by Kris Sawyer
It confused him. Aidan stared at him feeling a little irritated. How could he suggest that? But when Rick offered his left hand, he sighed and walked over to him. Catching him by the hand, Rick pulled him down to sit beside him on the bench. Aidan eased his head onto Rick’s lap and got comfortable.
It felt nice.
Rick gently began to stroke his head.
“Maybe the damn cat was run over by someone and she’s lying dead in a corner.” It sounded harsh even to Aidan’s ears when he said it. But the thought had been lurking around in his mind for a while.
“Don’t say that.”
Aidan shrugged. “She wasn’t even my cat anyways.”
Rick bent over and kissed his head. He then rested his own head back against the bench. “Bratty is yours. She claimed you as her owner when she came by.”
In that moment, a lump formed in Aidan’s throat and he couldn’t breathe for a second. His vision blurred as tears welled up in his eyes and before he could control them, he let out a sob.
“This limbo …” Rick carefully said, “of not knowing where she is. It’s the worst feeling ever. She’s dear to me too, Aidan and I don’t even have her around me all the time. So I can imagine how much she’s grown on you over the past few weeks. But don’t worry, okay?” He kissed his head again. “We are doing everything we can to find her.”
With his tear-filled eyes, Aidan turned his face up to look at Rick. A light smile played on his lips. “You’re sure we’ll find her?” He asked.
“I’m positive.”
Positive. Aidan wanted to stay positive and keep looking, but he also couldn't shake the nagging feeling in his chest that something was really wrong. Rick was right… they were doing everything they could think of.
Aidan slowly snaked his hand to the back of Rick’s head and tugged gently downward. Their lips met for a light kiss. A calmness settled inside of him after a while and he felt good about having someone like Rick by his side. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if it hadn’t been for him. Rick had managed to keep Aidan in one piece so far.
When they broke apart, Aidan simply enjoyed looking at the beautiful face gazing back at him for a while. He caressed Rick’s cheek slowly and mouthed ‘thank you’. Rick opened his mouth to say something when he was interrupted by a man’s loud coughing.
“So this is what you fucking do when I’m not around?”
Rick jumped at the voice of the stranger and Aidan slowly stood up looking curiously between the two men. While one fumed in his anger, the other looked on like a timid rabbit.
Aidan hated the man at first sight. He had a sinister look on his face and an evil smile while he ran his hand through his beard. “I knew you were a dick sucking faggot but I didn’t think you had the balls to do anything about it.”
“Hey,” Aidan warned.
“Aidan …” Rick held his hand to stop him. “I can handle this.” He then turned to the man and said in a quivering voice, “Victor, Aidan is my friend. And we were here looking for his cat. It’s gone missing and …”
“Fuck that shit. I don’t want to hear it.” He almost yelled. “You’re coming home with me right now.”
Rick nodded and reached for his wheels and pulled himself back into his chair. But as he was about to push forward, Aidan grabbed the chair’s handle and pulled it back.
Rick looked up at him and palmed his hand. “Aidan, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Hesitantly, Aidan let go of the wheelchair and watched Rick go with his brother in law. This is a bad idea, he thought to himself, clenching his knuckles so hard they turned white. His heart skipped a beat when the men disappeared from his sight and he prayed Rick would stay safe.
Aidan barely ate that day. The dinner Mrs. Hutchinson had made for him ended up being stuffed inside the refrigerator untouched. Soon, though, he sensed a massive headache coming on. He decided to take a shot of black coffee to help it and put the kettle on to boil.
Resting himself back at the kitchen counter, his train of thoughts went back to the moment when Rick’s brother in law had caught them kissing. Rick did tell him the guy was a total homophobe and from what Aidan had witnessed, Victor was sure to create some sort of difficulty in the poor guy’s life. Aidan felt guilty for that.
He retrieved his phone and for the tenth time that night, brought up Rick’s number on the screen. Pressing the call button, he disconnected almost immediately and shook his head. No, don’t call him, he told himself over and over again. Aidan feared Victor would be keeping a close watch on Rick after that evening’s incident and he didn’t wish to create more trouble. But then he also wanted so badly to hear Rick’s voice. He needed to know the guy was okay but only if he could find out in some way that’d not piss off his brother in law…
As he poured the brewing coffee into his mug, his phone went off and an unknown number displayed on the screen.
“Aidan Ross.” He announced, taking the call almost immediately. He picked up the mug with his other hand and walked into his living room.
“Mr. Ross, hi.” The unfamiliar voice on the other end spoke and Aidan furrowed his brows. “This is Howard Butler, your neighbor. You stopped earlier this morning asking after a cat?”
Aidan burnt his tongue taking a bigger sip than he could handle and huffed. Bratty! “Yes!” He screamed in excitement. “Yes, that was me.” He was the same old man who said he’d heard a cat in their backyard the previous night.
“Well, I think we have her here. I went to find some stuff in our garage and there she was, hiding behind a table. I almost missed her.”
Aidan felt elated, but didn’t want to get his hopes up. “Are you sure it’s my cat? I mean, it could be any cat right?”
“Positive. You left a snap of her with us, remember?” He said and Aidan’s worries calmed down. “And you mentioned she was pregnant too and I think …”
The hesitation in his voice freaked him out. There was a hushed conversation on the other end which Aidan could barely hear. He imagined Howard talking to his wife and she sounded irritated. “Mr. Butler?”
He coughed. “Yes, Mr. Ross. You should get here as soon as you can. There’s something wrong with your cat and I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”
“I’ll be right there.” A horrible feeling settled within him.
He pocketed his phone along with the house keys and his wallet and was out of the house in no time. The hot mug of coffee sat abandoned on the center table, lazy steam rising from it.
*****
Bratty had given birth. But she had given birth to two stillborn kittens.
When Aidan stepped in front of her, she looked up. There was a glint of recognition in her eyes but they looked tired. A soft meow managed to come out of her mouth. That sound was one of the most depressing things he had come across in his life. Aidan felt an uncomfortable tingle in his nose as he fought back the tears.
Bratty turned away to look beside her. She meowed again, but there was no voice this time. Aidan followed her gaze and saw both of the tiny kittens lying motionless with the umbilical cords still connected.
“You should be ashamed of yourself, young man. Putting your cat through something like that!” The old lady sniffed somewhere behind him as she scolded him.
“Susan, I told you. Stay out of people’s business.” Harold snapped at her and his shaky hands touched Aidan’s shoulder who didn’t dare to move. “Please forgive her. She is quite sensitive when it comes to animals, especially cats.”
“A cat needs to be spayed in time. If you cared for her enough, you’d have done that long ago.”
Aidan turned his head to look at her. She blew her nose and stared back. Her face was red and she looked extremely affected by the situation. Personal experience? “She was already pregnant when I found her at my doorstep… like a few weeks back. I didn’t know to … I mean …”
Her facial expression changed immediately and she slapped her mouth. “I’m so sorry.” She murmured.
&nb
sp; “No, it’s okay,” he turned back to Bratty and felt sorry for her. “You’re right. She should’ve been spayed long back. This day would never have come I guess.”
He soon realized this was not the time to break down and quickly composed himself. Bratty needed immediate medical attention. With Mr. Butler’s assistance, he took Bratty and the kittens to the vet. He’d called ahead of them and so when they reached the practice, the vet was all set to attend to her.
It was a deadly virus which had infected the kittens and ended up killing them. The vet had told Aidan the name, but for the love of God, he could hardly pronounce it then, let alone remember what it was exactly. What mattered to him was Bratty’s good health. Aidan worried himself with the thought his cat might have gotten the virus too, but when the vet assured him that she was perfectly fine, he heaved a sigh of relief. “You’ll need to give her a lot of attention for the next few days,” the vet advised, “You may find a change in her behavior or her sleeping patterns might change, but that’s perfectly normal. Of course, if you think she’s getting worse, give me a call and I’ll be happy to take a look at her.”
He arrived home with Bratty somewhere after eleven that night. As soon as he put her down, Bratty sprinted in the direction of Aidan’s bedroom. He sighed, feeling dejected by it all.
Bratty was back and he couldn’t be more happy about it, but she’d changed. It wasn’t because she wasn’t a pregnant cat anymore. It was the way she looked at Aidan. Her sad eyes stared at him differently and it made him feel guilty as hell. Did she blame me for losing her kittens? He wondered again if his lack of presence around her the past couple of weeks had led to this.
Aidan felt the need to talk to Rick.
He retrieved his phone from his back-pocket and called up. Rick didn’t answer his call the first time and Aidan’s concern elevated. Maybe he’s just sleeping. He thought to himself. As he was about to put his phone away, he had second thoughts. Deciding to try again one more time, he speed dialed the number again.
It took Rick a while to receive the call but when he did, Aidan exhaled with relief. A timid “Hi” came from the other side.
“Hey, did I wake you?”
“Uh no, I wasn’t sleeping … I was …” He hesitated.
Aidan waited a few seconds for him to respond, then said, “Rick? Is everything okay?”
“Yea,” he cleared his throat and reiterated confidently, “Yea, everything’s just fine. Don’t worry.” However, the confidence in his voice sounded fake to Aidan. It concerned him.
“Okay, um… listen, I called up to tell you I found Bratty.”
“You did?” he asked with sudden excitement in his tone. “How? Where was she? Is she okay?”
The last question was hard to answer. “Um… she was hiding in the Butlers’ garage. They found her and called me up. She … she lost her babies. I actually just got back from the vet’s.”
“No! What?”
“Yea.” Aidan felt the exhaustion inside him. He rubbed his face with the other hand and huffed. “There were two still-born kittens. Some sort of virus got them.”
“That poor cat …” There was a pause. They took their time getting their thoughts back in place. “How’s she holding up?”
“I don’t know, Rick, I really don’t know if Bratty is okay. She isn’t herself, that’s for sure.”
“I can understand that. She must be grieving over their loss. It’s natural, she’s a mom. But … Aidan, all you can do for her right now is be there for her. If you can, try to be at home as much as you can for the next few days. Don’t leave her alone please.”
He nodded. “Yea, totally. That’s what the vet suggested too. So I’ve already made up my mind about that.”
“Are you holding up okay?” Rick asked.
“I’ll be fine. I’m sad, of course, about the kittens. But … I feel so very guilty even more.”
“Why? None of it was your fault. Things like that happen all the time. It’s beyond your control.”
“I know, I know … just …” Aidan pursed his lips and said closing his eyes. “Ugh … I’m a bad person. I used to think about Bratty’s kittens and wonder what mess they’d make around the house. I thought of them as a problem and maybe that’s why fate took them away from my cat.”
“Aidan! That’s ridiculous. You’re being crazy.”
“Rick …” He sniffed and went to sit on the couch. Resting his elbows on his thighs, he held his head with one hand. “I need you. I can’t do this alone.” Surprisingly, Rick did not respond to that. He looked up, his brows furrowed. “Are you there?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, well.” He spoke cautiously. “I’ll come over to get you tomorrow then. Around ten-ish? It would be …”
“No.”
“… great if… wait, what?” Aidan thought he heard it wrong. But when Rick repeated it, he was taken aback. “Why?”
“I can’t, I’m sorry.”
He waited for Rick to elaborate more but there was dead silence on the other end. “If you’re worried about your brother in law getting mad …”
“He’s kicking me out.”
Aidan sat in his place, looking stunned. He couldn’t believe his ears because he couldn’t imagine someone being that cruel to Rick. Soon, his initial feeling of shock turned to anger. “How can he do that? Didn’t your sister say anything to him?”
“She did. And honestly, she has done enough for me. I can’t expect more.” His voice came off shaky. The poor guy was trying hard not to cry.
“But it’s her house too, right? She has an equal say over whether you’d stay or not.”
“They had an awful fight. The whole neighborhood could hear them.”
“And?”
“And he finally said it was either him or me who could stay in her life.”
“What? That’s not fair!” Aidan was screaming out of his lungs. The exhaustion he felt a while back was all gone. Right now, he was worried sick about Rick.
“That’s what Jenny said to him. But he was adamant.” Finally, a sob left his mouth and Aidan’s heart broke by that sound. “This is what happened when my mom had to let me go. And she chose my step father over me.”
“Rick… that doesn’t mean your sister would make the same decision.”
He snorted. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Huh?”
“I’m afraid that she’d choose me over her own husband. She loves me too much to let me go. And that’s why I’m making it easier for her by choosing to leave.”
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“I told her that and she wouldn’t let me make that decision. But I told her I couldn’t stay somewhere I wasn’t respected and Victor would never respect me for who I was.”
“You know what, Rick? Good on you. I’m so proud of you for doing that.”
“Thank you. And even Jenny understood. But she’s worried thinking about where I’d go.”
Aidan had the same exact question. “Yes, Rick. Where will you go?”
“I was thinking back to Missouri.”
“Back to your mom’s?” His heart sank. Rick was leaving. That’s all he could think of.
“No, I wouldn’t ever go there again. I thought I’d call up some of my friends and see if they’d let me crash for some days.”
“So … when were you planning to tell me?”
“I …”
When there was a long pause, Aidan understood what he meant to say. “You’ve got to be shitting me. You were just going to leave?”
“Not really, I would have left you a message… or something.”
“Is that how much I mean to you? That I don’t deserve a proper goodbye?”
Rick sniffed twice before he softly said, “You mean so much to me, Aidan, that I can’t say goodbye to you without breaking down.”
Damn tears! Aidan’s eyes welled up and uncontrollable tears streamed down his cheeks. He tried to speak up, but his thro
at felt constricted and no words managed to come out. On the other end, he could hear Rick sobbing too. He had no idea until now how they’d managed to become so attached to each other that the mere thought of being apart hurt them immensely. Aidan had never felt so strongly for someone ever before. All the people – men or women – who he’d dated before had never impacted his life so much that they’d become a part of it.
In the matter of the few days they’d gotten to spend with each other, Rick had become a part of his life.
I love him.
Aidan was certain. He’d fallen head over heels in love with the man. And he didn’t want to let him go.
He quickly recovered from his emotional breakdown as soon as he’d made his mind up. Wiping his tears, he exclaimed, “Oh God! You should see me right now… I’m such a mess.”
Rick laughed between his sobs. “Same here.”
“Alright.” Once he was back to normal, he said, “Listen to me carefully now. You aren’t going anywhere, you get that? I’m coming right now to get you. You can stay with me for as long as you want. Pack your stuff and be ready. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
It wasn’t an easy task convincing Rick to accept the offer, but Aidan managed to do so with great patience. The agreed deal was that he would stay till he could find a permanent job and decent accommodation in the city. Knowing Rick, Aidan was sure he would rush things to not be a burden. For now, though, he felt content the guy wasn’t going to end up miles and miles away from him.
Rick finally gave him the address to his sister’s place. It was just after midnight when he reached the location and he parked in front of the building. Rick wheeled his chair out, looking forlorn. A skinny woman, seemingly in her mid-thirties, followed him. Her blonde hair was all over the place and she wore a skirt and a blouse which had definitely seen better days. She bent down and kissed him on the cheek, whispering something to him. As soon as Aidan got out of his car and came forward to greet her, she held him by his bicep. Her eyes had moistened with a fresh set of tears, as she said, “Thank you. Please take good care of him.”
Aidan gave a curt nod and felt a weird awkwardness to say anything at that moment. By the time he helped Rick to settle inside the car and put his small case in the trunk, she’d disappeared inside the building. “Victor is sleeping. She was afraid he’d wake up and find us out here.” Rick explained. “That would be a drama you wouldn’t want to be a part of.”