She let out a harsh puff of breath and revoked her one-way pass to Pity Town. She didn’t have time to visit there. Tonight, when she lay her head on the pillow, that’s when she’d let herself go and hit up all her favorite places: The Why Me Store. This Can’t Be My Life Shop. Feeling Sorry For Yourself Boutique. She was a regular customer at all three emotional destinations. But she only visited after the boys were in bed. When her responsibilities were taken care of for the day.
With renewed determination to pull herself together, she hummed as she headed up the stairs to fold and disperse the clean clothes. Sometimes it fooled her mind into thinking she was happy. If she sang or if she hummed, her mood instantly lifted no matter how much her life was imploding around her.
She hadn’t made it to the third step or finished the chorus of Bruno Mars’ “Finesse” when she heard a loud knock at the door. The unexpected sound caused her to jump and the basket fell from her hands in a start and the freshly cleaned clothes scattered on the steps that hadn’t been vacuumed in…she didn’t remember how long.
Staring down at the T-shirts, socks, and boxer briefs she made an executive decision. The thought of doing another load of laundry today was just too much to bear. So, enacting the five-second rule she quickly scooped up the T-shirts, socks, and boxer briefs.
The open-up-it’s-the-police knock came again and she set the white plastic basket on the landing as she turned toward the front door. Her stomach churned in dread. The last three unexpected visitors had all come to tell her of some trouble KJ had been involved in.
“What now?” Her shoulders dropped as she walked to the door, feeling much like she was walking the plank.
Patrick still had some good friends in this town, namely Deputy Sheriff Ethan Steele, who tried his best to keep KJ out of serious trouble. But the boy was blowing through his Get Out of Jail Free cards, and she knew that it was just a matter of time before her nephew did something that even Ethan couldn’t help him out of.
Knowing that she couldn’t face the bearer of bad news with a defeated attitude, she closed her eyes and took a deep, fortifying breath as she turned the knob and opened the door. She was glad she had, because when she opened the door, all of the oxygen in her lungs was sucked out.
She blinked twice in shock, not believing what she was seeing. On her porch stood the only man—other than her brother—that she’d ever depended on. The only man she’d ever loved and the one and only man to ever break her heart. The man whose name she hadn’t even been able to utter for the past eighteen months. The man who shared legal custody of her nephews but had disappeared off the face of the earth and left her to pick up all the pieces. The man who also happened to be the sexiest, hottest, most infuriatingly charming man she’d ever known.
Kade Jameson McKnight.
The sun was backlighting him like some kind of angel except she knew different. If he had a halo, there were horns holding it up.
Her vision went as hazy as a bathroom mirror after a hot shower but the first thing that came into focus were two deep sea-green eyes staring at her beneath a bed of dark lashes that she knew kissed his cheek when his lids were closed. As the fog dissipated, she noticed that his thick, dark hair was a little longer and more unruly than he normally wore it. And there was a significant amount of stubble covering his square jaw giving him a bad boy edge, not that he needed any help in that category.
He wore a faded black cotton shirt that molded to his Adonis chest like he was shrink-wrapped in it. His jeans were faded and worn in all the right places. Black boots and a leather wristband that he’d worn since she’d given it to him at sixteen completed the holy-hotness package. Slung over his shoulder was a large gym bag, which she knew was his idea of luggage.
When the entire picture became clear her mind short-circuited. Her arms and legs began shaking like leaves. Her lungs were trying to take in oxygen but she felt like there was none to be had. And her mind was spinning like a top on an ice rink.
She didn’t know if she wanted to hit him or hug him. Or both.
In an effort to play it cool, she tried to sound detached and unimpressed at his arrival as she asked, “What are you doing here?”
Her question sparked a smile that spread on his handsome face and the sight caused her heart to leap in her chest as a wave of tingles spread through her from head to toe.
Ali didn’t understand how she could both love someone and hate them at the same time. But there was no doubt…she did.
CHAPTER 2
The moment Ali opened the front door, Kade knew that déjà vu was real. He was transported back in time. It was fifteen years earlier, and he was standing at the same front door. Ali had wild hairs falling around her face and her large honey-colored eyes were staring up at him like she was looking at a ghost.
Kade’s youth had been spent—or more accurately misspent—doing very reckless, very stupid things. He could’ve easily killed himself or others on any given night. On one particular balmy summer evening up at the lake, he’d gotten shitfaced and then decided to get on his motorcycle and go for a joyride. It hadn’t ended well. He’d made it about ten miles outside of Whisper Lake before he’d gone over a steep embankment off Highway 6 that ran along Whisper River and totaled his bike. Miraculously, he was able to walk away from it.
In his inebriated state, he started down a road that he thought led back to town. Spoiler: it didn’t. He’d walked along it for hours before sobering up enough to realize that he’d been walking away from Whisper Lake. During the time he was on his drunken pilgrimage, unbeknownst to him, his bike had been discovered and news spread fast in the small town. From the condition and location of the bike, the general consensus was there was no way he would’ve survived the crash and it was assumed that he’d ended up in the river.
By the time he got back to town, it was in the early hours of the morning. Not wanting to face his dad who he knew would berate him, or worse, for the wreck, he’d gone directly to the Walsh’s house to tell Patrick what a dumbass he’d been and that his bike was totaled. But instead of his best friend opening the door, it was Ali. Her hair was piled up on her head and her cheeks were tear stained. When she’d seen him she’d gone white as a sheet. It had taken her a few beats to process him standing in front of her, alive, but once she did, she threw her arms around him and held onto him for dear life. She sobbed against his shoulder for a few minutes then socked him in his chest—repeatedly—and made him promise never to die and scare her like that again.
That was a memory that he’d carry with him and treasure until he finally did take his last breath. He was seventeen at the time and it was the first time in his life he’d truly felt loved and valued. His father certainly never engendered either of those emotions and he barely remembered his mom who left when he was five.
Today, Kade knew Ali’s dumbstruck expression was not because she’d thought she’d seen a ghost, it was because he’d ghosted from her life. And his for that matter, for the past eighteen months. Other than setting up financial support for the boys he’d been completely MIA. It hadn’t been fair to her or the twins, but it had been necessary. He had to put the oxygen mask on himself before he could save anyone else.
This time there were no hugs or tears. Just a cold and impersonal, “What are you doing here?”
Ali was obviously not happy to see him but the feeling was not mutual. The sound of her voice, even if it conveyed a not-so-friendly tone, put a smile on his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled. The past year and a half had been the worst of his life and considering his childhood that was quite a fucking achievement.
“Can I come in?” His throat was dry, due both to the hours he’d just spent riding and the woman standing before him.
“No.” Her response was weak and came out in a whisper.
The Allison Walsh he knew was a force of nature. A spitfire. A wild child.
The woman that he saw standing in front of him now looked like a shell of th
at person. Her sunken cheeks, the hauntingly dark circles beneath her eyes, and her skeleton-like frame told him that she hadn’t been sleeping or eating.
Guilt punched him simultaneously in the gut and the chest with the same impact as hitting the ground when he’d fallen off the roof of the Walsh’s house after attempting to walk the roofline drunk.
He couldn’t catch his breath.
He’d had the wind knocked out of him more times than he could count but those had all been due to a physical blow. This was the first time he’d experienced it due to an emotional blow. This was his fault.
“Uncle Kade?”
Ali cursed beneath her breath as her shoulders dropped in defeat and she hung her head.
Kade’s eyes found Ricky’s and once again he was struck by déjà vu. Ricky had always favored Patrick but now he was the spitting image of his dad. He felt like his mind was playing tricks on him. Logically, he knew that he was looking at Ricky, not Patrick at age thirteen, but his emotions weren’t convinced.
A large lump lodged in his throat as he tried to pull himself together. He missed the man that might not have been his brother but was more family to him than anyone he shared DNA with.
Ali sighed as she stepped back, opened the door and extended her arm in a reluctant invitation. He knew that her change of heart to grant him entry had to do with her nephew and not him, but hey, beggars couldn’t be choosers. As much as he would’ve loved to have had a warm welcome, he knew that’s not what he deserved.
He set his bag down just inside the entry. It landed with a soft thud on the tiled floor and he stepped into the living room and pulled Ricky into a hug. “Damn, you got tall.”
Kade was six-three so Ricky had to be pushing six feet. Since the last time he’d seen him he had to have grown at least four inches. He remembered that he and Patrick had both hit growth spurts around his age, too.
“What are you doing here?” The question sounded much friendlier coming from Ricky than it had from Allison.
“I’m here to see you and your brother.” And your aunt.
He kept the last part to himself. It was the last thing that she’d want to hear and he hadn’t been hit since he stepped out of the cage after his last and final fight over a year ago, he didn’t want to break one of the largest streaks of non-violence that he’d ever had in his life and if he’d finished his thought, he was fairly certain he would’ve got a right jab to the jaw.
He knew that Ali could land a punch…because he’d taught her.
“How have you been?” Kade ruffled Ricky’s hair.
“Good.” Ricky grinned.
“Uncle Kade?!” KJ shouted as he ran down the stairs. “I didn’t know you were coming!”
“No one did,” Ali mumbled quietly.
He hugged KJ, who’d grown as tall as Ricky but favored his mom’s coloring with dark hair and green eyes.
“Are you here for my project?” KJ asked expectantly.
Kade inwardly cringed at the mention of the project. He was no role model and he hated the idea of KJ writing about him as his hero.
“I’m just here to see you guys.” He was there to do a lot more than that, but he figured it was best to keep it simple for now, especially since he wanted to keep his no-violence streak going.
Before any more questions could be posed, the doorbell rang three times in succession followed by two sharp knocks. KJ’s eyes grew large and he shook his head as he took a few steps back. Beside him, Ali and Ricky turned to face each other and rock-paper-scissored silently. Roshambo was a Walsh tradition.
After three pounds of their fists to their palm Ali kept her hand in a fist and Ricky flattened his. Since paper beats rock Ricky shrugged in apology as Ali’s head fell back and an exasperated sigh fell from her lips.
With an exaggerated eye roll she turned on her heel and crossed to the front door, inhaling through her nose before opening it. “Hi, Presley.” Ali’s voice was cheery but her body language was telling another story. Her shoulders were practically touching her ears. “KJ is busy doing homework and then he has jiu-jitsu, so now is not a great time.”
From where Kade stood, his view of the visitor was blocked, so he leaned back and peeked between the blinds of the front window. A cute blonde girl stood on the porch.
Ali exchanged pleasantries with Presley for a minute before shutting the door and returning to the living room and pointing her finger directly at KJ. “That’s the last time I’m covering for you. She’s a nice girl.”
“She’s annoying,” KJ dismissed rudely.
Her eyes shut for a brief second before she continued, “She’s a nice girl and if you don’t want to see her when she comes over, then you need to tell her. Your brother and I are done lying for you.”
“Whatever. I didn’t ask you to lie for me,” KJ shot back in a tone that would’ve gotten Kade knocked out if he’d dared speak to his father like that.
He didn’t agree with his dad’s parenting style, but he did believe in speaking to people with respect. His instinct was to tell the kid not to speak to his aunt like that, but it wasn’t his place. He hadn’t earned that right. Yet. But he planned to.
For now, he figured it was best to try and alleviate the tension.
“Listen, I’m sorry I missed your guys’ birthday.” Kade bent down and unzipped his bag. “I’ve got something for you.”
He straightened and handed the twins the newest Xbox and Playstation, neither of which had been released yet. He’d called in a favor from an actor who had shadowed him to prepare for a role on a feature film who also voiced several video game characters.
The boys’ eyes grew almost as big as their heads as each one took a console.
“And here’s some games.” He hadn’t gift wrapped the consoles but he had wrapped the games. He was pulling them out of his bag when Ali moved close to him, her body pressed against his arm. The soft swell of her breast was unmistakable and his dick stirred beneath the zipper of his jeans.
“Kitchen. Now,” she hissed next to his ear before announcing loudly. “I’m going to finish making dinner.”
She walked into the kitchen and he handed the games to the twins. “Do you guys know how to set these up?”
They both shot him a pitiful glance.
Of course they did.
The boys grabbed their gifts and headed down to the basement.
“You coming?” KJ asked as he glanced over his shoulder and held the door open.
“I’ll be down in a few minutes.” He had to go face the music first.
KJ nodded and then disappeared down the stairs with his brother. A pang strummed in his chest. Seeing the boys going down there, each holding a box in their arms, made him feel like he was Ebenezer Scrooge on the journey of Christmas past.
The twins reminded him so much of himself and Patrick. Fuck. He missed his best friend. It had taken him a long time to accept a world without Patrick in it. He’d thought he had, but seeing the boys was testing his resolve.
Grief was such a tame word to describe what he felt. It seemed so benign when the experience was agonizing. Torture. Devastation.
A clatter of something hitting the floor snapped him out of his depressing reverie and back to the present.
He walked around the corner and through the dining room and stopped at the entryway to the kitchen.
Ali was picking up several pans as she cursed beneath her breath. She looked so small and vulnerable in the center of the large, out-of-date kitchen. Her hands were shaking and she dropped a lid as she tried to balance everything and stand.
His first instinct was to pick her up and hold her in his arms, but since he’d like to have children someday, he figured that wasn’t a good idea. If he tried to touch Ali right now he was fairly certain she would knee him in his baby maker.
Since that was off the table he did the next best thing. He started to bend down and help but she swatted his hand away.
“Don’t,” she snapped as she scooped up th
e fallen dishware and tossed them in the sink.
She turned back toward him and the look on her face nearly killed him. Holding up both hands in front of her with her palms facing him, she spoke with heartbreaking conviction. “You can’t do this.”
“Do what?” He figured she didn’t mean help her pick up dishes.
“This.” Her arms flailed in the air. “Show up unannounced and hand out expensive gifts like fucking Santa Claus. It’s not fair. You can’t just waltz back into our lives like nothing happened.”
“I know.” He’d debated for several days on what the best way would be to do this. Finally, he’d landed on the rip the Band-Aid off method. He was hoping for fast and painless but that didn’t seem to be how it was working out.
“If you know, then what the hell are you doing here?”
“I meant that I know it’s not fair.”
Her brow furrowed and it seemed possible he’d just pissed her off more. She lowered her arms and he saw her hands fist at her sides as she took a deep breath. “Where the hell have you been?”
Kade’s heart was beating so fast and so hard that he was half expecting it to crash out of his chest like the Kool-Aid Man as he stared at the one person that meant more to him than any other. He’d known this moment was coming and he thought he’d been ready for it. He’d rehearsed what he’d say so many times that he’d actually been concerned that he wouldn’t sound sincere. But now that the moment was here the words weren’t coming to his brain. “I was—”
“No!” She lifted her hand, halting his explanation. “Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter where you were. Want to know why? Because you weren’t here. You didn’t call. You didn’t—”
“I’m sorry, Ali,” he said lamely.
It wasn’t enough. He knew it wasn’t even in the parking lot of the ballpark of being enough, but it was true.
Whisper of Love Page 2