by Ali Parker
Her hands flew out on either side of me. She gripped the arms of my chair, her nose inches from my own.
“Don’t test me, Ryan.” She glared. “I’ve been doing this longer than you can imagine, and I will cut you down without even blinking.”
“B.”
“No. Stop.”
Beatrice stood up and put her hand over her heart. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and composed herself. When she looked at me again, it was with the same sickly-sweet expression she always wore.
“You will finish the contract,” B said simply. “You will continue to woo Candice Smart until she falls head over heels in love with you. And when that happens, you will secure an invitation to the Smart Cosmetics Anniversary Banquet. Then, and only then, will you have my permission to extricate yourself from Candice for good.”
I don’t want to leave her, I thought. That’s the opposite of what I want.
Beatrice didn’t give me a chance to argue. She spun on her toe and slid back behind her desk. Without looking at me, she shook another cigarette loose from her pack and stuck it between her lips. I watched as she lit it, sucking in a rattling breath and closing her eyes like it hurt.
“You may go,” she said, her eyes still closed. “Don’t disappoint me again,”
I stood up but didn’t leave. B’s eyes remained closed. I stared down at her, a thousand insults begging to be unleashed.
I kept them all tucked safely between my clenched jaws as I turned to leave, my fists clenched at my sides.
***
“What the hell was that about?” Kason demanded, falling into step beside me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Speeding up, I hurried across the lobby and stepped outside. The bright sun beat down on my neck as I practically ran to the nearest subway station.
“Where are you going?” Kason called after me.
“Away from here.”
I was halfway to the stairs when Kason caught up with me. He grabbed my arm and yanked me backward. I spun around to face him, ready for a fight.
“Don’t push me right now, Kase.” I grit my teeth. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Neither am I.” Kason glared and took a step forward. “I got you this fucking job, Ryan. For what? So you could fuck it up the first chance you got?”
Shaking with rage, I realized Kason had been eavesdropping. I turned to walk away, but he pulled me back.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he screamed. “Telling B about your little crush? Have you lost your goddamn mind?”
“It’s not a crush!” I shoved him out of my face. “My feelings for Candice are real, Kason. And I can’t ignore them anymore.”
Kason blinked and stumbled backward. I didn’t know what shocked him more, my declaration or the fact that I’d shoved him.
“What has gotten into you?” he asked, all the anger gone from his voice.
“I like her,” I said, breathing heavy. “It’s not a game, and it’s not a contract. Not anymore.”
“Fine.” Kason held his hands up. “Fine, but what are you gonna do about it, Ryan? You can’t just throw everything away for one woman. What about your job? What about Paisley?”
Glaring, I spun around. I couldn’t stand to look at him for another second. Instead, I watched as cars sped down the street. I thought about hailing a cab just to get away from Kason, but my empty wallet stopped me.
I dropped my head to my chest and closed my eyes.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said softly. “I just know Candice doesn’t deserve what I’m doing to her, man. She deserves more.”
“You can’t tell her.”
Looking up, my eyes met Kason’s. He stared at me, unmasked pity covering his face.
“I have to,” I said. “If I don’t, I’ll lose her forever.”
“If you do, you’ll still lose her.”
“You don’t know that,” I snapped, echoing the words I’d spoke to Max just two days ago.
“I do.” Kason sighed and jerked his head to the side. “Come on.”
“Where?” I demanded.
“Let’s get some coffee,” he said. “There’s something you should know.”
Confused, I followed Kason down the street. We stepped inside a small café and found an empty table. Kason ordered us each a coffee and then turned to face me.
“The story about Yolanda was a lie.”
I froze, waiting with bated breath for him to explain.
“She was real,” Kason said with a sigh. “And just as beautiful as I said. God, I was in love with that girl, Ryan. So fucking in love.”
“What happened?” I demanded.
Kason took a long sip of his coffee. Lowering it to the table, he ran his fingers over the surface and shook his head. I’d never seen him look so defeated, so broken.
“I told her,” he said simply. “I told her I wanted something more with her. Something real.”
“And?” I asked, leaning across the table. “What did she say?”
Kason laughed darkly. “What do you think she said?” he snapped. “She told me to fuck off and never call her again.”
“But …” I blinked and fell against the back of my chair.
“Ryan, we’re escorts,” Kason said bluntly. “You can wrap it up in a bow and make it look as pretty as you want, but that’s the truth. We’re escorts. Our job is to make women feel good about themselves any way we can.”
Shaking my head, I stared over Kason’s shoulder and tried to convince myself he was wrong, that Candice would understand.
“Yolanda said she wanted a real relationship,” Kason said, “and my job made that impossible. How could she trust me when I was out every night with other women?”
I closed my eyes and tried to block out his words, but they drilled through my brain all the same.
“It’ll be worse for you,” Kason said. “Yolanda knew all about my job when we met. I was her Romeo. She picked me out herself. But she still walked away because we aren’t designed for relationships, Ryan. We exist to build up self-esteem and then slip into the darkness and never return.”
“That’s not Candice.”
“You’re right.” Kason nodded. “Candice is different. She didn’t hire you. She has no idea who you really are. She thinks everything between you two is real.”
“It is real.”
Kason shook his head sadly. “Her mother hired you,” he said. “There’s no way you can back from that.”
My insides felt like they’d been shredded. I tried to take a sip of my coffee, but I could barely lift the cup to my lips.
“Listen, man.” Kason’s eyes bore into mine. “I’m sorry, okay? I know this sucks, but there’s only one option here. You can’t tell her. If you do, you won’t just lose her. You’ll lose your job. You’ll lose your entire life.”
Just minutes before, I was ready to jump. My mind was made up. I was going to tell Candice everything, consequences be damned.
One look at my best friend and my resolve vanished. I vowed to take the lie with me to my grave.
Chapter 24
Candice
“Wait.” Leslie waved her hand impatiently. “You met his daughter?”
“Yes,” I said, without looking up. My attention was focused on the computer in front of me. Kendra had just unleashed a monster thread of emails onto my account, and I was busy sifting through each one.
“Already?” Leslie demanded in disbelief. “You haven’t even slept with him yet.”
“Well, I did sleep in his bed.”
Glancing up, I watched my little sister’s mouth fall open. I chuckled and turned back to the computer.
“How? Why?” Leslie stammered. Her hands flew frantically through the air, grasping for understanding.
“Spit it out, Les. I have work to do.”
“How could you sleep in his bed and not fuck him?”
Whipping my head up, I glared daggers across my desk. Leslie w
as used to being the only Smart sister to have dating stories. It screwed with her head when I actually had a man in my life.
“I fell asleep on the couch,” I said. “He carried me to his bed and then slept on the couch.”
“You slept in his bed alone?”
I sighed and shook my head. “Are you slow today or something?”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand.” I leaned back in my chair, knowing I wouldn’t be able to work until Leslie left. “I fell asleep, and he gave me the bed because he’s a gentleman.”
“But why were you there in the first place?” Leslie demanded.
I hesitated. This was the part of the story I least wanted to tell. I knew my sister, and I could already predict what her reaction would be.
“His daughter was sick,” I said. “So he canceled our date, but I offered to bring soup and crackers and stuff.”
“And he said yes?”
Leslie blinked, dumbfounded. I tried not to be offended by her surprise, but I couldn’t help it. My stomach burned.
“Is it really that shocking that someone would want me around?”
In an instant, Leslie’s shock vanished. She sank down in her chair and sighed, her gray eyes softening so much that my own had no choice but to follow.
“That’s not what I meant,” she said. “But come on, Candi. You have to admit it sounds like a line. ‘My kid is sick?’ Oldest trick in the book.”
“It’s wasn’t a line,” I said. “Paisley was actually sick. She had a fever and everything.”
Leslie pursed her lips thoughtfully. With a shrug, she seemed to accept it and move on. I watched as her expression turned smoothly from mild interest to mischievous entertainment.
“So,” she said gleefully. “If you’ve already met the kid. Then, sex can’t be that far off.”
“Why are you so interested in my sex life?” I demanded.
“Because.” Leslie groaned and threw her head back. “You need to have some fun.”
Part of me wanted to fire back, but I knew it was pointless. Leslie was right. Until Ryan, I hadn’t been on a date in years.
“I am having fun,” I admitted. “Ryan’s great. Sexy and sweet. Plus, he’s an amazing dad.”
Smiling to myself, I remembered how it felt to spend the whole day with Ryan and Paisley. I was so happy, Ryan’s weird mood at the end didn’t even bother me anymore. I couldn’t wait to see him again.
“When are you seeing him again?” Leslie asked, reading my mind.
“Tonight,” I said. “He’s taking me to dinner. Said he wants to talk.”
Leslie winced. Her face fell into a grimace. Shaking her head, she whistled softly and fixed her pitying eyes on me.
“What?” I frowned.
“Talking is never good.”
My sister’s tone was so matter-of-fact, so certain, that I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. At the time, I hadn’t thought anything of it. So, Ryan wanted to talk? Whatever. But now, as I watched Leslie’s eyes flicker with concern, my chest tightened.
“It doesn’t mean anything.” I tried to convince myself. “He just wants to have dinner.”
“Guys only ask to talk if it’s something bad,” Leslie said wisely.
“How do you know?”
Sitting forward, Leslie cleared her throat. “Look,” she said. “You may be the expert here at work but me? I know what I’m doing out there. In the real world.”
“Work is the real world,” I argued.
“The dating world.” Leslie rolled her eyes. “The world of men and women and sex and lies and drama.”
“Joy.” I turned back to my computer screen. “That’s exactly what I need in my life. Drama.”
“Trust me, sis.” Leslie glanced down at her watch. “If Ryan wants to talk, you need to prepare yourself for the worst.”
She stood up quickly, grabbing her purse and tossing it over her shoulder.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Heidi asked me to pick up lunch.” Leslie wrinkled her nose. “I said no, but she threatened to fire me.”
Laughing, I waved her away. She spun on her toes and disappeared into the hallway. I stared blankly after her, my mind spinning itself in circles.
“She’s wrong,” I said out loud. “Leslie doesn’t even know Ryan. She has no idea what she’s talking about.”
Kendra poked her head around the corner, making me jump. I slapped my hand to my chest to catch my breath.
“Did you say something?” Kendra asked, ever the attentive assistant.
“No.” I shook my head sharply. “No. It’s nothing.”
“You sure?”
I nodded, and she slipped away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Leslie’s words haunted me for the rest of the day. By the time seven o’clock arrived, the strong, hard-ass businesswomen Ryan thought me to be was gone. In her place was a bundle of nervous energy with no outlet.
***
Ryan led me to the car, his thumb tracing light circles over the back of my hand. Until now, his touch had always sent shivers coursing down my spine. But tonight, I was too preoccupied to notice.
As always, he opened the door for me, and I slid inside. Ryan pushed it gently closed before hurrying around to the driver’s seat.
My eyes found the window as Ryan pulled out of the parking garage and turned onto the street. Staring up at the skyscrapers of New York City, I reminded myself who I was.
Candice Deborah Smart, heir to the largest cosmetic company in the country. People feared me. I was intimidatingly strong with a confidence that could make most men cower.
Why, then, should I be anxious about a date with Ryan Winters?
Squaring my shoulders, I turned to face him. His green eyes were focused on the road, never once wavering until I cleared my throat to claim his attention.
He glanced at me with a smile. Lifting his right hand off the steering wheel, he slid it over to hold mine. Our fingers laced together naturally. My eyes moved automatically to our intertwined hands, all the confidence I’d just forced now gone.
“Okay.” I dropped his hand. “Can you pull over? Right here?”
Ryan blinked. “What?”
“Just do it,” I said. “Pull over.”
Flicking on his turn signal, Ryan pulled over to the right and stopped the car. He put it in park and turned to face me.
Taking off my seat belt, I twisted around in my seat. My teal dress bunched up beneath me, and I heard my mother’s voice ring shrilly in my ear.
It’ll wrinkle, she would say. Sit like a lady, Candice Deborah Smart.
Ignoring the voice in my head, I fixed my eyes on Ryan. He blinked back at me, his forehead creased with lines of worry.
“What’s this about?” I demanded.
“I don’t—”
I cut him off with a sharp look. “You said you wanted to talk.” I reminded him. “So, talk.”
Looking around, Ryan laughed nervously. “Now?” he asked. “Here?”
“Yes.”
Ryan shook his head and dropped his eyes. He ran his fingers over the gear shift and took a breath. When he looked at me again, his expression was soft.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I snapped.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked, frustration finally seeping into his voice. “What did I do?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I said firmly. “But you said you wanted to talk, and everyone knows what that means.”
He raised his eyebrows. “They do?”
“Yes.” I tried to keep my voice level, but it was impossible. In any other situation, I was always the calm voice of reason. But with Ryan, that flew out the window.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “So, tell me, what does it mean?”
“It means you’re ending things,” I said. “And honestly, Ryan, you don’t have to buy me dinner just to dump me, okay? I’m a big girl.”
“What?”
For the first time, Ryan looked genuinely upset by my behavior. He froze with his fingers still on the gear shift and his eyes locked on my face.
“Is that what you think?” he asked weakly.
My throat burned, a hard lump forming in the center and making it impossible to talk. I swallowed hard and looked out the windshield. City lights twinkled back at me. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly through my nose, my lips pressed tightly into a thin line.
“Candice.”
Ryan’s fingers brushed gently over my arm. I shivered at his touch, shocks of electricity shooting through my body.
“Candice, look at me.”
My eyes stayed closed. Embarrassment had turned quickly into full-blown humiliation. I couldn’t remember the last time I let myself get so emotional, especially around a man.
“Please.”
Ryan’s voice called me back to reality. I blinked and turned my head. His green eyes locked on mine, and I sighed, leaning into his touch and finally letting go of the hard-ass façade I was trying to desperately to maintain.
“Yes,” I finally said. “That’s what I think. And I meant what I said. You can just end things now and take me home. It’s fine.”
“I don’t want to end anything.”
Ryan reached over and plucked a strand of hair off my face. Holding it between two fingers, Ryan stroked it slowly. When his hand reached my shoulder, he slid the same two fingers down my arm, stopping only when he reached my wrist.
“You aren’t?” I asked, my voice weak.
“God, no.” Ryan laughed. “That’s the opposite of what I want.”
“Then, what did you want to talk about?”
Ryan sighed and leaned back against the seat. He pressed his head against the headrest, rolling it side to side while his eyes examined the street around us.
“I want to spend more time with you,” he said. Lifting his head, he turned to me. “After seeing you with Paisley this weekend, I don’t know. I guess something just clicked. I realized I want you in my life, Candice. And not just casually.”
Words failed me. My cheeks warmed as Ryan’s eyes held mine. My stomach fluttered, and when he leaned forward, it flipped so violently, I jumped.
“What’s wrong?” he asked nervously. “Is that-I mean, did I say something wrong?”