by Autumn Dawn
Brandy hardly knew what to say. “What does your husband think about all this?” She pictured Ryven’s face from her hallucination and grimaced. He’d always seemed a rather grim man in his pictures, cool at best. Was he the kind of man who could harbor a killing passion?
“He’s curious about my family, and interested in meeting you. I think you’ll like him.”
Brandy grunted. Xera’s marriage had been unexpected, and not of her choosing, but she insisted she was happy now. She must be, or she’d never feel safe enough to invite her family to visit. She wasn’t the kind of woman who’d endanger others.
Since they’d never met Xera’s husband, Brandy and Gem had always wondered how she was really doing. It would be an opportunity to see for herself. It was almost enough to convince her to go. “I don’t know. I’ve got…things…I’m doing here.” It was an excuse, and she didn’t feel guilty. It would take more than guilt to make her trek across the galaxy.
Sharp and painful, her hallucination flashed before her eyes. She locked her jaw and pushed it aside. It had no place in reality.
“Think it over. I’ll pay for your return trip, if you like.”
Hm. Round trip, it would be sixteen months travel time. If she stayed for a month, maybe two, it would make it closer to eighteen months before she returned. It might make things easier, after the trial, at least. It would certainly be easier on Gem if Brandy weren’t around to provoke the gossips. Would that make it worthwhile? She wasn’t sure. “I’ll consider it.” She heard a baby’s faint cry. “You’d better deal with that.”
“I already am. Take care of yourself, sis. I would enjoy a visit.”
“You, too. Love ya. Bye.” She looked thoughtfully at the com, then shook her head and went back to watching her show. She didn’t need to go all the way to another star system to fix her troubles, not when she had a remote. Booze wasn’t the only way to numb a brain.
She couldn’t concentrate on the program, though. Xera had made her think, made her worry. Her sisters must think things were pretty dire if they were tag teaming her. Brandy had to admit it looked pretty grim. Just the thought of living down a second scandal—though not of her making—was enough to exhaust her. It had been hard enough the first time. She was looking at years of work ahead of her.
She didn’t want to think about it, so she deliberately stopped, turned her thoughts to the pleasant mystery of her smitten young stripper. A smile quirked at her lips as she considered the absurdity. He was too young, too wild, for a woman who was interested in respectably. Not for the first time, she felt the bite of rebellion at the thought. Maybe she didn’t care about respectability anymore. Maybe she’d gone too far to worry about it.
She examined the thought, savored it. She wanted to talk to him again. He made her feel better about herself. He’d made her smile. She looked at her com and checked the menu. She found his number listed under recent calls and hit the dial button. She got a recording:
“This is Azure. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”
She sighed and disconnected without leaving a message. At least now she knew his name. Strange that she hadn’t wondered what it was before. Maybe it was because he’d seemed so easy, so familiar. It made her want to talk to him even more.
She sat back and considered what a relationship with him would be like. He must be interested, or he’d never have called. Gem would dislike him on the spot, and Blue would be suspicious. They’d hover.
On the plus side, he was refreshing. If he was a stripper, he had to be at least passably attractive, right? And maybe it was shallow of her, but he had to be interested in the physical side of a relationship. After M’acht, that mattered.
Thinking of her failed marriage made her wonder—this Azure wasn’t Kiuyian, was he? She felt a stab of anxiety, but told herself sternly that it was unlikely. Azure wasn’t a Kiuyian name. Of course, he was stripper. He probably didn't go by his birth name.
She bit her lip. She’d ask him the next time he called…if he called. Her experience with M’acht had been too painful to repeat.
They’d only tried to make love twice. Each time had been a disaster. The first time she’d been too tense to relax. It wasn’t what she’d expected and he’d been…fumbling. Between her nervousness and his failure to remain hard, they’d gotten nowhere. He hadn’t been enthusiastic when she’d wanted to try again a week later. He’d managed to break her maidenhead, but had gone soft almost instantly afterward. She was so ignorant, she wouldn’t have known it wasn’t supposed to be that way if she hadn’t talked to her sister…after it was too late.
She closed her eyes. It had taken weeks, but M’acht had finally admitted he just wasn’t attracted to her in that way. Apparently he’d been okay with a Kiuyian woman he’d been with once; a hooker. He told her it wasn’t her fault that he only seemed to be attracted to women of his own race.
Her heart had burned with agony. Not her fault? It was obvious to her that she just wasn’t good enough.
He’d been sorry to hurt her. He’d been the one to suggest counseling, but none of the sessions had helped them. They’d divorced. He’d gone off planet and she’d slunk back home. It had been a long time before she could think of trying again.
The memories still made her feel numb. No, she couldn’t risk being with another Kiuyian man.
She got up to make herself a drink. She’d barely taken a sip when there came a knock on the door.
She glowered at it. She wasn’t in the best mood, and it was probably Gem. She’d want to talk. If Gem saw her dark expression, she’d definitely want to stay.
The knock came again. Brandy slammed down her drink and went to answer it. “What?” she growled, then saw it was Azor. She blinked. “Didn’t you just leave?”
He raised a brow. “Hours ago.” He seemed to take in her condition with a glance. “You should go out—do something.”
She kept a hand on the door. “What do you want?”
“I was wondering about your travel plans.” He handed her some brochures. She had a sudden flash, a picture of them on a ship, alone. The picture was so sudden, here and gone, it nauseated her. She thrust it aside and concentrated on the moment.
The fact that he’d felt the need to come in person was unsettling. The fact that Azor was at her door, trying to convince her to leave town, did not bode well. She was so unnerved that she wandered away from her door, effectively letting him enter.
He followed her in as she wandered back to the couch, her drink forgotten. She let the brochures drop to the coffee table without looking at them.
He looked down at her with a slight frown and took the chair opposite the couch. He didn’t say anything.
It was weird. She felt both her customary annoyance and a surge of self-consciousness at his presence. The vision sprinted through her mind again, them on a ship. She blinked slowly, hard. The anxiety escalated. “You want a drink?”
Azor took in her tension, though he couldn’t know the cause. How could he guess her head was running amok? His gaze traveled to the small kitchen behind the couch, noted the glass on the counter and the bottle next to it. “Got any of that soda you make? I’ll get it myself.”
He got up at her nod and fetched a soda, bringing her drink to her as he did. He really was being too kind for her comfort. She’d never experienced this side of him, wondered if she looked that desperate for distraction. Maybe he thought she was suicidal or something. If he let her destroy herself, it would cause paperwork for some poor slob at police headquarters. Blue would be annoyed with him, too.
That won a small smile. “I’m not planning anything crazy, you know.”
“I know. You’re not that kind of woman.”
She digested the comment. “You particularly lonely tonight? I’d have thought you’d have other places to be.”
“Not at the moment. Care to play Outcast?” It was a video game he sometimes played with Blue. It had a lot of guns and violence.
She s
miled faintly, but shook her head. “Maybe you could tell me something I’ve always wondered. What goes on in those strip clubs you guys are always raiding?”
His expression grew guarded. “Why?”
She shrugged. “Are the men prostitutes?”
He frowned. “Not usually. They’re paid very well, and women don’t usually solicit prostitutes, at least on Polaris. There is some drug traffic, though; things like that.”
She nodded. “But other than thumbing one’s nose at the obscenity laws, they’re not that bad.”
“You’re not thinking of visiting one, are you?”
“Well, I’d hardly tell you if I were.”
He gave her a warning look.
She felt a little amusement. It was always fun to bait him. “I want to contact someone who works there. His name is Azure.”
He looked distinctly unhappy. “Why?”
“I’m trying to save my sanity,” she muttered. At his sharp look, she said clearly, “Maybe I do need to do something crazy—just to prove I’m not.”
“That’s not crazy. It’s illegal.”
“Fine, it’s both. Have you heard of the guy?”
He stared her down.
She cast him a sly look. “You could find out about him, I’m sure. I don’t trust you to deliver a message, though, and I want to meet him.”
He set his drink aside and gave her his full attention. “How do you even know this person?”
“I met him at the track. He called me.”
“Have you told anyone else?”
“No, but I will. I told you, in fact. Look, there’s probably only one, maybe two places he could even be. I understand he’s at work right now.”
An indefinable tension filled him. “Then I guess you’re not leaving my sight.”
This conversation was making her feel better and better. It always felt good to bait him. “There’ll be other nights. You could follow me there, be the “backup” you once thought I should have.”
He leaned forward, very intent. “Being seen there would ruin you, Brandy. You can’t afford it.”
The reminder brought back all the tension she’d been feeling before. He was hopeless, a humorless perfectionist, and she didn’t need him raining on her party. She needed this distraction.
She stood up and gestured to his drink. “You’re welcome to take that with you.”
He grasped her wrist as she stalked past him, heading for her room. His look was all business. “You’re a smart woman. Your family trusts you to make the right choices.”
Infuriated that he would even obliquely accuse her of endangering her family, no matter how correct he might be, she leaned in close and threatened, “Let go or regret it.” She ignored the tears of rage pooling at the corners of her eyes. She hoped he felt bad. He deserved it.
He considered her for heavy seconds and suddenly stood. He towered over her. “I think I know what you want from that stripper, Red, and you don’t have to go so far from home to get it.”
She thought he was insulting her. That’s why she slapped him. It wasn’t enough, didn’t put a dent in her anger and frustration, because she didn’t seem to really hurt him. That’s why she kept hitting him.
He took her down to the carpet in a gentle tumble.
One minute she was the aggressor. The next she was flat on her back, her hands lightly pinned above her head. They were on the floor, and he had a leg thrown over her waist, weighing her down. She froze in surprise.
He looked calmly down at her. “Is this what you wanted?”
Her mouth went dry. “Get off.”
He studied her. “You don’t seem afraid.”
“I’m not!” Fear was hardly the top emotion. His weight was doing things to her, scrambling her brains worse than any drug. He made her breath catch. She was too aware of him. She began to shake, and it wasn’t with fear. She was also confused. All this, for him? She might not hate him anymore, but she hadn't given herself permission to feel like this. She should have better control.
He considered her mouth. After a very long pause, he said casually, “While you’re down here, do you have time for a kiss?”
Her lips parted in surprise. A kiss? Did she have time? Time was hardly the issue. His question tricked her into thinking about her answer, though, and the longer they held the position, the stronger her curiosity grew. She looked at his mouth and swallowed. “You’re probably a terrible kisser,” she said hoarsely.
His lips curved in a sensual smile. “Do you want to find out?”
“Fine,” she said breathlessly. Chills shivered over her skin as his mouth lowered. Would it be as cold as she’d always thought him?
The brush of his mouth was hot. It zinged and tingled, made her catch her breath. His weight settled more readily over her, made her want—
“Hey, sis! The door was open, so I thought I’d just—Oh!”
Azor stilled. He raised slightly, his gaze unreadable. It was the look he wore during a crisis.
Brandy closed her eyes in acute embarrassment. Her family had the worst timing.
CHAPTER 6
Brandy’s skin burned with the fire of embarrassment as they rose from the carpet to face Gem and Blue. Blue actually looked amused. Gem was horrified. “What’s…I mean, you can’t be serious.”
Azor cleared his throat. “It was my fault.”
“No, I hit you,” Brandy said apologetically. “He was defending himself.”
“Interesting technique,” Blue commented.
Gem threw an elbow into his side. Like Azor, he was from off-world, and considered the mating customs of Polaris rather stifling, but Gem had been raised here. “Stop! This is serious.”
Azor opened his mouth and Brandy started talking fast. If she didn’t do something she’d find herself engaged to a chilly cop. Her face heated. Well, he was normally chilly. The goose bumps on her arms now weren’t due to the cold.
“Look, I was upset. You know how I get. I think Azor thought I was going to do something crazy. He was trying to sidetrack me.” Nothing like a little distraction to derail her traditional sister. She hoped to exchange one form of protectiveness for another.
Gem looked suspicious. “How crazy?” It seemed she was suspending her wrath until she had more details.
Brandy sucked in her cheeks, stalling. She’d started this, though. “I was about to go to a strip club.”
Gem looked stricken. “Why? With so much at stake, why would you do that? Do you want to be infamous?”
She looked so hurt that Brandy felt a little sorry, but only a little. After all, she was a grown woman. “Maybe it’s in the blood, sis. Dad was always talking about all the wild adventures he had before he settled down to be a tavern master. That’s what we are, you know—just jumped up barkeeper’s daughters.”
“Don’t talk like that! You know we’ve become a lot more than that.”
“But we’ve forgotten who we are—or you have. I feel like a pretender. I feel…just…crushed under all this propriety! It was easier when we were barely scraping by. We didn’t have to be so good.”
“Brandy, I don’t want to hurt you, but you feel crushed because you’ve had to work so hard to rebuild your reputation. You’ve had to be good. You’ve just stewed in it so long, it’s probably got you…I don’t know, stressed.”
Brandy looked at the ceiling and laughed. “Stressed? You think?” She focused on Gem, willing her to understand. This had been building so long. “Well, I’m sick of it! I want to breathe again. I need…” She blew out a breath, frustrated. “I don’t know what I need.”
“I do,” Gem said grimly. “I know what we all need. You need to go, Brandy. See Xera. Get away from this mess. Your family can’t take another go of you fighting scandal. I mean, I can’t. I know you’re strong enough, but I don’t know if I am. I’m bleeding for you, and that’s not what you need. You need…oh, I don’t even know.” Gem threw herself down in a chair, an unusual air of defeat about her.
Blue sent Brandy a warning look as he rested his hand on Gem’s head. It was the same quelling stare he often used on his sons. “Remember the babies, love. Let me get you some of that calming tea.” He glanced casually at Azor. “Azor? Get you something?” was what he said, but his look said, “you’re staying awhile.”
“I’m fine, thanks.” Azor reclaimed the seat he’d abandoned earlier. It was clear from his unruffled manner that he was there because he felt he should be, not because Blue had intimidated him.
Gem sighed. “Maybe I should stop getting pregnant. It really does get in the way of a good rant.”
Since everyone seemed to be calming, Brandy took a step toward the door. She was ready to flee the scene.
“Don’t even think about it,” Gem warned her. “It’s past time we talked.”
Brandy wasn’t so sure. “I’m quite talked out for the day, thanks.”
“Sit,” Azor said quietly. “Please.”
Well, she was a grown up, wasn’t she? Glumly, Brandy took a seat on the couch. She picked up her drink just to give herself something to do. She was no longer interested in it, though. A glass of ice water would probably go farther in curing her nervous flush. Tension was wearing a hole in her stomach. It was hard to focus on Gem’s concerns when Azor was sitting right there. Their aborted kiss was still on her mind.
Blue walked over with Gem’s cup of tea and set it on the coffee table in front of her, then sat on the couch, which was nearest to her chair. “Better?”
“Some.” Gem took a sip of her tea and studied her sister. “I haven’t told you something important, sis.” She paused, then let out a shaky sigh. “I’m having problems with this pregnancy. Bleeding here and there.”
Brandy was instantly alert. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Gem smiled ironically. “I didn’t want to worry you. The thing is, you need to know now, because worrying about you is stressing me out. That’s dangerous right now.”
“I understand,” Brandy said gravely. “I’m sorry.” The idea of Gem’s babies being in danger was sobering. She did not want to be responsible for hurting them, even indirectly.