by M. S. Parker
Except it wasn't a half hour. When I handed the guys their beer, they were both laughing over some shared memory and it was very clear I wasn't any part of it. Rylan smiled and gestured for me to join in. Zeke had taken the couch, so I sat in the chair opposite Rylan and sipped at my beer, trying not to feel upset that Rylan didn't take the hint that I had other things in mind for our night. I wasn't even sure he'd registered the fact I was in a robe, or if he was too caught up in swapping stories of Christmas past.
When they both finished their beers, I used it as an excuse to get them each another one and then to stay standing. They had their gifts for each other sitting on the table, but didn't look in any hurry to exchange them. I felt the resentment building and tried hard to fight it back. I had Rylan all to myself last night – the usual time Zeke spent with him. How could I begrudge the two of them a few hours? Besides, having Rylan want me to spend the holiday with him, it was more than I'd ever had before, more than I'd ever dreamed possible. It was more than I'd expected from someone I'd only been seeing for a short while. Even as inexperienced as I was when it came to dating, I knew spending holidays together was a big deal.
But as an hour turned into two and then three, it was harder and harder to hold in my feelings. There I was, dressed in sexy lingerie I bought especially for today, only a have robe on over it, holding on to the promise we'd made about picking up where we'd left off, and Rylan barely spared a glance for me. All of his attention was on his friend, and every so often, I'd see Zeke shoot a smug look my way, an unspoken reminder that he had history with Rylan, history that I'd never have.
Finally, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep smiling and pretending like it didn't hurt that Rylan had become so absorbed with Zeke that he hadn’t made an attempt to include me. Without a word, I slipped out of the room and headed upstairs. I wrapped my arms around my waist, trying to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal, that I didn't want to be the kind of woman who was jealous of her boyfriend's friends. I hated feeling this way, but I couldn't seem to stop it.
I hesitated in the hallway between the two doors. If I turned to the right, I'd go into Rylan's room. Left, I'd be in the guest room. Part of me wanted to go to the left, leaving no doubt in Rylan's mind when he came up and saw I wasn't in his bed that I was angry. I wanted him to know what it felt like to be ignored.
Sighing, I entered his room and picked up my bag. I wasn't going to be petty but I wasn’t going to sleep in the teddy. I needed the comfort of something else. I pulled out a camisole and pair of matching flannel pants. I changed my clothes and crawled into Rylan’s bed. If my bag hadn't been in here, I wasn't sure I would've made the same choice, but I hoped I would have.
It was hard, staying here, my body tense, ears straining to hear him come up the stairs. My mind raced. What would I say? Should I tell him how I felt? Would it just sound like I was being a bitch? I didn't want him to think that about me. But I couldn't exactly say that I didn't feel that way about myself at the moment. I was torn. I didn't know how this was supposed to go and I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. But if I didn't say anything, how would he know that it bothered me? We'd promised to be honest with each other, and he hadn't been happy when I hadn't told him how I'd felt about Lara, but I didn't know if it'd be different with Zeke. Exes seemed like they'd be a different story than a best friend.
I didn't know how long I laid there, but I didn't even come close to falling asleep. My brain couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop chasing itself in circles. And with each pass, the knot inside my chest tightened even more. I stared into the darkness, my eyes burning.
Then I heard it. Footsteps. I'd left the door open a crack so I wasn't in the pitch black, and now more light flooded the room. I had a moment to decide what I would do, and I closed my eyes. I couldn't do it. I couldn't ruin Rylan's Christmas by letting him know for certain that I was upset. Better to let him think I'd gone to bed because I was tired. I'd figure things out in the morning.
“Jenna?” His voice was soft. “You still awake?”
I didn't move, focusing on keeping my breathing even. I'd had a lot of practice pretending to sleep. I was good at it. Yet another wonderful thing my childhood had taught me. I heard him walk around the bed and it took all of my concentration to keep my face relaxed. One of the biggest things amateurs did was turn away so their face couldn't be seen. I was sure there were times when such coincidences did happen, but I always found those actions more suspicious than anything.
I heard the shower turn on and used that opportunity to shift into a better position to keep my face from being exposed. I wasn't sure how long I'd have to keep up the ruse, but I doubted Rylan would stay awake long. He probably didn't have much on his mind, no worries to keep him from immediately relaxing. I just hoped that, at some point, I'd actually manage to fall asleep. I could function on only a couple hours, but I wanted to be well-rested enough that, if I had to, I could have a conversation with Rylan about tonight without my emotions coming to the surface. We hadn't had a fight yet and I didn't want to be the cause of our first one, not on Christmas.
The shower turned off and, a few minutes later, the bed dipped. I could smell the soap and shampoo he'd used and I wanted nothing more than to snuggle close to him and let him hold me, but I stayed where I was. He moved closer and his hand brushed over my hair. I didn't react, not even when his fingers brushed across my back. He traced my tattoo and I felt goosebumps break out across my skin. That was enough of an involuntary reaction that I knew it wouldn't give me away. I wanted to lean into the touch, but again, I denied what I wanted. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last.
After a time, his hand stopped moving and his breathing slowed. I relaxed a bit. He was asleep. Now, if I could only follow. Despite my hope, it was several hours before I could do just that.
Chapter 12
I woke up late, which was nice since it meant I'd gotten at least a few hours sleep. It also meant that Rylan's side of the bed was empty. I reached out and touched the sheets. They were cool, so he'd been up a while. I wasn't sure if his decision to not wake me up was sweet because he wanted to let me sleep, or something I should worry about since he'd woken me in such a memorable way the day before.
My stomach clenched as I remembered the feel of his mouth on me, then how I climaxed the rest of the day. I flopped back on the pillows and put my hands over my face. “Fuck,” I muttered. I needed to clear my head before I saw him again.
I took my time in the shower and dressed slowly. I still had no idea what I would say or do, but I did know that I couldn't just let it go. I'd promised I'd be honest with him. There were still parts of my life I hadn't told him about, specific things I'd done, but they were the kinds of things that were shared when the time was right. They weren't the sorts of things that would fester in a relationship. As little as I knew about dating, I did know that trying to act like everything was okay would just make things worse.
I picked some casual clothes, sweatpants and a hoodie, needing to feel comfortable more than sexy at the moment. One of the good things that had come out of how our relationship began was that he'd already seen me at my best, my worst and dressed like this. I didn't have to worry about looking perfect for him.
I was halfway down the stairs when I smelled cinnamon. I followed my nose into the kitchen where Rylan was standing at the stove. His back was to me as he bent down to pull a pan from the oven. I let myself admire the way his jeans hugged his ass and how even a baggy sweatshirt couldn't disguise his muscular build. Then my stomach growled and I focused on what he was setting on the counter.
“Those smell wonderful,” I said as I entered the kitchen.
“I can't take all the credit,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at me. “They came in a can.”
I shrugged. “Still more baking than I usually do.”
“There's a small plastic bowl in the refrigerator,” he said. “It has butter cream frosting in it. Would you mind ge
tting it for me?”
I opened the refrigerator and found the bowl. When I turned, Rylan had two plates with steaming cinnamon rolls sitting on the kitchen table. I set the icing down between the bowls and sat in the chair that Rylan motioned to. He was behaving oddly, I realized. Quiet, subdued. I swallowed hard. Had he realized I'd been upset yesterday and was angry with me about it? Or had he and Zeke talked about me after I'd left and Zeke had convinced him that I wasn't good enough for him?
Rylan sat in the chair next to me and reached for my hand, his expression serious. “I owe you an apology.”
My eyes widened slightly, but I didn't say anything. I wasn't about to play dumb, but I didn't want to assume either. Better to let him say what he had to say and see where things went from there.
“I didn't invite Zeke over yesterday,” he started. “But I didn't tell him not to come here either.” He looked down. “I think he was a bit frustrated that I canceled our usual Christmas Eve plans.”
That was an understatement, but I kept my mouth shut. I was upset about how Zeke had behaved, but that wasn't the core issue, so I let it go. Better to not accuse his friend of being an ass when he was trying to apologize.
“I should have just exchanged gifts, had a beer and then sent him on his way.” His fingers tightened around mine. “I wanted to spend the rest of the day with you, but I felt guilty about Zeke. He doesn't really have anyone else.”
My mouth tightened. Zeke didn't have anyone else?
“I kind of sprung this on him,” Rylan continued. “Things between us are moving so fast and he hasn't had time to adjust to how much it would change things between us.”
He had a point, but I still thought there was more to it than merely Zeke having to adjust to sharing his friend. His reaction before Rylan had gotten here was way too strong for something so simple. His feelings for me were much deeper than mild annoyance.
“It's still not an excuse.” Rylan raised his head so that he was looking at me. “I should have asked him to go. I should have told him that you and I had plans. I shouldn't have let him stay so late.” He raised my hand and kissed the back of it. “And while he was here, I should have made sure to include you. It was too easy to fall into how things had been with him, and that was wrong. You're in my life and I should have thought to make you a part of things.”
While I still had issues with Zeke's behavior, my anger towards Rylan faded away. It hadn't been intentional, and I couldn't expect him to be perfect. Neither of us were. The important thing was that we didn't let it ruin things.
“Saying 'I forgive you' sounds kind of silly,” I said with a smile. “Like you'd done some horrible wrong. So how about a 'thank you' and we move on?”
Relief washed over his face. He leaned forward and kissed me. It was neither chaste nor too passionate, but an acknowledgement that we were good again.
“Now,” I said as he pulled back. “How about we see how good these canned cinnamon rolls are?”
“Can I say one more thing?” he asked as he spooned icing onto his rolls.
“Okay.” I reached for the spoon to add liberal amounts of the icing as well.
“My biggest regret yesterday is that I didn't get to see what was under that robe.” He winked at me and I laughed.
“You have no idea,” I said. “And now you have to wait, because I'm definitely not wearing it under these clothes.”
He gave me the kind of pouting face that I was sure not many people got to see and I laughed again. In public, he came across as this quiet, serious man who was all business, but there was an almost child-like silliness that he showed every so often. I loved that he felt comfortable enough with me to reveal that side of him.
The food was even better than it smelled, and that was saying something. Neither one of us talked very much as we ate, but the silence was fine now. I could deal with not bringing up Zeke's behavior. Better to let that play itself out, let Zeke either deal with whatever his issue was or have Rylan see it for himself. As long as he and I were on the same page, I wasn't going to let Zeke spoil things.
“So,” Rylan said as he finished the last bite of breakfast. “Since we didn't get a nice, uninterrupted holiday, I was thinking maybe we should do something about that.”
I washed down my final mouthful and got up to put the dishes in the dishwasher. “What did you have in mind?”
“I want you to come away with me.”
I closed the dishwasher and turned to find Rylan just a few inches away. I tilted my head back to look up at him. My heart thumped wildly in my chest.
“My family owns a cabin up in the mountains and they won't be using it over New Year's. They always go to some snooty society party and Suzette hangs out with her friends. We'll have the whole place to ourselves. We can ski and take advantage of the hot tub.” He took another step towards me and I swallowed hard. “The closest neighbors are miles away so we can be as loud as we want.”
Damn.
He cupped my chin in his hand and ran his thumb along my bottom lip. “I would like nothing more than ring in the New Year buried deep inside you while you screamed my name.”
Holy shit. What was I supposed to say to that?
“Please say you'll come.” His eyes darkened. “And I promise that you'll come.”
I nodded, unsure what I'd even say if I opened my mouth.
I didn't have to worry about words though because his lips were covering mine and his arms were around me, crushing me against his body. I wrapped my arms around his neck, parting my lips as my tongue stretched out to meet his. He made a noise low in his throat as he lifted me onto the counter, putting us at a more even height. His hands slid under my shirt, palms burning across my skin as he ran them up my sides and back to where his fingers found the clasp to my bra. He angled his body to give him enough space to maneuver his hands between us. I gasped into his mouth as he cupped my breasts under my bra. His fingers were rough on my nipples, sending jolts of desire straight south.
I shoved my hands beneath his sweatshirt, eager to feel him. His skin was hot and he broke our kiss to curse as I raked my nails across his back and ribs. When my fingers slid up to tease his nipples, he made a sound very much like a growl and I chuckled. My laugh turned into a whimper as his mouth came down on my neck, sucking and biting at the tender skin until I was writhing against him.
“I need you,” he breathed against my ear.
I nodded.
He reached over and opened a small, hidden drawer. I'd first seen it the week before when we'd had sex in the kitchen. When I'd asked him if every room had a stash of condoms, he'd just grinned and said that he believed in being prepared. I was as grateful for his thinking ahead now as I had been then.
He grabbed the waistband of my sweatpants and I was glad I hadn't worn tight jeans. He yanked them down and off of one leg, letting them dangle around the other ankle, my panties with them. My own hands were already busy with his button and zipper, but he quickly helped me and shoved his pants down around his thighs. I ran my hands across his hips and down to grasp his firm ass.
“Are you wet enough?” he asked as he rolled the condom over his throbbing erection. “Do you need me to–?”
“Just fuck me already,” I said, pulling him towards me. It would be a tight fit, but a bit of pain wasn't always unwelcome.
We groaned in unison as our bodies came together. I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him inside me as my body adjusted. He fit me so perfectly that even the initial penetration, stretching me too fast and without preparation, gave me only the edge of pain I desired, the intensity of merging two into one.
I rested my head on his shoulder as I rocked against him. He put a hand at the base of my spine as he began to thrust. My mouth found the skin where his shoulder at neck met and I worried at it, sucking on it until I knew I was leaving a mark. Even then, I didn't stop, nipping at it until he swore.
I raised my head, our eyes meeting as our bodies came together over and over
, his cock rubbing against me in all the right places until I could barely breathe. But it was more than the physical sensations coursing through me that were pushing me on towards climax. It was the way he held me, as if I was something precious. Not delicate and breakable, but valuable. The way he looked at me, his face open and raw so I could see everything he was feeling. Even in a moment that wasn't tender love-making, there was a depth of emotion in his face that made my heart twist and squeeze. It didn't matter that this was a quickie brought about by a weekend of tension. We weren't using each other to get off. We were offering our bodies to the other for release.
I grasped the back of his neck and pulled his head forward until our lips met. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, my teeth crashing against his lips. It was a bruising kiss, the kind that would leave both our lips swollen, and it still wasn't enough. As my orgasm crashed into me, I cried out, clinging to him even as he drove himself as deep as he could. His body began to shudder as he came, holding me as tightly to him as possible.
I was still gasping when he released me and pulled back far enough to remove the condom and toss it into the trashcan under the sink. Instead of helping me down, he wet some paper towels and handed them to me before cleaning himself up as well. Neither one of us spoke while we righted our clothes, but as soon as we were both dressed again, he broke the silence.
“I love you,” he said. He reached for my hand and used it to pull me to him. I tucked my head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. “I can't promise that I'll never do anything stupid again, but I can promise that I'll try not to.”
“I promise too,” I said. “I'm sure I'll do something dumb at some point, but I won't let it come between us.”
He let out a breath I hadn't realized he'd been holding. “Now,” he said. “What are we going to do about getting you ready for our little trip?”
I raised my head and looked at him, my eyes filled with questions.
“I know you’ll argue with me on this,” he continued. “But think of it as an apology gift.”