She laughed. “Remind me not to let you come to any of Joseph’s ball games.”
“Don’t worry. I only yell insults when I’m watching the game on television.”
She plopped down on the couch. “Well, that’s a relief.”
I sat back down, my attention centered on her, not the game.
She gathered her hair in a ponytail and released it. “I talked to my boss.”
“And?”
“He said it wouldn’t be a problem. He’ll schedule me to come back Tuesday night, so I guess it’s Gulf Shores or bust.”
Hell, yeah. I was pumped that she was going. Now I had to figure out why I’d just made it a whole lot harder on myself to keep things at the friend level.
Jessica
If I’d actually known anybody in Kentucky, I would have been embarrassed that I was standing on the side of the road in a fluorescent vest picking up trash.
But my life was in Creekview now, and I was more than happy to do whatever necessary to take care of my legal problem, pay my debt to society, and move on.
Getting arrested was actually what had facilitated moving back to my hometown, so in a way, I was glad it happened. Joseph needed to be surrounded by people who loved him, and Cade, Seren, and Mrs. Hawkins cared about him, even going as far as spoiling him a bit.
I picked up a flattened plastic water bottle and stuffed it in the trash bag. Sometimes, Paxton could be unreadable, but I knew he cared about Joseph, too. Maybe he wouldn’t be my first choice for guardianship if I were plowed over by a tractor trailer, but he had definitely made progress in the kid department.
If nothing else, I hoped, at some point in the future, it might make him rethink having children. Even if he didn’t have them with me.
***
By Friday, I missed Joseph terribly, and I had even driven home on Wednesday just to see him. It was worth the trip to see my baby, and if money hadn’t been an issue, I might have made even more trips home through the week. One of the bright spots that made being away from him bearable was knowing I would be able to spend a few days with him in Gulf Shores without having to leave him to go to work.
It would be my baby’s first trip to the ocean, and it would allow us both to spend time with Pax. He had been working a lot lately, and I had missed him.
It made me realize how hard it would be to move out of his apartment.
At least I’d be able to spend time with him before I moved, and it would be nice to see Hawk and Amber get married. They were a good reminder of how amazing a relationship could be when a couple truly loved each other, and I found myself fantasizing more than once about what things would have been like if Paxton and I hadn’t broken up all those years ago.
Lucky for me, the crew of trash-collecting criminals was cut loose early. I called Paxton on my way home to let him know I’d be there sooner than expected. To my surprise, he offered to pick up Joseph to save us a little time.
It was all I could do not to drive in a speed-induced frenzy, knowing that I would be kissing my baby’s chubby cheeks soon. I couldn’t wait to see Paxton, either, and to combine the knowledge that I would soon be seeing my two favorite men with the fact that we would all be at the beach in a matter of hours was enough to skyrocket me into a state of sheer glee.
When I finally reached Paxton’s apartment, I jogged up the sidewalk. I opened the door and slipped into the living room. I could hear Paxton’s voice in the kitchen. “Sounds like Mommy’s home. Can I get a fist bump on that one?”
I quickly walked in the direction of the kitchen, and when Paxton and Joseph stepped into view, I was frozen in place. Joseph was looking at Paxton’s face, smiling and babbling and running his tiny fingers over Paxton’s close-cropped beard. Paxton was almost as tall as the archway that led into the living room. His muscular build was evident under the light blue casual dress shirt, its long sleeves rolled up to his forearms and left untucked, partially hiding his khaki shorts.
“Look!” Paxton pointed as he tried to get Joseph’s attention. “There’s Mommy.”
Joseph continued to babble to Paxton, and emotions churned in my chest as I watched this large, muscular man gently shift my baby around in his arms until he faced me.
“Ask Mommy if she’s ready to go build a sandcastle.”
“Hi, baby!” I called, trying to get Joseph’s attention as I hurried toward him and scooped him in my arms. I attacked his cheeks and neck with dozens of kisses, and he giggled in response, which was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. “I missed you so much.” I breathed in deeply, and I could tell he had been freshly bathed, the scent of baby shampoo strong on his soft blond hair. He smiled at me with his toothy grin, and I swore to myself that he had grown since I’d last seen him. I hugged him to my chest, cherishing him.
Paxton rubbed a small circle on my back. “You missed him.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah, I did. When I was pregnant, I was so scared. I don’t think that I could even have imagined how much I was going to love him or how much he would mean to me.” I exhaled softly. “There’s nothing like it in the whole world.”
“He’s lucky to have you as his mom.”
“I can’t offer him much, but I do love him more than anything.”
“That’s what he needs most.” Pax slapped me on the butt. “Come on, Momma. Get packed so we can get to the beach.”
“I may need to find a washateria.”
“There’s a washer and dryer in our condo.”
“Then let me grab a few things, and I’ll be ready.”
***
Paxton’s hand gently shook my knee. “We’re here.”
I raised the back of my seat and blinked as he pulled into a parking lot. Narrowing my eyes, I looked at the clock. It was after midnight. “We’re at the beach?”
He pointed to the horizon on the other side of the lot. “The ocean’s right there.”
I rolled down my window, a jolt of adrenaline waking me faster than the strongest cup of coffee ever could. The briny scent of the vast expanse of water filled the air. “I smell it.”
Pulling into a parking place, he turned off the ignition and stretched his arms above his head the best he could, considering there wasn’t much room between his head and the roof of the car.
“Come on,” he cajoled, “let’s get Baby J and take a look.”
Filled with excitement, I hopped out of the car and took Joseph out of his car seat. He was snoozing with a vengeance, and he hardly even stirred as he laid his head on my shoulder and kept on sleeping. “I guess he’s not as excited about it as we are,” I said softly.
“Let the little guy get some sleep. He’ll have a big day tomorrow.”
I followed Paxton to the edge of the parking lot. He braced his hands against the waist-high wall that enclosed the parking lot and scanned the horizon.
Even though it wasn’t quite full, the moon glowed brilliantly in the sky and reflected on the ever-changing surface of the rippling ocean. “It’s beautiful,” I whispered, afraid to break the magic of the moment.
Paxton’s warm hand wound beneath my hair and cupped the nape of my neck. It seemed like such an intimate touch, and it was moments like this that made me realize how difficult being nothing more than friends would be. It was the reason I needed to be in my own place. He obviously didn’t realize the affect he had on me. His thumb stroked my skin, and even though that simple action was enough to draw my attention away from the majestic ocean, I knew that it was something he probably did almost absentmindedly, unaware that I was so cognizant of his touch, I could barely breathe.
“Let me get you inside, so you can lay him down. Then, I’ll unpack the car.”
The hand on my neck guided me, and he waited until I started walking before he fell in step beside me. His hand fell away, and I instantly missed his touch.
We walked around the building and entered through a set of automatic doors. Pax checked us in and pushed the button for the elevator. When we
reached the fourteenth floor, the doors opened, and he motioned for me to exit first.
“Room fourteen ten,” he said from behind me.
When I reached the room, I stood to the side, giving him room to open the door. I was nervous. I had no idea what the sleeping arrangements were. The room was tastefully decorated in beiges and blacks. The kitchen was equipped with high-end appliances and dark granite countertops. “This is nice.”
“I asked for a crib to be put in the master bedroom. I’ll take the guest bedroom.”
While I appreciated his thoughtfulness, I felt guilty. “I can sleep in the guest room.”
“It makes more sense for you and the baby to have the master,” he said, his deep voice caressing me from behind. “It has its own bathroom, and that will make it easier for y’all.”
I turned and looked at him. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” He tucked his thumbs in the front pockets of his shorts. “I’m going to head back down to the car while you get him settled.”
“Okay.”
Paxton left the room, and I headed to the bedroom closest to the balcony, assuming it was the master. I flipped on the light, my eyes drawn to the luxurious comforter in soft blues and browns that covered the king size bed. Throw pillows with tufting and fringe added a touch of sumptuous elegance.
A mahogany crib stood in the corner of the room, adorned with white bedding. I settled Joseph on the pillow and covered him.
When Paxton came back to the room with the diaper bag, I changed Joseph’s diaper, and he barely even moved. Pax carried my suitcase into the room and peered over my shoulder. “Man, he is out.”
“The drive must have exhausted him.”
Paxton yawned. “He’s not the only one.” He peered out the curtain. “Let’s check out the balcony.”
He slid the door open, and we stepped outside and stood at the railing. The waves rolled toward the shore, crashing into the sand and expending their energy before being pulled back to the ocean. I could hear the rushing water and then the soft lull that followed before another wave barged onto the shoreline. The sound was hypnotic.
“The last time I saw the ocean was when my mother had visited me in California. We drove over to the coast and spent the day at the beach. She flew out the next morning.” I hadn’t spoken much of my mother since she passed. In fact, Paxton was the only person I had opened up to. Maybe because he and I had been so close before, and once he and I began talking again, it was like our separation didn’t really exist. We had changed, but he was still the one person who knew me better than anyone.
He laid his arm across my shoulders, his hand cupping my shoulder and squeezing me gently.
“If I had known it would be our last day together….” I couldn’t continue because my throat ached with emotion. I knew if I said even one more word, I would lose my composure.
“She knew you loved her.”
I loved the sound of his voice. I nodded my head as a tear spilled over my lid and splashed on my cheek. I quickly swiped it away. “She was my best friend,” I whispered into the darkness. “I wish she were here. There’s so much I want to talk to her about, so much I want her to see. I wasn’t ready for her to go.”
He pulled me into his chest and held me while I cried for her, his hand rubbing my back in circles while he pressed me against the length of him. I felt secure in his embrace, comforted by the way his body enveloped mine. He smelled good, and his whiskers were scratchy against my forehead. I burrowed deeper, wishing things could be like this between us forever.
But that wasn’t our reality. My mother was gone. Eventually, Paxton would be gone again, too. But I had Joseph, and I would be okay.
I groaned. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to turn our first night in Gulf Shores into a pity party.” I inhaled deeply and wiped away the moisture beneath my eyes.
He whispered in my ear, “Don’t ever apologize for remembering your mother.”
I nodded and pulled away, needing to put space between us so I wouldn’t tell him that my relationship with my mother wasn’t the only one I longed for. We’d already discussed it, and it wasn’t meant to be. I may not have known that the day at the ocean in California would be my last day with my mother, but I did know that this trip to Gulf Shores would be the last time that Pax and I would be together. When we got back to Creekview, we would be making plans to continue our lives separately. And even though he promised me his friendship, I wasn’t sure that could ever be enough for me.
Chapter 16
Energy
Jessica
The next morning, Joseph woke up early. I took him to the kitchen to warm a bottle and found Paxton in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee.
“You want one?” he asked, holding his coffee cup in the air.
“Yes, please.”
I noticed his laptop on the table. “Have you been working?” I asked as I grabbed Joseph’s bottle from the fridge and heated it.
“I’ve been working on some articles.”
“You’re at the beach and you got up early to work?”
He shrugged. “Y’all were asleep. It seemed like a good way to pass the time while still being productive.”
Pax had set my cup of coffee on the table across from him. I pulled out a chair and sat down while Joseph took his bottle and held it himself, and I sipped my coffee. I closed my eyes, savoring the taste. He made it exactly the way I liked it.
We made small talk as we drank our coffee. Once Joseph finished his bottle, Paxton closed his laptop and peered at me across the table. “The hotel has a complimentary breakfast in the lobby. Why don’t we grab something to eat and take a walk on the beach before we have to get ready for the wedding?”
“Sounds good.”
I took a few minutes to make myself presentable and to change Joseph’s diaper and clothes, and then, we walked downstairs with Paxton. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed out the back of the building. For October, it was much warmer than I expected, and I shielded my eyes with my hand and scanned the beach as we walked around the pool area and down a long wooden boardwalk.
We kicked off our flip-flops at the end of the walkway and headed out to the beach. I shifted Joseph in my arms, lifting him higher on my hip as my feet sank into the cool sand.
Seagulls flew overhead, drifting on the gentle breeze coming in off the ocean. Their shrill calls filled the air as they landed on the beach and darted along the water’s edge, hunting for small fish. I pointed at them. “See the birds?” I asked Joseph.
He smiled at me. “Ba-ba.”
“Birds.”
I turned to Paxton. “I wonder what he’ll think about the sand.”
“Only one way to find out. Set him down and see what he does.”
“You want to play in the sand with Momma?”
“Ma-ma.”
My mouth gaped open. “Did you hear what he said?” I asked, my voice pitched much higher than normal as excitement welled in my chest.
Paxton smiled, white teeth contrasting with his dark beard. “I heard him.”
“Momma.”
“Ma-ma.” Joseph repeated, reaching for my face.
“Oh, Paxton! He said it again!”
Paxton chuckled.
I hugged Joseph to my chest, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you, baby. You make Momma so proud.”
He squirmed and pulled back, trying to put his fingers in my mouth.
“Let’s play in the sand.” I sat him down in the dry sand, and Paxton and I sat down beside him. Joseph immediately slapped his palm down over and over, obviously liking the way it felt against his hands.
He crawled over to Paxton and grabbed his arm, trying to pull himself up.
“Whoa, where’re you going, Baby J?” Paxton lifted him with ease and held him in the air, causing Joseph to squeal in delight. He set him back down, and Joseph ran his fingers in the sand, in awe of the tiny grains that he couldn’t quite capture.
“I know a boy who
needs a sandbox,” Paxton said as he gently rubbed his large palm over Joseph’s head. “One with a cover for it.” Paxton looked at me, grinning. “When Cade and Evan and I were younger, we had a sandbox. We loved it. Unfortunately, so did the cat next door. I can’t tell you how many times our bulldozer uncovered a pile of cat shit.”
I wrinkled my nose. “That’s disgusting.”
“It definitely wasn’t pleasant.” He rubbed Joseph’s crown again. “My dad made that sandbox for us. He built seats in at each corner, but hell, most of the time we were sitting right in the middle of it, halfway buried in sand.”
“Sounds like y’all had a lot of fun in it.”
One side of his mouth tilted up in a grin as he remembered his youth. “We did. Man, the three of us used to do all kinds of crazy stuff.”
“Maybe Cade and Seren will have a son, so Joseph will have someone to play with.”
“Hopefully.”
“Do you think she’ll have trouble getting pregnant?”
“I have no idea. I hope it happens soon for Cade and Seren’s sake.”
“I do, too.” I watched Joseph play as he reached over Paxton’s leg and ran his outstretched fingers through the sand. “It almost doesn’t seem fair that some people can get pregnant without even trying and others try for months and months with no luck.”
“Everything happens for a reason.” Paxton playfully tugged the hem of my pants. “You can’t imagine your life without this little guy now, can you?”
Warmth filled my chest as I watched Joseph look up at me and grin, drool dribbling down his chin as he showed me his teeth. “He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Exactly. And whether Cade and Seren have their own child or adopt one, they’ll be the best thing that ever happened to that child and vice versa.”
He lifted Joseph out of the sand and stood. Then, he held his hand out to me.
Betrayed (Whiskey Nights #4) Page 20