She lay looking at the moon, through her bedroom window, and at last she fell asleep and felt groggy when she woke up in the morning. Her whole body ached as though it had been beaten, from wrestling with him, and her own tension as she tried to fight him off.
The children had woken early. And Helen asked her, “Was someone up here last night?” as they got the children dressed and ready for breakfast.
“No,” Angélique said firmly. She had already unlocked the nursery door so Helen wouldn’t suspect anything. She didn’t want to tell her, or anyone. She was too shaken, and embarrassed, although she had done nothing wrong. She just wanted to forget the incident had happened.
“I thought I heard voices, but then I thought I was dreaming and went back to sleep.” Angélique smiled at her and shrugged.
“Dreams can seem so real sometimes. I have dreams like that too.” Helen went to get the breakfast trays off the dumbwaiter then and set the table for breakfast while Angélique washed and changed the twins. George was already running around with a wet diaper, and she had to catch him to change him after she put Rose in the high chair. Helen looked tired, as they all sat down to breakfast, and Angélique tried to push what had happened the night before from her mind.
Helen cleaned the rooms that morning, while Angélique took the children out and kept them closer to the house. Angélique managed all five of them with ease. Emma pushed Rose’s pram, and Angélique chased George on his sturdy unsteady legs, as she kept an eye on Rupert and Charles. They had a good morning, and came back in time for dinner. She had just sat them down at the table, when she got a message that Mrs. Ferguson wanted to see her at once, in the library. Angélique couldn’t imagine why, but she told Helen to serve them the hot meal that had come up, and she’d be back in a few minutes.
She hurried down the back stairs, and came out in the main hall. The guests were in the drawing room before dinner, and she could hear them, and was startled to see both her employers when she walked into the library, and Mr. Ferguson told her to close the door. This looked serious, and they were both staring at her in disapproval. They didn’t invite her to sit down. Eugenia was sitting on the couch, looking furious, and Harry was standing behind his desk.
“Something very serious happened here last night,” he said, looking straight at her, “and I want you to know how personally disappointed in you I am.” She couldn’t imagine what she’d done, and she hadn’t complained about their guest coming to the nursery trying to rape her, and she could have. And she had done nothing wrong with the children. She waited to hear what it was. “I think you know what I’m talking about.”
“No, sir, I don’t,” she said honestly, alarmed. She had never been in trouble with them before, and Eugenia was looking daggers at her. She wondered if someone had stolen something and blamed her.
“I’m particularly shocked, given your relations. The cousin of a duke, however impoverished, does not behave like a harlot. Although His Grace told us about your mother,” Harry said with disgust.
“What about my mother?” Angélique looked dazed as she stood there, with the word “harlot” ringing in her ears.
“Never mind. Sir Bertram told us what happened last night.”
“He did?” If so, why were they angry at her? “I wasn’t going to tell you, sir. Nothing happened, and I didn’t want to cause a problem with one of your guests. I think he’d probably had a lot to drink.” Harry Ferguson stared right through her.
“He told us that you came to his room last night, and tried to seduce him. You offered him your body, and exposed yourself to him. He had to threaten you to make you leave, and before you left his room after he rejected you, you attacked him. He has the marks of it on his face this morning.” Angélique’s eyes flew open wide, and she stared at both of them. Eugenia was shaking with jealousy and rage, which her husband mistook for righteous indignation.
“No, sir,” Angélique said, as tears sprang to her eyes. “He came to the nursery and attacked me. I saw him when I was out walking yesterday, and he approached me. I did nothing to encourage him. And he came up last night, after everyone went to bed. I was in my nightgown, and he tried to seduce me. He kept trying to grab me, and he wanted to have his way with me, and I wouldn’t let him. So I bit him,” she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. She could see they didn’t believe her. Bertie had gotten to them first and convinced them that she had come to his room to seduce him, and attacked him when he refused her. He had gotten his full measure of revenge for her rejection. He didn’t take her refusal lightly. And she remembered what he had said about Eugenia begging him to come to bed with her, but she didn’t say it, and wouldn’t. They believed his story and not hers. “I’m telling you the truth, sir…madame…” She turned to Eugenia, who glared at her in open hatred. This girl, this nobody, this servant, had tried to seduce the man she wanted. It was unthinkable.
“I suppose you would have seduced him in front of my children in the nursery, if you could have,” Eugenia spat at her.
“Of course not, I would never do anything to hurt the children. And I wouldn’t have seduced him anywhere. That was why I fought him off, and he didn’t like it.” The tears were continuing to roll down her cheeks as she told her story, but she could see she wouldn’t be able to make them believe her, and she was panicked. What would happen to her now?
“Sir Bertram is a gentleman,” Harry reminded her. “He would never do what you are suggesting.”
“No, he isn’t,” she said in a stronger voice. “I thought he was going to rape me, and he’s very powerful.”
“Precisely, and you’re barely bigger than a child. If he had wanted to take you, he would have. But it was you who threw yourself at him, not the reverse. We wanted you to know how outraged we are by your behavior. You will leave this house today, by suppertime, without a character. We don’t want a whore caring for our children,” he said harshly, and his wife looked pleased. Bertie had been vindicated, and the nanny who had resisted him was to be banished.
“Today, sir?” Angélique looked horrified. “But where will I go?”
“That’s not our concern. What you do now is up to you. You’ll get no reference from us. We’ll have one of the grooms drop you at the pub. You can stay there and catch the next coach to London if that’s where you’re going, but we want you out of here by tonight.” He was adamant, and Eugenia was delighted. She wanted no competition for Bertie. And it never occurred to her to wonder who would take care of her children, nor did she care. The Fergusons were presenting a united front against the nanny they had decided was a “whore,” and no longer wanted in their home.
“And the children?” Angélique asked in a choked voice. It pained her to leave them. She had come to love them in the sixteen months she’d been there, particularly Emma, who needed her and she hated to abandon.
“The children are no longer your concern.” They left no room for argument, and she wouldn’t have argued anyway. She knew when she had lost, just as she had with Tristan. “You may go now,” Harry said, dismissing her with a glance at his wife. She was pleased.
“I’m very sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson. But please believe me, what Sir Bertram has told you is not true. I hope that one day you will know it,” she said simply, and then she turned and walked out of the room, with as much dignity as she could muster. As she crossed the hall to the back stairs, she could see Bertie standing in the drawing room. He glanced at her, with no sign of recognition, turned his back, and walked away, as she bolted to the stairs, and ran up to the nursery. She was breathless when she got there.
“Where were you?” Emma asked, looking worried. For a moment, Angélique didn’t know what to say and Helen could see she’d been crying. “You missed dinner,” Emma said, and handed Angélique a biscuit, which she had saved for her.
“I just found out that I have to leave tonight. Someone in my family is sick, and I must go to them.” It was the only story she could think of.
“Will
you come back when they get well? Do they have influenza?” Angélique didn’t want to lie to her more than she had to, or promise to return when she knew she wouldn’t.
“No, my darling girl, I won’t. I can’t. I will have to stay and take care of them. But I will always, always love you, all of you,” she said, glancing around the table as Emma climbed into her lap and clung to her and began to cry. Angélique was crying too, and Helen was shocked.
“Who will take care of us?” Emma asked her.
“Helen for a while, and I’m sure your mummy and daddy will find a very nice nanny to take my place.” But very few nannies would be willing to take on five young children—six, when Simon was home for holidays. Angélique sat there for a long time, and she put them all down for their naps. She promised Emma she’d still be there when she woke up, and then she went to talk to Helen in the pantry.
“Is that true?” Helen asked her in a whisper as Angélique shook her head. “You said you had no family, except a cousin who doesn’t like you.”
“That’s true. I got sacked, without a character. The voices you heard here last night weren’t a dream. One of their guests came up after dinner. I met him out walking yesterday. He’s a fancy piece, and he offered ‘a bit of fun,’ and I let him know I wasn’t interested. He came up here last night, in his cups, and surprised me. He grabbed me, and I fought him off. I didn’t know what else to do, so I bit him on the lip when he kissed me, and he left. He told them that I came to his room and tried to seduce him, and they believed him, and not me when I told them the real story. He’s a liar. He has an eye to Mrs. Ferguson, and I suppose he doesn’t want me interfering, but I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I was just glad nothing happened. Mr. Ferguson called me a harlot and a whore,” she said, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “They want me gone by suppertime. One of the stableboys will drop me off at the pub, and they don’t care what happens to me after that.”
“Do you have somewhere to go?” Helen asked, sorry for her and worried about her.
“No, I don’t. I don’t know where to go. Maybe London.”
“There’s a woman I know in London you could see to try to find another nanny job. She was a housekeeper years ago, and now she helps girls find jobs with families she knows. She’s very discreet, but no one will hire you without a reference.”
“I know. Maybe I can get some other kind of job, mending clothes or something.” She had come straight from Belgrave to the Fergusons, and had never been out in the world alone. The two women hugged then, and Angélique went to pack, although she had unpacked very little of what she had brought with her. All she really needed to put in her bags were a few of her personal things, and the two portraits of her parents. She had just put in the last of it, when Helen appeared in the doorway.
“I want you to know that I believe you. They get some bad people here sometimes. Her brother is one of them, but I’ve seen others. Be careful, Angélique. Find a good job where they’ll take care of you. I hear stories like that from the maids all the time. Don’t go to a house where the husband is after you, or someone’s brother. You were luckier than most last night. He could have forced you, and no one would have believed you then either. Not even if you got pregnant. Take care now.” Angélique had just turned twenty years old, and was not yet wise to the ways of the world. But she once again was faced with a bitter lesson about how ephemeral life was, and how easily she could lose everything and have to start all over again.
“Thank you. I’ll be all right,” she said softly. “I’ll miss you and the children.” Especially the children. She loved them more than their mother.
“We’ll miss you too. And God knows who she’ll get here now.”
“I hope it’s someone who’ll be good to the children,” Angélique said sadly.
“So do I,” Helen agreed, upset for her.
Angélique went down to see Sarah then and told her what had happened. It was a familiar story to her too. Maids got fired all the time, when guests lied about them, or accused them of stealing, or they got seduced by some guest who took a fancy to them, like the farm girl who’d had Mrs. Ferguson’s brother’s baby. Sarah hugged her and told her to write to them, and Angélique promised she would. And then she went back to the nursery in time for the children to wake up. She played games and read to them all afternoon. Her bags were packed, and just after teatime, she changed into her own plain black dress, and hung her nanny dresses and aprons in the cupboard. Emma was watching her with wide eyes.
After she bathed the children and put them in their nightclothes, Angélique left the nursery and took her bags downstairs one by one, while Emma sobbed uncontrollably. Finally, she carried the small trunk with her fortune and treasures and turned to hug Helen and the children. The three oldest ones clung to her, and she kissed Emma for the last time, and kissed the twins, and then she silently closed the door to the nursery with tears rolling down her face.
Eugenia was dressing for supper by then, when Harry walked in from his dressing room and said he wanted to speak to her. She told Stella to leave them alone for a moment.
“What is it?” She was still upset about the story of the night before. How dare that girl set her cap at Bertie! She was saving him for herself.
“You don’t suppose the nanny’s story is true, do you? I’ve been thinking about it all day. She seemed very honest about it, and we don’t know him all that well. It wouldn’t be right to send her away if she’s telling the truth.”
“Of course not,” Eugenia said, irritated. “The girl’s a liar. Can’t you tell? She went after him, and he didn’t want her. She’s an ambitious little piece, trying to land a husband among our guests. You’re such an innocent. I saw right through her.”
“I’m not as innocent as you think,” he said, looking her dead in the eye. “He’s an arrogant man. Be careful he doesn’t go after you,” he warned her. There was a limit to even his patience if she embarrassed him. And there was something about Bertie he didn’t like, especially after hearing Angélique’s story.
“Harry, don’t be silly. And I would never do that to you.” He nodded and didn’t comment, and went back to his dressing room, as Stella came back to do her hair. She was even more relieved now that Angélique was leaving. She was a complication Eugenia just didn’t need, and an obstacle she wanted to remove.
“I’m sorry to hear about Nanny Latham, ma’am,” Stella said as she arranged her hair in an elaborate coiffure. “She was a nice girl and a good nanny.”
“Not as nice as any of us thought, apparently. I don’t want a whore chasing my guests or caring for my children.” Stella didn’t answer. She had heard the real story from Sarah that afternoon. But they all knew that no one would believe a servant over a guest. And Eugenia’s motives were clear to them, even if her husband could be duped.
Downstairs, Angélique was saying goodbye to Mr. Gilhooley.
“Please believe me. I did nothing wrong,” she said quietly.
“I do believe you. Please take good care of yourself, Your Ladyship. Be careful.” She nodded and went out to the cart one of the grooms had saddled up for her with her bags in the back, to take her to the pub. Mr. Gilhooley came out and stood watching with tears in his eyes as they drove away.
—
It took them a short time to get to the pub, which was full of rowdy men drinking. It was noisy and smelled of ale, and they had three rooms to let. She asked when the next coach was leaving for London, and they told her there was one leaving at midnight, if she wanted to be on it. She preferred that to spending the night in the pub, full of drunks downstairs. She paid for a room for a few hours, and a stableboy took her bags and trunk upstairs, where she could wait for the coach.
“Will you be wanting something to eat?” the boy asked her.
“No, thank you,” she said softly, thinking of the children she had left, and the journey ahead to the city. She had nowhere to stay, and no connections now in London. And worst of all, she knew she would
never see the children again. Her heart ached at the thought of them.
She sat quietly in the room until the coach arrived, and then went downstairs and asked the stableboy to load her bags onto it. She climbed in and kept the small trunk on her knees. There was one man traveling with her, and he fell asleep as soon as he got in. He smelled like he’d had a lot to drink. And a few minutes later, the coach left for London with Angélique bouncing around inside on the rutted roads. She finally fell asleep just before they reached London. And when she woke up and looked out, she saw the sun come up over the city. She remembered a small respectable hotel near her father’s house in Grosvenor Square. And as she thought of it, she was grateful for her father’s money again. At least she would never starve, and would have a roof over her head. Without it, she might have been destitute in the streets. She could see now how that could happen.
She knew staying at a decent hotel would be expensive, but at least there she’d be safe. She’d been thinking about it all night. She was going to tell people she was a widow. And she would go to visit the old housekeeper Helen knew and try to get a job. And somewhere, somehow, with God’s help, and some luck, she would start all over again.
Chapter 10
When the coach from Hampshire dropped her off, Angélique hired a carriage to take her to the small hotel she remembered near her former home. She didn’t want to risk being in a bad neighborhood, or with frightening people. And she willingly spent the wages Gilhooley had paid her to stay in a safe place. She checked in as Mrs. Latham, had breakfast in the dining room, and walked around London for a while. Sarah had given her the name and address of Mrs. McCarthy, the old housekeeper in London. She helped housemaids, housekeepers, and nannies if she thought they were respectable, came to her through friends, and had references.
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