by Rinelle Grey
Hence the dissonance.
“Bring him in here.” Tyris opened a door ahead of Kugah, and motioned him inside. Tyris opened a second door inside with bars on the tiny window, and shrugged. “I didn’t think we’d ever need a brig. I guess I was wrong.”
Kugah set Talah’s feet on the ground, but didn’t release his shirt immediately.
“You’re going to regret this,” Talah threatened.
When he didn’t attempt to move, Kugah released his shirt. Tyris stood beside him, even though Kugah’s body nearly blocked the door completely anyway.
There was no way out for the annoying little man. That made Kugah feel happy.
Then he felt bad for feeling happy.
Damn the man. He had certainly never attempted to be peaceful, why should others try to be peaceful towards him.
Funnily enough, despite the man’s anger and violence, Tyris hadn’t even tried to hurt him in return. Which he probably could have.
“I don’t have time to deal with this tonight,” Tyris said. “I have bigger issues. Cool down, Talah, we’ll talk about this tomorrow. Or maybe the next day” He closed the door on Talah’s protests.
Once the annoying man was out of sight, some of Kugah’s discomfort faded away.
Tyris seemed to be having no issue with it. “Thanks, Kugah,” he said, as they headed back to the cargo bay.
Kugah suspected he would never really understand these humans. So much of what they did made no sense.
And so much did.
His mind attempted to make sense of all of it. He suspected Tyris had the answers he was looking for, but communicating was so hard, when he had to type everything.
Despite that, he pulled out the tablet, and tried anyway. “Kugah do very little to help. Talah is small and weak. You could have handled him without my help.”
Tyris gave a slight smile. “Maybe,” he allowed, “but I would have a few more bruises to show for it.” He grimaced a little as he spoke, rubbing his left arm.
Kugah looked, but could see no injury. “Are you okay?” he typed.
Tyris stared at him for a moment, then nodded quickly. “Yes, I’m fine. I must have bumped my arm somewhere.”
His tone sounded strange, but Kugah watched him for a few moments, and he seemed fine. He kept walking down the hallway, speeding up if anything.
Kugah thought about his comments about dealing with Talah.
The captain wasn’t boasting, just matter of fact. Kugah had no doubt that he spoke the truth. Probably from experience.
“Why do human’s fight so much?” Kugah typed.
Tyris stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. “It’s how we get ahead. If we just accepted a situation, like the one we all faced on Urslat, where the government was trying to kill our babies, then that’s where we’d be stuck. It’s only by fighting, either against the people who try to keep us down, or the situation, that we can move forwards.”
That made a strange kind of sense. “But getting angry means you’re not in control of your actions. How do you make sure you don’t go too far?” Kugah typed.
Tyris frowned. “Sometimes anger means you’re out of control,” he agreed. “Like Talah here. He was so angry it affected his perception of what was happening. But anger isn’t always out of control. If you understand it, and work with it, it can help you do stuff you’d be too scared to do otherwise.”
His words hit a chord with Kugah. That was exactly what he’d been doing when he left his home planet. Without the anger, he would never have been game to do it.
The realisation that his anger had helped him was strange, but comforting. Did this mean he wasn’t completely broken after all? If the humans could accept their own anger, could they accept his?
He was silent for the rest of the walk back to the cargo bay, and Tyris made no attempt to start a conversation either.
Once they re-entered the cargo bay, Kugah’s eyes immediately sought out Amelie. She was sitting at her workstation, staring blankly at the screen. Kugah felt sympathy immediately. She probably felt bad about the loss of whatever treatment she’d been giving Folly.
Whatever it had been. Kugah was about to head over and ask, when Kerit called out from behind them. “Dr Benton? Come here!”
Kugah turned quickly, concerned. Folly was so ill, and Kerit cared for her so much. With his newly found feelings for Amelie fresh in his mind, Kugah could only imagine how badly his friend would feel if anything happened to Folly.
Even as he turned, the note in Kerit’s tone registered. It wasn’t worried or sad, it was jubilant. A smile split his face. Chicken’s excited chittering filled the air.
Folly sat up in the bed next to him, also smiling, though her expression was considerably weaker. She patted the little skuttle who immediately curled up in her lap, humming contentedly.
What had happened? How had Folly recovered?
Amelie hurried over, a smile replacing the frown on her face. “Folly,” she exclaimed. “Are you feeling better?”
She checked the machines nearby as she spoke.
Kugah followed not even trying to participate in this conversation with his limited language skills. Luckily, everyone else seemed to be already saying the things he wanted to say.
“Yes, a little,” Folly said. She smiled at Kerit, who was patting her hand non-stop. “What happened?”
“I gave you a new treatment I developed using stem cells. It seems to have done the trick.”
“Is this a cure?” Tyris asked, his voice hopeful. “Maybe we don’t need to go to Kugah’s home world after all?”
“No,” Amelie said flatly. “It’s a temporary treatment, to buy us time. It has reversed the ageing, but it comes with some serious side effects, namely an increased risk of developing cancer. Even if it didn’t, Talah destroyed all I had. The Metamorphosis Device is still our best bet—our only bet—of curing everyone.”
Tyris nodded, as though that’s what he’d expected her to say. Then he turned to Folly with a smile on his face. “It’s wonderful to see you sitting up again.”
Amelie smiled too. “Your organs seem to be repairing themselves, which is more than we could have hoped for.”
Despite her smile, her voice was strained. Kugah wasn’t surprised. She was still under an immense amount of pressure. Hopefully, if they could find a cure, she could relax and be happy again.
She smiled again at Folly and Kerit, then headed off to check on her other patients. She never stopped.
Kugah watched her go, then turned back as Kerit said in a low voice, “I thought I’d lost you.”
“I’m tougher than that,” Folly said stoutly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The young couple embraced, and the touching scene was a little too emotional for Kugah. Without a word, he turned and left them some privacy, heading over to check on Amelie. Now that Nerris had confirmed he should be able to repair the ship, now that the possibility of returning to his home world seemed so real, he needed to see her.
The things he wanted to say to her weren’t what was on his mind as he walked across the room though. All he could think about was that he wanted to hug Amelie the way Kerit had been hugging Folly.
Chapter 27
Amelie looked up as he came over and smiled. “Hi, Kugah.”
Her smile was friendly and open, not a trace of hesitation. His lingering thoughts about wanting to hug her wouldn’t be dismissed. He had to keep reminding himself that she was focused on saving her people, not thinking about him and her feelings about him.
Despite the bad timing, he couldn’t help wondering if he stood more of a chance of their friendship developing into something more if he had his own body back.
It wasn’t as rigid and useless as this one, but would it be any more attractive to her? He would still never look like her people.
Never look like her.
Kugah shook off the thoughts. This wasn’t the place, and now certainly wasn’t the time. He had more important thing
s to worry about.
More important things to talk to Amelie about.
With that in mind, he pulled out the tablet, and typed quickly. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”
Amelie nodded. “Of course.” She followed Kugah back to her workstation, where she asked, “What’s up?”
His mind went blank. All he could think about was that he wanted to know what it would be like to hug her.
That wouldn’t help.
He tried to pull his thoughts together enough to express some of the things he was thinking.
“Nerris thinks he should be able to repair my ship,” he started. “Meaning we should be able to bring back the code for the Metamorphosis device to treat your people.”
Amelie nodded, but the expression on her face was concerned. She put a hand on his arm, her fingers warm and gentle. “Are you sure you’re okay to do this? I know it must be scary for you, to go back there.” Her soft, worried voice made Kugah’s heart leap.
“I’m prepared to take that risk,” Kugah typed. “It’s worth it for a chance to save these people. Your people.”
“Why?” Amelie demanded, her face haunted. “Why do you even care what happens to any of us?”
Kugah hesitated, but there was no lie that could explain his reasoning. The only thing Amelie would believe was the truth. “Because of you,” he typed. “Because I want you to have a future. A happy future, with these people you care about.”
“Why do you care about me?” Amelie’s voice rose. “Why do you care enough to risk your life for me?”
Didn’t she know? Didn’t she realise?
Kugah hesitated. This answer was even more damning than the previous one. But it was now or never. Her response wouldn’t change his determination, he owed it to her to be honest.
“Because I love you.”
Amelie stumbled back as she read the words, and stared up at him, her eyes wide.
“You can’t love me,” she insisted, her voice agitated. “We’re not compatible. Our races have nothing in common. It’s not possible.”
To Kugah’s surprise, he was somewhat relieved by her response. She hadn’t said she hated him. She hadn’t even said she didn’t love him. Just argued about the impossibility of it.
An impossibility he was more than aware of.
He didn’t blame her for protesting. It was crazy. It had never occurred to him that he could fall in love with someone so different to him. So different to anyone he had ever known.
Then again, that was part of the reason he loved her.
“Love isn’t about physical compatibility,” he typed. “I don’t love your body, or your race, I love your mind and your heart. Inside, those are the same, no matter how physically different they are.”
“I… I don’t know what to say,” Amelie blurted out. There were tears in her eyes, and she swiped them away with the back of her hand. “I’m… honoured… you feel that way… but…” she trailed off, then shook her head. “I’m not sure it’s that simple.”
“Few things in this life are,” Kugah typed. “It doesn’t change the way I feel. I wanted you to know, before I go.”
Amelie’s face was solemn. “True, we certainly don’t seem to be having an easy time of it right now.” She hesitated, then said softly. “I don’t know what to say, Kugah. I didn’t expect this. But I am glad you told me.”
It was the best response he could hope for, really. Kugah tried to ignore the part of him that wished she’d smiled and declared her love back.
He didn’t expect that. And he certainly didn’t want it unless it was what she truly felt. He could see that it was too soon.
Maybe, given time…
Kugah mentally chastised himself. He shouldn’t hope for that. It could only lead to disappointment. He would have to be content with the fact that she hadn’t run screaming. He could live with that. He was happy to admire her and love her from a distance.
Just so long as she let him do that, he would be satisfied.
Better that she didn’t get too close right now anyway. He couldn’t even begin to guess what his chances of making it through this journey would be.
So he just nodded to her comments, and typed, “Now I guess we just wait and see if Nerris can fix my ship. Without it, we’re not going anywhere.”
Amelie nodded, biting her lip. For a moment, Kugah thought she was going to say something, but she didn’t. Just sighed softly.
Despite the fact that it was hard, he stood up and nodded, and headed for the door.
There was no point in staying and continuing this conversation. Only time would tell if she could ever return his feelings.
At least time was one of the things he had plenty of.
Chapter 28
Amelie stared after Kugah as he left to return to help Nerris with his ship, trying to make sense of the turmoil of feelings that tumbled through her mind and heart.
Of all the things she’d expected Kugah to say, a declaration of love wasn’t one of them.
How could he love her?
How could anyone love her? She was damaged, broken.
But he didn’t know that.
And really, did it matter? He had to know that their species weren’t genetically compatible. Even if they somehow managed to make a relationship work, and she didn’t see how, they would never have children.
Which really, when she thought about it, was the perfect relationship for her. There was no pressure on her to have a child. No one would expect them too. Not even Kugah.
So why did she still feel disappointed? Was it because caring for Camali the last few days had reminded her of what she was missing out on? She glanced down at the baby in the sling, and the overwhelming feelings she felt for the infant made her heart sink.
Could any relationship ever have meaning when it couldn’t result in a child? Was the deep friendship and love she felt for Kugah enough to make her forget about what she couldn’t have?
Really, in this case, their relationship had nothing to do with children and babies.
So why was she hesitating?
It wasn’t that she didn’t feel the same pull. It had been on the tip of her tongue to return Kugah’s sentiment.
Something had held her back.
If she and Kugah had been the only ones left on the ship, she wouldn’t be even doubting it. But could her friends ever accept her relationship with the alien?
Would she, if it was one of her friends?
Amelie heaved a sigh. She had too many other responsibilities right now to spend time and energy dwelling on this.
To distract herself, she stood up and walked around the patients, checking on the monitors and chatting to everyone. When she arrived at Kerit and Folly’s beds, she was happy to see Folly looking better than ever. In sharp contrast to Kerit.
Amelie bit her lip, unable to shake her distress that she hadn’t been able to give him the same treatment that had helped Folly. He certainly needed it. His condition wasn’t life threatening at this stage, but the attack had done damage to his heart that would leave it permanently weak.
Unless they could reverse it with the Metamorphosis Device.
“Dr Benton?” Folly’s voice dragged her out of her thoughts. “Do you think I’m well enough to go and help Nerris repair Kugah’s ship?” She glanced over at Kerit, her face wearing a similar expression to the one he had worn when she was deathly ill. “I want Tyris to be able to bring back this treatment as soon as possible.”
Normally, Amelie wouldn’t even consider releasing a patient who had been as seriously ill as Folly this soon, but this was extenuating circumstances. “Let me check you out,” she said.
All Folly’s tests came up clean. Her response to the telomerase treatment had been nothing short of miraculous. Amelie could find nothing wrong with her at all. No hints as to the serious side effects that would be coming if they didn’t find a more permanent cure.
She nodded. “You can go, but come back in a couple of hours for m
e to check you again, just in case.”
In all the test studies she’d read it had taken months for the cancer to appear. But given how strange everything had been on this ship in the last few days, she wasn’t taking any chances.
Folly nodded, and jumped out of the bed. She gave Kerit a careful hug, followed by a kiss. “I’ll be back soon. Will you be okay?”
Kerit nodded, as cheerful as ever. “Sure.”
Folly hesitated for a minute, then reached into her pocket and scooped out her little pet. “Here, can you look after Chicken? I don’t want her messing with anything during the repairs.”
Kerit gave a laugh, and reached out for the little creature. “Sure, we wouldn’t want her stealing any screws, like she did back on Semala. Would we now, Chicken?” He ruffled the little creature’s fur.
The two of them exchanged a knowing glance, sharing experiences that were theirs alone. Amelie looked away, pretending to check Kerit’s monitor.
When she looked back, Folly was gone. Kerit sat, absently patting Chicken, looking after her.
“She’ll be fine,” Amelie reassured him.
Kerit looked over at her, then gave a smile. “I’m sure she will. Folly’s tough.” He was silent for a minute, then he asked out of the blue. “Are you worried about Kugah going back to his home world?”
“Of course I am,” Amelie replied, a little too quickly. “We all desperately need the cure he’ll bring back.”
Kerit nodded, but his eyes didn’t leave his face. “I know that. But I mean, are you worried about Kugah?”
Kugah was as much Kerit’s friend as he was hers. Of course Kerit was worried about him, and wanting to share that concern with someone he thought would understand.
Amelie heaved a sigh. “I am,” she admitted. “He went through so much on that planet, things that have hurt him badly. I hope it all goes well and he comes safely home to us.”
Home?
Was this Kugah’s home?
She was still trying to digest that thought, when Kerit said, “I’ll be fine. Ty will bring back the treatment and we’ll all be fine.”
Amelie hoped he was right.