by Lund, S. E.
“Eve,” Julien says, his voice filled with pain. “I’m so sorry. There was nothing I could do. I literally couldn’t move or speak the entire time.”
I don’t respond and finally he gives up and joins Michel. The two brothers sit by the fire, facing each other, and wait while I regain control over my emotions. I try to shut out my mind, to blot out the images from the slaughter, but I can’t. I keep coming back to the image of Kael standing tall with blood dripping down his face and chest like the Nephilim mentioned in the Book of Enoch.
An apocryphal book of the Bible, Enoch references the Children of Irin, offspring of the fallen angels. According to Enoch, the fallen angels mated with human women and produced a race of monsters who ate the flesh—and drank the blood—of humans.
Supposedly killed during the great flood, a tenth of them survived to remain as demons, tempting humans until the Day of Judgment.
My mother once wanted to understand their powers, to understand what caused vampirism, and to use science to eradicate them. Now, instead of fighting them, I have taken part in the resurrection of one of their most powerful members.
I’m sick to death, and when I remember the pile of bodies, the victims’ necks torn and bloody, I feel nauseated. I pull back the covers and run to the bathroom to vomit. I cough and gag, my stomach far too empty to produce much more than saliva and stomach acids. Julien comes in and kneels down behind me, stroking my shoulders as I retch, my face wet from tears.
“You’re okay,” he says, handing me a wet cloth when I’m finished. “You’re okay.”
I wipe my face off and try to catch my breath, not meeting his eyes out of shame. “I can’t believe it,” I say, my voice quavering with emotion. “I can’t believe Michel let me do it, knowing what would happen. I’ll never speak to him again.”
Julien threads his shackled arms around me and pulls me into his embrace. I don’t fight. I need his warmth and comfort and I press my face into his chest while he rocks me.
When we return to the other room, Michel is gone.
“Good,” I say and curl up on a chair by the fire. “I don’t want to even look at him right now.”
Julien sits across from me, his hands on the armrests. He looks exhausted, his face haggard and his eyes bleary. “Don’t be too hard on him, Eve. He was as horrified as I was at what happened. I don’t think he knew that Kael was going to kill everyone there. Besides, I didn’t think you believed Michel has visions. Had visions.”
I wrap my arms around myself more tightly. “I don’t know what I believe anymore. Kael,” I say and turn to Julien, “he was some kind of monster. A giant.”
Julien nods. “Nephilim. One of the originals.”
“Who is Soren? Or should I say, what?”
Julien shrugs. “Grigori. Fallen angel.”
“You believe that?”
He rubs his chin and jaw, which are covered with thick whiskers. “Yes. I don’t know what they are or where they came from, but they’re obviously real.”
I watch the flames flicker in the hearth for a moment, unable to get the image of a blood-covered Kael out of my mind’s eye.
“They’re real,” I confirm. “We have to find a way to destroy them. I won’t help Soren resurrect any more of them. I’d rather die fighting than bring another one of them back.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
I look at Julien and nod. “We have to find a way to escape. And then we have to find a way to rescue my father from Blackstone.”
“Soren will want to bring back others right away,” Julien says, his expression haunted. “We have to act fast, whatever we do.”
“You’re former special ops. How would you escape?”
Julien shrugs and watches the fire for a moment. “I’ve been watching security while I’ve been here, looking for weaknesses. Noticing procedures and processes. I might be able to come up with some kind of plan.”
An ache fills me, the craving for blood strong despite the ghastly scene I witnessed earlier.
“I need blood, but I don’t want to ever drink it again.”
“I know how you feel, Eve. It’s heaven not to need to feed. But you need your strength.”
Julien is right. I have to feed, no matter how much disgust I feel at the prospect. I stand up and go to the table where a crystal decanter of blood sits beside three glasses. I pour myself a cup and drink it down quickly. Immediately, the blood makes me feel euphoric and washes away the pain and horror of the day. I look at the glass, stained with the remnants of someone’s blood, filled with incredible guilt that I know I’ll never completely get over.
I cover my eyes with a hand and bite my lip, trying not to start crying again. Julien comes over and threads his arms around me and rocks me slowly, his voice soft and soothing.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, Eve…” He kisses my forehead and pulls me closer, his warmth finally piercing the chill that has enveloped me since the events of the evening. “It’s going to be all right.”
When he finally pulls me to the bed and begins to undress me, I don’t fight. I need him. I need to overwrite the memories of the night, replace them with the touch and taste and scent of him. The feel of his naked body on and in mine, of me on him, momentarily wipes away the darkness inside of me.
* * *
Mercifully, Michel stays away so there’s no uncomfortable discovery of me with Julien. I lie in silence, alone in the bed while Julien washes up in the bathroom, trying to sort through the events of the last few days.
My father is not insane. He’s been kept a prisoner in an asylum to keep him from taking me away and out of the Council. Right now, he’s being held captive by Blackstone as insurance to make me comply with his plans.
My mother is alive and a vampire. Michel turned her and she’s been in hiding ever since, waiting for the day she could return and fight with me and the twins against Soren. She thinks Soren can’t see into her mind and isn’t aware of her existence, but she—and Michel—are both wrong. He can.
Michel is not compellable and never has been. He thinks Soren is unaware of it and has pretended to be compelled by him ever since. This means he wasn’t compelled to kill Danielle but did so because he would rather it have been him take her life than Soren. This means he was not compelled by Marguerite either and became her lover willingly. I really should find the manuscript—all of it, including the parts Michel removed—and see what else I can learn.
Blackstone is cooperating with Soren to share power, with him controlling the streets and Soren controlling the pulpit, but both plan on ultimately defeating the other and are jockeying for position.
The Council has been infiltrated for a long time and has to be reconstituted with those who we know are not compromised and who share the goal of destroying both Soren and Dominion.
Most important of all, Soren can read my mind and the mind of anyone with whom he has shared blood. That means me, Michel, and Julien. He knows everything that has transpired among us since that first time we shared blood. I cannot reveal this to either twin since Soren can read my mind any time he wishes and will kill Michel with the kill collar. Happily.
I don’t see how I can ever conspire against him.
I feel incredibly helpless at this moment, for I realize now there is nothing I can do. Nothing. I am the window through which Soren can watch everything. Blackstone. Michel. My mother. Julien.
I close my eyes and fight tears.
Julien emerges from the bathroom and comes over to the side of the bed when he sees me wiping my eyes. He frowns and sits down, stroking my hair. “What’s the matter? Did Michel come back? Did he say something that upset you?”
I shake my head, wishing I could confess to him, but I can’t. “No, Michel hasn’t returned. I have no hope anymore, Julien. There’s no hope.”
“Shh,” he says and leans down, wiping away my tears. “There’s always hope. Sometimes you just can’t see it.” He smiles, but it’s forced. “At least we have each other.�
�� He bends down and kisses me on the lips. I let him, needing the comfort. Michel will soon be back and so I want to get every moment of comfort from Julien that I can before he does.
“I better get up,” I say and slip out of bed, smoothing my messy hair and pulling on a robe from the foot of the bed. “I’ll go get dressed. Can you order us some breakfast? We never ate a meal last night.”
Julien nods and I go freshen up.
* * *
When I return fifteen minutes later, there’s a tray on the coffee table laden with fresh bread and cheese and some fruit. A carafe of coffee and a teapot sit to the side with cups, cream, and sugar.
My stomach grumbles at the sight, and I sit with Julien while he fixes a plate of food.
“We have to talk,” Julien says, looking at me from under his eyelashes as he sips a cup of tea. “I won’t be part of this any longer.”
I glance up at him from my cup of coffee and frown. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said. I don’t want to cooperate any longer. I know you don’t either. If that means I die, so be it.”
“I know how you feel,” I say, afraid that Soren is listening and will know what Julien is going to do. “But maybe we should sleep on it for a while. Soren will kill Michel if you leave.”
“I’ve thought about it long and hard. My cooperation leads to too many deaths. All those in the tent…they’re as much on my conscience as on anyone’s because I did nothing to stop it. There will be thousands more. How can I stand by and let people die through my actions—or inaction? I can’t.”
“You’re mortal now. You can die so easily.”
“Some things are worse than death,” he says and I can hear the resolve in his voice. “I’m finding a way to leave and I’m taking you with me, if you want to come.”
“Soren will kill Michel,” I say again. “He said he would if either of us fails to comply.”
“Soren will kill thousands of others if we do cooperate. At least if I leave, I can help fight him,” he points out, stirring his coffee thoughtfully. “I know how to fight. If I can rally enough people before Soren gets too much power, maybe we can prevent him from bringing back the Twelve. If Soren kills Michel…” He pauses, staring into the distance. “So be it. We’re all dead anyway. Someone else can take the responsibility for sending people to their deaths. I’m through being passive. I’m going to fight.” He turns to me, his blue eyes piercing. “Will you come with me?”
“My father…”
“Eve, do you really want to resurrect the rest of those monsters? Think how many people will die. Is one person’s life worth a thousand? Is your father’s life and Michel’s life worth a thousand other lives?”
I wring my hands anxiously. I know that whatever Julien says to me is pretty much saying it to Soren.
“I can’t,” I say, feeling trapped. Helpless.
There’s a knock at the door. Julien glances at it, his jaw set. “That’s probably Michel.
So it is.
“What do you want?” I say, opening the door and noting he’s still wearing vestments. He looks every inch the priest he always wanted to be.
Michel looks me up and down and then he peers inside and sees Julien. “I want to speak with you—alone.”
“I’ve said everything there is to say to you.”
He closes his eyes for a moment. “Eve, please…”
“What is it?”
“Just give me a moment.”
I pop my head back in the room. “I’m going to speak with Michel for a bit.”
Julien frowns. “What about?”
I can see the disapproval in his expression. He’s jealous of every moment I spend with his brother.
“I have no idea,” I admit. “I’ll be right outside. He has something to tell me in private.”
Julien nods, but I can tell by the tightness of his mouth and jaw that he doesn’t like it. I close the door behind me and go to stand with Michel, my arms crossed. The hallway is dim, but I can see his face in the light from a lantern that hangs in the hallway. He’s frowning.
“Well?”
He takes in a deep breath. “Eve, I’ve come to say goodbye.”
A shock goes through me. “What? Not you as well?”
“What do you mean?
“Your brother said he was leaving, too,” I say, my stomach in knots. “You can’t expect that Soren will let you live if you leave. He’ll use that,” I say pointing at the kill collar.
“Maybe,” he says, his expression dark. “Maybe not. He has no one else besides the Twelve who are even near his age. He’ll get lonely for the old days. That’s why he always has us around. We’re his only link to the past.”
“Where are you planning to go?”
He shakes his head. “One of my properties, if anything is still standing.”
“You know Soren will find you and bring you back or kill you.”
“He could kill me if I don’t go. Besides, I’m not cooperating any longer, Eve. I can’t accept this path your mother has put us on.”
I’m scared now. He has this look in his eyes, distant and resigned. Resolved. Like he’s doing something big. Like he’s made a final decision.
“You and Julien are both mortals now,” I remind him. “He can kill you both with a thought. Stay. See if there’s some other way…”
“I can’t help him any longer,” he says, his eyes haunted. “I can’t stand by and watch it. I’m a priest. I’m supposed to save souls, not take them.
“Michel,” I say and step closer, “I don’t want anything to happen to you. I could turn you and you’d be protected. As a mortal, you’re so weak…”
He cups my face with his hands. “Eve,” he says, his eyes huge, “I’m free of hunger for the first time in eight hundred years. Can you even begin to understand that? No bloodlust. No raging desire to feed. To kill. I’m finally free to be a priest again. Julien might have been happy being a vampire, but I could never be.”
I shake my head, my eyes brimming. “How can you be a priest after everything that’s happened? How can you give up the life we had? We could spend eternity together, if you and Julien could get over your jealousy.”
“You told me we would never be together again. Have you forgotten that?” He smiles, but I can see the hurt in his eyes. “Besides, the priesthood has been my calling since I was seventeen. Maybe even before. You knew I’d return to it given the chance. You asked me that when we were first lovers; I was honest from the start.”
He strokes my cheek with the backs of his fingers as he speaks, as if he can’t deny his desire for me. His love for me. At that moment, I can’t imagine existence without him.
“Don’t worry about me,” he says, his eyes filled with resolve. “I don’t care any longer what happens to me. If I have to die in order for Soren to be destroyed, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Soren will finally be destroyed. He won’t have a chance to proclaim himself savior of everyone. That would be unacceptable to me as a true believer, and even death is worth the price to stop him. So, Eve,” he says and furrows his brow, “just let me go now, please. It makes it all the harder when you try to stop me.”
He leans down and kisses me, his mouth soft on mine, lingering a little longer than his newfound classification as a priest would deem appropriate. I do nothing, standing unresponsive while he presses his lips against mine, but then I can’t hold back and throw my arms around his neck, pulling him against my body, kissing him back with a fierceness that surprises even me.
I love him. My love is all mixed up with bloodlust and desire, but it is love I feel for him in this moment. I do still love Michel, despite everything. Despite how he lied to me from the first moment he met me and ever since. I love him in the way you love someone despite their flaws, knowing them, accepting them…
I realize now that, in his mind, every lie was for the greater good and every lie hurt him, but he felt he had no other choice. Although it
broke up our relationship, he felt he had to lie and do everything he did to save the world.
I can only hope that whatever vision he has seen of the future comes true and that all his lies and all the pain he’s caused me and that he’s experienced as a result have been worth it.
Michel indulges me for a moment as I kiss him, but then he pulls away, prying my arms from around his neck. I’m afraid that this will be our last goodbye. I’m afraid that I won’t ever see him alive again. That the next time I see him, he’ll be dead.
“Michel,” I whisper and he slowly pushes me away, straightening his vestments and running a hand through his messy hair. Tears blur my eyes. “Michel…”
“Don’t cry,” he says, shaking his head, smiling softly. “I’m happy. We’ll both be happy, Eve. Trust me. It will all be okay.”
I want to stop him and tell him that Soren will know he’s leaving because Soren can read his mind. But I can’t. Soren will kill Michel if I reveal it. Michel turns away and leaves me standing in the hallway outside the bedroom. I watch him walk away, a hand covering my mouth, waiting for Soren to realize it and kill him with the collar.
Inside, Julien waits for me. I should go back to him; he’ll want to know what Michel had to say to me. But I can’t. I have to be alone and cry, and I don’t want Julien to see how much this hurts me because I still do love Michel. I don’t think I’ll ever stop.
I slide down the wall to sit on the floor, covering my mouth with my hands to stop from sobbing. If I could wipe out the memory of Julien, I know I could be happy with Michel. We would live by the beach in a cottage near St. David’s on the Pembrokeshire coast and have that quiet, happy life we had for a brief moment of time, fixing dinner together and watching the stars rise over the ocean at night, playing music for each other and making love.
If I could wipe out the memory of Michel, I could be happy with Julien. Together, we could travel and stay in exotic places, do new things I’ve never done before. We could practice our fighting skills together, walk along the trails that snake through the cities we visited. Drink chocolate milkshakes and eat cheeseburgers in retro diners on the road. We’d laugh in each other’s arms and roll around on the bed, pleasuring each other.