by E. L. Todd
She eyed the chair in front of my desk before she sat in it. Her head was bowed slightly. “Arsen…” Her voice cracked when she said my name. It was like opening an old piano and seeing all the dust inside because it hadn’t been used in so long. It sounded like it was the first time she said my name since the last time she saw me. “I know what I did was terrible—”
“Unforgiveable.”
She flinched slightly before she continued. “And I don’t have an excuse for what I did—”
“You’re right about that.”
“But I want you to know how sorry I am. I wish I could take it back…”
“That means nothing to me.” I said it with a straight face and didn’t blink. “If you’re here to relieve your guilt, fine. I forgive you. It’s in the past and I couldn’t care less about it. Now you can go with a clear conscious.” I pointed to the door. “Return to wherever you came from.”
She didn’t move from her chair. “Arsen, I’ve regretted that day forever. I should have turned around when I had the chance. I should have come back for you.”
“But you didn’t.” My voice was ice-cold. “You didn’t.”
“I thought it was the best thing for you.” She looked around my office. “And it looks like I was right.”
I couldn’t deny that. If I had stayed with her, who knows where I would have ended up. I’d probably be on the streets just like before but I never would have gotten out of the situation. Silke wouldn’t have found me. And I never would have met Ryan. “Luckily, it turned out that way.”
She held her purse in her lap and hugged it to her waist. “It wasn’t until many years later that I realized my mistake. But I thought you would hate me so much that you wouldn’t want me.”
“And you think that isn’t the case now?” I couldn’t stop being an ass even if I tried.
She didn’t answer my question. “You’re a grown man now and don’t need a mother. You don’t need anyone for anything. I know it’s too late to change what happened. I know it’s too late for me to be your mother…but I would love to try to be something.”
Those were words I’d wanted to hear my whole life. I’d always wanted to feel loved. I’d always wanted to mean something to at least one of my parents. But now that I’d finally gotten what I wanted it didn’t mean anything. “It’s too late, Sherry.” I would never refer to her by anything other than her name. “Maybe your request is genuine, which I highly doubt, but I don’t need you anymore. And I don’t want you.”
Her face contorted in pain and she looked down.
“I don’t have a mother but I do have a father. And he’s everything I need.”
She looked up again, uncertainty in her eyes.
“I went to prison for awhile for drug possession. I was in there for a year when this man got me out.” I didn’t want to explain how Ryan and I were connected. “He took me under his wing and into his home. He paid for my education and even opened up this shop for me. And he loves me…for no reason at all.”
She searched my face with watery eyes.
“He’s my family. You aren’t.” I nodded to the door. “Now go.”
Her eyes moved to the turned-over picture of Abby on my desk. “Is that your daughter?” Her voice came out like a wisp of smoke.
I didn’t answer her question. “Leave.”
“I just want to know more about you. Are you married?”
“You had the opportunity to know me. But you didn’t want it.” I rose from the desk and opened the door. “Please leave. I won’t ask you again.”
She stayed in the chair for a long time like she might defy me. But then she slowly rose to her feet with her purse over her shoulder. She approached the door like a snail, moving so slowly it was like she wasn’t moving at all. Before she stepped out, she looked into my face like she was memorizing it. “You’re such a handsome man…just like your father.”
I stared at the eyes so similar to my own but didn’t feel any connection between us. To me, she was just a stranger. To me, she meant nothing. She could die and it wouldn’t change my life in any way. I didn’t care if that made me sound cold. Hatred could do that to a man. “Goodbye, Sherry.”
***
For the first time in my relationship with Silke, I told a bold lie.
I told her I had to work late and I wouldn’t be home until she was already in bed. Silke hadn’t done anything wrong, but I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to look at my daughter right now. More importantly, I didn’t want her to look at me.
I kept my distance from Sherry and didn’t let her sink her claws into me. I made it abundantly clear I was just fine without her. Her maternal love was unneeded and unwanted.
Then why did I feel like shit?
If she had never contacted me, I would have been just fine. But now that she had it opened old wounds. I remembered all the lies she told, I remembered the way her men would torture me and she stood by and did nothing about it, and I remembered the way she would scream at me when I was drunk then force me to clean up after her.
How could I ever forget?
You doing okay, kiddo? It was Ryan.
I was sitting at a bar drowning myself in everything you could think of. If I kept up this pace, I’d walk into my house like a drunken fool. Why was Ryan texting me? And why was he asking if I was okay? I’m fine. I tossed the phone back on the counter.
Yeah? Then why did Silke ask me to check on you?
She did? How did she know? I told her I was working at the shop. If she knew I was lying why didn’t she yell at me? You know her…always dramatic.
Arsen, where are you? Even though it was just a message his command shined through.
Working.
Cut the shit and don’t make me ask again.
It was stupid to piss him off. Roger’s.
Ryan didn’t text me again.
***
Ryan sat on the stool beside me then waved down the bartender. “Scotch. Neat.” After he got his glass he took a long drink then set it on the coaster. He stared ahead and didn’t look at me.
I didn’t look at him either and took another drink. “Why did Silke ask you to check on me?” I was surprised she didn’t just contact me herself. When it came to our relationship, she was just as protective of me as I was of her.
“She knew something was off the moment you said you were working late.”
I texted her so how did she pick up on that? “Why did she send you?”
He took another drink then swirled his ice cubes around. “She said you needed me, not her.”
I faced forward and didn’t turn his way.
“She said you needed a parent right now.”
Sometimes it irritated me that she knew me so well. I didn’t mention my mother’s visit but she managed to pick up on it through a single message. That woman was like a mind reader.
“What happened?” He rested his elbows on the bar.
“She came by the office.” I finished my glass then ordered another.
“He’s had enough,” Ryan said. “Give him water.”
“Don’t tell me I’ve had enough,” I snapped. “I can drink as much as I want.”
“Not when I’m around.” Ryan turned to me and gave me a threatening look, like he dared me to challenge him.
I backed off and looked away.
The water was put in front of me.
“Did you talk to her?” Ryan asked, acting like nothing just happened.
“She wants to be in my life again.” I felt the anger rise as I replayed the conversation. “The stupid cunt lied to me and said she was taking me to Disneyland but she dropped me off at a foster home instead. The fucking bitch let her customers beat me up and do whatever the hell they wanted. That worthless excuse for a human being never told me she loved me. And she has the nerve to ask for a relationship with me? She has the nerve to track me down and ask for another chance? She has the balls to look at a picture of my daughter on my desk and ask me about
her?” I slammed the glass down onto the counter and it broke into pieces. I cut my hand in the process but I didn’t care.
Everyone in the bar stilled at my actions and stared at me.
“He’s fine,” Ryan said as he held up a hand to the bartender. “Give me a clean towel.” After he had it, he wrapped my hand in it and tied it in a knot. He didn’t yell at me for acting like a child. He didn’t react at all.
“I was fine before she came back into my life. I was doing just fine.” I shook my head. “She says she wants a relationship with me but I’m not stupid. I know she just wants money. She never loved me then so why would she love me now?”
Ryan watched me with a sad expression. “I understand why you’re upset. It brings back a lot of painful memories.”
“Her customers used to balance beer bottles on my head, and if I moved and made them fall they would kick me in the ribs.” I said it without emotion. “She knew this but never tried to stop it.”
Ryan didn’t react but his eyes appeared empty.
“They used to threaten me to clean up after them with a bat in their hands. If I didn’t do what they said they would hit me. That’s how I broke my arm.”
Ryan closed his eyes like he didn’t want to hear anymore.
“They took me in the bathroom and shoved my face—”
“Stop.” Ryan raised his hand to silence me. When he opened his eyes they were wet with tears. They didn’t fall but the emotion was apparent. “I can’t…”
It was the first time I’d seen Ryan be anything but strong. It was the first time I saw him do something more than remain calm and in charge. It was the first time I’d seen him…cry. “I’m sorry…”
He blinked his eyes quickly and got rid of the moisture. He wiped his eyes discreetly then readopted a stoic face. “You’re my son…now that you’re a parent you understand how painful it is to know your child is in pain.”
I did.
“I…I can’t handle it.”
I didn’t mention it again. I felt like shit for making him feel bad, but I also felt better knowing someone cared that much about me. If Ryan were there when I was that age he would have protected me from everything. I would have been safe. “I just don’t understand how she can walk back into my life and expect anything from me.”
“Who knows why people do the things they do. Maybe her request is sincere. Maybe it’s not. Either way, she should have known her visit would have caused you pain. When she realized you were doing well she should have left you alone. That’s what I would have done.”
“You would never be in that situation to begin with.”
He nodded then stared at his drink. He didn’t take another sip. “I know you’re down right now but in a few days you’ll be back to normal. She did terrible things to you, but remember that’s in the past. You have a family of your own now. And as terrible as this sounds, who knows if you would be as happy as you are now if she hadn’t left you.”
I nodded because I knew he was right.
“Look at it that way. So, she did a you a favor.”
“I guess…”
His arm moved around my shoulders in a fatherly way. “Do me a favor.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t tell Silke about that stuff…she wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
I shook my head. “Never.”
“Thank you.” He dropped his arm. “Now let me walk you home.”
“I don’t want to go home right now…”
“You don’t want to be with your family?”
“No…I don’t want them to see me like this. I don’t want to hurt them.”
He pushed his glass away like he was finished with it. “The beautiful thing about having a family is having somewhere to go when you’re down like this. There are people who love you and are waiting for you. So, isn’t that the best place you should be?”
“Wouldn’t that be selfish? To let them see me in pain?”
“No,” he said quietly. “Whether you’re home or not, they’re sad. Because they know you’re sad. Let them be there for you. Remember, it’s not just you anymore. You got two other people now. You’re a single unit. Whatever you feel, they feel it too.”
I stared at the bar and saw the reflection of the ceiling lights.
“Come on.” He patted my shoulder and pulled me off the stool. “I’ll show you what I mean.”
***
As soon as Ryan and I approached the house, the front door swung open.
Silke came out wearing jeans and a t-shirt, clearly having no intention of going to bed until I came home. Concern marked her face then relief replaced it when she saw me standing on the threshold with Ryan beside me.
Staring at her hurt my heart. I didn’t know why.
Abby came behind Silke, wearing her pink pajamas. “Daddy?” She looked up at me with her bright blue eyes. Then she spotted Ryan next to me. “Grandpa?”
“Hey, sweetheart,” Ryan said quietly.
Silke gave me a sad look like she was on the verge of tears just from looking at me. Then she hugged me tightly, wrapping her arms around me and giving me as much love as she could with just a touch.
Abby moved into my side and hugged my waist. “Why is Daddy sad…?”
I hugged both of my girls and rested my chin on Silke’s head. Feeling them both felt like home. This was my family now. Everything that happened before was irrelevant. “I’m not sad anymore, sweetheart.”
Ryan patted my shoulder and silently said goodbye before he walked down the steps and headed to his apartment.
I remained where I was and held my family, my true legacy. They gave me more love than I could handle. It was unconditional and powerful, and somehow wiped away the darkness that lingered in my heart. They made the sun burn brighter and my past grow fainter.
They made everything better.
CHAPTER TWO
Slade
I could barely keep my eyes open. My head was propped up with the palm of my hand, and my eyes felt heavier than ever before. Every few minutes I would dose off and start to lean in one direction before I was jolted back awake by the movement. But when I sat up again, the process repeated itself.
“Slade?” Trinity’s voice came to me, beautiful and hypnotizing.
I opened one eye to look at her, unsure if I was dreaming this whole thing.
“Why are you sleeping at work?”
“Because I’m tired,” I said like a smartass.
“Well, are you busy right now?”
I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. “I’m never too busy for you. What do you need?”
“Let’s go upstairs to the apartment.”
Did she mean what I think she meant? “What?”
“Let’s go have sex.” She snapped her fingers and pointed to the stairs.
“Like, right now?”
“Like, yeah,” she said like a smartass.
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. “Baby, I didn’t get any sleep last night because we were screwing the entire time. Let me nap.”
“No. We need to have sex regularly if we’re going to get pregnant.” She had that bossy look in her eyes like she wasn’t going to stop until she got her way.
“We do have sex regularly,” I argued. “Shit, we have more sex than the average couple.”
“Why are you being difficult right now?” she demanded. “You like sex, don’t you?”
“Well, duh.”
“Then come on.” She went up the stairs without waiting for me.
I stifled another yawn before I followed her.
***
The nice thing about trying to get pregnant was all the sex we were having. But the worst part of it was not getting any sleep.
I was happy with our previous sex life because I was getting laid at least once a day, usually twice. My cock was happy with that arrangement and I never went through a dry spell. Even when she was on her period, we powered through.
When we started doing
it nonstop, I was more than excited. I couldn’t get enough sex from Trinity. We did it at every opportunity, making love nearly five times a day. This arrangement was awesome in the beginning, but now that I hadn’t gotten any sleep in a week I was exhausted all the time.
I was so tired I even canceled band practice. Everyone was confused because I didn’t give a reason, and when they left the shop I stayed there and slept until I had to head back home. I would have stayed in bed and snoozed, but Trinity would have taken advantage of the opportunity to fuck my brains out.
When I got home after work, I took a quick shower than escaped to our bedroom. Trinity was downstairs watching TV with Skye, so I took advantage of the opportunity to crawl into bed and get some sleep. I didn’t care that it was five in the afternoon and way too late to take a nap. My body was exhausted and unable to move.
“There’s my man…” Trinity’s voice came into my ear and I felt her hands move up my chest.
“No…” My eyes were still closed and I wanted to remain asleep.
“Don’t worry. Just lay there and I’ll do all the work.” She moved herself on top of me.
My eyes opened and I gripped her waist to stop her. “Baby, I’m tired. Let me sleep.”
“You can go to sleep as soon as I’m finished.”
I tried to move her off of me. “I’ll fuck you later. Leave me alone.”
She moved back to the same spot. “Come on, don’t be lame.”
“I’m not.” I grabbed her then rolled her down to the bed. “Just lay still and go to sleep. My dick is about to fall off anyway.”
Her hand grabbed my shaft. “He looks pretty hard to me…”
“Well, he’s always hard around you.” I pulled her arm down. “I’ll make it up to you later. Seriously, I haven’t gotten any sleep in a week.”
“Neither have I but I’m not annoying about it.”
“You’re a robot.” I pulled the sheets over my chest. “Let me nap for a few hours.”
She released a frustrated sigh. “Fine. I’ll save you a plate for dinner.”
“Thank you.” I closed my eyes and fell asleep immediately.
***
When I headed downstairs, the girls were still on the couch. Skye had her laptop open on the coffee table just in case Cayson called. Trinity licked her fingers before she turned the page of her magazine. Once Trinity noticed I was downstairs, she gave me a heated look like she wanted to bang me right then and there.