling almost desperate. Jess stilled my face and pulled back.
“Just lie here with me.”
I looked into his denim blue eyes questioning him before I slid to my side and wrapped myself around him, similar to how we slept the night of Nana’s funeral. He had his arm under me and gently played with my hair, tugging it to lay down my back. I felt the rhythm of his heartbeat thro
ugh his t-shirt and the slowing of his breathing and I realized he had fallen asleep. I closed my eyes as well.
While dining, it is inappropriate to put your elbows on the table. Hands should remain in your lap until necessary for eating or drinking. Only cut what you will eat and never gulp your beverage. Chew slowly, swallow quietly.
“Matters of Manner,” 1956
FRIDAY NIGHT WAS Beer Tent Night for the adults. Jess woke me before he headed to his own home to shower and change. Since I needed to fix my hair, I showered again to let it air dry in waves. I thought again about clubbing in Chicago, and how I would spend time blowing my hair dry, then straightening it. Since I had been up north, I had taken on a more au natural approach to myself. I would have had on a tight mini skirt or short maxi dress for Chicago, but tonight I put on the chocolate brown halter dress that I wore to the concert. I knew I’d be overdressed for an outdoor beer tent, but I wanted to look pretty – plain and simple. I downplayed the dress with flat sandals and wore my hair in a wavy ponytail down my back. Jess said he would come back and meet me, but I knew it would look like we were on a date and I wasn’t sure if he wanted people to get that impression. Of course only a few nights ago we’d publicly danced in the street during the River Walk, but still.
I decided to walk into town toward the beach as it was only three blocks away. I felt guilty that I had not spent much time on the lakefront since Nana passed away. I walked down there in the early mornings or the late afternoon in the first few weeks after my arrival in town, but now most days I just sat in the back yard in an old woven lawn lounger with my computer, reading or working. As teenagers, Rosie and I would spend endless hours at the beach, lying in the sun and swimming in the cold water of Lake Michigan, and I vaguely remembered times with my mother at the beach as well. Talking. Our mother was very talkative yet I couldn’t recall what we’d discussed. Girl stuff, I supposed.
I could hear the upbeat band music as I approached the hill above the beach. It sounded like country music, which made me laugh to myself. It was definitely not night club music. I was pleasantly surprised when I neared the white canvas tent to see the sides rolled up to allow for air and strings of white bulbs illuminating the space. The lighting was cozy and comfortable despite the brightness. The sun was still setting over the water and the sky was fuchsia pink and bright orange mixed with light, melting-butter yellow. Sometimes I found myself surprised at how beautiful the lake could be.
Jess wasn’t in the tent and I thought I would be self-conscience arriving alone. Thankfully, Tom, Ethan, and a few of their friends were present and waved me over as soon as they saw me.
“Over here, Emily,” Tom waved. He handed me a beer in a red plastic cup. “No wine. It’s a beeeeer tent.” He emphasized the word with a laugh and I wondered how many he’d already had. Before I had two sips of beer, a new song was being played and I recognized the tune as a currently popular Irish folk song. The energetic atmosphere was catching and despite a slight headache from my cut, I was swaying to the music.
“Wanna dance?” Ethan Scott, Tom’s brother-in-law, asked me and I accepted the offer.
“Oh boy. He’s a player, Emily. Watch out for him,” Tom called behind us. Ethan was a good looking guy with dark curly hair that hit his neck in a longer style that was popular now. He had deep, dark eyes, an infectious smile, and was an excellent dancer. I felt content dancing with him, a word I wouldn’t have thought to describe myself, but I also realized again how much I missed Chicago and the night life. I let myself move to the rhythm of the music but was suddenly faced by George Carpenter, who seemed to come out of nowhere to cut into my dance with Ethan. I turned around to see Ethan walking away with a wave to stay, and I noticed Jess enter the beer tent at the same time. I toned down my eager dance moves while George stood before me, watching me hungrily, making me nervous, and I felt trapped into dancing with him when the music switched tempo to something slower.
“Wow. You look delicious,” George said with a purr in his voice.
I bit my bottom lip. “Um. Thank you?”
“Whoa, what happened to your head? Did he do that?” Anger in his voice, George stopped dancing abruptly.
“No, of course, not,” I answered quizzically. I reached up instinctively and touched the bandage strips. “I hit my head water skiing today.”
“With him?”
“George.”
The awkwardness was building again between us, just like the other night at River Walk.
“I wish you hadn’t rushed out of town a week ago. Clubbing in Detroit would have been better than this.” George motioned with his eyes toward the ceiling.
“I like it,” I said looking around. “It’s…fun.”
George laughed as he pulled me closer. “You’re funny. So how is the packing going?”
“What packing?”
“You know, yours. When are you headed home?”
“Um, I’m still undecided at the moment.” I didn’t feel the need to tell George I would be leaving in a few days. It wasn’t a subject I wanted to come up tonight in front of everyone else. I looked over George’s shoulder in the direction of Tom, Jess, and their friends who happened to be looking in the direction of George and me. I knew I needed to tell Jess, but not tonight.
“I see,” George said with disappointment.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He spun me so I had my back to Jess.
“I owe you an apology for storming off the other night.”
“Yeah, things sure got weird there. No apology needed, though.”
When the dance ended, I stepped back quickly and thanked George as I turned in the direction of Tom’s table.
“Where are you going?” He grabbed my upper arm roughly.
I stopped and looked up at George’s brown eyes.
“I’m returning to my seat. Thank you again for the dance, George.” I pulled my arm away quickly and again turned my body in the direction of the table in time to make eye contact with Jess standing next to Tom. He stood perfectly still while his brother talked into his ear. Jess’ eyes were hardened dark blue bordering on steel grey and his jaw was clenching up and down in a rapid rhythm. It was a look I hadn’t seen in a while.
I walked swiftly toward Tom’s table, stumbling over a chair leg in my speed, and almost knocking a beer out of someone’s hand. I apologized quickly and continued to the back of the tent, nervous because of the look on Jess’ face.
“Hello,” I said cautiously, trying to sound casual.
Jess just nodded his head at me. His gaze was on George who approached behind me.
“Hey everyone,” George said cheerfully.
I sat down and George sat in the seat next to me, draping an arm around the back of my folding chair. Tom was on my left at the end of the table and Jess took a chair opposite me. A few other people filled the chairs around the side where Jess sat, and more of their friends milled behind him. I leaned forward, placing my elbows on the table to rest, moving me away from George’s arm on my chair. The air within the tent was very stuffy even with the flaps pulled up, but the tension at our table was a hundred degrees warmer.
“Heard Emily was down in your neck of the woods the other day,” Tom said to break the tension.
“Yeah, I tried to convince her to stay with me, but she said she needed to get back up here for something.”
Tom addressed me. “Well, I’m so honored my party took a priority for you, Em,” he said using the nickname familiar only to my older sister, Rosie.
“Any time,” I smiled and suddenly knew I meant it. I would do anything for this family. I tried to make light of the situation and clicked my plastic cup against Tom’s in a mock cheers. Jess still said nothing.
“Yes, well, Emily will be heading home soon. Maybe I’ll visit her there,” George mentioned and rubbed his hand lightly against my shoulder. I wondered why he was talking about me in the third person as if I wasn’t sitting right next to him. I didn’t respond to G
eorge’s comments as I was staring at Jess, trying to hold his eye contact.
“I love this song,” George said as he stood up and held out his hand toward me. “Come dance,” he said, but it was more like a demand.
I didn’t drop my gaze from Jess.
“Emily?” George said firmly.
“George, I think I’ll sit this one out. Thank you though.” I leaned further forward on the table and crossed my arms.
George looked down at me.
“I see,” he said in the same tone he’d used on the dance floor. “He can’t offer you anything more than he offered her, Emily.” George’s implication of Debbie made Jess jump up and reach across the table. Tom grabbed for Jess’ arms, shielding him with his own body. I stood as well and placed my hands in the air between the two men.
“That’s enough, George. I think it’s time for you to leave. Now!” I demanded.
“You don’t know what you’re missing out on. Just like her.” George looked me up and down. “At least you’re already out of here, Emily. You don’t belong here.” Despite my anger at George, his words hurt. I had the sense I didn’t belong, but I didn’t need George to remind me. I could not be a part of this simple life. I could not be a part of the life of the family around me. I wasn’t from here, but I suddenly felt I couldn’t go home either. I put my hands down and George softened his voice.
“Walk away, Emily. Don’t let him suck you in.” He addressed me directly, not looking anywhere but at me, and his eyes pleaded with me.
Jess was really struggling in Tom’s arms.
“I’m gonna let him loose in another second, George, if you don’t get your ass out of here.”
I felt sorry for George. He had been an awkward teenager and was just as much out of place in this small town as I was. When an opportunity to get out arose to leave, he would have taken the most beautiful, most desired girl with him. The only thing I knew about Debbie Swartz was all she cared about was getting out of here, but George Carpenter still wasn’t good enough then. Through whatever dreams Jess didn’t fulfill for his ex-wife, she still never went to George. I felt sorry for him, but not sorry enough.