by Marie Jem
“That’s not him,” I said, very sure of myself.
“Are you sure?” asked detective Keller.
“I’m positive. That is not the man who raped me. I will never forget his face and unfortunately he’s not the one,” I said, disappointed.
“He can go,” detective Keller opened the door and asked another man to let him know it was the wrong guy, “I’m sorry, Miss Morgan. We are really hunting for that prick. I will let you know if we have any other possible criminals.
“Thank you,” I said, and walked out of the building, Alex following me.
I broke down in tears once I was outside. I was extremely disappointed that it wasn’t over. My nightmares were never going to end and I would forever live in fear. Alex tried to hold me, but I pushed him away. I didn’t want him to take advantage of my weakness and think he could manipulate me into listening to what he wanted to say. I got into the car and Alex drove us back to work. He didn’t say much the entire drive to work. He parked the car in the employee parking lot.
“Thank you for driving and being there for me,” I said.
“Anything for you, Claire. I’m really sorry it turned out to be the wrong guy,” he replied. I got out of his car and hurried back to work. Laura was curious about where I was so I just told her I had an emergency near my house, but everything is okay. She could tell that it wasn’t anything I wanted to talk about, so she didn’t question me. I received a text from Alex.
It’s going to be ok. I promise. I’m here if you need to talk.
Normally, I would respond right away, but I really needed Alex to get the message that I did not need a married man, who I had had sexual relations with, to be my best friend. I didn’t want to be enemies, but I definitely did not want to be friends. I had a lot of healing ahead of me. I was looking forward to the ballet class I had signed up for. Dancing was the only thing that was going to keep my mind off of the depressing things in my life.
<><><>
Stefano was sitting at the reception area of the dance studio with Julietta standing right next to him, talking about work. Her face brightened when she saw me.
“Hello Claire, you look beautiful today,” she said. That was a compliment from a woman like Julietta who was such a beautiful woman herself. “Stefano, your fellow Scorpio is here. Remember I told you that you two are only one day apart?” she asked. “I will be in my office if anybody needs me,” she said and headed inside the studio.
“Hey, how are you?” he asked. “I think my mom really likes you. Who could blame her?” he added, smiling, revealing his gorgeous dimples.
“I like her too. She’s so cute and sweet,” I replied, blushing.
I began heading inside the studio, but Stefano stopped me, “Claire, you want to grab a bite to eat sometime?” he asked.
“Oh, uh, I have such a busy schedule with work and here and,” I began.
“I understand. Maybe when you’re not so busy,” he replied.
“Thanks for understanding, Stefano,” I said and hurried inside. Most women would probably throw themselves at Stefano, but I didn’t see him that way. He was my dance instructor. He was very attractive, edgy, and seemed sweet, but I needed space. More than anything in the world, I needed time and space so that I could heal.
The ballet class I had signed up for was exactly what I needed. It helped me relax and forget about what had happened earlier in the day at the police station. I had even worked up an appetite, so I grabbed sushi on my way home. I was able to eat everything I ordered, which made feel like my usual self. Slowly, I was becoming normal again. I hoped that in time, I would even be able to sleep in my bed.
I took a much needed bath and headed downstairs to my temporary bed, television, and wine bottle. I noticed I had a text message from Alex.
Just checking in to see how you’re doing. Worried about you, that’s all.
I’m good. Thanks for driving today. Goodnight.
I thought about ignoring the text, but did not want to be rude, since I had to face this man on a daily basis at work, so I decided to be short, sweet, but blunt instead.
Anytime. Sweet dreams.
Of course he had to reply, I thought. I wished he wouldn’t text me anymore and just concentrate on his wife. I imagined how awful she would feel if she knew he had been contacting me. A feeling of depression came over me suddenly. My heart felt heavy and all those feelings from the day I had opened the door to Angela came back with a vengeance. I didn’t even open the bottle of wine that night. I just sobbed myself to sleep and woke up with an incredibly huge headache the following morning. I took some aspirin and a shower to shake off the headache and wake up.
I realized it was Friday, but felt absolutely no excitement like I normally would on a Friday. I had no plans for the weekend and had to drag myself to work. I didn’t have a dance class on Friday evenings, so I thought about ordering a movie and watching it that night. I didn’t want to bother Katherine and be the third wheel, since she probably had plans with John.
Kristen sent me a text message shortly after I arrived to work and invited me out with a group of people from the dance studio. I happily accepted and looked forward to dinner and drinks with Kristen and whoever would be joining us.
Laura noticed I wasn’t having a very good morning, “You okay?” she asked.
“Yes, just had a hard night, that’s all. It was one of my bad days yesterday, I guess,” I replied.
“I’m sorry to hear that. A delicious lunch is in order then,” she replied, smiling.
“Sounds good,” I smiled. I didn’t know what I would do without Laura. She always knew how to pick me up when I was down. Work would not be the same without her there to help me through the difficult days.
I had a very light lunch when I went out with Laura in the afternoon, so that I could have room for dinner with Kristen in the evening. After work, I drove to the Italian restaurant Kristen had chosen to dine at. It was called Guiada’s and was located very close to the dance studio. I parked in front of the valet and left my car with the valet employee. As I walked inside the restaurant, I noticed it was very trendy with a busy bar filled with young people approximately my age. Kristen flagged me down and I walked to the table she had reserved. There were quite a few people, including Mackenzie and Pete that I had already met before I signed up at the studio.
“Hey, Claire, you know Mackenzie and Pete. This is Giselle and Kayla, they are in our hip hop class, in case you didn’t remember, since it was only one class. We are expecting just one more person and then we can order,” she said. Giselle and Kayla were very friendly girls that I got to know pretty well.
I noticed Kristen flag someone down as she had done to me. I turned my head to see Stefano heading our way, “Okay, we can order,” Kristen said. Stefano came to our table and greeted everyone and took a seat right next to me.
“Hi, Claire, it’s nice to see you were able to come and join us with your busy schedule,” he said, grinning. “So, I guess Friday nights are your not so busy nights?” he asked. I just smiled. I didn’t respond to his last remark. Kristen winked at me just then and I knew she had something to do with Stefano’s presence.
I hadn’t mentioned Alex to Kristen, so she had no idea what I had been going through. I couldn’t blame her for trying to play matchmaker for Stefano and I. She was only being a good friend and trying to set me up with a handsome guy who was also an amazing dancer.
We ordered drinks before our food and Stefano made us laugh with the many jokes he told. I didn’t order more than one drink, since I had to drive home and did not want to be under the influence. After dinner, the rest of the group headed to the bar area, leaving Stefano and I alone. He took advantage of the opportunity and asked me a few questions, “So, what do you do in your spare time?” he asked.
“I don’t have a lot of spare time to be quite honest. Between work and now dance, I’m keeping very busy,” I replied. Stefano asked questions about my work and why I was interested i
n the medical field and chose to work in a hospital. I was very surprised to hear that Stefano had his master’s degree in business administration from UCLA. Julietta wanted him to get a degree to fall back on just in case dancing didn’t pay the bills. He said his knowledge helped him run the dance studio more effectively.
“My father died when I was only thirteen, so my mother had to raise me by herself,” he said.
“I’m very sorry to hear that, Stefano. She did a wonderful job. You turned out to be a very smart and supportive son,” I smiled.
“Thank you,” he blushed. “You didn’t think I knew anything other than to dance, did you?” he asked.
“Honestly, no,” I replied. “I’m glad you made Julietta proud,” I added.
“So, do you think we can go out sometime?” he asked nervously.
“We are out, Stefano. We had dinner and drinks,” I replied.
“You know what I mean. Like a date,” he said.
“Look Stefano, you’re my dance instructor and I’d like to keep it that way. Dating you would not be smart on my part. I’m going through something very difficult in my life right now and need to be on my own. I don’t mind hanging out with you in a group just like tonight, but not a date. Please respect my wishes and try to understand,” I said.
“Okay, no pressure, Claire. I don’t mind hanging out with you and the group. There’s something about you that really draws me to you, but I will definitely respect your wishes, scouts honor,” he assured, holding up his fingers. Stefano had a very easygoing personality that I absolutely adored. He never pushed me when I didn’t want to be pushed. He always knew his limits and his place. If I had met Stefano before Alex, things would have been completely different.
I had noticed Stefano brought a helmet with him inside. “Is that a motorcycle helmet?” I asked.
“Yes it is. Do you like motorcycles?” he asked.
“Um, not really, I mean, I’ve never been on one. They kind of scare me,” I confessed.
“They’re not scary, Claire. I’m a good rider. Maybe I can take you for a ride one day,” he said.
“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe one day if I’m feeling very adventurous I will give it a try,” I replied.
“I’d be more than happy if you did,” he said, smiling.
I looked at my watch and realized it had gotten very late. I still had quite a drive ahead of me. I said goodnight to everyone and Stefano walked me out to the valet. He gently grabbed the valet ticket from my hand and paid for my car, which I thought was a very sweet gesture.
“Thank you, Stefano, you did not have to do that,” I said.
“You mean I should have let you pay? Right in front of me?” he said, holding his heart as if it had stopped beating. “I hope you know CPR, Claire, because you would have needed to perform it on me tonight,” he joked. Stefano knew how to make me laugh. He was exactly the distraction I needed in my life to help me clear the fog surrounding me.
He closed my car door after I sat down. “See you on Monday,” he said as I drove off. On the drive home, I kept thinking about what a nice evening I had had with a great group of people. I felt happy for a change and increased the volume of the radio on the way home, singing loudly to my favorite songs.
<><><>
I decided I would try to sleep in my bed that night. I showered, dried my hair and crawled into bed. I was able to surrender to sleep, but it wasn’t long until the nightmare took over again. I awakened, sitting up in my bed, sweating. Why was Alex in my dream again? I changed into a dry pair of pajamas and tried to go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful. I soon ended up on the not so comfortable couch once more. It was difficult to get Alex out of my mind when I kept dreaming about him.
That morning, I woke up with a sore back from sleeping on the sofa. Katherine called and invited me out to lunch and possibly some shopping. John was working, so she needed some girl time and I was more than happy to accept. It was such a beautiful day to be outdoors, it would be a waste to stay home, moping around all day. I spent the morning doing laundry, washing my bed again, since I was convinced to get every particle of Alex off those sheets. I had become obsessed with washing that bed, thinking if I washed it enough I could eventually sleep in it for an entire dreamless night.
Yoga was in order for my backache and I felt like a new woman afterwards. Katherine texted to notify me that she was on her way. I quickly showered and dressed and waited for her arrival. I called the front gate and asked the guard to let her through the gates when she arrived. I heard Katherine’s car outside and opened the door before she rang the bell.
“Hey, Claire, you look great! You look so much better than the last time I saw you. I’m so glad you’re doing well,” she said, hugging me tightly.
“Thanks, Kathy. I am doing much better and taking it one day at a time,” I replied. Katherine came inside and we caught up on everything that had happened that week. I told her about the false alarm at the police station and how disappointed I was that it wasn’t the right guy.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope someday it will be him and you can put it all behind you. I think it was nice of Alex to drive you there. I’m still not too fond of him for what he did to you. I still think he’s a selfish asshole, but he does seem to have a good side to him,” she said. “I wonder if his wife is dying. Do you ever wonder that, Claire? Like, do you wonder how long she has to live and how bad her disease is?” she asked.
“Honestly, I can’t think of anything but them eating together, sleeping together, laughing together. The thought of her dying is nowhere near my mind. I keep picturing them living happily ever after and it’s killing me. I can’t even sleep in my bed because ever since I moved in here, I had gotten used to Alex staying with me,” I explained. Katherine reassured me that I just needed time and would soon get over Alex. I thought that was just easier said than done. I had made so much progress that week, so I hoped Katherine was right. She was happy that I was dancing again because she knew it was like therapy for me.
Katherine stood up, “Let’s go, girlfriend, we are in desperate need for some retail therapy and great food. We haven’t had a day like this in a while. The last time we spent a day shopping and having lunch together was when” – she stopped. “Oh, sorry, it was the day we shopped for his birthday gift,” she added, sadly.
“I know,” I replied with a heavy heart. “Let’s get going,” I said as we headed out.
<><><>
On the way to the mall, Katherine and I recalled the funny events in our lives since childhood. I hadn’t laughed so much in a very long time. We had a great time shopping and clothes were fitting me better, since I had put on the few pounds I lost from the anxiety. I noticed my appetite had returned to normal when I kept asking Katherine when we were going to eat.
After what turned out to be a pretty good shopping spree, we went to one of our favorite sushi bars. Katherine opened up about John during our meal, “Claire, how can I get John to propose? I mean, I’m only twenty-four years old, it’s not like I’m in my mid thirties and need to get hitched tomorrow. It’s just that we’ve been together for so many years and we live together, so I don’t know what’s holding him back,” she explained.
“Oh my, Kathy, you’re asking the wrong person. I’m the one who was dating a married man without knowing he was married, remember?” I laughed. “Maybe John wants to propose, but he’s waiting for the perfect moment or maybe he’s trying to pick out the perfect ring, who knows,” I added. I wished I could have been of more help, but I didn’t have enough experience with relationships to advise anyone on their relationship.
After we had stuffed ourselves with so much food, we decided to head back to my place. Katherine tried on her new clothes and modeled them for me and I did the same. I had some ice cream in the freezer that Alex had bought during one of our grocery shopping sprees. We ate until we both felt ill. I guess comfort food was what we both needed that day.
Katherine had to leave, so I walked
her out to her car. We hugged and I thanked her for such a fun day and advised her not to worry about John. I knew he would soon ask her to marry him, but it might take him some time to build up to it.
Once she was gone and I went back inside my condo, I suddenly felt very sad. It was as if all the smiles and giggles from earlier that day had vanished. I was alone again and I really felt it. The thought of Alex with Angela hit me again. The thought of the two of them happy together made me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. The thought of them holding hands or making love just made me want to move to another continent. I just wanted to hide from the world until I was strong enough to live in it again.
I had a hard time staying at my place alone after Katherine left, so I called my parents to see what they were up to. My mother answered the phone and asked if I wanted to go over to their house. I happily drove to my parents’ house shortly after I hung up the phone.
My mother noticed I had been crying when I arrived, “Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” she asked. I told them about the events of the week, especially about detective Keller’s phone call and the false alarm.
“Alex went with you?” my father asked.
“Yeah, dad,” I replied nervously.
“You let that man go with you to the police station and you didn’t even bother to call me? We work in the same city, Claire,” my father was very irate.
“He was in a meeting with me, dad. He was right next to me when Keller called and he insisted that he drive me there because I was shaking and scared and so nervous,” I explained.