by Ruby Dixon
“I know you will.” But she doesn’t look like she believes it herself. Her hands flutter over my vest and she still won’t look me in the eye. “I’ll um, start.”
I wait quietly. I scarcely dare to breathe, because I’m afraid that if I make a sudden movement, she will be gone, utterly terrified.
She takes a few deep gulping breaths. Her gaze flicks to my face, and then she grabs the sides of my jaw and pulls my face to hers. Her lips mash against mine. Stunned, I don’t move, and I feel her tongue flick against the tight seam of my mouth.
And I’m lost.
Chapter Six
SALUKH
I open my mouth to allow her tongue to slide in and it flicks against mine. It’s smooth and silky, just like her skin, and I groan. The feel is like nothing I imagined. My eyes close with the wonder of it all. Her weight on my cock and combined with the feel of her tongue flicking into my mouth? I will stroke my cock to this moment for the rest of my life.
Her mouth moves against mine and her tongue strokes deep. Her body presses against mine and I can’t resist touching her. I grab her arms and hold her so I can mate my mouth with hers. This is what I have dreamed of. Now, I demand of my khui. Resonate now. Claim her as ours.
She stiffens in my arms and jerks backward. “No!” Her hands claw at my skin frantically, and she’s desperate to get away.
I release her, shocked at her violent reaction. That wasn’t what I wanted at all. I…I thought she was enjoying herself as I was.
Tee-fah-nee flings my hands off of her and curls her arms around herself, hunching over and shuddering.
I want to touch her and reassure her, but I dare not. “I…I did not mean—“
“It’s not you,” she says, and I can hear the tears in her voice, even though I cannot see her face. It is hidden behind her glorious hair. “It’s me. It’s all me. I’m broken.”
“You are perfect,” I tell her, my voice husky with disappointment and anguish for her. My mate hurts and I don’t know how to fix it. Never have I felt so helpless, so hopeless. To think that just moments ago I was begging my khui to claim her. Now I am relieved it is silent. Giving in to its call now would be nothing short of what the others took from her.
I will never take unless Tee-fah-nee gives.
“You still think I am perfect after all this?” She looks up at me, and tears slide down her lovely cheeks. I long to brush them away, but my hands remain at my sides.
I nod. How could I ever think less of her? How can she think that? “Nothing will ever change my mind. You are strong simply for trying. You are perfect just as you are.”
Her face crumples and she flings herself forward into my lap again, her arms going around my neck. Her head burrows against my neck and she sobs bitterly against me.
And I let her.
This has all gone terribly wrong. I was so eager for this, but now I feel nothing but regret. My poor Tee-fah-nee. She has worried she has disappointed me, and all I feel is anger for those that touched her without permission, who gave her these mental wounds that I cannot bring to the healer. So she cries, and I let her cling to me like a baby metlak. I am careful not to touch her, because I don’t want to set her off again. Her weeping makes my chest ache. I wish I could fix this for her.
Her hands dig into my hair and she wets my neck with her tears. Her boots dig into my legs but I do not move, because I do not want to scare her. She could pull a knife out and shove it into my gut and I would flex a single muscle. I am hers to abuse in this moment.
I am hers entirely.
Tee-fah-nee’s sobs die down to soft hiccups, and she still burrows against me. I feel her fragile body shiver against mine, and my hands twitch with the need to hold her and comfort her. “May I touch you?” I ask, my voice low and husky. “Just to comfort?”
I feel her nod against my shoulder.
Gently, I slide a hand to the center of her back. She stiffens against me, but when I make no further moves, she relaxes little by little. Her body leans into mine again, and I simply hold her. It is a pleasure simply to touch her even as this, to feel her warmth against mine. I did not realize how much I hunger for her until this moment. Not being near her is like starvation to my spirit.
When her shuddering slows, I move my hand up and down her back, stroking it as I would a kit. I held my little sister Farli when she was nothing but a tiny, squalling kit. I know how to comfort with a gentle touch, though I would do so much more for Tee-fah-nee if she would let me. My hand glides up and down her back, lightly rubbing. You are safe, I tell her without words. No one shall ever hurt you again.
Eventually, her tears stop wetting my shoulder. She gives a little sigh and I feel her cheek press against my skin. “I’m sorry, Salukh.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for, sweet one.” I stroke her back slowly, my movements even and easy to keep her from panicking. For the moment, it is pleasure enough that she lets me touch her. “Your fear will fade with time. I am a patient male and content to wait.”
She gives a small, hiccupy laugh. “Most guys wouldn’t say something like that.”
“Most are fools.” I am happy with where I am. She has ceased her heartbreaking weeping, her body is warm against mine, and if I angle my head, I can take in the scent of her hair. Truly, I feel as if I am the luckiest male alive to even have this opportunity.
Tee-fah-nee just sighs again and makes no move to get up. I am content to hold her, and when her breathing evens out, I realize she’s fallen into an exhausted slumber on my chest. She has worn herself out with her worry and her tears.
And even though today has not turned out as I wished, I am pleased that my future mate feels comfortable enough in my presence to fall asleep. It is something. Not much, but something.
TIFFANY
Warmth surrounds me. The blanket I lie on feels soft against my cheek, but it’s lumpy and hard underneath. I don’t want to move, though, because I feel protected for the first time since landing on this planet. Strange that a big warm blanket will do that for me. I keep my eyes closed even as I shift, determined to slide back into delicious sleep.
Except I can feel something hard between my spread legs.
Then, I remember where I am. I’m not in my nest of furs in the cave I share with Josie. I’m in a tiny anonymous cave away from the others, and I’m straddling Salukh.
Correction: I’m straddling Salukh after I cried all over him when he touched me.
God, I’m such an asshole.
I feel terrible. Well, sort of. I also feel really loose and relaxed, and I don’t want to get up. I still feel protected and his big hand is on my back, slowly rubbing. I don’t know how long I’ve been out, but it’s the first good sleep I’ve had in a while. There were no dreams. Zero. I’m so relieved.
I’m so sitting right on top of his boner.
“Should I get up?” I ask him. It’s hard for me not to notice his hard-on when I’m straddling it.
“If you like.” He doesn’t stop stroking my back. Nor does he try to do anything else. It’s like he’s content to simply hold me.
It’s…nice. Really nice. I’m no longer freaking out, either. It’s like all the anxiety that built up overnight exploded in a torrent of tears and all that’s left is me, kind of boneless and content. “Are you uncomfortable?”
“No. I like you here.”
“I’m really sorry about the kiss.” I mentally wince, even as I curl my hands against his vest and snuggle in against his chest. The softness I’m feeling? It’s not his clothing but his skin. He feels like velvety suede. I knew the sa-khui had a downy layer of light fur on their bodies from a passing touch or two, but it feels different when you graze someone’s hand versus pressing your body against them. I want to touch more of him and explore the texture, but I’m afraid I’ll freak out again. I bite my lip. “Just so you know, most kisses don’t end up like that.”
He chuckles. “I suspected as much.” He pats my back with one enormous hand, lik
e he would a child. “You do not have to explain anything to me, Tee-fah-nee. I am happy simply to be the male you chose to spend the day with.”
“I…cried all over you.”
“Mmm. You were emotional. There are many bad memories in your head.” His hand resumes stroking my back. “It will take more than one afternoon to make them go silent.”
He’s so understanding. I’m lucky to be here with him, that we’re friends first and foremost. I don’t think Taushen or Hassen — or shudder, Bek — would be quite so understanding. There’s no sense of urgency with Salukh. No desperation or worry that if I displease him, he’ll retaliate. There’s something about him that makes me realize that he never would. He’s intense, but protective. It’s not his style to attack. Yet another reason why I like him so much.
I sigh. “I wish I wasn’t so messed up.”
“There is a saying among my people,” he muses. “‘We may wish for many things, but it is easier to wish for snow. The snow is more likely to happen.’”
“Reminds me of an earth saying: ‘Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.’”
A deep laugh rumbles out of his chest, and I bounce against him as he moves. “I like that. Though if the dvisti shit, I would not mind so much. It would save me many hours of dung chip gathering.”
I smile against his chest. “You’re a good guy, you know that, Salukh?”
He strokes my back again.
I relax against him, not quite ready to move. If he’s not dying for me to get up, I’ll take advantage of the moment. “I don’t know what to do,” I confess. “I’m scared to try again.”
“Then we do not try again.”
“I feel like I need to.” If nothing else, so I can conquer my own head. I can’t live in fear forever. “Can we try again tomorrow?”
“Of course. We can try again as many times as you like.”
Chapter Seven
TIFFANY
We try for the next week. Every day, we meet to ‘gather herbs’ and head off to our cave. Each time, I’m not able to move into kissing. We end up just cuddling for a long time, and honestly…I really like it. Salukh never demands anything of me, and our cave time has turned into just ‘touch and talk’ time. He strokes my back as I talk about whatever comes to mind – things I miss back home, my ideas for how to start farming here on the ice planet, or whatever Chompy has bitten into today. In the last week he’s eaten three shoes, half of his gate, and whatever else shows up in his pen. Farli has been spending a lot of time watching him, and she’s a wonderful help because I seem to be gone for long hours of the day with Salukh.
If my other suitors have noticed we’re spending a lot of time together, they haven’t said anything. They’re too busy winning more of Josie’s seeds. Yesterday was a running competition, and the day before she had them braiding sinew into long cords of rope for the tribe. So far, Taushen is still in the lead but Hassen is close behind him. The men have been giving me more space lately, but I think it’s just because Josie’s been running them ragged with her endless competitions. At some point they’re going to demand that I pay up. Josie’s game is a two-edged sword. It’s great that it keeps them off my back for now, but at some point, they’re going to want answers from me, and I’m not sure I have anything to give.
But I can’t focus on that right now. And I don’t share those worries with Salukh. We have enough going on between us.
Like right now. Right now I’m lying on top of him in our cave like we normally do. I still straddle him every time, because I feel like I need to mentally acknowledge the fact that he’s aroused. Plus, I kind of like draping myself over him and letting him caress my back and arms. He never reaches further down, never grabs my butt or tries to push me into anything else. It’s just one long cuddle session each day and nothing more.
Weirdly enough, I’ve come to look forward to them. The stress of meeting with him is gone because I know he won’t push me into anything. It’s hours away from the endless scrutiny of the caves, Josie’s questioning looks, and the bustle of endless preparation for both the upcoming brutal season and the move back to the main cave once Harlow gets her rock cutter working again. Though I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of the humans again, I’m not looking forward to returning to the main cave. If I thought the South cave was full of people, moving us all back to one big boisterous tribe is going to mean even more people are underfoot and privacy will be at a premium.
One big hand idly strokes my back. “What is it you think about, Tee-fah-nee?”
I smile, eyes closed as I lean against his big chest. I can hear his heart beating evenly, and I love listening to it. I could listen for hours, provided he held me close and petted me. “Just about the tribes moving back together.” Kemli and her family left this morning, along with Vadren and a few of the elders. Farli stayed behind to help me with Chompy, and Salukh stayed too, of course. “We’re all going to pile back into the one cave and it’s going to be crowded.”
“It is not a bad thing, though. More hands and friendly faces to make the day’s work go by faster.”
“Less alone time, though,” I point out. “And we’re still not anywhere close to my goal.” I sit up and look at him, troubled. “Maybe we should try the kissing again.” Even as I say it, though, my entire body tenses and I feel a cold sweat coming on.
“I can sense your fear,” he says gently, and rubs my arms encouragingly. I’ve become addicted to his touch in the last week. Why is it that I love the thought of cuddling with him but the moment I think about kissing, I shut down? “What would make you less afraid?”
I give him a faint smile, considering. “I don’t know.”
“You already make great progress. Think of when we first came to this cave.” He brushes a finger over my cheek. “Now I can touch you and you do not weep.”
Jeez. Guilt shoots through me. I’m not being very fair to him, am I? “I wish we could skip ahead, but the touching is hard for me.”
“Then we do not touch?”
I frown at him. “What do you mean?”
He looks surprised. “Do humans not touch themselves for pleasure?”
Oh. Masturbation. My cheeks feel hot. “You mean…in front of each other?” Why does that sound so utterly scandalous? Why am I not just dismissing the idea immediately? I’m kind of mutely horrified at the thought of touching myself in front of him, but an even bigger part of me is rather curious about what he’ll do. Is it awful that I want to see him do it?
“Well, I have done it in private many times, but I do not think it will help you much if I do so again.”
A horrified chuckle escapes me. This is the most bizarrely frank conversation. “No, I suppose not.”
“And we can talk through it if you like.”
I bite my lip and think about what he’s offering. Dirty talk and masturbation. I’m intrigued and I’m also freaked out. It feels like a big step. And yet, if I never take any steps forward, I’m not going to go anywhere. Strangely enough, it feels less intimate than kissing. “I don’t want to go first.”
He nods slowly, and the burning, intense look is back in his eyes, making me shiver. “I will go first, then. Are you ready?”
Oh God. Am I ready? I want to tell him to wait, that I’m not ready. That I’m not sure about any of this. But time is running out. I know the moment we all move back to the main cave, we won’t be able to get away together like we have been. Someone will be on to us. My suitors will tire of the games that Josie sends them chasing after and turn back to bothering me.
Salukh gives me a patient look and gently pulls me off of his lap. “I cannot do this with you seated right there.”
Of course. I move into the furs and tuck my legs under me, all casual-like. But I’m staring. I can’t help but stare. He reaches for the tie at the waist of his leather leggings and my mouth goes dry. He’s going to perform for me…because it might help ease me back into things? Or is it because he wa
nts to perform for me?
The thought is surprisingly titillating.
As I wait in shocked silence, he finishes untying his pants and down they go. He’s…not wearing underwear. I’m not surprised, because I’m pretty sure they’re a foreign concept to the sa-khui, who dress like it’s a nice spring day instead of endless winter. And then of course, I’m eye-level with the biggest blue dong I’ve ever seen in my life. I tell myself I shouldn’t stare, but who am I kidding? I stare. Because damn, there’s a lot to see. His thighs are massive, strong and thick and a delicious shade of blue that’s just begging for me to run my hands over them. The strange, bony ridges common to the sa-khui creep down the front of each muscular thigh and cap at his knees. As he kicks off his pants I get a glimpse of strong calves and my gaze creeps back up.
Back to his dick, because I’m only human. And I’ve got to be honest, it’s a really great dick for all that it’s rather…different than human dick. The sa-khui apparently have the same plate-y ridges on their cocks as they do their skin, and he’s got a thick spur sticking out on top. His balls are heavy and dark, and he’s hairless on his groin, unlike a human man. But the head of his cock is thick and his skin looks just as velvety here. I’ve seen a few dicks in my day and this one’s probably the best one. It’s not circumcised, but that doesn’t change how impressively big and thick it is. My, my.
The little cave suddenly feels awful warm.
I tear my gaze away from his equipment and look up as Salukh tugs his vest off his shoulders in a sensual move that makes me feel like I should have a few dollars to shove into a g-string or something. The man can move. Damn.
When he’s completely naked, he gazes down at me. His long black hair swings over his shoulder and he tosses it back with another graceful move. Then, he considers the furs at his feet. “Do you want me to sit or stand?”
Why’s he asking me? “Um, whatever makes you the most comfortable.”