Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves)

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Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) Page 43

by Marie Jem


  “I’m just a phone call away. I love you and will see you tonight,” he said and hung up. I was bored out of my mind. I wanted to exercise, but was too afraid I might make myself sick or was too weak to begin exercising again. I flipped through the channels on the television, but found nothing exciting enough to watch. I did a little bit of reading on the internet and was very frightened to read about what could have happened to my baby from all the alcohol I drank before I knew I was pregnant. The diseases were endless. With high anxiety, I began to pace. I called Alex and expressed my concerns to him. He reassured me that it wasn’t my fault and that I had no clue I was carrying another life inside of me. I felt better after I spoke to him and stopped reading about the horrible diseases my baby could have if affected by my alcohol consumption.

  When Alex called to tell me he was on his way from work that evening, I warmed up food for us to eat before he arrived.

  “Hey, baby. How was your day at home?” he asked.

  “Depressing. How was your day at work?” I asked.

  “Very busy and tiring,” we both laughed.

  Alex told me he had run into Laura and told her I was feeling well enough to possibly return to work the following day.

  “She sounded really happy about that. I think she really misses you,” he said.

  “I miss her too. Can’t wait to return to work tomorrow,” I confessed. Just then the guard called to let me know my parents were at the gate. I looked at Alex, knowing my face was white as a ghost. I hadn’t told them about Alex and I rekindling our relationship.

  “Don’t worry, baby. We will talk to them and tell them about the misunderstanding about Angela. They will understand. Trust me,” he said. My doorbell rang and I rushed to open the door and walked my parents inside slowly. They both hugged me and asked how I was feeling before they noticed Alex standing in my living room.

  “What’s he doing here?” my father asked coldly.

  “Hello, Alex,” my mother greeted him kindly.

  “Mom, dad, uh, I was going to come over this weekend to talk to you about Alex, but you beat me to it and came here,” I said with a shaky voice.

  “How is your wife?” my father asked.

  “Henry!” my mother stopped him.

  “Dad, please. It was all a misunderstanding,” I said, looking at him with my eyes wide, trying to stop him from saying anything else.

  “Claire, it’s ok. He has every right,” said Alex.

  “Maybe we should leave and talk about this some other time,” my mother offered.

  “Now that I’m here, I think I could use a drink,” my father said, walking to the mini bar to help himself to something strong.

  “Sweetheart, you should have told me when we spoke on the phone,” whispered my mother.

  “Mom, I wanted tell you the whole story in person,” I whispered back.

  “What the hell is this?” my father asked, holding up the ultrasound picture of the baby that Dr. Tan had given me. My mother took it from him and looked at it as her eyes widened bigger than I imagined possible.

  “Oh my God, Claire. You’re pregnant?!” my mother gasped.

  Chapter 24

  I didn’t need to answer my mother’s question, as the look on my face answered it for me. I never wanted my parents to find out about their future grandchild by running into an ultrasound copy. I never wanted them to think less of me for being in love with a married man who had yet to finalize his divorce.

  “Yes, I am. I wanted to sit down and tell you about Alex and I first. I never wanted you to find out this way,” I said.

  “I love Claire very much,” Alex began. “We will raise this baby together. My divorce will be final before the baby is born,” he explained.

  “Wait a minute, Alex,” my mother stopped him, “isn’t your wife ill?” she asked.

  “Please, if we sit down together, I would like to clear up the misunderstanding between us,” Alex pleaded. My mother looked at my father as he nodded and took a seat with my mother on the sofa. Alex began telling his story without leaving a single detail unmentioned. He told them about his marriage to Angela and her infidelity, secret abortion, and drug addiction. He told them how he was separated from her for months before I came into his life. My mother’s eyes looked moist with sadness. My father was a harder nut to crack, but his soft side seemed to have kicked in towards the end of Alex’s story.

  “I wasn’t looking for love when I ran into Claire in that parking lot, but love found me. I guess we were just destined to be together,” he said, taking my hand into his.

  “Thank you for opening up to us, Alex. It really helped clear things up for us, right Henry?” my mother asked, turning her head to my father who was seated right next to her.

  “Yes, it did, but you have to remember that everything you have been through with your ex wife is nothing compared to caring for and raising a child. That is going to be your greatest challenge in life,” my father lectured.

  “Oh, Henry, I think they should announce it to the rest of the family during Thanksgiving dinner,” her eyes lit up at the idea. Alex and I agreed that would be a wonderful idea. My father agreed that it would be the perfect time to notify the rest of the family. My mother turned to me, “Don’t forget to eat the homemade chicken noodle soup I made for you,” she pointed to the container she had put on the dining table. Their visit had taken me by such surprise that I hadn’t noticed the large container she had brought with her.

  “Thanks, mom. I always feel better after eating your chicken noodle soup,” I complimented.

  After my parents left, Alex and I sighed and sat down to finish our dinner.

  “I guess you’re coming with me to Thanksgiving dinner,” I smiled.

  “Nothing would make me happier,” he replied, smiling back.

  Alex offered to clean up after we ate, so I could take a shower and relax, since I would return to work the following day. I took a long warm shower as I thought about everything that happened so far that week. I thought about how life could change so suddenly from one minute to the next. I turned off the water and stepped out and slipped into a bathrobe. Alex was sitting on the bed, reading a medical journal.

  He smiled when he looked up and saw me, “You have that beautiful pregnant woman glow, Claire,” he said.

  I chuckled, “Hardly. But thank you for the compliment, Dr. Blake,” I replied.

  I dried my hair and snuggled next to him. “Alex, can I tell you something?” I asked.

  “You can tell me anything, you know that,” he replied.

  “I’m afraid. What if I’m not a good mother? What if I’m terrible at caring for a baby? What if I have postpartum depression like most women I read about?” I asked.

  The fine lines on his forehead multiplied as he frowned at the questions I asked. “Claire, you’re the last person on earth who would be a terrible mother. You’re going to be great, just like your mother. You won’t get postpartum depression, but if you do, it will only be temporary and there’s medication for it. Now, I need you to stop worrying that pretty little head of yours and get some sleep,” he said as he pulled me closer to him.

  “I love you, Alex,” I said.

  “I love you too, Claire,” he replied, kissing me on my forehead.

  My eyelids became heavy and I felt myself emerging into a deep, comfortable sleep.

  <><><>

  Thursday morning I felt well enough to return to work. I was relieved that I would be working and not mope around at home, unable to do anything important. Laura was very happy to see me when I arrived to work, “Good morning sunshine. So glad you’re feeling better,” she said. “That Dr. Kohler came in here yesterday looking for you, Claire,” she told me quietly, so nobody in the department could hear her.

  “What did he want?” I asked, curiously.

  “He didn’t say, but I have a feeling it’s about that email,” she said, reminding me of the odd email Mark sent me before our trip to Las Vegas.

 
; Alex had told me that Mark denied ever sending that email. I wondered if he denied it to Alex because it was all about him and Angela. I didn’t want to think about anything unpleasant that morning and was glad to be back at work. Alex and I had decided to hold off telling people about the baby until I was at least three months along. I wondered how Taryn would take the news, as she was crazy about Alex.

  Laura offered me coffee, but I declined, telling her that caffeine would dehydrate me and that I was planning on cutting it out altogether. I knew it was going to be difficult to hide the pregnancy for at least another month. Walter came out of his office to see me, “Good morning, Claire. I’m glad to see you’re back and feeling much better,” he said.

  “Thank you, Walter. It’s nice to be at work,” I replied.

  I was feeling great that morning until I developed terrible heartburn. I had read that heartburn was one of the symptoms of pregnancy, so I knew exactly where it was coming from. My stomach felt as though it was on fire and I could feel it up to my esophagus. I worked through the terrible heartburn and ate very light at lunch, fearing another burst of heartburn if I ate even the smallest amount of anything that would trigger it.

  I stepped out of the department a little before noon because Stefano called me on my cell phone to see how I was doing. “I’m doing pretty good, thanks Stefano,” I replied.

  “That’s good to hear. Look, I haven’t told my mom anything about your pregnancy, but I just told her the doctor ordered you to relax for a few weeks to completely recover from your flu. You can tell her and everyone else when you are ready,” he clarified.

  “Thank you so much, Stefano,” I said as we ended our conversation.

  As I was about to head back into the department, I heard someone call my name from down the hallway. It was Mark.

  “Claire, wait a minute, please,” he said, rushing toward me.

  “Can I help you, Dr. Kohler?” I asked, very formally and professionally.

  “Look, I never sent you that email that your boyfriend almost killed me over,” he began. “I’ve sent you several emails since you first began working at this hospital, but that email was not one of them,” he said, firmly.

  “Why would you deny something like that, Mark? If you didn’t send that email then who did? Did it magically appear in my inbox?” I asked, sarcasm in my voice.

  “I don’t know who sent it, but I certainly did not. I know the entire story about Alex and Angela and I was there when he saw her lip locking with that Peter guy on his birthday a few years ago. I still think your boyfriend is a very shady guy who hides many secrets and you should be with someone better. You should be with someone like me, but I’ve learned to accept that you really like him and have left things at that,” he said, his self esteem higher than ever before.

  “You’re the last guy on earth I would be with, Dr. Kohler,” I confirmed.

  “You’re blind when there’s a good thing in front of you,” he said.

  “Anyway, please stop with the emails and if you’re so positive you’re not the one sending them, find out how they are miraculously ending up in my inbox and put a stop to it, please. I had to beg Alex not to break every bone in your body. I may not be so convincing next time,” I warned.

  I made sure nobody had heard our conversation before I headed back inside the administration department. Laura asked if everything was all right and I told her about my encounter with Mark.

  “He’s such a creepy man. He’s lucky Alex didn’t break his perfect surgeon hands,” she laughed.

  “He got lucky this time,” I replied.

  “You know, I’ve noticed those two have been pretty close lately, Taryn and Mark,” she said.

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Yes. I stopped by the Cuban deli yesterday to pick up a sandwich and they were having lunch together. Taryn was throwing herself at him as she used to do to Alex. I don’t think it was my imagination because I’ve seen her in action before and let me tell you, she was in action,” she said.

  “Hmm. Well, I think they are perfect for each other. Two negatives make a positive,” I laughed.

  Alex sent me a text message asking if I wanted go to Bradley’s Diner for lunch.

  “Laura, I’m going to have lunch with Alex today if that’s all right. Could we do lunch tomorrow?” I asked.

  “Sure, of course. Have a good one,” she replied.

  “I’m not going to tell him about my encounter with Mark. He’s just so happy with the baby news that I don’t want to put a damper on it by talking about Mark,” I said.

  “What baby news?” she asked.

  “What?” I asked. Oh no. I couldn’t believe I had slipped that out of my mouth.

  “You said Alex is so happy with the baby news, Claire. Are you, uh, expecting?” her eyes lit up.

  “Oh, Laura, please don’t tell anyone. It slipped out of my mouth,” I said.

  “I promise I won’t say a word. I’m so happy for you guys,” she smiled. “Is that why you fainted the other night?” she asked.

  “Yes, one of the reasons why. I will tell you all about it when I return from lunch. Thanks for keeping it quiet, Laura,” I said.

  “You got it. You better go eat. You’re not the only one who needs food right now,” she smiled.

  <><><>

  I met Alex by his car and he drove to Bradley’s. It smelled so good inside the diner, making my mouth water. Laura was right. I wasn’t the only one who required food. I had another human growing inside of me who was hungry all the time

  Alex sat right next to me, his arm around my waist, and began kissing me. I looked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone from the hospital having lunch at the same diner.

  “Baby, there’s nobody here, and if there was, I couldn’t care less. I want the world to know you’re mine,” he said, pulling me closer to him. His eyes shifted down to my neck at the globe charm necklace he had given me. “You haven’t taken that off,” he smiled.

  “No, I haven’t. Why would I? It’s the most sentimental gift anyone has given me,” I said.

  Deanie walked over to our table to take our order. “Aw, don’t you two look so in love. This is the happiest I have seen you guys since you first came here together,” she said.

  “It’s that obvious, huh?” I asked.

  “It is and I love it,” she replied.

  We ordered quickly, so we wouldn’t return to work late. Alex was so happy and in such a good mood that I knew I was definitely not going to share any Mark updates with him. Alex dropped me off before he parked his car, so I wouldn’t have to walk too far to get into the building. He had to work across the street at the clinic the remainder of the day.

  I noticed Taryn standing in front of the elevators. I stood next to her and waited for the elevator doors to open.

  “Hello, Taryn,” I said, taking her by surprise.

  “Oh, hello Claire,” she replied as the elevator doors opened and we entered together.

  “I see you and Alex are back together. It doesn’t bother you that he’s still married?” she asked.

  “You know, it’s so interesting that you bring that up because every time I think about that, I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have him. Oh, and the sex is out of this world. It’s completely mind altering. So, to answer your question, no, it doesn’t bother me one bit,” I said, bluntly. Her face was frozen, expressionless. I wondered if it was from all the cosmetic injections. The elevator doors opened at my destination and I began to walk out. “Have a lovely day, Taryn,” I said with the most artificial smile I could force and headed back to work.

  Laura was full of questions when I returned. She wanted to know how we found out and Alex’s reaction to the news. I told her everything from him questioning the father of the baby, how I locked him out of my condo, and how I broke the crystal vase that night.

  “Poor Stefano,” she laughed. “He saves your life and is accused of impregnating you.”

  “I know, right? No good
deed goes unpunished,” I replied, laughing with Laura. We had talked so much while working that we hadn’t realized that it was time for Laura to go home. I continued to work quietly, patiently waiting for Alex to call me and tell me he was ready to leave, so that we would be home around the same time.

  My phone rang and it was Alex letting me know he was walking to his car from the clinic. I packed up my things and headed to the parking lot. We would have carpooled if Alex didn’t have to wake up so early that morning for surgery.

  <><><>

  I hadn’t done much at work that day, but I sure was feeling tired. Alex fixed us something to eat from the massive cooking he had done earlier that week. I took a shower, since I knew if I waited to take it later in the evening, I would probably fall asleep and not make it into the shower. The aroma of the food smelled so good that I couldn’t wait to go downstairs and devour what he had warmed up.

  As we ate together, I told Alex about my encounter with Taryn in the elevator that afternoon.

  “I can’t believe you said those things to her, baby,” he laughed.

  “Neither can I,” I replied, laughing.

  “So, is sex with me really mind altering?” he asked.

  “It’s totally out of this world,” I replied.

  “Then I’d love to alter your mind tonight,” he said, grinning.

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into me, Alex. Maybe it’s my hormones, but I can’t seem to keep my hands off of you,” I said.

  “I love the way your hormones are working nowadays, baby. Keep it up,” he smiled, “because sex with you is intoxicating and I can’t get enough.”

  After we finished eating, Alex insisted he do all the clean up and made some mint tea for me. Tea seemed to help my heartburn. We sat outside on the verandah and talked about the future.

  “Angela called again today,” he said.

  “Really? What did she want?” I asked.

  “Money. I assume she needs it for drugs and not food,” he replied. “It’s very difficult to be generous to her when I know what she will be using the money for. She knows very well the court will not force me to give her money due to her history and that is the reason for her phone calls. She thinks I will feel sorry for her and give in,” he explained.

 

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