“It’s okay,” I told him, “I’m on birth control.”
“That’s…not what I’m worried about.”
With those words, he yanked himself off of me and leapt off the couch.
Great.
The most confusing man I’d ever met had just pushed me away yet again.
Chapter 3
Trick
When I’d jumped away and yanked my jeans up, I ran a hand through my hair, my mind refocusing like I’d just snapped out of a deep trance.
“No, no, no,” I snarled, more at myself than at Sierra, my eyes locking on her face. “We can’t do this. I can’t do this.”
“Why not? What’s wrong?” she asked, a look of abject disappointment falling over her features. It crushed me to see her like that—her breasts exposed, her beautiful body ready and willing to bond with mine. Damn. It would have been so easy to drive into her with brute force until I exploded inside her. The mere touch of her fingertips on my dick had been almost enough to make me come. She was magic and mayhem at once, and yet I was choosing to walk away, to deny myself the erotic pleasure that she was offering me.
Was I insane?
Yes. I had to be.
“You were injured tonight. You need to get some rest,” I said, my voice shifting into something cold and distant, as if that would somehow make things easier.
The truth was, no part of me was interested in sleep. My dick was throbbing, my heart pounding. I wanted her so badly that it hurt. But I couldn’t do this to her. Couldn’t do it to the wolf pack. To give my body, my heart, to a woman—a human woman—so close to the Trials…it would be a betrayal to everything and everyone.
“Rest?” Sierra asked, a now-familiar look of hurt on her face as she pulled her dress up to cover her exposed chest. “You think what I need right now is rest?”
No, of course I don’t. I know what you need. Because it’s exactly what I need.
“Listen,” I said, ignoring the question, “you can crash here for the night. I’ll carry you to the bedroom, and I can sleep out here.”
“Wait, Trick. What’s wrong? I thought we were…I thought things were good between us.”
I sucked in my cheeks and ground my jaw. “They were,” I said. “It’s just…I…it’s…”
“Complicated. Yeah, I know.” Pain sprinkled its way over her words like a bitter seasoning.
“It’s way more than that,” I said. “Look, I wish I could tell you everything.” I dropped down into the armchair that sat across from the couch. I couldn’t look at her just now. Every time my eyes landed on her face, I lost my resolve.
I almost wanted to laugh.
The man who wanted to be Alpha to the Southern Pack was too weak to look into a beautiful woman’s eyes.
“I want you so much, Sierra,” I said, in as measured a tone as I could manage. “I want to tear the rest of that dress off you right now and have my way with you. Fuck, I’d spend hours with your thighs around my head, just tasting you. You’re like honey and mango and pure damn sex, all in one, and I can’t get enough of you. You don’t know how hard it is to sit here right now and resist putting my hands, my lips, my tongue on you again. You don’t know how badly I want to be inside you.”
With those words I managed a glance in her direction. She was biting her lip like she was trying to suppress a moan. “So what’s the problem? I literally told you that was what I wanted,” she said.
“The problem is you’re half-drunk now, for one thing, and I’m not a total pig.”
“I’m fine,” she said. But the truth was that I knew I was right. She looked a bit tipsy, and if we had sex now, she’d probably hate me for it in the morning.
But that was the least of my problems.
“No, you’re not fine,” I protested. “But even if you were stone cold sober, it wouldn’t matter. I shouldn’t have done what I did in the cemetery, or what I did just now. My life’s too fucked up, blondie. I’m a marked man. You saw it tonight. If I’m not dead by this time next week, it’s only a matter of time after that. Getting involved with me is a seriously shitty idea, for all kinds of reasons. And I’m not about to put you through that.”
She pushed herself up onto her elbows and stared at me for a second. A thought seemed to be eating away at her. “That guy—the Marquis—he really wants to hurt you. So why didn’t he?”
Ah, so the inquisitive ex-journalist was finally starting to piece things together.
“He wants to run the place, but he knows if he kills me in front of so many people, it’ll look bad on him. There are certain rules that even shitheads like the Marquis have to follow. He showed up tonight as a warning, to send a signal. He wanted to let me know that he won’t make my life easy if he doesn’t get his way when the time comes.”
“What exactly do you mean, he wants to run the place? Like he wants your job?”
I let out a dry laugh. “Something like that, yeah.”
“Well, that’s insane. You should call the cops. Hell, I should have done it back in the cemetery. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. If I hadn’t been so freaked out, I could have filmed them, posted a video online…”
I cut her off. “That’s not going to happen. The cops know there’s nothing they can do about men like the Marquis and me. We have an understanding: they stay out of our fights, and we try not to wreak too much havoc on their city. The last guy who was in my position, he didn’t fare so well. Neither did the guy before him.”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about. No one is above the law, Trick.”
I shot her a look that I usually reserved for enemies. “I am. So is the Marquis. Certain laws don’t apply in our world.”
“Your world? Don’t we all live in the same world?”
“Sometimes I wish we did. But no. We’re hardly part of the same universe.”
“So…you’re saying it’s complicated.” She was staring at me with an odd expression that I couldn’t quite figure out.
“Yep.”
“And you’re telling me you might die sometime soon…get killed, actually.”
“I’m telling you that, yes.”
Sierra bit her lip, lowered her chin, and fixed her eyes on mine. I met her gaze, my resolve crumbling piece by piece. I could see her need. Her hunger. I could feel it, smell it on the air.
“Well, it seems pretty simple,” she said. “If you have only one night left on this earth, you should spend it with me.”
A slow smile spread over my lips, and for a moment I held out hope that she was right, that we should spend the night together naked in my bed. She wasn’t wrong, after all—if the Marquis was going to kill me anyhow, what did it matter if I had a little fun first?
But my expression quickly turned into a grimace. There was still a chance that I could win this battle—if I kept my wits about me. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
Her cheeks went red. Shit. I’d embarrassed her again. “Right,” she said, “I don’t know why I said that.” She looked away, fixing her eyes on an old clock on the other side of the room. “Fuck. Yes, I do. You’re the sexiest guy I’ve ever met. It’s no wonder I want you. But you’re also right—there’s no way in hell that I should get involved with you. Even if the fortune teller hadn’t warned me—”
“Hold up,” I said with my hand raised and my brain on high alert. “Lola warned you about me?”
“She said you were dangerous. Or something,” Sierra said. “But I didn’t need a palm-reader to tell me that, Trick. You’re a walking red flag. You warned me yourself, from the first minute we met. I should have listened to you.”
I stared at her, my fingers woven tensely together. I hated this. This awful, stupid wall between us. The secrecy of my life meant that I couldn’t let Sierra past it. I couldn’t invite her in, despite the loneliness, the emptiness that I felt right now. I couldn’t open my arms and invite her to press herself against my chest while I told her the truth about my nature, about why I had to push
people away.
“I…think I should go home,” she said softly when I didn’t respond. “I don’t think I’ll sleep if I stay here.”
I nodded in agreement. “That’s probably for the best. Where do you live?” I asked.
Decatur Street,” I replied. “By the Star Café.”
I felt my chest tighten with the ugly realization that I wouldn’t see her again. The pain of it was acute, but I told myself that it was all for the best for me…but especially for her. A woman as beautiful, as kind, and as near-perfect as Sierra didn’t deserve to be exposed to creatures like the Marquis. And if she hung around with me, she’d have no choice in the matter. “Okay. I’m going to take you into town. I’ll help you get in. Then that’s it. You should stay away from me. From all of us. Forget about this city’s seedy underbelly. Write about trees or birds or something. You don’t want to know about the darkness. You don’t want to know about the likes of us.”
“Us?” she asked, pulling herself up into a sitting position. “People have been making me feel like an outsider all night. What do you mean by us?”
“My…friends,” I said. “You saw tonight how dangerous it is to hang around a group of miscreants.”
“You’re not miscreants,” she replied. “Louis was nice, and he seems to be a friend of yours. Some of the women looked a little off-putting, but…”
“Look, the point is, I can’t do this,” I snarled in a voice that came straight from my wolf’s vocal cords. Sierra surged into the back of the couch like she was retreating from the sound, wishing the cushions could swallow her up.
I felt like shit for doing that to her.
“I never asked you to be with me,” she said meekly. “Okay, maybe I did a little. But I took it back. I get it. This isn’t going to happen.”
“This isn’t on you,” I said, controlling my tone this time, hands interlocking on the back of my wolf’s neck as I commanded him to heel. I wanted to tell Sierra about him, about the creature who dominated my life, who controlled my emotions, my actions. The monster who dictated my fate.
But I couldn’t.
“It’s on me,” I told her. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I’ll take you home.”
Sierra
The ride to my apartment was twenty minutes of silent awkwardness. Every time I dared to glance over at Trick, his eyes were fixed straight ahead. My own eyes wandered to stare at passing buildings, trees, signs. Anything but him.
Being so close to him felt like some sort of sweet torture, but the worst part was knowing that this was the last time I’d have a chance to be close to him. This was it. I wouldn’t see him again after I got out of his truck. We’d never finish what we’d started, and I’d never know the real reason why.
I considered turning to him and asking him what the hell was going on in that amazing head of his. What exactly had made him leap off me like a gymnast pushing off the vault for a perfect dismount? Had I said something? Done something?
Nope, I told myself. It wasn’t you. He’s got issues. Intimacy problems. The guy’s a hot mess, and you’re lucky to be rid of him.
So why the hell did it hurt so much?
“Tell me, do your dates always end like this?” I finally shot out, my quiet anger too much to suppress.
“You think this was a date?” he asked defensively. “I brought you to my place to save your life, not to seduce you.”
“Right. My mistake,” I growled. “I forgot that noble rescues involved a guy having his lips clamped on my nipples.”
More silence. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his knuckles tensing, like something was inside of him, waiting to burst out.
Finally, he said, “Look, Sierra—there are things about me that you don’t know, okay? Things I’d rather protect you from. Isn’t it enough to say that and be done with it?”
I turned to him at last and stared at his profile, at the hair falling unevenly around his sculpted face. Damn, why did he have to be so sexy? Why couldn’t I find him repugnant and annoying and horrible, instead of hot and alluring?
“Don’t you think I’m the best judge of what I need protection from?” I asked. “I mean, I’m a grown woman. I don’t need you to pull this macho-guy bullshit on me and act like you need to save me from who you really are. That’s a cheap man-tactic. It’s a way to avoid getting tangled up in feelings.”
“Fine then,” he snarled. “I’m a douche who doesn’t want to get my feelings hurt and who conceals that behind a wall of coldness. Is that better?” With that, he pulled a hand away from the steering wheel, curled it into a fist and pressed it into the truck’s ceiling like he was contemplating turning his Ford F150 into a convertible.
“No,” I said miserably. “You’re not a douche. You’re just hiding something from me.”
He turned to me, his blue irises blazing in the darkness. “I’m hiding a lot from you,” he told me. “I’m hiding who it was who nearly burned your leg off tonight. I’m hiding what his hell-hounds really were. I’m hiding my true nature. I’m hiding secrets that this city doesn’t want you to know. If I were to tell you everything…”
“Then what?” I asked. “You’d have to kill me?”
I couldn’t help but smile at my stupid joke, but Trick’s lips only turned down into a scowl. “Pretty much, yeah.”
I let out a cynical laugh, pushed myself back in my seat and crossed my arms. “This is ridiculous. New Orleans is just another town when you get down to it. It’s not full of dark mystery and magic. That’s stuff you all push to draw in gullible tourists. Only, you guys have just brainwashed yourselves in the process.”
“Fine, I’m brainwashed. Fuck, I’d rather you think of me as a dumb brainwashed sheep who was a jerk to you in a manufactured tourist town, but at least he dropped you off safe at home.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Jesus, stop saying that.”
“Fine.”
When he pulled up in front of my apartment on Decatur Street, Trick unbuckled his seatbelt.
“Don’t worry about helping me to the door,” I told him, my tone icy enough to freeze fire. “I can walk.”
“You sure?”
I wasn’t sure at all, but I nodded all the same. I couldn’t look at him anymore. For some reason, I felt like I was saying goodbye forever to someone who’d come to mean the world to me. I didn’t even know his last name, but still, my heart felt like it had opened up tonight, then gotten trampled by the hooves of a hundred angry stallions.
“Yep,” I replied, moving to open my door. “I’m sure.”
“Sierra…” For some reason, Trick reached out and laid his right hand on top of my left before I had a chance to climb out of his truck. He squeezed ever so gently, sending a shiver through me that made my anger want to melt away.
“Hmm?” I turned to look at him, which turned out to be a big mistake. He was so damned gorgeous, so unrelentingly sexy, whatever his expression. Even right now, when he was utterly unreadable, all I wanted was to kiss him. To delve into the sweeping sensation that had overtaken me earlier. To feel his arms around me and somehow absorb his essence.
“I just want—I need you to know—that I meant what I said earlier. I really do—did—want you.” He pulled his eyes away to stare at something far off. “I just didn’t want you to think that I was leading you on.”
Did. He did want me. What, so he didn’t anymore?
That was hardly a compliment.
“Yeah? Well, I wanted you, too,” I said, prying open the door and shoving myself out. “But I guess things have a way of changing, don’t they?” He looked over at me like he wanted to say something, but no words came out. “Bye, Trick,” I said at last.
I stepped out of the truck, onto the running board, and hopped down to the ground. As I pushed the door shut, the thinnest gossamer thread tying me and Trick to one another seemed to snap, sending me reeling into an abyss. The pain of it was far worse th
an any agony that a burn could inflict.
I walked up to my place, unlocked my front door, and pushed it open, a lump forming in my throat. Behind me, the low growl of the pickup’s engine crescendoed to a roar, then the truck surged off. When I turned to look, it was rounding the corner with a screech of tires.
Trick couldn’t wait to be rid of me.
Chapter 4
Sierra
The ride to my apartment was twenty minutes of silent awkwardness. Every time I dared to glance over at Trick, his eyes were fixed straight ahead. My own eyes wandered to stare at passing buildings, trees, signs. Anything but him.
Being so close to him felt like some sort of sweet torture, but the worst part was knowing that this was the last time I’d have a chance to be close to him. This was it. I wouldn’t see him again after I got out of his truck. We’d never finish what we’d started, and I’d never know the real reason why.
I considered turning to him and asking him what the hell was going on in that amazing head of his. What exactly had made him leap off me like a gymnast pushing off the vault for a perfect dismount? Had I said something? Done something?
Nope, I told myself. It wasn’t you. He’s got issues. Intimacy problems. The guy’s a hot mess, and you’re lucky to be rid of him.
So why the hell did it hurt so much?
“Tell me, do your dates always end like this?” I finally shot out, my quiet anger too much to suppress.
“You think this was a date?” he asked defensively. “I brought you to my place to save your life, not to seduce you.”
“Right. My mistake,” I growled. “I forgot that noble rescues involved a guy having his lips clamped on my nipples.”
More silence. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his knuckles tensing, like something was inside of him, waiting to burst out.
Finally, he said, “Look, Sierra—there are things about me that you don’t know, okay? Things I’d rather protect you from. Isn’t it enough to say that and be done with it?”
Southern Alpha Book Two (Southern Alpha Serial 2) Page 3