“Yes, but I wasn’t expecting to find you lurking in my bedroom.”
“I figured this was the best place to meet up with you. If I turned up at the office or the show, it would just become a media circus. Aren’t you happy to see me? I’m so very happy to see you.”
Hope nodded over her mother’s shoulder as Brooke hugged her again. “Of course I’m happy to see you, Mom.” Tears pricked her eyelids when she realized how close she’d come to being lost to her mother forever. There was nothing quite like a mother’s loving embrace, and she desperately needed hers right now.
“Don’t you ever go sailing again, young lady,” Brooke said, then laughed as she stepped back and wiped at a tear on her cheek. “You scared ten years off me when I heard you were missing.”
“It took a few years off me, too,” Hope admitted.
Brooke clasped her hand and drew her over to the settee.
“Now, tell me everything. What happened?” Brooke crossed her linen-covered legs, her latte-colored silk blouse a perfect foil for her coloring.
Hope told her mother what had happened, leaving out the intimate details, like how she’d thrown herself at Oliver … The whole time she talked, Brooke held her hand, or brushed her hair back. It was as though her mother needed physical contact to reassure her that Hope was there, safe and sound.
Brooke sighed once Hope was all talked out. “I owe so much to Oliver,” she murmured. “He saved my beautiful little girl, and for that I’ll be eternally grateful.”
Hope gazed down at their clasped hands. “It seems that Oliver will be leaving Forrester for a little while.” The news had stunned her, and saying it out aloud made it sound final, irrevocable.
“I know. Rick told me. I guess he needs some time to process what happened. That kind of experience can take a toll on a person,” her mother said quietly. Hope realized her mother could relate to her position in a way nobody else could, having been marooned on a desert island—just as Hope could very much appreciate the helpless frustration her mother must have felt while they had been missing.
“What is it about us Logan women and tropical islands?” Hope asked with a self-deprecating laugh.
Brooke smiled. “Well, we’re always stronger for it,” she said.
Hope nodded. She’d already rediscovered a personal strength that had lain dormant. She wasn’t going to be any man’s second choice. She’d questioned so many aspects of her relationship with Liam, and had accepted the situation, regardless of how terrible it made her feel. No more. She deserved better than that.
“I hope Oliver finds some peace,” Brooke said.
“Oh, I’m sure he’s found his peace,” Hope said shortly. “He’s moving on.”
Without her.
Brooke’s eyes narrowed, and Hope met her mother’s shrewd gaze innocently.
“Did something—did something happen between you two on that island?” She whispered the question, as though almost afraid to voice it.
“No,” Hope said, and stood. She walked over to the window and parted the curtains, looking down on the view of Sydney Harbour. “No, nothing happened.” She couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from her words.
Brooke twisted to look at her, a small line marring her brow. “But … you’re upset that nothing happened?” she asked tentatively. “Did you want something to happen?”
Hope shook her head. “No, we just … came to an understanding.”
“One that you’re not happy with,” her mother observed.
Hope twitched the curtain closed. “No.”
Her mother held up her hands in bewilderment. “I’m not sure I understand … I thought you were conflicted about your relationship with Liam and Wyatt. What’s happened with Oliver?”
Hope dug the toe of her sandal into the plush cream carpet. “Nothing happened with Oliver,” she muttered. Despite her best efforts.
“He saved your life,” Brooke said slowly. “It’s natural to feel beholden to someone after that, to believe there is a connection when …”
“When there isn’t?” Hope asked, finally meeting her mother’s gaze. “There was—only I think I broke it.”
There. It was out. It was her fault. The relationship she’d had with Oliver—her best friend, her confidant—she’d ruined it.
“Why don’t you tell me what this is all about?” Brooke asked gently.
“I pushed him away. I—he’s made no secret that he wished we could somehow get over our past and get back together.”
Brooke nodded, wincing with guilt.
“He told me one night that he wanted more from me, from us.”
“And you said …?”
“I said if he wanted more, then he needed to find someone else.” Hope closed her eyes at the memory of their conversation on the boat. How that must have hurt him. “I didn’t think I could really be with him, not after what happened.”
And now she faced the prospect of losing him forever.
Hope looked over at her mother, not bothering to mask the regret in her eyes. “The funny thing is, he has been my partner, ever since. Whenever anything went wrong, I ran and cried on his shoulder. Whenever I had a fight with Liam, or he went off with Steffy, Oliver was the one I’d talk to about it. He was always there for me, offering support. I don’t think I really understood that.”
“What, that he was being a good friend?”
“No, not just good. He was my best friend. I shared everything with him, except for my body. I held that back.”
“You were afraid of being hurt again,” Brooke said.
Hope shrugged. “I think that’s how it started out, and I think I was probably still a little angry, but I never once really looked at it from his position. He said something to me on the island …”
“What?”
“He said he was going to forgive himself for what had happened, that he was going to stop punishing himself.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she gazed forlornly at her mother. “What kind of friend was I to him, that I never once realized he was doing that to himself? He’s gorgeous, he’s smart, he’s got a great sense of humor, yet he’s not really had a relationship since we broke up—not one worth mentioning, anyway.” Amber Moore wasn’t worth mentioning. “He’s always been there for me, and I have never been there fully for him. I’ve taken him for granted.”
Wow. That was hard to admit, and even harder to accept.
“He really has been there for you, hasn’t he?” Brooke observed.
Hope nodded, her mouth turned down in misery. “He was right.”
Brooke frowned. “What do you mean, he was right?”
“He said that I’ve loved a man who was in an emotional affair with another woman, and I’ve given Liam so many more chances than I ever gave him. He also thinks I lost sight of my own self-worth.”
Brooke’s eyebrows rose. “Well, he certainly wasn’t holding back, was he?”
Hope tucked her hair behind her ear. “Can I ask you a question, Mom?”
“Sure, honey, anything.”
“How did you cope with the whole Ridge and Taylor thing?”
Her mother’s expression clearly showed her surprise at the direction the conversation was taking. “Uh, well, I honestly believed, I guess, that Ridge and I were meant to be together.”
“But he loved Taylor, too. He had children with her.”
Brooke nodded. “Yes, and that was a painful experience. I guess I always hoped that he would realize we were soul mates. And he did.”
“And now he’s in Paris, with neither you nor Taylor,” Hope sighed.
“Yes, that’s true, and for a long time I hoped he would return. He needed space, he needed to think. I guess he really was torn between Taylor and I.”
“And now you have Bill.” It wasn’t an accusation, merely an observation. Her mother always seemed to be surprised by where her heart would take her.
Brooke laughed. “Yes, now I have Bill. I tell you, Hope, it’s amazing when you go for so l
ong feeling such self-doubt, worrying that perhaps you’ll never find a partner who will love and support you the way you need to be loved and supported—and then you find that he’s been right there, under your nose the whole time.”
Brooke waved a hand. “I mean, the way Bill and I got together was the wrong way to start any relationship, and we really did try to resist our attraction … but when Bill and Katie’s marriage dissolved, and he decided that I was the one he wanted to spend his life with …” Brooke shook her head in amazement. “He showed me what it was like to feel like the only woman in the world—and that is an irresistible quality in a man. To feel like you are his everything. It’s humbling, but it’s also empowering.”
Hope was silent for a moment. Sometimes her mother could seem so sage, so wise. With just a few words she had shone a spotlight on Hope’s problems, and highlighted what really mattered.
With Liam, she’d sacrificed a lot—her peace of mind, her morals, her heart—and still she constantly came in second to Steffy.
But wasn’t that exactly the situation Oliver had been living with for the past few years? With her relationship with Liam, Oliver had been the one in second, and sometimes third place. Yet his devotion had never wavered, and she was humbled by that. Looking at their situations in this way made her realize they understood each other on a level that nobody else could match.
With Oliver, she could embrace her true identity, and he accepted that. He loved her for it—and he had always made her feel like the only one. God, she hoped she hadn’t screwed everything up.
Brooke patted Hope’s arm.
“Speaking of Bill, would you like to join us for dinner?” her mother asked her timidly, as though afraid to utter the words.
“He’s here? In Sydney?”
“Why are you so surprised? My daughter was missing. I was so worried about you, and so was he. He dropped everything to be here with me.” Brooke leaned over and picked up her purse from the coffee table, her glimmering bracelet clinking delicately with the movement. She toyed with the clasp on her purse for a moment. “He’s not the only one, either,” she said slowly.
Hope narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”
Brooke winced. “Liam is on his way, too. And if Liam is, Wyatt won’t be too far behind.”
“What?” Hope’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, no.”
“They’re worried about you,” Brooke explained.
“Liam and I broke up, Mom, and Wyatt—sometimes I think Wyatt just wants what he can’t have.”
“I know, but I think Liam still loves you. And you might be correct about Wyatt—but maybe his feelings are genuine.” Brooke shrugged and started to walk toward the door.
Hope covered her face. “I can’t deal with them right now.”
“Hm. It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment.”
She hesitated, then lowered her hands. “Actually, no, not really.” She knew what she had to do. It wouldn’t be easy, but then, the most rewarding journeys never were. She walked to the door with her mother.
Brooke turned. “No?”
“No. Oh, and thank you for the dinner invitation, but I think I’ll pass.”
Brooke sighed. “Yes, I guess it would be rather awkward for you at the moment.”
Awkward didn’t even begin to describe it.
“What are you going to do about Oliver?” Brooke asked when she reached the door.
Hope tilted her head. “He said that he’s always been faithful to me, where it counts. He also believes that I didn’t have faith in him.”
“Ouch. He really let you have it.”
Hope shrugged. “He was right, and I think maybe I needed to hear it. I never really trusted him completely, never fully committed to him—I always held a part of myself back.” She leaned against the doorjamb. “Do you know, there have been times when I’ve trusted Oliver implicitly.” She remembered that terrifying moment when she was clinging to the tree, about to be swept downstream. He’d demanded that she trust him, that she reach for him. And she had. “I trusted him with my life.” She looked up at her mother. “Maybe it’s time I trusted him with my heart.”
Chapter Fourteen
Oliver glanced up at the soft knock on his door. He frowned. His duffel bag was half packed, a job he should have been finishing, but instead he was sitting in a chair, sipping a beer while watching the ferries sail across the harbor below.
He crossed to the door, anchoring the towel around his waist. He wasn’t really dressed for visitors.
He opened the door, and then halted in surprise at the sight of Hope standing in his doorway.
“Hope! Is everything all right?” He glanced into the hallway behind her. “Has Caroline called another meeting?” It wouldn’t surprise him. Caroline wanted the show to be the best, and sometimes she could be quite the drill sergeant.
“Yes, everything is … fine,” Hope nodded, but she looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Can I—can I come in?”
He stepped aside. “Sure.” What was going on? She had barely talked to him in days.
She paused inside the room, eyeing the open bag on his bed. “I see you’re packing already.”
He nodded as he grabbed the straps of his bag and hauled it over to a luggage rack that stood against the wall. “I’m on standby for a flight after the show, so I need to be ready to go in case I get a seat.”
Hope dropped her purse on the coffee table, then turned to face him. “You almost seem in a hurry to go,” she said quietly. She still wore the same figure-hugging dress that she’d worn to the office, the one with the impossibly short skirt that showed off her sexy legs. She possessed a natural beauty that had men turning in the street, but for as long as he’d known her, she’d been almost oblivious to it. Even now, his body reacted to having her so close.
He folded his arms across his bare chest. “I figure there’s no point wasting time.” He shrugged. “There’s nothing for me to do after the show. I’d just be hanging around.”
Like he had been for the last few years. He stared intently at her. He’d realized his life was in a holding pattern, revolving around Hope, waiting for her, praying for her to notice him, to see him as more than just a friend and one-time boyfriend. But that wasn’t going to happen. He had to accept that.
She clasped her hands tightly in front of her, and his brow wrinkled. That was one of her tells. Whenever she was tense, she would clasp her hands together. The more tense she became, the whiter her knuckles.
“What if I said I didn’t want you to go?”
His eyebrows rose. “Come again?” He hadn’t heard her right. His fantasies were becoming delusions—he was finally losing his mind.
“I don’t want you to go.” She nodded, as though to emphasize her point.
He looked down at her, not bothering to hide his confusion. “Care to tell me why?” What had Liam done now? That’s usually what sent her knocking on his door. He sighed as he leaned against the back of an armchair.
“Because—because I need you,” she said, her words escaping in a whisper. His body tightened. Another one of his fantasies playing out. She’d told him often enough that there could never be anything more between them. He didn’t need to give in to the little flare of false hope.
“It’s okay, Hope. I’ll only be gone for a little while. You can still call good ol’ Ollie if you need to. Actually, I’d like it if you did.” Regardless of how distant she’d been, he still considered them friends, at least.
“No, I don’t want to call you, Oliver. I want to be with you.”
She stepped closer, her gaze imploring. “You were right. Back on the beach, you were right. I lost sight of myself, I lost sight of what I want for myself, what I can reach for. I want you, Oliver.” She placed her palm against his cheek, and for a moment he leaned into the sensation of her touch on his skin.
“What exactly do you want?” he asked, his voice rough. His world felt like it was balancing on a knife edge, abo
ut to fall in one direction, and his breath caught in anticipation.
“You said you were always committed to me,” she said.
“I said a lot of things. We were dehydrated. I wouldn’t put too much stock into anything I said that morning.” He’d been honest, exposing his vulnerability like a raw wound. He couldn’t do it again.
“It’s taken me a while to realize this—too long, really, but you’ve always done good by me.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Wow, you’re having delusions too, huh? Have you forgotten a little incident at a graduation party?” He wasn’t going to dance around the issue, not any more.
Hope’s smile broadened. “No, I haven’t forgotten, Ollie. But like you said, that was a mistake, one that you’ve punished yourself over for too long.” Her words were uttered softly, and her blue eyes glimmered with unshed tears.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Oliver blinked, and something sparked, deep within. “What?” he whispered back, dumbfounded.
“You were right. You’ve shown me time and time again that you had faith in us, you had hope. You may have failed us for a moment, but I’ve failed you for a long time.”
He placed his hand over hers, covering his cheek, and closed his eyes. “I’m not sure I understand,” he said, afraid to look at her, afraid to hope.
“I was hurt, Oliver, so hurt by what happened, and I was so angry. I never really gave us a chance after that, and with everything that we’d shared, with everything we meant to each other, I should have. I should have had that faith in us. I should have trusted you.”
He heard her words, but he still couldn’t believe what she was saying. He opened his eyes, and Hope gazed up at him with an earnest expression.
“I’m the one who betrayed you, Hope. You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Oh, I do, Oliver. Since we ended things, I have shared more with you than with any other man. You have been my best friend, and I’ve taken you for granted.”
He pulled her hand away from his cheek, but still held on to it. “Is this because I’m leaving?”
She glanced down at their clasped hands. “Perhaps. I think I’ve just assumed that you’ll always be there for me, you’ll always be around …” She peeked up at him through her lashes. “Always there to save me from drowning,” she added with a cheeky grin.
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