She’ll probably say hello and suggest we get together one day.
But people don’t mean it when they say, “I’ll call you,” or “We’ll get together.”
They forget.
I wonder if my dad said, “I’ll see you soon,” when he dumped me at Nana’s house.
I don’t think he forgot to come back.
I don’t have anything else to do, nothing to lose, and I only want to see the house where she lives in case this is my last chance.
On the way, I stop at a sporting-goods store and buy sleeping bags and a battery-powered lantern. Tonight’s the night we’re sleeping on the beach after the reception.
Thirty minutes later, I turn off the motor and sit in front of my mom’s house. It’s light yellow like a baby chicken. A For Sale sign stands in the yard.
I climb out of the car and take a deep breath. I love the smell of mowed grass and gardenias. It smells like life. On the way to the front door, I stop to watch a squirrel nibbling on a pinecone. It’s a great day unless you’re terrified about what might happen.
I knock on the door. Nobody answers. I walk back to the street, and a man jogging by stops and tells me the house has been empty for a couple of weeks. It’s going to be a hard sale because the inside is a dump and needs total renovation. “I’m just warning you,” he says. He explains it was a foreclosure and will be up for auction.
I guess my mom couldn’t pay the mortgage.
Back at the hotel, I go to my room and step onto the balcony. The courtyard is deserted, and all I hear is a bird singing its heart out. I call Luna. She still has a headache.
“I’ll be right over,” I say. I grab some Tylenol from the first aid kit in my backpack and a washcloth from the bathroom. I get the ice bucket and fill it at the machine next to the elevator. Then I head to her room.
When she opens the door, her hair’s messed up, and she’s wearing the big T-shirt she bought at the truck stop.
“I brought Tylenol and an ice pack,” I say.
She nods, and I step inside.
She sits on the bed.
In the bathroom I fix her a cup of water and an ice pack.
Then I give her everything.
“You don’t have to go to the wedding,” I say. “I can
go alone.”
She lies down and places the ice pack on her forehead. “No, you won’t. The pain isn’t bad. I think I’m more afraid of it worsening. I want to go, and we’ll be at the ocean. I really want to at least walk on the beach. I think the headache is from stress. I’ve had a stressful week. Why don’t we skip the wedding and go to the reception? We can leave anytime.”
“You really want to go?”
“Finding your mother and father is on the bucket list. You don’t want to have regrets, right?” She takes a deep breath. “I know I don’t.”
Luna pulls up to the security gate and stops. Ahead is the long bridge leading to the island. “We’re here for the wedding and reception,” she says and shows the guard the invitation. He opens the gate, and she drives through.
Minutes later she pulls onto the long driveway to the country club where the reception will be held.
We checked out of the hotel and packed the car before we left. Luna said we don’t have much time and need to squeeze everything we can into the weekend. We don’t want to come back here.
“Do I look okay?” she asks.
Luna’s wearing her black dress. “You are beautiful,” I say.
“You look really great,” she says. “Your mother should be happy you’re her son.”
“Probably not. I take a road trip to see somebody who never wanted me around. Eleven years have gone by. Eleven Christmases. Eleven birthdays. I never heard from her.” I glance around. The parking lot is practically empty. “Joe told me that one time she was supposed to come visit me and didn’t show up.”
“Maybe there is a reason for this.” Luna parks at the side of the country club. “My mother says there is a reason for everything. Do you mind if I give you suggestions?” She doesn’t wait for an answer. “At the reception, you need to have fun and not focus on whatever’s happening with your mother.”
“I will.” I look out the window. There’s a couple heading inside. The girl’s wearing a long dress. The guy’s wearing a tux.
I get out of the car and slip on my jacket. It’s sixty-six degrees, so I’ll be okay.
We enter through double doors and a man asks my name. I tell him, and he looks at a computer printout. “Sorry,” he says, “your name isn’t on the list.”
“She’s my mother,” I say. I show him my driver’s license, which in no way proves I’m the son of the bride.
“Okay,” he says. “You can go in. Sometimes when there is an open bar, all sorts of freeloaders show up to eat and drink.”
We enter a large banquet room. It looks as if we’re attending a prom or something. I feel like an intruder, but Luna’s acting as if she does this all the time. She’s saying hello to people and smiling.
“Do you see your mother?” Luna asks, glancing around.
“No. I don’t know what she looks like.”
“Usually there is a receiving line, but we’re running late.”
That’s fine with me. I don’t want to have to get into a line to meet my mother.
We go over to a long table filled with appetizers, and next to it is a table piled high with gifts. There’s an ice sculpture in the middle. “Is that a duck?” I get a cracker and look up and down at the six-foot creature.
“It’s a swan,” Luna says.
It looks like a duck to me. “I didn’t get them a gift,” I say.
“You made it here, didn’t you?” Luna says. “Which is an almost miracle.”
“Because of you,” I say, looking at a painting on the wall of a naked man eating an apple. I take a deep breath and smell alcohol and smoke. I wring my hands and look around for my mother. I’ll tell her…I don’t know what I’ll say.
We weave through the crowd holding hands. I hear talk about Chicago, LA, and New York. I see a gigantic sliding door and a deck.
“Let’s go outside,” I say.
“Why?”
“I think the ocean’s out there.”
We step onto the deck. A half-dozen people are standing around talking. The ocean roars, and the wind’s blowing. We go to the railing. The view steals my breath. I can hear the waves and smell the salty air and the smoke from the smokers. The ocean stretches forever, and the crests of the waves are foamy white. This is like something I’d see on the National Geographic Channel.
“I’ve never seen waves so enormous,” Luna says.
“There is a hurricane in the Atlantic,” a guy standing a few feet away says. He’s probably in his early thirties, and he’s tanned. “It’s great weather for surfing. If you’re around tomorrow, you can join us.”
“I can’t,” I say, looking at the ocean. “I probably need to be able to keep my two feet on the ground first.” I grin.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him looking at my cane. “What about you?” he asks Luna. “It’s heaven on earth.”
“I already have plans.” Luna smiles at me. Heaven on earth is her smile.
I turn my head and see a woman on the deck wearing a wedding dress. At least I think it’s a wedding dress. It’s long, white, and lacy. She’s talking to a man in a tux.
My heart picks up speed. There’s nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide.
“I like her dress,” Luna says.
My mother’s looking in my direction.
“Go speak to her.”
“I’ll wait for her to speak to me.”
I see Luna shake her head slightly. “She may not recognize you,” she says.
I lift my hand to wave, but I stop. The look on my mother’s face
is like she’s on a plane that’s about to crash. Her heels click on the deck as she walks away. I see her glance over her shoulder as the man in the tux ushers her into the ballroom. I bet he’s her new husband. My stepfather.
“Even if she didn’t recognize me, it’s weird she’d run from a wedding guest.”
“Maybe she figures you’re a freeloader?”
“And in a few minutes, we’ll be thrown out?” I say.
We look at each other and laugh. It probably won’t be funny if it happens.
A big woman comes onto the deck and tells everybody to go inside and find their seats for dinner. I tell Luna we won’t have a place because we aren’t on the guest list.
“There are probably extra.”
“I really don’t want to get thrown out,” I say.
“You belong here.” She hooks her arm around mine. “You are not leaving here with regrets.”
The tables are only half filled. Luna and I find a couple of places in the back of the room. A waiter pours wine.
On the other side of the table, two ladies are comparing their watches. One watch was handmade and cost $20,000.
I take a sip of the wine. “I hope it’s waterproof,” I say, and everybody laughs, but Luna kicks me.
The watch lady sizes me up the way she might a piece of meat at the butcher’s, and her nose wiggles like she has a big hair in it.
I lean over to Luna. “I sounded stupid?”
Luna gives me a look. “You sounded dead serious.” She leans over to me. “What’s your temperature?”
“You’re not allowed to ask me that,” I say. I check my watch. Ninety-nine.
My mother’s table is across the room on a stage. An older man stands and welcomes everybody to the celebration of Barney and Elizabeth’s wedding, even though storms are on the way. I wonder if he knows her real name is Carlee, and she dumped her kid years ago.
We start eating the salad. It has little flowers in it, but I don’t eat them. I finish my wine just in time for the waiter to refill my glass.
Then the best man gives a toast. His speech is slurred. I think he’s drunk. He starts talking about an urban legend where the bride had been unfaithful to the groom the night before their wedding, but the groom found out and placed pictures as evidence under the chairs. “Now, I would like you to check under your place mats,” he says.
I hear gasps and then the rustle of place mats.
“Caught you looking,” the best man says.
There’s weak laughter.
Then he goes on and on about what a great couple Elizabeth and Barney are. They’re meant for each other.
I eat prime rib, little potatoes, and asparagus. Butter drips onto my shirt.
The maid of honor gives a toast. In a shaky voice, she talks about how it sometimes takes an eternity to find your soul mate, and she’s happy Elizabeth finally found hers.
I’m eating cheesecake when I see Luna looking at the wedding invitation.
“What?” I whisper.
“I don’t know. It kind of felt like we were not at the right wedding.”
I look at her. She looks at me. She starts laughing. “We could’ve been the ultimate wedding crashers,” she says. “But I don’t think we are. Are we?”
“We’re crashers since we weren’t invited,” I say.
“But are we crashing the wrong wedding?”
“Maybe.”
“Life event,” she says and laughs.
Then Elizabeth and Barney dance.
After a minute, other people start dancing. Luna’s busy talking to the people at the table about wallpaper, but I don’t think she makes any friends when she says wallpaper makes a room look dated. Light, airy colors are timeless. Then she asks no one in particular, “Have you known Elizabeth long?”
My watch beeps so I get up and walk to the bathroom. It’s a nice bathroom with an attendant and flowery wallpaper. I wouldn’t mind hanging out in here for a while.
I use the bathroom and wash my hands. I’m feeling pretty good from the wine, but I won’t have any more. I don’t need to look any stupider than I feel.
The attendant, an old guy wearing a tux and a bow tie, gives me a towel.
I ask him if he likes his job. He says yes. He used to be an engineer and made a lot of money, but he lost his job and spent time in prison.
“I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff,” Fred says. He hates it when the drunks don’t have good aim or they vomit all over everything. Most of the men have been drying their hands on their pants or not washing so they can avoid tipping him. “But I am so much better off.”
I tip him and say I hope he has a good night. He says thanks and doesn’t even bother looking at the money. He says he enjoyed talking with me, and it’s one of the small things he’ll remember. He says I should always remember the small things.
I step out of the bathroom. The band’s playing “It Feels Like Rain.” Luna’s dancing close with a guy. I see the maid of honor talking to two bridesmaids by the ice sculpture, and I hear them talking about Elizabeth. I go over and get a grape. One bridesmaid says she’s happy Elizabeth found somebody like Barney. She’s had a very tragic life.
There’s another slow song playing, so I take a
deep breath and ask her to dance. I’d like to find out
why Elizabeth’s life was so tragic and see if anything sounds familiar.
The bridesmaid’s name is Em, and she’s probably ten years older than me. “I don’t really know anybody here,” I say as we’re dancing. “Are you Barney’s daughter?”
“I’m his younger sister,” she says, smiling at me. “Neither Barney or Elizabeth have any children yet.”
Okay. So Elizabeth doesn’t have any children. I need to tell Joe to get his money back from that detective.
The song ends. “Do you want a drink?” Em asks. I shrug and follow her to the bar. She gets a martini, so I do too. I take a drink.
“Have you known Elizabeth long?” Em asks me.
I look around the room for Luna. “No.” I finish the drink.
“Is the girl you’re with your girlfriend?” Em asks.
“No. She’s a friend.”
Em smiles at me.
Em’s friends come over and start talking. I listen and learn things I’m not trying to learn. Where to get the best massage (or tummy tuck), how it is insane to fly coach to Europe, and if you go to a doctor who sees mostly low-class people, you’ll get treated well.
I scan the room and see Elizabeth by the ice sculpture talking to Barney. What if I just go over there and say hello? It’s not like it’ll kill me to find out whatever I can. I have to say something now or I may lose my chance, plus I’ve had two or three drinks, and I’m feeling brave. I set my glass on the bar, grip my cane, and walk over to her.
“Congratulations,” I say to Elizabeth and Barney.
Elizabeth looks at me as if she’s seeing an alien from outer space. She clears her throat. “Hello,” she says. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”
So she’s not my mother, and I’ll probably get thrown out by security.
“I’m David,” I say. “David Hart.”
She stands looking at me for a few seconds. “Jan’s grandson?” she asks.
“Yes,” I say. “Jan was my grandmother.” I think she has to be my mother unless there’s another Jan with a grandson named David who was invited to her wedding. I swallow hard.
She introduces me to Barney.
“Nice to meet you,” Barney says and shakes my hand.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she says.
Elizabeth has to be my mother. I look at her and see if there’s any resemblance to me. I don’t see any. I’ll have to ask her. Maybe she had amnesia and forgot she had a son. “Would you like to dance?” I look toward Barney, and he nods.
I stick out my hand and lead her to the dance floor. The song is “You Raise Me Up.”
“Who taught you to dance?” she asks as we whirl slowly past the ice sculpture, me ignoring my limp.
“My grandmother.”
We move past the cake standing tall on a table. “What are you doing here?”
“So you are my mother?”
She takes a breath. “I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”
It’s like I’ve been stabbed in the heart. “Is that a yes?”
“I gave birth to you.”
“Do you know where my dad is?”
“I left the past behind me,” she says. “I am sorry. I feel awful.”
I have a feeling it’s because I showed up at her wedding reception. Rejection wasn’t part of my dreams, but it was my nightmare.
But I knew she didn’t want to meet me. I had a crazy idea that if she saw me, she’d feel differently.
“We had no reason to keep in touch,” she says.
No reason.
“He doesn’t want to be found,” she says.
When the song ends, I say, “I have had a good life.” I bow. “Thank you for giving me away, and thank you for the dance. I hope you and Barney have many years of happiness together. Congratulations.”
“Go home. Forget about me. Take care, David.” She’s choked up.
I turn and walk away. I’ve done great without you, and I have no reason to see you again.
I don’t want to talk to anybody right now. I go outside, stand on the deck, and watch distant lights from the fishing boats. The wind’s blowing hard now, and I feel the size of a grain of sand when I hear the roar of the ocean waves and see the billions of stars. I can’t move. It’s hard to breathe.
“David.”
I turn. “Hey, Luna,” I say, fixing a friendly smile on my recently stepped-on face.
She hugs me. It’s the best hug ever. She makes my heart race. It’s also the worst hug ever because she sees my sadness.
“I almost cried watching you dance with Elizabeth. I knew she had to be your mother.”
We keep looking at each other. “I’m fine. It’s beautiful out here.”
“Yes, it is. What did Elizabeth say?”
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