“Except that Bodkin’s turned into me, and I’ve turned into the stick-in-the-mud old hob!” said the boy who looked like he was Bodkin, but who was in fact Xar. “We’ve switched places!”
“Ah,” said Wish.
“Now that IS interesting,” said Caliburn.
“We have to tell Madam Perdita immediately so she can get us the antidote!” said Xar.
But Wish wouldn’t hear of that, particularly once she had read the small print on the other side of the bottle that Xar hadn’t bothered to read. “No way,” said Wish. “You’ve been in such trouble already, Xar. At any other school they’d have expelled you ages ago… And it says here that it’s perfectly safe as long as you don’t drink the whole bottle, and the effects will wear off after twelve hours or so.”
“A whole DAY being Bodkin!” said Xar in horror.
“A whole DAY being Xar!” echoed Bodkin, equally appalled.
Unfortunately, once Wish had established that they were perfectly safe, she wasn’t a bit sympathetic. “Maybe it’ll be good for you,” she said. And the sprites thought it was hysterical.
So…
Bodkin and Xar had to go through the day being each other.
11. The Surprising Things You Learn When You Spend a Day as Someone Else
Xar was surprised at how lonely it was to be Bodkin. Of course the sprites and the animals couldn’t hang out with him as much, because that would have attracted attention, so they just suddenly weren’t there anymore, and it gave him a very odd feeling to be totally… alone.
Did Bodkin always feel this alone?
It wasn’t that anyone was positively mean to him. They just tended to ignore him when he said things. Their eyes passed over him as if he wasn’t really there.
Apart from Wish.
Xar could see why Bodkin liked Wish so much. She was the only person who seemed interested when he said something. When I get back to being Xar again, I’m going to be a lot nicer to old Bodkin, thought Xar.
And Bodkin found he learned a great deal from a day being Xar as well.
At first it was nice to have everyone laughing when he made a joke, everyone looking to him for guidance, all the attention from the other Wizards and the sprites. But then it began to feel like quite a lot of pressure to be funny, to be naughty, to amuse everyone. And being told off all the time turned out to be extremely wearing.
As for the hand with the Witch-stain, Bodkin didn’t see how Xar could stand it. He couldn’t remember Xar ever mentioning this (maybe Xar was too proud), but it hurt all the time, a burning, itching, yearning ache. And worse than that, he could feel it trying to control him, leading him in the wrong direction, confusing his thoughts, and turning them upside down and inside out. It was most unpleasant.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… thought Bodkin. I’m worried that time is running out for poor old Xar. I had no idea that the Witch-stain was such a burden.
Last lesson was with Madam Clairvoy.
After a whole day of being told off by teacher after teacher, Bodkin was thoroughly fed up, and he found himself answering back and being nearly as cheeky as Xar would have been himself. Madam Clairvoy was in a really mean mood, and she gave Bodkin two detentions for “rudeness and insubordination,” and Bodkin felt a little guilty about that until he realized that Xar wouldn’t turn up for the detentions anyway.
At the end of the class, Bodkin headed with relief to the door, for there were only a couple of more hours to go and then he could go back to being himself again. Xar followed, equally keen to get to the end of this stupid day as quickly as possible.
But Madam Clairvoy called Xar back.
“Stay behind, Bodkin,” said Madam Clairvoy. Xar couldn’t quite get used to being Bodkin, so he looked around him for a second, before he realized that Madam Clairvoy was talking to him. Why did she want Bodkin to stay behind?
Bodkin was wondering that too. And as he looked over at Madam Clairvoy, he had a sudden, shocking realization. A memory of something that he had seen once, long ago, in the dungeons of Warrior fort…
He knew why Madam Clairvoy wanted to see Bodkin, and he had to prevent that at all costs.
“Bodkin can’t stay behind, Madam Clairvoy,” said Bodkin with real urgency in his voice. “Madam Perdita wants to see him and Wish and me in the Lair of the Bear right now.”
“I’m sure Madam Perdita can wait a few moments,” snapped Madam Clairvoy. “Off with you now, Xar! I’ve had quite enough of YOU for one day!”
And she shooed Bodkin out of the room.
Madam Clairvoy carefully shut the door behind him.
Bodkin knelt down so that he could hear what was going on in the room. He put his eye to the keyhole of the door.
Madam Clairvoy glided to a cupboard in the corner of the room and opened it. There was something inside. And what she did next, Xar—and Bodkin, watching through the keyhole—could not really believe.
She took off her head, as if she was taking off a hat.
The now headless woman gave a quick, satisfied pat of Madam Clairvoy’s hair and placed the head of Madam Clairvoy on a stand inside the cupboard. And peering, goggle-eyed, into the cupboard, Xar realized there was ANOTHER head in there. The arms of Madam Clairvoy reached inside the cupboard, picked up this other head and put it on her shoulders, gently pushing it down as if to make it secure.
And then she turned around.
And it wasn’t Madam Clairvoy standing in front of Xar.
It was Queen Sychorax.
12. The Story Takes Another Unexpected Turn
Well, well, well.
Unsurprisingly, Xar just stood there, with his mouth open. Xar was never that glad to meet Queen Sychorax, who he would have described, if asked, as very scary indeed. Super scary. Scarier than a whole load of vampires feeling a little peckish because their blood sugar was running a little low. But how much scarier than ever was she when you met her swapping heads and pretending to be someone other than she was?
You’re not supposed to BE here!!! thought Xar, rather hysterically to himself. You’re a Warrior! We should at least be safe from you in a learning place for gifted Wizards!
But he didn’t say that. He was much too flabbergasted.
All he said instead, in a bewildered sort of way, was “Queen Sychorax! What on earth are you doing here? Why did Madam Perdita let YOU in?”
“Madam Perdita thinks I am Madam Clairvoy,” snapped Queen Sychorax. “Madam Perdita may think of herself as a great leader, but she’s a fool, and like so many other fools, she is not clever enough to look past appearances… She interviewed me a couple of weeks ago as a new teacher for the starcraft lessons, and she didn’t even guess that I was a Warrior.
“Now, I know perfectly well that it is you, Bodkin, who is hiding underneath that really rather pathetic hob disguise, so don’t waste my time trying to deny it,” said Queen Sychorax.
(For Queen Sychorax, of course, was not quite as clever as she thought she was, and she was under the impression that she was talking to Bodkin.)
“I have a task for you, Bodkin. I want you to get me the spoon and the Enchanted Sword and Wish’s Spelling Book,” ordered Queen Sychorax. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of them, but Wish never lets them out of her sight. But Wish trusts you, Bodkin. She will give them to you if you ask to borrow them for a moment. I’m sure you can think of a reason why you need to borrow them.”
Xar kept quiet, thinking, What is going on???
Why is the ridiculous Bodkin-boy staring at me with his mouth open? thought Queen Sychorax irritably.
She then spoke very slowly, as if she thought Bodkin was a little slow on the uptake.
“Wish will not give herself up to me unless I have the spoon and the sword and the Spelling Book,” explained Queen Sychorax. “As soon as I have those things, I can take you and Wish back to the safety of iron Warrior fort. You know in your heart of hearts that the fort is the only place where she will be safe from the Kingwitch. If I can get i
nto this learning place, you can be sure that the Kingwitch can too… and it is your duty as her bodyguard to protect her.”
Xar said nothing.
Queen Sychorax smiled, one of her lovely golden ones, sweeter than honey. “If you do as I want, I will reward you, Bodkin,” cooed Queen Sychorax. “Do you want to be an Assistant Bodyguard all your life? If you bring me the spoon, the Spelling Book, and the sword, I will never tell her you did it willingly. I will say that I took them off you by force… and finally you will be worthy of her, for I will make you a knight Warrior and a hero of my queendom. Think how sad your father would be to see you dressed like this, as a ridiculous hob, and how PROUD he would be if his only son was made a knight Warrior!”
No, you won’t make Bodkin a knight Warrior, thought Xar. Don’t believe her, Bodkin! She’s a lying, cheating queen who doesn’t keep her promises!
Queen Sychorax’s honey smile faded as she revealed the sting behind the sweetness.
“But if you do not do as I want, there will be penalties,” said Queen Sychorax grimly. “I will tell Wish that YOU are the one who betrayed her… YOU are the one who sent word to me about where you were in the woods…”
Bodkin betrayed us!!! thought Xar. It was Bodkin’s fault that Queen Sychorax ambushed us in the forest all along!
“…and Wish will never trust you again, Bodkin,” said Queen Sychorax sorrowfully. “Never love you again… There was never any chance of her loving you of course, as a mere Assistant Bodyguard of no birth or consequence at all, while Wish is a royal personage, but there was still hope… You could still have held her sword, polished her armor, and done all those Assistant-Bodyguardy-type things…” Queen Sychorax was a little vague at this point because she really hadn’t a clue what an Assistant Bodyguard’s duties were—they were way below her notice. “But if you go the way you are choosing, all hope will be gone, not to mention Wish falling into the grip of the Kingwitch.”
There was a long, long silence.
Outside the room, kneeling by the keyhole of the door, Bodkin was crying. He wiped away his tears with the back of his sleeve, got up, and ran away.
Inside the room, Queen Sychorax was waiting for an answer from the boy she thought was Bodkin.
“I can see you are beginning to come back to your senses,” said Queen Sychorax with satisfaction. “You are beginning to realize that your recent defiance has been a mistake.”
At last, Xar answered.
“It is you, Queen Sychorax, who has made a mistake,” said Xar, almost too cross to get the words out.
It was Queen Sychorax’s turn to be surprised.
“I beg your pardon?” said Queen Sychorax.
And then, when Xar whipped out Bodkin’s do-it-yourself Magic staff and pointed it at her, she was more surprised still.
What does this stupid staff do, again? thought Xar. Oh yes… it “sticks-things-to-other-things.” Well, I can work with that.
PEEEOOW!!! He pointed the staff and it stuck Queen Sychorax’s hands to the table.
“Have you gone completely mad?” said Queen Sychorax, staring at her hands, trying to pull them off the table and getting increasingly irritated as she realized that wasn’t possible. “Pointing a magical weapon at a teacher? USING a magical weapon on a teacher! I’ll report you… You’ll be expelled! Put that staff down, you disobedient Bodkin-boy!”
“You’re not the only one who can look like someone else!” raged Xar. “I’m not Bodkin, you stupid queen!”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous!” snapped Queen Sychorax. “Of course you’re Bodkin! I saw through your ridiculous disguises in about two seconds—some fur isn’t going to trick me. Release me, or I will tell Wish all about your betrayal.”
“Tell away!” yelled Xar. “I don’t care! Because I may be looking like Bodkin at the moment, but I’m not really Bodkin! I’m Xar…”
Now it was Queen Sychorax’s turn for her jaw to drop and to stare at Xar with a goggle-eyed expression of amazement.
“No…” whispered Queen Sychorax, “it’s not possible…”
“We took the Interesting Transformation Potion and changed places,” said Xar.
“Oh dear,” whispered Queen Sychorax. “It is possible…”
“I’M Xar, and YOU,” shouted Xar, “are the WICKEDEST, most TREACHEROUS, most LYING Warrior queen I have met in my ENTIRE LIFE!!! I have met ADDERS more straightforward than you are! YOU’RE TRICKIER THAN A TRICK LOAD OF WEREFOXES! YOU’RE MORE CROOKED THAN THE BACK OF A CROOKED-BACK SNAIL!”
Only Xar could be that rude.
Queen Sychorax turned as white as a sheet.
“Okay,” said Queen Sychorax, her lips pursing sourly. “You’re definitely Xar, son of Encanzo.”
Xar was the rudest boy that Queen Sychorax had ever met and a real thorn in Queen Sychorax’s side. Queen Sychorax was used to people being terrified of her, or at least respectful. But in this particular thirteen-year-old boy she always seemed to have met her match, and that was why she had been so mean to him when she was looking like Madam Clairvoy. But Xar was even trickier than she was. And he was a lot ruder.
“I OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN THAT HORRIBLE MADAM CLAIRVOY WAS YOU ALL ALONG!” roared Xar. “YOU MAY HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NOSE IN THE WILDWOODS BUT EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU TELL A LIE IT GETS JUST A LITTLE BIT POINTIER!”
Queen Sychorax sniffed thoughtfully. It was nonsense, of course, but Queen Sychorax was very proud of her nose, which was, indeed, the most beautiful nose in the wildwoods, and the thought of it getting pointier, or being any other shape than the perfect shape it was, was most disagreeable. The beastly boy!
Queen Sychorax was nothing if not adaptable. She was thinking. Fast.
“Even if you are Xar, son of Encanzo, you’re in big trouble,” said Queen Sychorax. “I have sent word, anonymously, to your father that you are hiding here, and my spies tell me that Encanzo is about to turn up to claim his son and take you back to the prison of Gormincrag, where you belong.”
Xar had calmed down. Now he was less angry but very sad.
“Well, he won’t find me here,” said Xar. “We’re running away again—and we were happy here,” said Xar longingly. “Wish was happy. Bodkin was happy. I was happy, and you’ve made us run away…”
“The happiness was just an illusion, wasn’t it?” said Queen Sychorax. “This is real life, and in real life Wizards and Warriors can never be friends. Who are you going to run away with? The Bodkin-boy who has already betrayed you? He can’t come with you, surely… and if Wish can’t even trust Bodkin, why would she trust you?”
“I would think about your own problems, if I were you, Queen Sychorax,” Xar advised her. “You’re stuck to that table. You can’t reach the cupboard to put your Madam Clairvoy head on. So Madam Perdita and everyone are going to find you here, a queen of Warriors in a learning place for Wizards.”
“For all her roaring, Madam Perdita is soft,” said Queen Sychorax scornfully. “She will let me go.”
Xar walked toward the door, and just as he reached it, he turned around.
“You were never going to make Bodkin into a knight Warrior and a hero of your queendom, were you, Queen Sychorax?” said Xar.
“Of course not!” said Queen Sychorax. “We Warriors have very strict rules about that sort of thing. Once a servant always a servant. I just said that because lies sometimes have to be told—”
“—in pursuit of the higher good,” Xar finished her own saying for her.
“And Bodkin believed me because he wanted to believe me,” said Queen Sychorax. “Love is weakness, Xar, son of Encanzo—you need to remember that if you want to be a leader one day. But who am I talking to? You, of all people, should know that. The boy who wanted power so much that he took Magic from a Witch …”
“I was young, and I made a mistake, but maybe I am not what you see. You may think of yourself as a great leader, Queen Sychorax,” said Xar, “but like so many other fools, perhaps you are not clever enough to see pas
t appearances.”
Only Xar would have had the cheek to quote Queen Sychorax back at Queen Sychorax.
“I don’t yet know what I want to become,” said Xar. “But I do know, whatever it is, I don’t want it to be what YOU seem to have become.”
He shut the door very quietly.
And that last comment made Queen Sychorax think a good deal more than any of the insults.
13. Bodkin’s Letter
Xar was expecting Bodkin to be outside the door of Queen Sychorax’s room, but Bodkin was not there.
It took Xar a bit of time to find Wish, but eventually he found her running through one of the courtyards, surrounded by all the sprites and animals. She was looking for him. She was carrying a letter folded in half and Xar’s waistcoat.
“Bodkin gave me this letter, but he said I couldn’t look at it until I was with you,” said Wish. “And then he ran off. He wouldn’t let any of us go with him except Nighteye, and he looked so upset… What’s happened? You are still Xar, aren’t you? You haven’t switched back again yet?”
“That’s not the problem,” said Xar grimly. He explained about Queen Sychorax, and Bodkin betraying them both, and Wish could not believe it.
They looked at the letter together. It was written in scribbled, hasty handwriting and it said:
“This is partly your fault, Xar!” said Wish, turning on Xar fiercely.
“Hang on a second, Bodkin’s the traitor, not me!” protested Xar. “Don’t blame this on me!”
“You’re not very TACTFUL!” said Wish in a rage because she was worried about Bodkin. “You kept going on and on about how he was a hob and everything…”
Xar opened up his mouth to protest… and then shut it again. Maybe he hadn’t been quite as tactful as he should have been.
“Poor Bodkin… He only did it because he was jealous,” said Wish. “I wish he’d told me…”
“Poor Bodkin…” agreed the key in a little creaky voice, drooping on the letter. “Jealousy makes you do stupid things, doesn’t it, fork? Luckily I’ve never been the jealous type…”
Knock Three Times Page 9