He dropped his gear right there in the doorway. Even though Phoebe had slid the envelope under his door, he should still probably ignore it. He needed a shower and maybe he’d even give sleeping a shot—though that didn’t sound nearly as appealing as it had when Phoebe was lying next to him.
Goddammit.
Call him a masochist, but he had to know what she’d left. He scooped it up and ripped the thing open without finesse, dumping the contents into his palm.
Photos.
No, not just any photos. The nude pictures she’d taken the last time they’d slept together.
Hands suddenly shaking, he slid down the door until his ass hit the carpet. His scars were front and center in the shots, but instead of the ugliness that greeted him every time he looked in the bathroom mirror, there was a stark kind of beauty and a grim strength reflected in the black and white photos. Love, too. Not only in his eyes as he indulged her, but in every carefully composed frame.
Jesus.
What was he doing? All that shit about needing time? That was him being an asshole, and why she didn’t call him out on it, he’d never know.
He leaped to his feet, flung open the door, and found her standing on the other side, fist raised to knock.
“Oh my God!” She pressed a hand to her chest and stared up at him like he was a madman. Which he was. Then, regaining her composure, she backed up a step. “I know you said you needed time and I understand that. I’m leaving Afghanistan tonight, but I couldn’t go without apologizing for—”
He held up the photos. “Is this how you see me? No, look at me.” He gripped her chin, made her meet his gaze when she tried to glance away. “You said once you wished I could see myself through your eyes. Is this how you see me?”
She swallowed hard. Shook her head. “No. That’s not how I see you. It’s how you are.”
“Are you in love with me?” he asked, point-blank, although he already knew the answer. He saw it in the photos, but he wanted to hear her say it.
Tears filled her eyes, spilled over. “Yes. Very much.”
“Good.” Seth pulled her into his body and claimed her mouth with his, instantly remembering the shape, the taste, the way her lips moved against his.
How could he think he’d be okay for even a moment without this? Without her?
She gasped when he finally came up for air and he hooked a finger under her chin again, stared down into her dazed eyes. “I love you, too, Phoebe. Which is why…” He left her standing in the doorway and found the article where he’d left it on the bed. He held it up for her to see and ripped the papers in half. “I’m done living in the past.”
Again her eyes filled with tears. “But I hurt you.”
“You didn’t know me then. You were only doing the job you were told to do. Same as I was when I took my men up into the mountains. You told me I couldn’t keep holding myself responsible for what happened to them and you were right. So now I’m saying the same to you. Let it go. Kathryn Anderson is dead. Let’s keep her that way.”
Crossing back to stand in front of her, he cupped her cheeks in his palms and thumbed away her tears. “Will you stay with me? Please. Last night opened up a fuck-ton of bad memories and I don’t want to be alone. I don’t need time. I need you.”
…
How could she say no to that?
Without a word, she let him pull her into the room. Once inside, he released her hand to shut and lock the door. She should probably say something, but her mind was blank with shock. She hadn’t expected this.
At. All.
He claimed to love her, and maybe he did, but she just couldn’t see how he’d ever forgive her for the horrible things she had written about him when she couldn’t even forgive herself. If she asked him questions now, would he wonder if she was digging for a story? Would he ever be able to trust her with his secrets? How could they build any kind of relationship with so much baggage between them?
Seth exhaled a half laugh and walked toward her. His big hands curled around her shoulders and rubbed. “You’re thinking awfully hard.”
“I just—this isn’t going to work.”
“Why not?”
“You’ll never trust me again and I don’t blame you for that, but—”
His hands paused. “Who says I ever stopped trusting you?”
Shock reverberated through her. “You didn’t?”
“No, sweetheart. I didn’t.” He lowered his head, pressing his forehead against hers. “Here’s the part you call me out for being an asshole.”
“You had every right.”
“No. All I had was a shitload of hurt pride. The mission went sideways and I was wallowing in all my failures, then you went and put yourself right in the crosshairs. I was not in a good headspace.”
She swallowed. “What I said about Emma…it was wrong. I know she’s important to you and she always will be.”
“She helped me through the worst years of my life.” Seth released a long breath and trailed his hands from her shoulders down her back. “My captors took fifteen months from me, robbed me of my friends, my dignity, my sanity. Emma’s photo was the only thing they never took away and for a long time, I couldn’t get rid of it.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter anymore.” He reached into his vest pocket and brought out a photo too small to be Emma’s. He held it up between two fingers.
Her professional head shot, torn from a newspaper.
She sucked in a breath. “Me?”
“I’ve been carrying it since our fight yesterday,” he admitted, his voice little more than a thick whisper. “I realized I was clinging to the past and it wasn’t helping me heal. If I wanted a future, I needed to change and so the first thing I did was toss Emma’s photo and replace it with one of the woman I love.”
Oh, God. The sweet, sweet man.
She went into his arms, intending to hug him, but as soon as her body came into contact with his, she wanted more. So much more. She lifted her head to tell him how much she wanted him, but he was already a step ahead of her, his mouth coming down on hers in a branding kiss so hot she was surprised her panties didn’t catch fire.
“I want you naked, sweetheart.” His lips traced the line of her jaw to her ear and she shivered.
“Yes.” Oh, yes, she wanted to be naked, wanted to be skin-to-skin with him. She broke away from him long enough to pull off her coat and shirt and tug at his vest. He chuckled softly and bent at the waist so she could strip him of it and his shirt.
“What’s your hurry?” His fingers skimmed her bare shoulder, sending goose bumps racing over her skin. “We have all day.”
“Just means we can go fast this time and slow the next.”
“How many times do you think we’re going to have sex?”
She pretended to think about it as she unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, freeing his erection. “Well, like you said, we have all day.”
“I’m not a machine. And I only have so many condoms.” His soft laugh faded into a groan as she took him in hand and stroked him, massaging his sensitive underside with the tips of her fingers. His hand weaved into her hair and gripped her head as his hips rocked into each stroke.
“Jesus,” he gasped. “You can’t keep doing that. It’ll be over before it’s started.”
“Can’t have that.” She gave him one last lingering stroke before releasing him and shoving him down on the bed. “I want to be on top.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His gaze was fire on ice as he watched her strip off the rest of her clothes.
“Condoms?” she asked, swinging her bra around on her finger.
He moistened his lips and pointed to his bag on the floor. She found a string in the front pocket and grinned at him over her shoulder, knowing good and well he was getting an eyeful of her backside. “Well, it’s a start.”
He groaned. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
She tore one pa
ckage open. “Lie back.” Straddling him, she used one hand to steady his penis and rolled the condom on.
“Phoebe,” he groaned.
“Had enough foreplay?” She lifted herself over him and sank down his length, inch by viciously slow inch until he was buried to the root inside her and they both shuddered.
“Lemme see you move, sweetheart,” he whispered, skimming his hands along her waist to grip her hips.
She lifted herself up, sank down again, and rode him at a pace meant to drive him insane. And it was working. His jaw clenched and his fingers dug into her hips. He tried to hold her still and surge into her from underneath, but that so wasn’t going to happen. Not this time. She laced her fingers through his and peeled his hands from her hips, pinning him to the bed. She leaned over, tracing her open mouth across his chest as the angle of his penetration changed so that each thrust brought his pelvis into contact with her swollen clit. Her entire body instantly warmed and tingled and she quickened her pace, her breath sawing out of her lungs, matching his.
She screamed with her orgasm, the force of it taking her by surprise and draining her of every last drop of energy. She collapsed onto his chest, heard a growl rumble under her ear and then she was on her back, Seth rising over her with her legs looped over his shoulders. Already sated, she watched through blurry eyes as he took his pleasure from her body.
Was there ever anything more beautiful?
The cords of muscle in his neck and shoulders stood out, his jaw clenched as he surged closer to his own peak. After one last thrust, he groaned with his release and his muscles relaxed, the tension slipping away. He dropped her legs and buried his face in the crook of her neck and she held him as he shuddered through the orgasm.
No, she decided and sleepily stroked her hands down his scarred back. There was nothing more beautiful than this man.
Absolutely nothing.
Epilogue
Washington, DC
One Month Later
A buzzing sound startled Phoebe awake. She hadn’t remembered drifting off, but she must have because Seth lay next to her, sound asleep, his arm a warm, heavy weight over her breasts, his leg wrapped intimately around both of hers.
God, she didn’t want to move. Ever. Between their jobs and the long-distance relationship, it had been too long since they had been able to lie together like this.
Buzz buzz buzz.
Oh. Right. A phone was ringing in vibrate mode. She craned her neck to look at the nightstand, saw it was Seth’s, and nudged him in the ribs until he finally stirred.
“What?” he mumbled, sleep roughening his voice more than usual. “I was having a good dream.”
She smiled and kissed his cheek, knowing how rare good dreams were for him. “I’m sorry, but your phone’s ringing.”
He lifted his head and squinted at the clock on the nightstand.
“Is it after midnight?”
“No, not yet. Why?”
He shoved himself to his hands and knees, lingering a moment to trail kisses down her nose and chin before he reached across her for the cell. “Just something my dad always says. Nothing good comes from a phone call after midnight.” He checked the screen. “It’s Gabe.”
With a sigh, he settled against the headboard and wrapped an arm around her when she snuggled in beside him. He scowled at the screen for a few more rings.
“Better answer.”
“Yeah.” He hit the phone icon and lifted it to his ear. “Hey, Gabe, what’s up?”
Phoebe couldn’t hear Gabe’s end of the conversation, but whatever he was saying tightened Seth’s jaw. His muscles went rigid under her hand.
“Yeah. I’ll be there.” He hung up and cursed, disengaging himself from her arm and swinging his legs out of bed.
“What’s going on?”
“Gabe says the team has another mission.”
Phoebe smothered a spike of annoyance. So much for having a whole week off to spend together. She’d been looking forward to sharing New Year’s with him, even if it was in a hotel room in Washington, DC.
But she had to be understanding. He hadn’t made a fuss when she went to Papua New Guinea last week to research the rampant women’s rights abuses there. It was just…she was really starting to miss him. “Where are you going this time?”
“He didn’t say.” Finding his pants on the floor, he yanked them on, but left them unzipped. He leaned over to kiss her. “We’re meeting at Wilde Security’s office for the briefing.”
Her immediate response was to insist he take her along, but that was the journalist in her afraid to miss a big story. The woman, the lover, feared for him and she caught his face in her hands before he backed away. “Be careful and please call me when you can.”
His brow wrinkled. “Gabe said he wants you there, too.”
“Me?” Instantly alarmed, she threw off the covers and hunted for her clothes. “Why? Is Zina okay? Tehani? Zak?”
“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t think to ask.” Frowning, Seth grabbed his gun and jacket, but hesitated before putting them on and set them back on the bed. He pulled her into his arms, stroked a hand down her back. “I’m sure everything’s okay. Gabe didn’t sound alarmed.”
“Oh, God, I hope so.”
…
The Wilde Security office was located in a strip mall that had been closed for years. It wasn’t exactly a pretty place, especially now that the far end of the building showed some fire damage from an incident that happened while they were in Afghanistan. Due to that same incident, the parking lot now had enough new lamps to light up a construction site—but where were the rest of the team’s vehicles? Seth doubted he was the first to arrive. Everyone had been in DC to welcome Zak home, so nobody had to fly in from the far-flung reaches of the country.
Seth slid from his rental car and glanced around, unease creeping over his skin. His paranoia was clanging up a storm, telling him he was about to be attacked, which made no fucking sense.
Still, he nudged Phoebe behind him as he tried Wilde Security’s front door. Unlocked.
He took a cautious step forward…
And realized what was happening a second before gallons of cold water splashed over his and Phoebe’s heads. Phoebe squawked. Laughter sounded from the darkness and he swore, groping for the light switch.
The entire team—Gabe, Quinn, Jesse, Marcus, Ian, Jean-Luc, and Harvard, who was well on his way to making a full recovery from his wounds—stood around the room, laughing and congratulating each other on a prank well pulled. And they weren’t the only ones enjoying themselves. Audrey Bristow was here. Jude Wilde and his wife, Libby, had also joined in the fun—hell, knowing Jude, he’d probably given the guys this idea in the first place. Greer Wilde stood in the back of the room next to Zak Hendricks, who was wheelchair-bound after losing his leg. Zak still looked pretty rough around the edges and he had a long road of recovery ahead of him, but he’d shaved and had gotten a haircut and he was smiling right along with the rest of the asshats.
Seth glared at them all. “Did you really just call me out of bed in the middle of the night to dump cold water on me?”
“It’s New Year’s,” Jean-Luc declared and blew into one of those annoying horns before taking a drink from his champagne glass. “Who sleeps on New Year’s?”
“Who says we were sleeping?” Which, yes, technically, they had been, but only because they were gearing up for a round three.
“Well, mon ami, I am sorry for that. But, c’mon, we had to initiate you and this was better than some of the other suggestions.”
“Still say we shoulda made him wear a toga and dance to ‘Sexy and I Know It,’” Marcus said, slurring his words a little. He did a hip-thrust dance move that caused another uproar of laughter.
Phoebe smothered a giggle behind her hand. “Oh my God. They’re all wasted.”
Gabe stepped forward. “No, I’m not drunk.” At Audrey Bristow’s disbelieving snort, he added, “Well, getting there now, but when we ca
me up with this plan, I was sober.”
Seth scowled at him. “I thought you said no hazing.”
“It wasn’t appropriate at the time. Now it is.” He stuck out a hand. “You’re officially off probation. Welcome to the team, Ace.”
Holy. Shit.
As Seth accepted the handshake, Jesse let out a whoop fit for a rodeo-riding cowboy. Harvard gave him two thumbs up. Marcus and Jean-Luc slapped a high five. Ian, leaning against the wall with Tank faithfully at his side, smirked and gave a sardonic golf clap. Jesus. The fucker couldn’t do anything light on the sarcasm. Once you got past the sneer, he had a sense of humor like a knife. Seth laughed and flipped him off, which made Ian grin.
“All right, enough of the mushy stuff,” Jean-Luc said. “He’s official, we all love him, and blah blah. Now let’s give the man and his lovely lady some dry clothes and ring in this New Year right. Gotta feeling it’s gonna be a good one.”
An hour later, someone turned on the TV to watch the ball drop and everyone gravitated in that direction. Seth hung back, watching with a smile until Phoebe sneaked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I’ve never seen you laugh so much. Does this make you happy?”
He looked around the room at the guys, all of them grinning, some of them so drunk they couldn’t stand straight. They put the fun in dysfunctional—and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Yeah, it does. But…” He turned in the circle of her arms and pulled her flush against his body. Her fingers slipped under his borrowed shirt and played over the small of his back, sending a delicious shiver up his spine.
Up until meeting her, the only reason for his continued existence was to make damn sure his captors didn’t win. It had been his way of flipping them a big fat “fuck you very much.” But now he wanted more than existence. He wanted laughter. Friendship. Love.
Finally, he wanted life.
More than that, he wanted a life with Phoebe.
“But what?” she asked, smiling up at him.
He lowered his lips to hers, stopping just short of a kiss. “I love you, Phoebe. I want to make this work between us, whatever it takes. If that means I have to leave HORNET—”
Honor Reclaimed Page 27