by Kailin Gow
“I am sorry, Mrs. First, but please don’t blame Taylor. It truly was my responsibility to be a better house guest,” Salvatore said.
“I should say so,” my mother replied, tossing her decorum to the side.
Then Dad came back in. “Salvatore, your parents are on the way and will be calling when they land in DC.”
“Oh,” Salvatore replied.
“I say we end this evening now,” Dad said.
I nodded my head, feeling so low. I wanted to say something to Salvatore, but it was made clear that neither Mom nor Dad were going to give us an opportunity to be alone. I smiled at Salvatore and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Goodnight,” Salvatore said. Then he turned to my parents and added, “I truly am sorry for any harm I may have caused this family.” Then he walked out and my heart felt just as sunken as if he’d just boarded the plane back to Italy.
Word travels fast when something bad happens in my town. By morning, Allison had already texted me, demanding to know the dirt, and when I went to get my hair done I saw plenty of people looking at me and murmuring under their breaths. I wasn’t sure if it was paranoia, but I was pretty sure I’d heard words like hussy, molester, tramp, and other nasty insults being said. The one that really stung was molester. Salvatore was eighteen and I was nineteen, yet everyone was acting like we were eons apart in age. I knew that I’d have to deal with their judgment of me and that I did deserve it. I’d been untruthful and it had created a horrible mess. However, Salvatore shouldn’t have to be trash talked just because of what I did. Although he was too gentlemanly to do it, I just wished he’d play the victim. It would have cleared my conscience.
When it came to my parents and what they were thinking, I wasn’t really certain. I didn’t know if they were ready to accept that Salvatore and I were together and move on, or if they were hoping that when he left the entire thing would be done. I didn’t want to lose Salvatore and the thought of us parting ways on such a terrible note devastated me.
As my day of intense critiquing and scrutinizing over my “abuse of authority” came to an end the night was just beginning. It didn’t involve sleep. I was preparing to face the next line of fire—Salvatore’s parents.
They came over to the house and I realized that I was about to meet two people whose respect I’d hoped to have someday and they already had a tarnished, unfavorable first impression of me before even assessing what I looked like.
I sat there silently as Salvatore told his parents what was going on and he told them that he loved me and wanted to be with me. His only regret was the damage he caused the First family, for they had been very kind.
“Love her?” Salvatore’s father said, leaning forward. He stared into his son’s eyes and then glanced at me. I looked back, unsure if I should smile or look serious. I’d never been so self-conscious before about how I was acting and what I was doing.
“Yes, Father,” he said. “I love her.”
“And what about Clarissa?” Salvatore’s mother asked.
I looked at Salvatore, wondering who Clarissa was.
“That is for you, more than it is for me. Yes, she’s lovely, but…”
“But nothing. Our families have an agreement, one that you should respect and you shall honor,” Salvatore’s mother said.
Salvatore looked so shocked to hear what they said and I was more shocked than him. I felt like I’d just been punched in the gut by Mike Tyson. He had a girlfriend back in Italy and hadn’t bothered to tell me about it. It was apparently a serious girlfriend, too. I couldn’t believe it.
Salvatore’s father stood up and stared down at Salvatore. “You two say your goodbyes. This will end tonight and I don’t want to hear anything else about it.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” my mother said.
Dad shook his head, looking at me with such sadness. I knew he was struggling between my happiness and the harsh reality of the situation. Then he turned to Salvatore’s father and said, “Why don’t we go to my study and talk things through.”
The two men went off and although I knew she didn’t want to do it, my mom took Salvatore’s mother into the parlor to chat…some forced conversation to ease their pain.
As soon as we had a moment alone I leaned in to Salvatore and spoke quietly. “You had a girlfriend? So, this really was just about summer sex, but you wanted to make it look like I was the one who was doing something wrong. I really didn’t expect that from you. Chase warned me, but…”
Salvatore interrupted. “It’s not like that, Taylor. Clarissa is who my parents chose and her parents chose. We’re not who each other has chosen.”
“Then why stay together?”
“That is how many marriages happen among influential Italian families. I don’t know how to make you understand, but it’s not easy to just be bold and say you won’t do it when everyone expects it of you.”
“Actually, Salvatore, I do understand that. It may be a different culture, but that’s the situation I was in. I just don’t know what to do. I love you, too, but we have too many odds going against us.”
“So, tomorrow we shall appear to be friends, but in my heart I will know that it is love that I have for you,” Salvatore said.
“And I’ll know the same,” I added.
I wanted to kiss him so badly and it apparently set off some sort of radar because both our sets of parents suddenly reappeared in the kitchen.
“Come Salvatore, we’re going to stay at the room you’ve been paying for at the Ritz Carlton,” his father said.
“What?” my mother asked, looking so confused. Then her face blanched as she realized why Salvatore might have had that room. Aside from the day I found him there, we’d never been back there.
Everyone left with a forced pleasant atmosphere lingering in the air and when the door was shut, I turned to go to my room. I didn’t want to say another word.
Dad called out to me and I turned around. “The business will be fine, Taylor, but this thing you have—whatever it is—must be done. Understood?”
“I understand. He has a girlfriend anyway and is going back to Italy soon,” I replied. I walked into my bedroom and poured out my eyes, falling asleep with my dress still on and lying on top of the bed. I woke in the morning feeling so miserable that I couldn’t stand it.
Chapter 19
It was just two days until Salvatore was leaving and all of the things that had happened pretty much had squashed out any sexual desires we had for each other—or at least that I had for him. Every time I saw him thoughts in my mind would ring out, calling me a pervert, a molester, a disappointment to my family, and an embarrassment to the town or at least to the First name. I knew I’d get over it eventually, but it was so hard to deal with. The only thing more frightening to me in my life was when my dad had his heart attack. Other than that, this situation was one of the most harrowing things I’d ever experienced.
Salvatore had been to the office, but with his parents as they got their tour and were introduced to all the staff. I was there, too, but it was very different than what it had been before. The only person that seemed to have any compassion for me was Mary, my dad’s right hand lady.
“I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time, Taylor. Hang in there. It’ll all work itself out.”
“Thanks,” I said, but I choked up and couldn’t say anymore. My eyes welled up with tears and I thought I was going to have another breakdown. The crying jags were getting better though; I hadn’t had one for nearly six hours.
I walked back to my office and my mom came in a short time later. “We’re all going to go to lunch, Taylor. Come on.”
“Mom, I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“It’s all over and done with now, Taylor. Everything will be fine and you’ll just have to ride it out. I have a feeling that you’ve learned quite the lesson here, but it’ll all work out. Remember Dotty…her husband had an affair with his secretary and it was the sca
ndal of the town for ages, but now nobody thinks about it.”
“That’s because they’re thinking of me,” I protested.
“Don’t be a martyr. Get your purse. Let’s go.” My mom walked out, showing that her word was final and there were no negotiations to be had.
I got up and we all walked outside to the car. My dad had his three row SUV and we all piled in. Salvatore and I in the way back, our moms in the middle, and our dads in the front. We smiled at each other, both showing love in our eyes, but also so apprehensive. I longed to see that look I’d grown so used to in Salvatore.
Once we sat down to eat, we somehow got on the topic of my attending Harvard, something I hadn’t even begun pursuing the past few days. I hadn’t given it a second thought even, not even sure if the scholarship would still be available.
“It’s going to be such a wonderful experience for you at Harvard, Taylor. An opportunity to really learn a lot about their business program and walk away prepared to take over my end of things.”
“Dad, I’m not sure that I’ll be going there. It just doesn’t seem right.”
“Are you worried about the scholarship? Don’t worry, I talked with Chase’s parents and they are still offering it, despite it all.”
“It’s not that,” I replied.
“It had better not be because of my heart, Taylor. I will be fine.” My dad looked at me sternly.
I sighed and my dad continued talking. “You will have all the time in the world to learn the business and run the business after college. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can’t pass it up. I won’t let you do it.”
“Your father’s right,” Salvatore said.
Great! Now I had them both vying against me. This was another situation in which I was likely to give in. The only difference was that if I were to be truly honest with myself, I’d have to admit that I did want to go to Harvard. I’d worked hard for that opportunity for many years.
“Yes,” Salvatore’s father said. “Its reputation even reaches the shores of Italy.” He nodded his head to emphasize is point.
“I’m not even sure if my acceptance papers are still good. That was over a year ago,” I said.
“They are,” my mom replied. “I got a call from them yesterday. I had to give them some updated information, but you’re good to go.”
“Well, I guess everyone is set for me to be Boston bound in a few weeks,” I said.
Nobody answered, but the smiles on my parents’ faces gave their answer. His parents seemed pleased at the idea of me not being quite so accessible.
And then there was Salvatore. I looked at him and knew him well enough to know that he was thinking of what it would be like in the morning when he took off with his parents to return to Italy. Would we ever see each other again? We certainly weren’t going to get a chance to say a proper goodbye because we were still being watched closely. Our parents had turned into hawks, instinctually knowing when their young were even thinking about doing something goofy and swooping in to stop any additional catastrophes from taking place.
So, I hadn’t anticipated it but by the end of lunch my fate was determined. I was Boston bound in a few short weeks. I wasn’t able to focus or get anything done for the rest of the afternoon at work. I was thinking about college and I was dreading the end of the work day. That would be the last time that I got to see Salvatore for who knows how long–maybe forever. Despite all that had happened, I loved him and wanted to be with him. Neither of us had been perfect and it showed me how challenging a true relationship could be. Honestly, we probably didn’t stand a chance with an ocean separating us, not to mention two busy schedules.
I stared at the clock. It was 5:30 p.m. I got up and walked out into the common area of the building, on the far side from my office, and stood there. No one else was there quite yet and I just looked around.
Five minutes later, my parents and Salvatore, along with his parents, came into the area and everyone began to say their farewells. I looked at Salvatore and didn’t care what they said. I was going to hug him one last time and feel his body in my arms like I had all those joyful nights. I leaned in and hugged him tightly. He whispered, “I love you,” and I whispered it back.
Then his family walked out of the building and I couldn’t stop staring until he was out of sight. This time when I turned around I found myself alone, truly alone for the first time in a very long time. My heart was left aching and filled with love that I would never experience again.
Epilogue
That night I couldn’t sleep. I stared out of my bedroom window at the stars in the sky and could see small blinking lights from airplanes that were taking people to places they wanted or needed to be. Perhaps someone else was watching like I was, wondering why the planes also took away those they loved, and creating great distances and loneliness.
Would I recover from what I was feeling? Yes, I thought I would, but I couldn’t help but feel robbed of an experience I should have been able to enjoy. If only I’d done things the right way, maybe it would have been different.
I sighed and traced my finger on the window sill. I had so many “if only” thoughts running through my head at that moment that I was bound to drive myself crazy.
I blew a kiss into the nighttime sky and said, “Goodbye, Salvatore. When we meet again, I hope my heart is healed.”
Then I went to sleep, drifting off into the dreams of the pleasurable places he’d taken my body to in this one unforgettable, life changing summer I’d just experienced.
*****
PART TWO:
Being His
Prologue
I couldn’t believe that it had already been a month since Salvatore had gone back to Italy and I was resuming my life as I knew it before him. There were significant changes, though. I was back together with Chase, this time permanently because it was the smart thing to do.
Looking around my bedroom, I avoided the memories that I cherished most about it. It wasn’t anything in my childhood but ones of how someone considered too young for me by others had changed my life, making me realize what a woman felt like and how a woman should expect to be treated by someone who loved her.
This thinking isn’t going to do me any good. It’s not reality.
Today was a day I had dreamed of not too many years ago, going off to Harvard to start a quality education. It hadn’t come to be as I had planned, or most people would plan. I went to a local college my first year to help out with the family business after Dad has his heart attack. Imports had become my life in a way but not as much as the arrival of Salvatore had.
Am I ever going to let the memories of his touch and sexy body stop haunting me?
Salvatore had been off limits and the logical part of me knew that a few months ago. I defied the rules, however, for the first time in my life. I let decorum and what was expected of me fly out the window for a summer of passion. I took a lot of criticism for it since I was supposed to be his tutor and it caused a lot of damage to not only my name but to my then—and now—boyfriend’s family’s name, too. Worst of all was my mother and father’s reputation. They had taken the scandal personally but also showed empathy to my situation. Had it been worth it? Yes. They say that adversity makes you stronger and I proved that theory to be correct all on my own. Still, that was a fling, an ‘incident we will just put behind us,’ according to my mother. Yes, the incident where Taylor First lost control, going for sexual joy and erotic love compared to the proper role of an upper society girl who was to marry a family associated with politics and wealth.
I walked over to my mirror and studied my features for a brief moment. “You’ve changed, Taylor First.” My body moved more confidently and had the curves of a woman, as what would be expected when someone is twenty years old, but in my eyes was a certain…wisdom. To me, it said that I’d experienced something special and my life would never be the same again.
Enough reminiscing for me, though. I’d relived the past months�
�the good and the bad—a thousand times. Now it was time for me to finish packing my bags and head off to Harvard with Chase and move in to our new apartment.
I finished packing my last two bags and began to lift the heaviest one and make my way out to the front of the house, where the SUV was parked.
Two hands wrapped around me and I felt warm, soft lips kissing my neck and as I turned my head, I felt those same lips brush against my cheek. My body trembled ever so slightly. Those moments that Chase had where he was able to catch me off guard with his passion were always ones I responded to.
“I’ll take those,” Chase said, smiling. “I don’t want you to do anything, Tay. I’ll take care of it all. More than anything, I’m excited that you are going to be by my side at Harvard this fall. I can’t wait.”
He walked around to the front of me and smiled at me with his classic, All American, good looks and grabbed the bag out of my hands.
I smiled, knowing he was going out of his way to be my ‘everything.’ “I’m not made of porcelain, you know. I can carry my bags.”
“I know, Tay. You’re more valuable than any porcelain ever was.”
“Not the Chinese chicken cup that sold for two hundred forty million dollars,” I said playfully.
“What?” Chase wrinkled his brow. “Oh, that must be an import joke.”
“Indeed, but apparently not a good one,” I said, laughing softly.
He wrapped his arms around me again and pulled my face in, giving me a long, deep, driving kiss. It felt so good.