by Lund, S. E.
It’s cold and I shiver as I watch Michel deliver his speech to the crowd. Then, he finishes, to a round of applause. People crowd around him when he leaves the podium and goes into the crowd. He shakes hands and speaks with people individually. For a moment, he catches my eye and smiles, before turning back to one of his followers. For they are followers – of that I am sure.
He’s planning an insurrection.
This is why Soren sent me – of that I am certain. Soren wants to know what Michel’s up to.
Now he knows.
I’m surprised Michel showed me this, knowing as he does that Soren can read my mind. When Michel is finished, he enters a vehicle and is driven to some other location. We don’t follow. Instead, my driver takes me back to the residence in Battery Park and I spend the day alone with only the bookshelf and a tray of food to keep my company. I grow impatient the second day, and knock on the door. When the guard opens the door, I ask him to take me to Michel’s office, but he shakes his head.
“The Bishop said that you were to stay here until he called for you.” He shrugs and so I’m forced to remain alone for yet another day.
I make a face. “He’s a Bishop now?”
The guard looks insulted and closes the door, leaving me alone for yet another full day and night, during which time I wonder if Michel isn’t punishing me. Or avoiding me. Most likely, he doesn’t want Soren to have a window into all his operation here in Manhattan, but he must have wanted Soren to see him preaching against him.
So why doesn’t he just send me back? On our way to the cathedral, I didn’t see any discord on the streets. There was no military presence outside of the usual armed guards. No danger I could see, despite what Michel told me.
I sigh and resign myself to spending my days alone and completely in the dark about what Michel is doing.
Don’t worry, Soren says. I’m still gleaning a lot. Every bit helps me understand his game. He won’t win, no matter what he does. Tell him that for me. Tell him I win in the end. I’ve won for this long and I’ll keep winning. He’ll always be playing a guessing game.
I don’t respond. Instead, I try to focus on the book in my hand, pushing thoughts of Michel and Soren out of my mind until Michel decides it’s time to send me back.
* * *
Finally, on the fourth day that I’m in Manhattan, Michel sends for me, indicating that I’m to return to Boston. The driver takes me back to St. Peter’s Cathedral, a few blocks away from City Hall. I enter the vaulted interior to find Michel sitting in his office, one of his fellow priests bending down over the desk, pointing to some document before them.
Michel looks up when I walk into the room and gestures to the other priest. The older man with grey hair and fine metal rimmed glasses, examines me, his gaze moving up and down in a judgmental manner, before leaving us alone.
I sit on the old wooden office chair across from Michel’s desk, impatient for an explanation.
“What took you so long?” I say, unable to hide my frustration and being kept alone for four days.
“Do you even have to ask?” he says, exhaling heavily. He stands and comes around his desk, leaning against it across from me, his arms folded.
“Yes,” I say, frowning, not sure what he means. “I do have to ask.”
“I’d think you understood why, given our past relationship.”
I laugh despite myself. “Did you think I’d try to seduce you or something?” I ask, indignant.
He shakes his head, his expression hurt, his eyes dark under a furrowed brow.
“Of course not,” he says softly. “You made it clear enough that you love Julien. You chose Julien. Still, seeing you, having you here, vulnerable, and under my care… You have to understand how it would affect me. I’m weak, Eve. I…”
He turns his head away as if he can’t bear to even look at me. It’s then I understand. He was afraid he’d want to try to seduce me. Protecting me, having me in his control, needing his protection… it would bring out the alpha male in him. The man he tries so hard to keep in check with his prayers and self-denial.
The man he tries to keep in check through the priesthood.
“I’m sorry,” I say, glancing away when he meets my eyes finally. “I didn’t think…” I sigh, sad that it has come to this between us. Him afraid of still wanting me. Seeing me as a temptation. As a sign of his weakness.
“You really must despise me,” I say, a pain in my chest that makes me almost sob. “To see me as a weakness. Something to avoid. That your feelings for me make you bad.”
“No, no,” he says, and reaches out to take my hand. He squeezes it. “It’s not that way at all. Our love was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. Those were the happiest days of my existence. In all my eight hundred years, I have never been happier than when you and I were first together. But you have to know that Soren would be able to see into me, into my memories, my plans, through you if we were to make love. He’d see into me through our connection.”
Finally, I look at him and meet his eyes. I see no revulsion in them. Only love and understanding.
Regret.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I should have realized…”
“Don’t be sorry,” he says, and kneels at my feet. He takes both my hands and kisses my knuckles. “I’m not sorry for the time we had together. It was precious to me. Every moment.”
He smiles up at me, and in his eyes I see love and sadness and regret. I see the conflict he feels between his love and desire for me and his sense of duty to his god.
How I wish…
You wish he’d smarten up and give in to his true desires…
I want to scratch Soren out of my mind, but I don’t let him upset me. This moment with Michel is too important to let Soren ruin it for me.
“I risked everything to be with you,” Michel says, stroking my palm with his thumb. “I thought I could keep you out of my mind, and for a while I tried to keep control over our connection, but the deeper I went with you, the more you were able to penetrate my mind and then you were able to block me out completely. And yet, you could easily get into my mind when I was vulnerable.”
I remembered the times I tricked him, using sex to get into his mind and find out things he wouldn’t tell me. At that moment, I feel incredibly guilty, but it was only because I didn’t understand… I couldn’t understand.
“Michel, no matter what happens, I still love you,” I say, my voice breaking as regret fills me for what happened between us that broke us apart.
“I know,” he says and kisses my palm, his lips lingering over my skin the way he did that very first night I met him at the university. Although I have no personal memory of it, I do remember reading about our first meeting in my journal – how he tried to compel me to forget and how he almost threw me down the stairs in his desperation to have me forget. In his haste, I fell and scraped my palms. I read how he licked my wounds and tasted my blood, thus cementing our bond. How I saw his vampire nature come out – his fangs, his eyes blood-red…
Oh, Michel…
My heart breaks once more as I remember seeing him on the beach and how he found me in the rain when I twisted my ankle and cut my lip on the boulders lining the beach. How he sucked the blood from the cut on my bottom lip and changed once more before my eyes. How he ran from me, once again trying to be honorable but being weak.
Kiss him now and he’s yours…
I could. I could kiss him and I’m sure he’d be mine.
But I don’t.
Finally, Michel stands up and lets my hand drop.
“My driver will take you back to your vehicle. Jan’s well enough to travel and it’s time you went back. We’ve managed to quell the mini-rebellion in the Bronx, so you’ll be able to travel safely through that territory.
I stand up and try to look in his eyes, but he avoids mine as if looking in them would be too much. Michel motions to the guard standing at attention by the door and he comes over to ta
ke my bags.
“Michel,” I say, wanting to have some kind of closure between us, but he waves me off.
“Just go,” he says, his voice breaking. “No goodbyes for us.”
I turn and follow the guard out of the room, feeling like I need to cry my eyes out, but instead, I take in a deep breath and swallow back my pain.
The guard leads me to the street where our vehicle is parked. Jan is sitting in the driver’s seat waiting for us. I thank the guard when he opens my door, and I get in the passenger side of the vehicle, wondering what’s going to happen and whether Soren will really kill Julien if Michel doesn’t show. I imagine he could let me know right away if he does, but Michel seemed so sure…
We drive through the streets back to the highway and I feel like this has been a total waste of effort, but at least I was able to see Michel and get some idea of what he’s doing. He’s trying to start a rebellion against what Soren may become, if Soren has his way. Michel’s building a foundation of doubt in order to fight Soren if and when he does try to assume some kind of overarching power.
Michel wants an end to the plague, as I do. He wants an end to vampirism. But he can’t support Soren in his quest for total power in the church.
Michel wants the church to remain pure – whatever that means.
I don’t know if Soren will do what we want unless he gets what he wants in return. I don’t believe any of it – not really – not the religious part. I believe Soren and the Twelve have powers that humans don’t understand. I believe that they could act as gods, and I suspect they have in the past claimed to be gods. But of course, I know they aren’t. They aren’t the creators of humanity or the universe. They merely possess immortality and the ability to manipulate matter and affect minds.
That doesn’t give them the right to have power over humans.
Humans have the inherent right to self-determination.
Yes, and if they choose to be ruled by powerful beings, what right do you have to deny them that choice, Eve? Freedom means the right to choose your oppressor as well as liberator.
I squeeze my eyes shut, hating the fact that Soren has dipped into my mind. I don’t want to answer him in my mind. So I don’t. I merely watch out the window and try to forget that Soren’s there. I won’t give him the satisfaction of responding psychically.
We drive north and east and my anxiety grows as we leave Manhattan. I want to find Julien safe and alive when I return to Soren’s compound in Cambridge. My mind wanders to the punishment I’ll receive when I return and how exactly Soren will torture me… Force me to watch Julien be with Gabrielle? Deny me Julien’s affections? It’s hard to know what to expect…
It’s when we’re leaving the city that a truck pulls into the street ahead of us, blocking our exit.
Jan slams on his brakes and comes to a halt about twenty feet from the other vehicle.
“Get down,” he whispers, reaching out a hand to push me down onto the seat. Before I can, something crashes through the windshield and I feel an intense pressure in my chest, the pain blinding for a moment. I glance down and see a wooden arrow protruding from my chest right in the middle of my left breast.
I reach for it but before I can grab it, a cold numbness spread through my body and my vision dims.
I realize that I’m dying…
Chapter 120
The light is blinding in intensity.
I try to shade my eyes, but my body feels like lead, my arms limp beside my body. I don’t know where I am but it’s too bright so I have to keep my eyes closed, but I also feel a need to understand where I am.
The last thing I remember…
The last thing I remember is being in Manhattan and saying goodbye to Michel.
When my eyes finally adjust to the brightness, I’m able to focus and I see Soren’s face. He’s leaning over me, frowning.
“There you go, Eve,” he says, and holds up an arrow. It’s covered in blood and I remember that I was shot before Jan and I were able to leave Manhattan…
Soren’s resurrected me.
I try to sit up and find that I’m not quite back to normal. I’m dizzy and have to cover my eyes for a moment as I catch my breath.
When I open them again and glance around, I see Michel sitting on a chair beside my bed, his head bowed as if he’s been praying. When he looks up and meets my eyes, I see resignation in them.
Of course, it’s then I realize what’s happened.
I turn to Soren. “You did this,” I say, anger filling me. “You had someone shoot me with a wooden arrow so Michel would have to come to you and ask you to revive me.”
Soren smiles at me, but I see anger in his expression, despite the gloating look in his eyes. “I have ways of getting what I want, Eve. Never doubt that I’ll use them in the end.”
I turn to Michel, who finally looks up at me. His eyes are red, as if he’s overcome with emotion. Despite everything, he takes my hand and kisses my knuckles.
“I’d pay any price to keep you alive, Eve.”
“What price did he make you pay?” I ask, turning to Soren and giving him a frown. I know it’s pointless. I have no power over him but at that moment, I hate him for manipulating Michel.
All Michel wants is for the church to remain what he believes it to be. He wants to be a mortal priest and die as one.
Soren is so bent on revenge that he can’t let Michel have his one desire.
“Oh, stop with the mental theatrics, Eve. Michel made a choice. He had the opportunity to let you die, but he didn’t. He chose.”
“I did,” Michel says, and kisses my hand once more. “I made my choice.”
I look around the room and see Julien standing by the door. He’s glancing down at the floor and his face is unreadable.
“What about Julien?” I say, and at that Julien brightens. He lifts up his head and looks at me, our eyes meeting. My heart leaps to see him for I was afraid that Soren would have killed him when he knew I’d failed to bring Michel home.
“You did fail,” Soren says quietly. “But luckily, I didn’t. I knew how to get Michel back here even if you didn’t.”
“By blackmail,” I say.
“By any means possible,” Soren says. “I have an agenda and I’m going to do everything I can to see it through. If that means I have to force Michel’s hand, I will. I did.”
Soren leaves us and goes to Julien. “Come,” he says and places his hand on Julien’s shoulder. “You might as well leave the two lovebirds alone. Unless you want to stay and take part,” he says and glances back at me. “I’ve always wanted to see the three of you together.”
“You never will,” I say and pull my hand out of Michel’s grip. He looks upset that I have, but I don’t want Soren to think that somehow, this means Michel and I will be resuming a sexual relationship.
“Never say never, Eve,” Soren says and grins. Then he pushes Julien ahead of him out the door and closes it behind him.
I look at Michel. “What did Soren make you agree to?”
“That I wouldn’t leave again until everything’s finished – the plague and the end to vampirism.”
“That’s it? Nothing about you and me?”
Michel shakes his head. “Nothing about you and me.”
I frown. “I find that hard to believe.”
“Soren thinks that if he pushes us together, we’ll fall into each other’s arms and he’ll get to be all smug and say he told us so.”
“We won’t,” I say, pulling up the sheet to cover my naked breasts. Already whatever wound I had from the arrow is gone, healed through Soren’s powers.
“This is what Soren did to Julien to get you to obey him and ascend when I first met you, right?”
“Yes,” Michel says. “Soren wants the three of us together. He’ll do whatever he thinks will work.”
“It won’t,” I say.
“It won’t,” Michel replies.
I sigh and lie back on the bed, closing my eyes. “Did you s
ee this as a possibility?” I ask, too tired now to open my eyes and watch him.
“No,” Michel says softly. “I knew he might try to use you to convince me to come back, but I didn’t see this. It was a shock.”
I open my eyes. “I’m sorry he used me as a pawn. I don’t know what your plans were, and I won’t ask, but I’m sure they didn’t include coming back here.”
He takes my hand in his again and kisses my knuckles once more. “It’s all right, Eve,” he says and his voice is thick with emotion. “I couldn’t let you die. You’re necessary to the final endgame. Soren knows that, too. He wants to torture us, Julien and me, by dangling you out in front of us, like a piece of ripe fruit. I spoke with Julien and we agreed that neither of us would be with you until this is all over.”
I frown. “I don’t suppose you might have considered asking me what I think about that,” I say angrily. “I never agreed to give up Julien. I don’t see why I should.”
“Soren wants to use you against the two of us. We decided that it would be best not to let that happen. Beat Soren at his own game. Sorry, Eve. This is the way it has to be.”
“For how long?”
“As long as it takes.”
I pull my hand out of his and close my eyes once more. I’m angry, because I want Julien with me. I want to feel his body next to mine in bed. I want his comfort.
Take Michel. He’ll cooperate, if you give him a push…
I fist my hands and grit my teeth, frustrated that Soren can just pop in any time he likes and comment on my thoughts.
One of the perks of being a god…
“You’re not a god,” I say out loud, refusing to speak to him in my mind.
“Of course I’m not a god,” Michel says, frowning. “Why would you say that?”