by Brair Lake
“Your deep in thought” he whispers, his body stretched out next to mine as he tucks me into his arm, my head resting on his shoulder.
“I love you”
“Move in”
My body tenses, I do not know why I cannot move in, I spend most of my time at his place, but I am not ready.
Tucking the sheet under my arms, I sit up and throw my legs over the side of the bed.
“Not yet” the moment and my morning ruined.
“Why the fuck not”
“Because I don’t want to spoil what we’ve got”
“How the hell can moving in, spoil what we have”
“I can’t just move in Inferno, I’ve Tommy to think off, what my dad would say, if I just moved in with you leaving Tommy behind, I’ve just got custody of him”
“Tommy can move in, he can have Trax’s room”
Shaking my head “No, I’m not exposing Tommy to our sex life”
“Fuck Baby Blu, you don’t think Tommy doesn’t know where you are going on a night or what you are doing. He’s a fucking teenage boy, and I’ve left plenty of marks on you”
With a sneer, “You know what they say. “While you’re ……..”
“Don’t be vulgar” I scream at him both annoyed and embarrassed at what he’s just said, I’ve left plenty of my own marks on his body, marks that have said I love you and that you are mine, but never have I ever marked him where it would show.
“Vulgar, I haven’t even started to be vulgar, how about this,” Inferno is getting angry, it shows in his legs apart stance, the way his shoulders are tense; His green eyes darkening, and the slight flare at the nostril “Am I just your fuck toy hey. Ok to fuck, but not good enough to live with”
“Don’t say that, it’s not true!”
“Prove it, move in with me,”
“I don’t have to prove to you that I love you just by moving in with you”
“You know what Baby Blu, you’re too fucking immature. Always keeping daddy as a safety net. Using Tommy as an excuse not to move in”
With each word he says, my heart slow downs, and the tears build up at the back of my throat, sniffing to try to prevent the tears from falling, he’s hurting me and I never thought he could.
“I’m not using Tommy as an excuse, it’s a valid point. He’s at an impressionable age, what would have happened if he’d walked in on us last night”
With a look of disbelieve “What kind of person do you fucking think I am. Tommy wouldn’t have walked into anything like that, because we wouldn’t have been fucking in the living area if he was in the house”
“That’s easy for you to say, but there’s no way, that you’ll curtail your sex drive. You are constantly walking round with a hard on, feeling me up at every opportunity you get. If we were not having sex, where would you be getting it? One of the club whores!” my voice has started to get louder and louder, why could he not just leave things the way they are?
“You don’t fucking trust me” as my voice has been getting louder, Inferno’s was getting softer
“It’s not about trust” I try to explain to him
“Not about trust” he interrupts me “Baby Blu I’m thirty four, I’ve had more pussy than I can remember”
My tears have now stopped and I am seething, my blood is pulsation so loud, I think I am going to pass out.
“Well fucking bully for you and all the fucking pussy you’ve had” I taunt him.
“If you’d shut you’re fucking mouth and let me explain”
“Don’t you fucking tell me to shut my fucking mouth?” I snarl at him.
“Shit Baby Blu, I’m sorry, what I’m trying to say, is that I don’t want or need other pussy now that I’ve had yours. I had to wait along time for you baby, never too sure if you would ever come back”
“Dante, you like sex, you like variety, If you’re not getting it at home, where will you get it from” I ask
“What makes you think I won’t be getting it from home?”
“Tommy, the sex won’t be as wild as you enjoy it,” I tell him with my head down
DCMC
Walking over to Baby Blu, I attempt to take her in my arms; I cannot believe how insecure she is. To me she has always appeared to be confidant and strong.
Taking a step back from me, she raises her hand as if to keep me at bay.
“No don’t come near me and don’t touch me” these words come softly and scare me after the way she was shouting a moment ago.
“Honey, we’ll still be having wild sex, with Tommy here, you’re still learning and I’m more than happy to teach you. We might not be able to do it in every room as we have been doing or be as loud, fuck I‘ll introduce to the ball gag if needed. There will also be times when Tommy wont be here, like stopping over at your dad‘s you know he loves him” I’m using every argument I can think of , doing my best at being reasonable, hoping that Baby Blu understands that she has nothing to be scared. Trying another tactic
“Baby Blu, I have never lived with another woman, I’ve never asked another woman to live with me, however I’m more than willing to take the risk with you. I love you and I know this will work.
Baby Blu shakes her head, sitting on the bed “It won’t work Dante. You’re saying all this now, it’s easy to say this, but in three, six or even twelve months, you’ll start to hate me and If not me Tommy for putting a curb on your sex life”
Gathering her hold all, Baby Blu heads for the bathroom. Not sure if I should follow her or not, I sit on the bed, looking at the space where Baby Blu had spent the night. Her personal scent and that of the sex we had had reaches my nose and I inhale it deeply, scared that this will be the last time that we are this close. With my head in my hands, I try to stop the tears that I can feel gathering behind my eyes. Listening to Baby Blu as she does her toiletries, getting ready to go to work, leaving me early so she can go to her dad’s, to check on him and Tommy. I know this could work. In so many ways Baby Blu was still innocent, as much as I had corrupted her while she was with me, she is still innocent. Tommy would be fine living here, our sex life would not interfere with him, he would not even be aware of it.
As Baby Blu comes out of the bathroom, I straighten my back and lift my head up.
“Don’t go, not yet, we need to get this sorted”
Gathering her clothing from the night before and stuffing them in her hold all.
“There’s nothing to say Dante, I’m not moving in, I’m happy with the way things are and I don’t understand way you can’t be”
For the first time, I look around the bedroom, taking inventory of what’s there, there is a photo of Trax, a comb that I use, a few mementos from my youth, personal stuff belonging to me. If I go to the wardrobe the only clothes that I’ll find would be mine, the same with the drawers, none of Baby Blu’s things would be in there mixed with mine or in a separate drawer that she had commandeered, no spare toothbrush in the bathroom or female toiletries. Apart from the shoes that I had bought and Baby Blu was packing in to the hold all, there was nothing in this room, or in the house that belonged to her, she has never left anything personal or tried to change the décor. That should have been my clue that she had not intended to move in with me.
My heart was not broken it was shattered and I do not know if I will ever recover from it.
Letting her go was going to hurt, but I had too, she did not want to be here.
“Go Baby Blu”
“I’ll see you tonight”
Shaking my head, “No, Baby Blu, if you’re not willing to move in, then its over”
Taking a step back, clutching her hold all close, she looks up at me, swallowing her own tears “No, it doesn’t have to be like this”
“Yes it does, I want you to be here full time, not sneaking off early in the mornings or sneaking here late at night because you don’t want to offend anyone. Well I find it offensive, just go Baby Blu, it was nice knowing you and all that” tired from fighting some
thing that was not there. Still sitting on the bed, I listen as Baby Blu made her way down the stairs. Closing the door quietly as she left, “Bye Baby Blu” I whisper.
Standing I look at the bed and strip it of the bed sheets, the ones that have the sent of Baby Blu on them. Instead of putting them in the washer, I roll them up and throw them in bin. Going back into the house, it is deadly quiet, no trace of Baby Blu ever been here, nothing to show that she had only left my house in the last half hour. The faint smell of sex lingered and soon that would be gone.
Chapter 28
Finally, after a second night of unsuccessful sleep Baby Blu made herself a mug of hot chocolate, treating herself by adding cream to it and then went and sat on one of the back porch chairs.
Checking her watch, Baby Blu noted that there were still several hours to go before it was dawn. Sipping her hot chocolate, she reflected on her life, especially the last few months. Like most people, she had made mistakes, but she would not change anything about her life, up to two days ago, she would have said that she had everything that she wanted, that it had been perfect. Now due to her refusal to move in with Inferno, she is on the verge of losing her lover, if she has not already.
Why was she so hesitant to move in, taking Tommy with her?
Did she want to be on her own, like her dad is? The way she felt now, she did not think there would ever be anyone but Inferno. In a few years, Tommy would be gone, would she end up regretting that she had not moved in with him. Picking her phone up wondering if he was awake, like her unable to sleep, without hesitating, she rang his number, however it went straight to voicemail, disconnecting without leaving a message. Drinking more of her coffee, she leant back in the chair and stared into the darkness.
“Mind if I join you” Looking up from her drink and giving a half smile, she indicated the other seat and her dad sat in it.
He did not speak at once, like Baby Blu; he gazed into the night sky.
“Want to talk about it”
“Inferno and I had a fight and he told me not to come back”
“Is he worth fighting for?”
Thinking about what my dad had to say, I thought about all the things that Inferno had done, and how he made me feel, from the smallest thing to the most important.
“I love him”
“Then what’s the problem”
“He wants me to move in”
Nodding his head solemnly, he stood up kissed Baby Blu on the head “If you love him, everything is worth the risk and you have to fight for it, it won’t always be chocolate and roses”
As my dad disappeared, I went and fetched the keys off the key hook from the back of the kitchen door and without changing from my nightwear; I made the journey to Inferno’s.
Parking the car, as I sat watching his house, all the lights were off. His bike is nowhere in sight, but he could have put it in the garage.
Before I could change my mind, I made her way to the house and rang the front door bell. Although I still have the key to his home, I am uncomfortable using it to let myself in. After several rings, there was still no answer. Stepping back, looking up to the house, however it is eerily silent. Feeling dejected, and trying his cell once more, when it went unanswered again , all I can do is make my way slowly back to the car.
DCMC
Taking another long drink straight from the whiskey bottle, I grimaced at the burn as it slid down my throat.
“So you’re a free man again” Tabby teased
Looking straight ahead and meeting his own gaze in the bar mirror and took a long look at himself, I did not want to be a free man, I wanted to be with Baby Blu. Fuck, that girl infuriated me at times, with her mule headiness, why could she not see that everything would be ok, and that having Sex , while Tommy was in the house was not a problem, hell, when we had our own kids, we’ll sill be having sex.
The bed had been lonely last night, several times, I went to reach out for Baby Blu and she had not been there. It had to have been one of the most fitful and longest nights of my life. I could not face that again tonight, so instead of going home, I had opted to stay at the clubhouse and get drunk.
When my phone had rung, I had automatically gone to answer it and seeing that it was Baby Blu ringing, I decided to let it go to voicemail. I was not ready to speak to her just yet. Fuck, I was trying to forget her by drinking myself into oblivion, and even that was not working for me, the whiskey leaving a sour taste in my mouth. Placing the bottle on to the top of the bar, looking round the clubhouse, to find it littered with drunken bodies scattered on any flat surface. Fuck, I had not missed that, no, what I was missing and it was only the second night. It was going home every night finding Baby Blu in my bed. Fuck, my cock had started to twitch thinking about her.
“I’m heading off” I let Tabby know, fuck it, Linc had it good, a woman to go home to every night and that is what he wanted.
I am not in a rush to get to my place, and decide to cruises the streets of Comfort Springs, the cold of the night passing through me; slowly pulling into my street, I see someone as they walked down the steps of my place. Pulling the bike into the driveway, I do not take my eyes of Baby Blu’s hazel ones. Dismounting, as I remove my helmet and gloves, not once have I wavered from looking at her.
“Hi” her shy greeting, tugs at my heart and all I wants to do is reach out and seize her and never let her go.
Standing in front of her, I toss my keys from one hand to the other “Hi” watching Baby Blu as she looks at everything but me
“What do you want?”
Licking her lips, as she looks at me “Can we talk please”
“I think we’ve said everything we have to say”
“Shit, Inferno, you can be crass at times” Baby Blu says in anger, “I love you Inferno”
“Yeah baby so you say, but that love doesn’t seem to mean much if you ask me”
“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you” Once more Baby Blu sucks on her bottom lip, turning her gaze over the street, her body droops with her deep sigh, “We can either talk about this out here for the neighbors to listen to, or we can go inside. The choice is yours, but just so that you know I’m not going anywhere” My Baby Blu can be passionate when she wants something.
“Come on then, let’s go inside”
DCMC
When we finally get inside Inferno’s house, I am not sure what to say or do. Feeling far from calm, I twist my hands together, trying to gather my thoughts.
“You were right Inferno, I was a coward, and I’m also scared. Maybe I did use Tommy as an excuse not to move in”
Lifting his eyebrow “Maybe”
“Ok, I used Tommy as an excuse”
“Does that mean you’re going to move in?”
“Do you want me too?”
“More than you’ll ever know”