Heroine Worship

by Sarah Kuhn

  “I’m sending in my application tomorrow,” he said. “You inspired me.”

  “I did?” I cocked an eyebrow at him.

  “They have a part-time option,” he said. “It will take me a little longer to finish, but that means I can keep helping out around here. You know, doing superhero magic stuff. When you talked about trying to show me all of you, trying to be your whole self, it made me really think about things. It made me think, maybe I don’t have to pick and choose pieces of myself. I can go to school, I can keep using magic to help people—maybe I’ll be able to figure out how to combine both into a whole new path. And I don’t have to have every single thing figured out right now. I can still be happy.”

  He smiled at me and I knew I was truly seeing all of him. The Scott who was good-natured and goofy and cracked teasing grins and made dumb jokes. The Scott who had conflicting, messy, imperfect emotions under all of that. The Scott who desperately wanted to protect people, even when he couldn’t protect himself.

  The Scott who was finally letting me see all the deep-rooted passion that had always been there, just underneath the surface.

  “I love you,” I said. “I love all of you.”

  Then we were kissing again, and I found that I actually didn’t regret all the time we’d spent not kissing—because we’d needed that to get us here, to this moment, to right now.

  He pulled back and cupped my face, giving me that fierce, sweet smile I’d come to know so well.

  “I love all of you too,” he said.

  I rested my head on his shoulder as he pulled me close. All of those pieces that made up my hurricane identity felt like they were finally at peace with one another, like I had accepted my weird angles and rough edges and little broken bits that made me who I was.

  I remembered my mother telling me she wanted to me to be happy. That sometimes with me, it was hard to tell. That I hadn’t even been one hundred percent sure in that moment.

  But now I knew. Now I could answer with absolute certainty.

  Yes, I was happy. Aveda Jupiter was happy—and so was Annie Chang.

  After all, they’re the same person.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  As always, thanks are due to my many badass superhero teams: the Girl Gang, the Shamers, the Ripped Bodice writing crew, NOFXGVN, Heroine Club, the Cluster, and the incredible Asian American arts community of LA.

  Thank you to my agent, Diana Fox, and my editor, Betsy Wollheim—mighty superheroines, excellent vintage shoppers, and tireless champions of Aveda and Co.

  Thank you to Katie Hoffman for your thoughtful Aveda insights and your appreciation of sexy oranges—two key things that made this book the best it could be. Thank you to Alexis Nixon for all your awesome PR-ing and the slightly delirious convention funtimes. And thank you to Sheila Gilbert, Josh Starr, Kayleigh Webb, Brynn Arenz, Isabel Kaufman, and everyone at DAW and Fox Literary for all the love and care you put into bringing this book to life.

  Thank you to Jenny Yang for crying in coffeeshops with me—and for your extra special read of this book. Thank you to Sandy Johal and Diya Mishra for being reading superstars and giving me insights that made everything better.

  Thank you to Amber Benson and Seanan McGuire for a magical (girls) first book tour that was everything I could have asked for, to Jenn Fujikawa for always being my best twin, and to Tom Wong for bringing me sugar at a crucial deadline moment.

  Thank you to Sarah Guan for encouraging my Japanese gummy candy addiction, to Jason Chan for once again taking care of my girls and bringing them to glorious life on the cover, and to Javier Grillo-Marxuach for continuing to be a superheroic mentor who always believes in me.

  Thank you to the proprietors of The Ripped Bodice—Bea Koch, Leah Koch, and the always hungry Fitzwilliam Waffles—for fostering a wonderful safe space that champions love, female empowerment, and happily ever afters. And thank you to the writers—Rebekah Weatherspoon, Jenn LeBlanc, C.B. Lee, Janet Eckford—who make it a community where I always feel at home.

  Thank you to the many folks who shared an important meal, Family Reunion show, and/or Asian Dessert Club with me this past year—Keiko Agena, Marc Bernardin, Christy Black, Mel Caylo, Julia Cho, Will Choi, Christine Dinh, Sina Grace, Naomi Hirahara, Traci Kato-Kiriyama, Naomi Ko, Paul Krueger, Andrea Letamendi, Scott Okamoto, Atsuko Okatsuka, Liza Palmer, Erik Patterson, Amy Ratcliffe, Thomas Reyes, Jenelle Riley, Trinity Shi, Kelly Marie Tran, Michi Trota, Wendy Xu, Phil Yu, and Maryelizabeth Yturralde. You fed this book in so many ways, great and small.

  Thank you to all the booksellers and readers who embraced Heroine Complex so enthusiastically. I am so grateful for you.

  Thank you to my family for being my family: Dad, Steve, Marjorie, Alice, Philip, and all the other Kuhns, Yoneyamas, Chens, and Coffeys.

  Thank you to Jeff Chen, who I can never seem to find the exact right words to thank enough—you’re my hero.

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