by Shirley Jump
“I don’t want to talk about Lucy.”
Ellie let out a gust. “Finn, you have to talk about something. We’re supposed to know each other inside and out.”
“That’s why I gave you the list—”
“The list doesn’t tell me anything more about you than I already knew from reading the magazine article.” She let out a gust and got to her feet. For a while she stood at the railing, looking out over the darkened homes. Then she turned back to face him. “Why won’t you get close to me?” Her voice was soft and hesitant. It was the kind of sound that Finn wished he could curl into. “You take two steps forward, then three back. Why?”
“I don’t do that.” He rose and turned to the other end of the balcony, watching a neighbor taking his trash to the curb. It was all so mundane, so much of what a home should be like. Between the crackers and the cheese and the sweatpants—
Damn, it was like a real marriage.
“What are we doing here, Finn?” Ellie asked, coming around to stand beside him.
When she did, he caught the scent of her perfume. The same dark jasmine, with vanilla tones dancing just beneath the floral fragrance. It was a scent he’d already memorized, and every time he caught a whiff of those tantalizing notes, he remembered the first time he’d been close enough to smell her perfume.
He’d been kissing her. Sealing their marriage vows in Charlie’s office. And right now, all he could think about was kissing her again. And more, much more.
Damn.
“We’re pretending to be married,” he said.
“Are we?” He didn’t respond. She lifted her gaze to his. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
She let a beat pass. Another. Still her emerald gaze held his. “Why did you agree to marry me?”
“Because you said that’s what it would take. To get on board with the hospital project.”
“You are ‘the Hawk,’ Finn McKenna,” she said, putting air quotes around his nickname. “You could negotiate your way out of an underground prison. But when I proposed this…marriage, you didn’t try to negotiate at all. You agreed. What I want to know is why.”
The night air seemed to still. Even the whoosh-whoosh of traffic seemed to stop. Nothing seemed to move or breathe in the space of time that Ellie waited for his answer. He inhaled, and that damned jasmine perfume teased at his senses, reawakened his desire.
Why had he married her? She was right—he could have offered something else in return for her cooperation on the hospital project. Or he could have just said no. “I guess I just really needed that project to help my business get back on track.”
She took a step closer, and lifted her chin. “I don’t believe you.”
“Truly, it was all about business for me.”
“And that was all?”
She was mere inches away from him. A half step, no more, and she’d be against him. Desire pulsed in his veins, thundered in his head. His gaze dropped from her eyes to her lips, to her curves. “No,” he said, with a ragged breath, cursing the truth that slipped through his lips. “It’s not.”
Then he closed that gap, and reached up to capture one of those tendrils of her hair. All day, he’d wanted to do this, to let one silky strand slip through his grasp. “Is it for you?” he asked.
She swallowed, then shook her head. “No. It’s not.” She bit her lip, let it go. “It’s becoming more for me. A lot more.”
Finn watched her lips form the words, felt the whisper of her breath against his mouth. And he stopped listening to his common sense.
He leaned in, and kissed Ellie. She seemed to melt into him, her body curving against his, fitting perfectly against his chest, in his arms. She was soft where he was hard, sweet where he was sour, and the opposite of him in every way. Finn kissed her slow at first, then harder, faster, letting the raging need sweep over him and guide his mouth, his hands. She pressed into him, and he groaned, in agony for more of her, of this.
His cell phone began to ring, its insistent trill ripping through the fog in Finn’s brain. He jerked away from Ellie, then stepped away. “I’m sorry.” He flipped out the phone, but the call had already gone to voice mail. The interruption had served its purpose.
Finn had regained his senses.
Ellie stepped toward him, a smile on her lips, and everything in Finn wanted to take her in his arms and pick up where they left off. But doing so would only do the one thing he was trying to avoid—
Plunge him headlong down that path of wild and crazy. The kind of roller-coaster romance that led to bad decisions, bad matches, and in the end, unhappiness and broken hearts.
“We can’t do this.” He put some distance between them and picked up his glass, just to have something to do with his hands—something other than touch Ellie again.
“Can’t do what?” A smile curved across her face. “Let this lead to something more than a contract?”
“Especially not that. We can’t treat this like…like a real marriage. It’s a business partnership. And that’s all.” He shook his head and put the glass back on the tray. The remains of their snack sat there, mocking him. Tempting him to go back to pretending this was something that it wasn’t.
But Ellie wasn’t so easily dissuaded. She stood before him, hands on her hips. “What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything. I just think it’s best if we keep this business only.”
“So that’s what that kiss was, business only?”
“No, that was a mistake. One I won’t make again.”
“And the rooftop dinner? The kiss in the courthouse? Also mistakes?”
He sighed. This was why he hadn’t wanted to go down this path. He could already see hurt brimming in Ellie’s eyes. He’d done this—he’d made her believe their fake marriage might be leading to something more—and he’d been wrong.
Was any project worth hurting Ellie? Seeing her crying, just like he had seen his mother crying so many times?
He exhaled, then pushed the words out. The words he should have said long ago. “After the interview, I don’t think we should wait to annul this marriage.” There. He’d said it. Fast, like ripping off a bandage.
Didn’t stop it from hurting, though.
Her green eyes filled with disbelief. A ripple of shock filled her features. “What?”
“The business deal can be maintained if you want,” he said. He kept his voice neutral, his stance professional. If he treated this like business as usual, perhaps she would, too. But the notes of her perfume kept teasing at his senses while the tears in her green eyes begged him to reconsider. Finn struggled to stick to his resolve. This was the best thing, all around. “Uh, if you like, I’ll keep my team in place at WW, and help you through the project. It seems like they’re working well together. No reason to break that up.”
“That wasn’t the deal. You were supposed to help me adopt Jiao.”
“I’ll do my part. When the interview is set up, just let me know and I’ll be here for that.”
“Pretending to be my husband.”
“Wasn’t that the arrangement?”
She didn’t say anything for a while. Outside her building, a car honked, and a dog barked. Night birds twittered at each other, and the breeze whispered over them all.
“Was that all you were doing a minute ago? Sealing a business deal?”
She made him sound so cold, calculated. So like the Hawk nickname he hated. “You think that’s the only reason I kissed you?”
“Isn’t it? You wanted an alliance that would help your company. I wanted a child. We each get what we want out of this marriage. It’s as simple as that. That’s all this marriage is about. A simple business transaction.” She took a step closer, her gaze locked on his. “Isn’t it? Or did it start t
o become something more for you, too?”
She was asking him for the truth. Why had he married her if it wasn’t about the business?
He couldn’t tell her it was because he was tired of sleeping on that sofa bed. That he was tired of hearing nothing other than his own breath in his apartment. Tired of spending his days working and his nights wondering why he was working so hard. And that when he had met Ellie he had started to wonder what it would be like to have more.
But he didn’t.
Because doing that would open a window into his heart, and if he did that, he’d never be able to walk away from Ellie Winston. He’d get tangled up in the kind of heated love story that he had always done his best to avoid. No, better to keep this cold, impersonal. Let her think the worst of him.
He let out a gust. “This is anything but simple.”
“Why? What is so bad about getting involved with someone, Finn? What makes you so afraid of doing that?”
“I’m not afraid of getting involved. We got married, remember?”
“In name only. That’s not a relationship. It’s a contract. And I know that’s what I said I wanted when we started this thing, but…” She let out a long breath and shook her head. “You know, a few times, I’ve thought I’ve seen a different side of you, a side that is downright human. And that made me wonder what it would be like to take a chance with you. I’m not a woman who takes chances easily, especially with my heart. But in the end, you keep coming back to being the Hawk.”
He scowled. “That’s not true.”
“You’re a coward, Finn.” She turned away. “I don’t know why I thought…why I thought anything at all.”
Why couldn’t she understand that he was trying to be smart, to put reality ahead of a fantasy they would never have? Acting without thinking and living in a dream bubble got people hurt. Ellie needed to understand that.
“You think we can turn this fantasy into a real marriage?” he asked. “Tell me the truth, Ellie. Was a part of you hoping that maybe, just maybe, we’d work out and make a happy little family with two-point-five kids and a dog?”
“No.” She shook her head, and tears brimmed in her eyes. Above them, a light rain began to fall, but they both ignored it. “Not anymore.”
His gaze went to the glass balcony door. The reflection of the neighborhood lights shimmered on the glass like mischievous eyes. Droplets of rain slid slowly down the glass, and Finn thought how like tears the rain could appear. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But I have to be clear. I can’t give you any more than what the contract stipulated.”
Ellie didn’t see the ramifications that he could. He had been through this already, seen his parents suffer every day they lived together. Sure, he and Ellie could have some hot, fiery romance, but in the end, they’d crash and burn, and the child would be the one who suffered the most. She was already starting to head down that road, and if he didn’t detour them now, it would go nowhere good.
Tears began to slide down Ellie’s cheeks, and for a moment, Finn’s determination faltered. “That’s all I am? A contract?”
“That’s what you wanted, Ellie. And it’s what’s best for all of us.” Then he turned on his heel and headed out into the rain.
Before the tears in her eyes undid all his resolve.
CHAPTER EIGHT
HE WAS having a good day. The smile on Henry Winston’s face told Ellie that, along with the doctor’s tentatively positive report. They were on an upswing right now, and her father was gaining ground. For the first time, the doctor had used the words “when he goes home.”
Gratitude flooded Ellie, and she scooted the vinyl armchair closer to her father’s bedside. Happy sunlight streamed through the windows of his room at Brigham and Women’s Hospital. Her father had more color in his face today. The tray of food beside him was nearly empty. All good signs. Very good.
After last night’s bitter disappointment with Finn, Ellie could use some good news. She’d tossed and turned all night, trying to think of a way to convince Finn to help her with Jiao. If he didn’t, how would she make this work? He hadn’t said for sure he’d get an annulment, but she hadn’t heard from him since the conversation on the balcony. She could pick up the phone and call him herself, but she didn’t. Because she didn’t want to hear him say he’d ended their marriage. And ended Ellie’s hopes for adopting Jiao.
Maybe Linda could try appealing to the Chinese again. Perhaps if they saw how committed Ellie was to adopting Jiao, they’d relent on the marriage rule.
Ellie bit back a sigh. From all Linda had told her, that was highly unlikely. Ellie was back at square one, with Jiao stuck in the same spot. Finn had let her down. He’d accused her of wanting this to be a real marriage.
Was he right? Did a part of her hope, after those kisses and that dinner, and all the jokes and smiles, that maybe this was turning into something more than just a platonic partnership?
She glanced out the window, at the city that held them both, and at the same time separated them, and realized yes, she had. She’d let herself believe in the fairy tale. She’d started to fall for him, to let down her guard, to do the one thing she’d vowed she wouldn’t do—entangle her heart.
Time to get real, she told herself, and stop seeing happy endings where there weren’t any.
For now, Ellie focused on her father instead. One thing at a time. “How are you doing, Dad?”
“Much better now that you’re here.” He gave her a smile, one that was weaker than Henry’s usual hearty grin. But beneath the thick white hair, the same green eyes as always lit with happiness at her presence. “They’ve got me on a new med. So far, it seems to be working pretty well.” He lifted an arm, did a weak flex. “I’ll be ready to run the Boston marathon before you know it.”
She laughed. “And the Ironman after that?”
“Of course.” He grinned, then flicked off his bedside television. His roommate had gone home yesterday, so the hospital room was quiet—or as quiet as a room in one of Boston’s busiest medical facilities could be. “How are you doing, Ellie girl?”
“I’m fine, Dad. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Ah, but I do. There’s some things that don’t stop just because your kids grow up.”
She gave her father’s hand a tight squeeze. She wasn’t about to unload her problems on his shoulders. He had much more important things to worry about. “You just concentrate on getting better.”
“How are things going with the adoption? I’d sure love to meet my granddaughter.”
Ellie sighed. “I’ve run into a bit of a snag.” Then she forced a smile to her face. Worrying her father—about anything—was not what she wanted. Henry didn’t need to know about her marriage or her new husband’s refusal to help. Chances were, Finn had already filed the annulment and Ellie’s marriage was over before it began. For the hundredth time, she was glad she’d kept the elopement a secret from her father. “It’ll be fine. It’ll just take a little bit longer to bring Jiao home.”
“You sure? Do you want me to call someone? Hire a lawyer?” Her father started to reach for the bedside phone, but Ellie stopped him.
“It’ll be fine. I swear. Don’t worry about it at all.” She didn’t know any of that for sure, particularly after Finn had told her he wanted nothing to do with the adoption, but she wasn’t about to involve her poor sick father. “Just a tiny delay. Nothing more.”
“Well, good. I can’t wait to meet her. I’ve seen enough pictures and heard enough about her that I feel like I know her already.” Her father settled back against the pillows on his bed, his face wan and drawn. “Hand me that water, will you, honey?”
“Sure, sure, Dad.” She got her father’s water container, and spun the straw until it faced Henry. She helped him take it, and bring it to his mouth, then sat back. “You sure you’
re up to a visit?”
He put down the water, then gave her a smile. “Seeing my little girl always makes me feel better. Now, talk to me about something besides doctors and medications. Tell me how things are at the company.”
“Good.” She hadn’t told her father about any of the problems she’d encountered with Farnsworth quitting and the rush to get the Piedmont project underway. She wasn’t about to start now. Maybe down the road when he was stronger and feeling better.
He tsk-tsked her. “You always tell me that things are good. I know you’re lying.” He covered her hand with his own. “I know you have the best of intentions, but really, you can talk to me. Use me as a sounding board.”
Oh, how she wished she could. But the doctor had been firm—no unnecessary stress or worries. Her father, who had worked all his adult life, had a lot of trouble distancing himself from the job, and right now, that was what he needed most to do. Whatever she wanted—or needed—could wait. “You need to concentrate on getting better, Dad, not on what is happening at work.”
“All I do is lie here and concentrate on getting better.” He let out a sigh. Frustration filled his green eyes, and knitted his brows. “This place is like prison. Complete with the crappy food. I need more to do. Something to challenge me.”
“I brought you a lot of books. And there are magazines on the counter. A TV right here. If you want something else to read—”
He waved all of that off. “Talk to me about work.”
“Dad—”
He leaned forward. The strong, determined Henry Winston she knew lit his features. “I love you, Ellie, and I love you for being so protective of me. But talking about work keeps me from worrying about work. I’m not worried about you being in charge—you’re capable and smart, and I know you want that business to succeed as much as I do—but I miss being plugged in, connected. That company is as much a part of me as my right arm.”
She sighed. She knew her father. He had the tenacity of a bulldog, and now that he was feeling better, she doubted she could put him off much longer about WW Architectural Design. Maybe she could set his mind at ease by sharing a small amount of information, and that would satisfy his workaholic tendencies. “Okay, but if your blood pressure so much as blips, we’re talking only about gardening the rest of the day.”