by A. D. Ellis
So, Nate and I headed to Audrey’s a few evenings later. The plan was drinks and visiting. Audrey said she just wanted to talk and try to fix things. Once we got there, Audrey went on and on about the fabulous new red wine she had picked up at the market. She gushed about how good it was and how much we would just LOVE it. She insisted that I try at least a glass, even though “I know you’re totally lame and don’t even drink much.” Um, Audrey? Calling me lame isn’t really making much of a change. Nate cleared his throat and said as much. “Sorry, Beth. I’m trying to be better, I just need time to change my habits.” Audrey seemed sincere.
So, Audrey is right, I’m not much of a drinker, but I accepted the red wine that she offered in hopes of it calming my nerves. Things felt weird being here with Audrey and Nate. I tried not to think about it, but Nate had had sex with my sister. Albeit, it was before he knew me and it was only once and he said it meant nothing. I knew it meant nothing to Audrey, sex for Audrey was always meaningless. But it still creeped me out a little. I knew that I may one day contemplate having sex with Nate. Would he compare everything I did to Audrey? Would he picture Audrey when he was with me? Would I ever be able to get the picture of them together out of my head? I had promised myself that I wouldn’t let his past dictate our future but I had moments, like this one, where I wasn’t so sure I could keep that promise.
I sipped the wine and tried to pay attention to the conversation but I was feeling sort of out of it. Nate seemed to be trying hard to be civil to Audrey, but I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with being here. I appreciated his efforts since I knew he was doing it in hopes of Audrey and me mending fences, but I also liked how protective he was of me. Audrey was talking to Nate about some of their mutual friends; who was married, who had kids, who divorced already, etc. I felt a little left out to tell the truth, but I knew that Nate was doing this for me; we’d be gone in a heartbeat if I said the word. While I was half paying attention to the conversation, I remembered a voicemail I had gotten earlier so I excused myself to go out to the Jeep and get my phone. I was feeling really lightheaded and nauseous when I headed back into Audrey’s apartment so I bypassed the living room and made a beeline for the restroom. I sat on the cool tile floor listening to the voicemail on my phone. Man, the wine was really going straight to my head, I should have eaten something before accepting the drink.
Unfortunately, I was going to need to head to the center right away. An order I had placed was supposed to arrive tomorrow, but it appeared that parts of the order were missing. I needed to get the original order off my computer at the center so I could contact the supplier tonight about the items that were missing. This was super annoying and I’d never had this problem with this supplier, but I needed those items so I had no choice but to go get the order information and call them back. I was still feeling a little lightheaded so I knew I couldn’t drive. I hoped that Nate could take me, but when I walked into the living room and explained the situation, I knew that he was going nowhere. I took one look at his glassy eyes and shot a look at Audrey. She giggled and shrugged her shoulders, “He’s downed like three glasses, Beth! Either you’re sleeping with him already and it’s driving him to drink because you’re still so bad at it, or you’re holding out on him and he has to drink to forget that he’s not getting any! Don’t worry, he’ll be here when you get back. No hurry, we’ll just reminisce.” Audrey gave me a condescending smile. So much for mending fences. Nate slurred, “Audrey, be nice, Libby isn’t that type of girl. When she finally lets me in her pants, it will be totally worth it, isn’t that right, Libby girl? And I don’t think I’ve had three glasses, have I? I only remember this one glass.” Oh my, Nate was seriously drunk, he never talked like that! I rolled my eyes at Drunk Nate, gave Audrey an exasperated look, kissed Nate on the cheek, and took off walking toward the center. I would be able to be there and back within 30 minutes. My head felt like a balloon and it was all cloudy. Like I knew what was going on, but things were fuzzy or in slow motion. Ugh, no wonder I don’t usually drink.
Chapter 42
Nate
Oh, my God, something was wrong with me. I had one glass of wine but I felt like I had drunk the whole bottle. I could barely lift my head, let alone my arms or legs. I felt like I could puke but there’s no way I could get to the bathroom. What in the hell was wrong with me? I know I don’t drink much, but one glass of wine shouldn’t have done this to me. It’s almost like I was on drugs, or what I’d seen others act like when they were on drugs. Wait, drugs? I didn’t see Audrey pour this glass of wine. Could she have drugged me? Audrey? She’s mean, but would she have done this? Would she have tried to hurt me or Libby? God, I don’t know, I can’t even think straight enough to answer that. My brain is so foggy and my thoughts are coming in bits and pieces. Where is Libby?
My eyes close as Audrey is talking about people we both know. I’m trying to think about what Libby said before she left. Wait, where was she going? Oh, right, to the center. She said she’d walk because she felt lightheaded and she’d be back in about 30 minutes. It must have been important for her to leave like that. With my eyes closed, I picture my Libby as I try to drown out Audrey. Her voice sounds like it’s at the bottom of a barrel and I’m listening to her through ear muffs or water or something. God, my Libby is so gorgeous. In my dream I reach for her and pull her on top of me. My hands roam her body, reveling in her curves. Libby leans down to kiss me. The Libby in my dreams didn’t kiss as good as the real life version. Dream Libby reached between my legs and started stroking me. This is obviously a dream, albeit a good one, because Libby wouldn’t touch me like that just yet, would she? Shit, something it majorly wrong, Libby would never do this. It’s like I’m dreaming but I can totally feel Libby unzip my pants and pull me out. This isn’t right. My body feels like it’s right but my head feels confused. I can’t open my eyes but I know this is wrong. Libby wouldn’t do this, even though the fantasy has crossed my mind a few times. The hot mouth on my length brings my head up for a second. I force my eyes open for a brief moment and see a flash of blond hair before my head and eye lids fall back down. No, no, no, this isn’t Libby. This isn’t a dream. I can’t move my body, it’s like I’m paralyzed. Unfortunately, one part of my body doesn’t seem to be affected. I groan and try to push Audrey off me.
“Shhhh, Nate, it’s ok. I know Beth won’t do this for you. Or, she’d be really bad at it if she did. So, let me take care of you. Beth never has to know, just let me do this for you.” Audrey continues sucking on me then backs up and removes her clothes. I can see it all through the tiny slits in my eyes before they force themselves to close again. I feel my legs being maneuvered off of the couch so that they are straight out in front of me on the floor and my pants are pulled down to my ankles along with my boxer briefs. My mind is screaming at Audrey to stop but I can’t make my mouth form the words. I can only groan and make muffled noises. I keep trying to lift my arms to push her away, but they felt like they were incased in cement. I heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper and I felt Audrey’s hands roll it down my length. This is not happening. Please God, don’t let this happen. I tried to make my body stop reacting to her touch, but it betrayed me. I couldn’t see, but I felt Audrey’s warmth slide down over me. Even if I had wanted to pump into her body, which I didn’t want, I couldn’t have if I’d tried. I couldn’t move anything. Audrey did all the moving. She bounced her body up and down on me, taking me all the way in. I felt her lift my arms and hold my hands on her breasts. I had no clue how much time had passed, but I had a sick feeling that Audrey knew exactly when Libby would be back. I noticed she slowed down her movements and glanced out the window. I heard her say, as if she was far, far away from me in a tunnel, “Uh-oh, Nate, I think Beth is on her way back. Such a shame she has to see another boyfriend fucking her sister! Oh well, better she learns about it now than later. I knew you always wanted more than one time with me. Now, let’s make this good. I plan on you coming about the time she walks in the door.
And I always get what I want. No one should ever forget that.”
Oh my God, no, please don’t let Libby see this. Please. I’ve got to get Audrey off me. This will break Libby’s heart and I don’t know if I can explain this one away. This is much more than a simple misunderstanding. I mean, yes, I’m pretty sure Audrey drugged me because I can barely open my eyes, I can’t move, my head feels like it’s full of cotton, I most definitely would NEVER have voluntarily had sex with Audrey again and I would cut off a body part before I’d hurt Libby again. But, if Libby sees this, there’s no way I could ever expect her to listen to an explanation and actually believe it. I feel Audrey start moving again and I hear her saying, “Oh God, Nate! It’s even better than last time! Oh, baby, you’re so hard! It’s so good. Yeah, give it to me, Nate! Harder, Nate, harder! Faster! Fuck me, Nate! Oh, Nate, I’m going to come! Ahhhhh!”
I hear a sound, like a door very far in the distance opening just as my traitorous body convulses inside her as I come with a groan. It’s not a groan of pleasure, it’s a sound made from disgust and fear. I hear a sob that sounds like it’s coming through a pillow it’s so far away. My head lolls to the side and I force my eyes open only to see Libby standing in the doorway, tears streaming down her face. As Audrey turns to her and says, “Damn, Beth, again? You’ve got to stop walking in on your men fucking me”. Libby turns and leaves without so much as a word. Audrey slides off of me and I pass out cold into a fucked up nightmare. I have no idea how long I sleep, but the entire time is filled with flashes of what happened and my mind is torturing me with detailed freeze frames of Libby’s tear stained face over and over and over.
Chapter 43
Libby
I all but ran home, still feeling the effects of the wine, and barely made it to my bathroom before I vomited all of it back up. I spent the night vomiting and having vivid nightmares which kept flashing images of Audrey and Nate on her couch. Finally, at dawn, with nothing else to bring up, I crashed into bed. I woke a few hours later with a splitting headache and a broken heart. I made myself some tea and ate some crackers hoping that everything would stay down. When it did, I took some pain meds for my head. I couldn’t figure out why my whole body felt sore, like I’d been beat up. I sat at my kitchen table, and although I didn’t want to, I replayed the night before in my head over and over and over. I recalled Nate not even wanting to go to Audrey’s, but doing it for me. I recalled needing to go the center to get something off my computer. I remembered feeling lightheaded and sick. Then, and this is the part I had to force myself to pay attention to because all I wanted to do was forget it, I remembered walking up to Audrey’s door and hearing the most God-awful words I’ve ever heard in my life….“Oh God, Nate! It’s even better than last time! Oh, baby, you’re so hard! It’s so good. Yeah, give it to me, Nate! Harder, Nate, harder! Faster! Fuck me, Nate! Oh, Nate, I’m going to come! Ahhhhh!” I recalled my heart seizing in my chest and my breathing stopping as I opened the door to find Nate on the couch, legs out straight in front of him on the floor, with Audrey straddling him. Audrey held his hands on her breasts. She rode him hard as I watched and then I watched him shudder as he came inside her. Oh, my God. This is the second time that I’ve walked in as the guy I’m dating comes in my sister. What is wrong with me?!? Ugh, before I can even attempt to process all of this, I need to call into work and let them know I won’t be in. I either have the mother of all hangovers from one glass of wine or I must be coming down with something.
Chapter 44
Nate
Oh, my God, am I dead? Where am I? Is this hell? My head feels like it’s been bashed with several baseball bats. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT POUNDING SOUND??? My stomach is rolling, and I know there’s no way I’ll survive this if I’m not already dead. I crawl from my bed, with a brief thought about not even remembering HOW I got home or into bed. I drag myself to the bathroom as quickly as I can. My whole body hurts. What the hell happened to me?! I make it the toilet just in time to bring up the remnants of my stomach. There’s not much there, when was the last time I ate? Wait, God if my head would stop pounding for a second I could maybe think straight. It’s not just the pounding in my head, it’s a pounding in my ears almost like it’s vibrating my apartment. I can’t even string a coherent thought. I hear my name being called. Who is calling me? I must be hallucinating. “Nate!” I jerk my head up from the toilet long enough to see my dad standing at the doorway. “Ahhhh, Dad, I’m not feeling all that great right now. Maybe you could come back later?”
“Nate, damn it, your mom and I have been calling you and texting you for a whole 24 hours. At first we thought you were still with Elizabeth, but after a while we just got worried. I was over here earlier and couldn’t get you to even come to the door. I had to go home and find the spare key and come back. Christ, Nate, your mom has herself convinced that you’re dead or you’ve run off to elope. Now I get to go home and tell her that she’s been worried sick over nothing more serious than a bad hangover?! This isn’t like you, Nate! You get yourself straightened up and then come to the house to talk to your mother. She deserves to see you and you deserve your ass handed to you!”
Dad left and I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. I don’t know how long I slept, but I was able to get a few partially lucent thoughts to stick together in my head even though it was still pounding. I dragged myself to my bed and checked my phone. Fifty-six calls from my parents and 23 texts. I know my brain is rattled right now, I know I feel like a drug addict who is waking from a bad hit, but what I don’t know is why my parents have been desperately trying to reach me and there’s not a single call or text from Libby. A feeling of dread settles in my stomach, but I push it away. If I’m just sick, maybe Libby got the same thing, and she’s in bed sick like me. That would make total sense why she’s not called or texted. I bet she’s wondering why I haven’t called or texted her. I better contact her before I do anything else. I try calling, but it goes straight to voicemail. I text quickly:
ME: Hey Libby-girl. Sorry I’ve not contacted you. I’m guessing you’re as sick as me. My parents said they’d been trying to get hold of me for over 24 hours, so I guess I was really out of it. I’m awake now, and I feel terrible, but I’m at least among the living again. If you’re feeling up to it, why don’t you come over in a while. We can hang out until our date this evening. I have to go talk to my mom because she’s been scared I died or eloped to Vegas with you! Text back so I know you’re ok.
I waited a bit for a response from Libby, but nothing comes. That’s not like her, so I start to worry that maybe she’s sicker than I was. I text her again:
ME: Hey baby, if you’re still sick, just hit a quick reply and then I’ll let you rest. I’m just worried about you.
I doze a bit on my bed, trying to put together the last 24+ hours. I don’t remember much from the day before yesterday . I went to Audrey’s with Libby, it sucked, but I did it for Libby. Libby had to leave to go to the center. I only had one glass of wine, but I got wasted really quickly. Oh God, here comes more; luckily, I make it to the bathroom in time. After I’ve heaved all I have left into the toilet, I crawl back to bed. I try to clear my mind so that the jagged edges of my thoughts will start to fit together in some semblance of order. Slowly, I start to piece the hellish mystery together. I let the bits and pieces of last night, no, the night before last come creeping back into my mind. As the nightmare plays out, tears come to my eyes. What the hell happened? How did I end up having sex with Audrey?! There’s NO WAY I would have done that at all, especially knowing it would hurt Libby. Wait, I remember thinking that I felt drugged and wondering if there was any way I could get Libby to hear me out. Could I have really been drugged? Would Audrey really stoop that low? FUCK! My sweet Libby walked in on another guy she was dating fucking her sister. She’s got to be devastated. Damn it! Damn you, Audrey! I needed to talk to Libby, but would she even let me near her? I doubt it. No wonder she hasn’t contacted me or replied to my texts! Hell, she shouldn�
�t let me near her! I hate myself for doing this to her. I know that, if I WAS drugged, it’s not completely my fault, but I still had my dick in her sister, again, and that’s got to be killing her. I need Libby to forgive me, but I also need to seriously think about this relationship (or lack thereof now, thanks to Audrey) because I’m not sure I can date Libby since her sister is a fucking nutcase. Who am I kidding? Dating Libby isn’t even going to be a choice anymore. But, I have to get her to forgive me and understand.
After a shower, I sat on the couch replaying the facts that I knew were true and I kept coming back to my first theory which involved Audrey drugging me. Did she drug Libby too? Is that why Libby was so lightheaded and couldn’t drive my Jeep to the center? Even though I don’t want to think about it, the word rape is flitting through my mind like a cracked-out little butterfly. I’m a grown man. I’m fit and healthy but, if Audrey did what I think she did, I was basically raped. A woman had sex with me and I had no control over my body. I felt a new rush of nausea overtake me and I suddenly had a brand new understanding of the shame and dirtiness a rape victim experiences. I hated that I had no control over what happened. I felt ashamed that my body had reacted to Audrey that way. I didn’t want her, I didn’t want sex, yet my body responded as if I did. I guess it’s a darn good thing that I’d already set up those sessions with my new therapist because it appears that I’m going to need him for more than just anger issues.