by M. S. Parker
“Jenna.” His voice broke on my name.
I didn't stop. It was almost over and I needed it all out. “I spent a couple of months in the hospital before I was put into the system. The one thing my mom had done, at least most of the time, was insist on condoms. No one wanted to risk getting caught because of an STD outbreak. I didn't end up with anything permanent there, but what they'd done to me...” I could feel my throat closing up and had to make myself finish. “Six surgeries total to fix the damage. Most of it at least. They couldn't fix all of the internal stuff. I can't have kids.” I put my hand on my lower stomach. “Most of those scars aren't noticeable unless you're looking for them.”
I fell silent. That was it. Everything he needed to know. The things I'd done and had done to me. The reasons for my panic attacks. Why Christophe had come after me. The damage that couldn't be undone.
“Oh, love.” Rylan pulled his hand from mine and gently took my face between his hands, careful not to touch my cut. “Why didn't you tell me before? Not the details, but enough... I never would've done any of those things to you... never asked you to do anything...” His eyes were shining with tears. “I'm so sorry.”
I wrapped my hands around his and put them in my lap. “Despite Christophe undoubtedly being part of the most degusting people in the world, I owe him one thing. He brought me to you. I am so grateful that I met you, Rylan Archer. You have no idea what you've done for me, how safe you make me feel. You've made me face my fears instead of ignoring them.”
I climbed off of the bed, pulling him with me. He stood, confusion on his face. I walked out of the room and he followed. I could feel the tension radiating off of him as I stopped in front of the playroom door. I opened it and stepped inside, flipping on the light before I turned to look at him.
“Jenna?”
I stretched on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his. I felt his surprise for a moment and then he was leaning into the kiss. He didn't touch me and I could feel his hesitation as he let me take the lead. I took his bottom lip between my teeth and he moaned. I bit down, then sucked his lip into my mouth, soothing it with my tongue before letting go.
“You made it safe for me to face my fears,” I said. “I trust you, Rylan.”
I reached out and took his hands. He let me turn them over, holding them in front of him, palms up.
“There are two things I don't do. I never do.” Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the thought of what I was about to do. “One, I told you. I don't do bondage. But I also don't close my eyes during sex. No matter how amazing something feels, I can't ever bring myself to trust my partner enough to close my eyes. I can't give myself over that completely. There's always a part of me that's holding back.”
I placed my wrists on his palms and he sucked in a breath.
“I don't want to hold anything back anymore. I want you to take control. All of it.” I looked up at him. “I trust you, and I want to close my eyes with you.”
Chapter 23
I could see the indecision warring on his face. He wanted me, but he also wanted to make sure he wasn't taking advantage of me. I waited, my wrists still resting on his open palms. A lot had happened to both of us today and I knew he was still trying to process all of it. He needed to make this decision without me prompting him.
He kept his eyes on my face as his fingers slowly curled around my wrists. I hadn't realized how big his hands truly were, how long his fingers were, until they were holding me. My heart was in my throat, but I didn't pull away. The fear was there, but greater than the fear was desire... and love. I hadn't said it to him yet, but I knew it was the truth. It was funny, I supposed, how worried I'd been that I wouldn't know what love was when I felt it. What I felt for Rylan couldn't be confused as anything else.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “After everything that's happened?”
“Make me forget.”
His eyes darkened, this time with want. “You say the word and I stop,” he said quietly.
I nodded.
He pulled me to him and my hands went to his chest. The robe was soft, but the muscle beneath was hard. He slid his hands up my arms and then around to my back. Each movement was slow and deliberate, and I could feel him gauging and weighing my reactions. Of all of the reactions I'd imagined a man having if he heard about my past, I'd always assumed there would be some level of hesitation, but it had always been based on repulsion over what I'd done. I'd never dreamed that he would worry about me and how I felt. From the first time I'd slept with him, I should have known Rylan would be different.
I looked up at him as he pulled me against him, his hands on the small of my back. The moment his mouth touched mine, relief flooded me. Until that moment, I hadn't been entirely sure that he'd go through with it. His tongue pushed at the seam of my lips and I parted them willingly. His tongue danced with mine as he explored my mouth. The kiss was slow and lazy, a simmering burn rather than a roaring inferno.
I slid my hand between the folds of his robe, needing to feel his skin against mine. He moaned into my mouth and one of his hands moved up to cup the back of my head. His heart thudded against my hand as he deepened the kiss. I could feel his cock hardening between us.
He pulled his mouth away, but didn't let me go. “I'm going to take you to the bed.” He gently kissed the bruised side of my face. “But I'm not going to tie you up.”
Before I could register my disappointment, he continued.
“The first time I restrain you.” His voice was heavy with desire. “I want it to be with my hands.”
Fuck. My pulse stuttered. I nodded mutely to let him know that I was agreeing to it. Suddenly, he was picking me up and my arms automatically went around his neck. I remembered the first time he'd carried me to a bed. He'd asked my permission and then been careful not to hold me too tightly. Even before he knew the whole story, a part of him had known how to handle me.
He set me in the center of the bed and untied his robe. I didn't try to hide my admiration as the robe fell away, revealing his magnificent body. I'd always told myself that I'd get bored being with the same person more than once, but I didn't think I'd ever get tired of looking at him, let alone having sex with him.
I made a move to untie my robe.
“No,” he said. “Put your hands above your head.”
I shivered, but did as I was told. He wasn't holding my hands yet, but even this was relinquishing control.
He pulled a condom out of the side table drawer and tossed it onto the bed next to me before climbing up to join me. He pulled my legs apart and stretched out on his stomach between them. As he settled, I admired the way the cross on his back rippled with the movement of his muscles. I promised myself that I would, at some point this weekend, trace every inch of that tattoo with my tongue.
He didn't open my robe like I expected him to. Instead, he parted the folds just enough so he could get where he wanted to go. I made a sound as his tongue teased the insides of my thighs. I started to squirm, but his hands wrapped around my thighs, holding me still. I whimpered as he began to lightly trace along my slit, never penetrating, never hard enough for real friction.
I reached down and ran my fingers through his hand, encouraging him to move closer.
He raised his head. “Hands above your head.” His tone was stern. “That's your one warning. After that, we may have to discuss methods of... correction.”
Shit. That word should not sound so hot.
I put my hands back above my head and he lowered his mouth to my pussy again, resuming his torture. By the time his tongue finally pushed between the folds, I was dripping. He took long licks, the flat of his tongue running the full length of me before it slipped into my pussy. I moaned, my fingers twisting together above my head.
“Close your eyes.” He made the command soft. “Just feel.”
I took a slow breath and let my eyes close. My stomach clenched and the fear took the edge off of my arousal.
“Concentrate
on my voice,” he said. “Focus on what I'm saying.”
I nodded.
“Feel me.” His voice took on a hypnotic tone. “These are my hands on your legs.”
I pictured them in my head, those long, strong fingers that had never hurt me. He was keeping me in place so I could enjoy what he was doing.
When he spoke again, his breath was hot against my aching pussy. “I'm going to kiss you, Jenna. Make love to you with my mouth. It's my lips, my tongue on you. It's going to be my fingers inside you, preparing you for me.”
The knot in my stomach began to ease.
“I'm the one who has you. Only me. And I'll never hurt you.”
“I trust you.”
I gasped as his tongue flicked against my clit. The gasp became a moan as he circled it, alternating pressure on the little bundle of nerves until I was panting. I didn't know if it was the power of suggestion, or if I was actually more aware of the sensations with my eyes closed, but either way, I was feeling things I'd never felt before. I grabbed the pillows above my head to keep my hands in place.
My orgasm hit me as he began to suck on my clit and my hips jerked. He put his hand on my stomach, never letting up the delicious suction that was sending wave after wave of pleasure crashing over me. Even before I'd finished, a new climax began, prompted by the single digit he slid inside me. He slowly pumped his finger in and out of my pussy, coaxing me into a second orgasm before the first had dissipated. I cried out, my body tensing as I came.
He kept going, taking a short break only when it was getting to be too much. Then he'd start up again, his finger moving, his tongue dancing. When he added the second finger, I came for the third time, my back arching. I shouted his name, hoping he could hear in that single word all of the things I didn't have the ability to say.
Then his fingers were twisting, rubbing against my walls in new ways and three became four without any space between them. Tears streamed out from under my closed lids. I couldn't take anymore. Every nerve in my body felt like it was on fire.
“Please, please,” I begged. “No more.”
Instantly, he was gone. I felt the bed dip and fingers gently touch my face. “Jenna, love, open your eyes.”
I did and saw Rylan's concerned face above me.
“I'm sorry. I got carried away.” He pulled his hand back. “We don't have to do anything else.”
I stared at him, confused. “I thought you wanted... I mean, you didn't...” I looked down to where his cock bobbed against his flat stomach. It was clear his body needed release.
“You said to stop.” His fingers brushed the sides of my face and I realized my skin was wet. “You're crying. I'm so sorry.”
I understood now. I took his hand and kissed his fingertips. “It was stop in a good way. Too much of a good thing.”
“But...”
“The tears were good too,” I said. “Trust me.”
“So I didn't hurt you?”
“No.” I smiled. “My body just needed a minute. Four orgasms in a row tends to make a girl sensitive.”
He grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Four?”
I rolled my eyes. “Men and their ego.”
He laughed, the tension easing from his body.
I put his hand on the belt of my robe and then stretched my hands above my head again. “Please, finish what you started.”
He didn't ask me this time if I was sure, but I didn't need him to. He'd proven more than once that while he was calling the shots when it came to what happened, I was in control as to how far things went.
He untied the belt and pushed the robe apart, baring my body. The expression on his face as he looked down at me sent a surge of emotion through me. He didn't try to hide anything that he was feeling. Pure, raw, hunger mixed with something softer and sweeter. He leaned down and pressed his lips against the scar on my side, lingering there for a moment before turning his attention to my breasts.
I didn't need him to tell me to close my eyes this time. The moment his tongue swirled around my nipple, it hardened and my eyelids came down. I gave myself over to the wet heat of his mouth and the feel of his fingers dancing across my stomach. He started gentle, licking and sucking on my breast and nipple until I was begging for more. When he switched to the other breast, goose bumps broke out across my wet flesh and I shivered. Then his fingers tweaked my nipple and the shiver turned into a shudder.
Heat pooled in my belly and the space between my legs throbbed. I wanted him inside me – no, I needed him there. With every pull of his mouth, the pressure inside me increased. When he lightly bit down, I swore and tried to push myself closer to his mouth. He chuckled, and the vibrations made my insides quake.
“Are you close again?” he asked.
“Yes, yes, please.”
“If I touch your clit, will you come again?”
“Yes.” I writhed on the bed, desperate for friction. “Please.”
“Someday,” he said. “We're going to practice some self-control. See how many times I can take you to the edge, but not let you go over.”
“Not now, please.” I looked up at him. I didn't think I could stand it if he didn't let me come.
He laughed again, a low sound, all man. “No, my love, not now.”
He wrapped his lips around my nipple and slid a finger between my lips, easily finding my clit. Two strokes across the top of the swollen nub and he bit down on my nipple.
“Fuck! Rylan!” I cried out his name as I came again.
He let me ride out my orgasm as he moved down the bed and climbed between my legs again. My eyes fluttered open as I heard the familiar tearing sound of a condom wrapper. I didn't want to miss this. I licked my lips as he rolled the latex down his cock. At some point this weekend, I fully intended to have that in my mouth again. Right now, I had something else in mind.
I kept my hands where they were, but I spread my legs further apart.
“Eager, are you?” he asked as he stroked himself.
“Only for you.”
He dropped so suddenly that I made a sound. Or I would've if his mouth hadn't been on mind, his lips hard and demanding. His tongue thrust into my mouth, curling around mine and drawing it back into his mouth.
Damn, that man could kiss.
He pulled back before I was ready for the kiss to be done, but then I felt his cock brushing against me.
“Look at me.”
My eyes flicked up and met his. He reached above us and, a moment later, I felt his hand close around both of my wrists. He watched for a moment, waiting to make sure I was okay. My pulse was rapid, my chest tight, but I wasn't regretting a moment of this. For the first time in my life, I let my guard down and let someone see everything I was feeling.
Rylan's eyes darkened and he leaned down to kiss me again, this one full of all the things that we were both feeling but couldn't say, the kinds of things that there weren't any words for. When he pulled back, he didn't go far, just enough so that he could see my face as he slowly pushed his way inside me. He moved slowly, but without stopping, a relentless force molding me around him, stretching me to fit him perfectly.
As he came to rest inside me, his body stretched out on mine, he spoke in a soft voice, “I love you, Jenna Lang.”
He'd started to pull back when I spoke, “I love you too.”
His entire body shuddered above mine and he squeezed his eyes closed, a look of pure concentration on his face. I knew that look. He was fighting for control. With all of his experience and all that he'd done, four words were nearly his undoing.
His eyes stayed closed as he withdrew, then opened as he paused. His gaze was intense, almost unbearable. With his eyes locked on mine, he surged forward.
“Ah!” The sound tore out of me as my body arched against his.
His grip on my wrists tightened as we moved together. My fingers flexed as he drove me into the mattress, every stroke going deep. I wanted to scratch, to dig my nails into his flesh.
“Close you
r eyes,” he said. “Feel me.”
I did as I was told, crying out as he picked up the pace. As he rode me, I gave myself over to the sensations coursing through my body. I'd experienced sexual pleasure before, though none as great as what I'd felt with Rylan. This was something completely different. I opened my eyes and found his above me. This was everything I'd always been afraid of, everything I'd told myself was forbidden.
I'd fallen in love and told him.
As our bodies moved together, my walls were down, everything about me laid bare.
“Come with me, love,” he said. “Come with me.”
I was close. His cock was rubbing against me in all the right places and ways. My nipples were bullet points against his chest. The feel of his fingers around my wrists only heightened things. Everything in my world was narrowed down to the two of us, where our bodies joined, the places our skin touched. I could feel the explosion hovering just below the surface, and with every stroke, it grew closer. His body was straining, fighting for my pleasure before he took his own.
And then it was here, white heat flooding every cell. I called out his name, struggling against his hold, desperate for some way to release the energy inside me. Instead, he held me down, forced me to feel it, to feel every moment of pleasure coursing through me. My muscles tensed and my pussy contracted around his cock.
“Fuck, Jenna!” He buried his face against the side of my neck as he came. “I love you. I love you.” His breath was hot against my skin as he repeated it over and over again.
He let go of my wrists as he wrapped his arms around me. I grabbed onto him, holding him to me, taking comfort in the weight of him. I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to process the enormity of what I was feeling. I could feel the world graying out around me, and I didn't fight it. I knew it was okay. He would stay with me. He would keep me safe.
I wasn't sure when I passed out or even how long I was out, only that when I came to, Rylan and I were under the covers and my robe was wrapped back around me again. He was right next to me, but not touching me.