"Nathaniel hired a troll to look after me, and someone murdered him; you’re the only witness," I explained, chewing on my bottom lip.
"I feel like I have a hole in my head," she said, tensing her body.
I squeezed her hands and brushed her hair away from her face. She didn't need to go through that nightmare again, but Ludwig deserved justice and so far, no one had been arrested. McGregor’s rotten body was burning in hell, but the case was still open.
"Listen, we can try something if you want. I can help you remember."
She nodded, looking slightly taken aback by my words. "Okay, if that will help your father to find the killer."
I touched her hands and concentrated. "Close your eyes and imagine that you’re back in that room; try to remember small details like the smell, the noise, or the colours around you."
Ella squeezed her eyes and I waited. I didn't use magic; I didn't know if this would help her, but I had to try.
"I was trying to find the toilet. I was with Christina, but she was chatting up the waiter," Ella said, frowning. She tightened her grip. "Then I felt sick; the light was too bright. Someone was screaming."
She started shaking and I knew that I should stop.
"Open your eyes, Ella. It’s okay."
"I'm sorry it’s not working," she cried, sitting back. "I can only remember that odd cinnamon smell. Nothing else."
"Cinnamon?" I asked, frowning.
"Yes, it’s that spicy, oriental fragrance and cinnamon, I think I recognise it but—"
"Jasper," I whispered, feeling all the blood rush to my ears, and I was pretty certain that I was going to collapse.
"Oh, my God, Julia, what’s going on? Should I call the doctor?"
I was so fucking stupid. I should have known that Jasper killed Ludwig. It was obvious all this time; McGregor was talking about a wizard who had been helping him. Jasper had been sniffing around me, and he probably came to the networking event to talk to me, but the bodyguard must have stopped him. I had to keep Ella out of this nightmare; she couldn't know that it was Jasper she saw that night.
"No, I'm fine, "I replied, breathless. "I was just a little dizzy."
"You said something about Jasper."
"He saved me so I kind of owe him, you see."
Ella wasn't stupid, but she didn't know that Jasper was a killer. Her memories were in pieces. When the nurse came in announcing that visiting hours were over I was relived. Ella left, and I kept staring at the wall wondering why I hadn't figured it out earlier. Jasper was unpredictable, but I couldn't believe that he was capable of murdering an innocent man. Ella had recognised his cologne, but I wasn't fully convinced. Maybe he was there that night and lost control. Maybe he killed Ludwig accidentally? Who knew? I hated his guts and I hated that I had learned the truth.
* * *
After a few weeks, life went back to normal, well, as normal as it could get. Rufus went back to work acting like he hadn't just suffered through any sort of trauma. I was just glad to be busy in the office, knowing that McGregor was dead.
Nathaniel recovered well, but since that terrible evening we had been growing apart. He threw himself into his busy schedule, forgetting about me and his responsibilities in London. He left the country as soon as he was back on his feet. His business in Geneva was flourishing. I assumed that he still couldn't come to terms with everything that went on with McGregor, so I left him to deal with his own pain. I kept telling myself we both needed space after such a traumatic event, but I was disappointed that he ran away.
I spent more time with Nicky, babysitting her kids and pretending I was happy that way. Kelsie kept dragging me to wild parties hoping I would snap out of my depressing mood. It was soon clear that Nathaniel didn't want to rebuild what we had. Kate was there for me, as always, assuring me that everything would be back to normal soon. I believed her, at least I hoped that I did.
Chapter 33
The end.
After days of not hearing from Nathaniel, he arrived at my apartment unexpectedly. I heard rumours through Kelsie that he was due to fly back from Geneva next week, so I was surprised to see his car outside of my apartment on this gloomy Monday evening. He stood on threshold of my door for several moments before he scooped me up into his arms and kissed me.
"I missed you," he muttered.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, pulling away. “It’s been days since I’ve heard from you."
He cocked his head to the side, watching me intensely. I shivered, remembering how much happier I used to be with him before that shifter tricked me into his car. Nathaniel looked tired but still breathtaking standing in front of me in his grey suit.
"I’ve been thinking a lot lately," he began. "I caught an early plane because I wanted to tell you something."
This is it; he is going to tell me how much he loves me.
I wanted to tell him that it was too late. He had his chance, but he chose to leave and run away. He approached me, smiling, and I melted, realising that I didn't have the strength to throw his emotions back at him. I was still in love.
"I'm taking you away this weekend," he said, kissing my neck. "We need to relax and forget about what happened. I shouldn’t have left you alone, but I needed some time to think. You mean so much to me."
"Weekend away?" I asked, forcing back the tears. "That’s great."
Disappointment washed over me like a light rain in the summer, but there was a thunderstorm crushing me from inside. My heart was pounding. He took me to the living room and talked about the hotel and all the plans he had for us. I was nodding, forcing myself to smile. Deep down, I kept wondering what the hell I was still doing with him. If he truly and unconditionally wanted to be with me he would have said that he was in love with me.
"So, pack now; we’re leaving in an hour," he said, checking his mobile.
"What? We can’t go now. I have to work tomorrow."
"I spoke to Rufus, and he’s fine with it. Besides, he told me himself that you need a break," he explained, leaning against the table.
"No." I stood up. "I can’t just leave him now. If anyone deserves a break it’s Rufus. He was the one who was tortured."
"Julia, don’t be so dramatic. We haven’t got time for this; our plane leaves in an hour."
"Fine."
Part of me wanted to agree with him. We both needed to a break from this mess; we both had to forget. I wasn't in any danger anymore and we had each other. I went to my bedroom and started packing. Nathaniel was on the phone in the living room talking in French, probably sorting the details about our flight.
He didn't tell me where he was taking me, so I sat on my bed for a moment wondering if I was making the right decision. We had both been through a nightmare, so it was obvious that he finally made the decision to come back to me. Everything made sense. We both made sense, so why was I doubting myself?
Maybe my grandmother was right all along. My relationship with Nathaniel was false. He only wanted me for my body and my blood; otherwise he would have behaved differently. I closed the suitcase, taking a long deep breath.
My palms were damp with sweat when I came back into the living room.
"Please tell me that you didn't change your mind?" he asked, switching off his phone.
I stood there watching him, thinking about the attraction that pulled us together when I showed up in his office for the first time. We were drawn to each other straight away, but I refused to believe that the chemistry that evolved between us was real. He always cared about me, but he would never love me, much less say so.
"Tell me that you love me."
I had no idea where this came from, but I had been choking on those words inside of me for so long. We both needed to find a way to be happy, and I had to know.
His posture tensed as soon as those words left my mouth. He ran his hands through his hair and looked away. In that moment I realised that he wasn't going to tell me how he really felt about me—and in that moment, my worl
d ended.
"Julia." He began to approach me, but I took a step back. I searched for confirmation of my own feelings in his eyes, but I found nothing. He wasn't in love with me. He wanted me, but it wasn't love.
"Say it, Nathaniel. I can’t go with you unless I know that we’re are on the same page," I told him through gritted teeth. He’d humiliated me enough, and I just wanted him to tell me that I was the one.
A shadow of doubt passed over his handsome face. "My firecracker, please don’t do this to yourself."
I clenched my teeth, staring at him, trembling with exhaustion. Emotion rocked through my heart. I felt like I was walking through fire. My anger was escalating, and I was burning alive.
"I'm sorry, I can’t go, not like this," I whispered, looking away. Tears welled in my eyes.
We were over.
"Julia, please, let’s just forget about this. We can just jump in the car and have a wonderful time together," he said mechanically.
I shook my head.
"I can’t do this, Nathaniel, I just can’t."
"It’s not about love, firecracker."
"It’s always about love, Nathaniel," I said, blocking the new hot pain from that statement. "I don’t want to pretend that you feel the same way. Just move to Geneva and be happy. You don’t have to worry about me."
He stood in my living room for several moments not responding, only watching my misery and pain that had been clenching inside my heart. We both knew that he was capable of love. I guessed it just wasn't meant for me. I felt like I had a balloon in my chest, the air kept swelling until it exploded, leaving me deflated and used.
* * *
6 months later
"Are you sure that you don’t want to bail? We can get out of here?" Kelsie asked for the seventh time while I was trying to enjoy my champagne. "I'm bored, this party sucks!"
A few of the paranormals looked at her with obvious distaste, shaking their heads. I flushed and gave her a sharp look while dragging her away.
"Shh, I told you, give me at least half an hour," I said. "Let’s stay a bit longer for Kate."
"Fine," she snapped, taking another glass of champagne from the waiter who’d just passed. "A few more minutes and then we’re leaving."
She walked away, and I exhaled with relief. Kelsie hated art, but we’d both promised Kate that we would show up in the gallery tonight for her boyfriend’s art exhibition. Kelsie didn't feel comfortable in a posh environment; she was more of a dance club type. I put a brave face on when I saw Kate approaching.
"What’s up? Where did our girl go?"
"She isn’t happy. You know how she hates standing around talking to highly educated people."
"How are you, then? See anyone you like around here?"
I gave her a look that could kill and finished off my champagne.
"I'm here to have fun, not find a husband, Kate." I smoothed my blond hair.
"This is the first time you left the house, since—"
She went red almost instantly, knowing that she shouldn’t have said that. I felt like someone slashed at me with an axe and I was still living and breathing with the large wound running though my chest.
"Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."
"Kate, shut up. Let’s not pretend that the word “breakup,” doesn’t exist." I shrugged. "So, carry on, finish the sentence."
She looked uncomfortable and I was hating myself for saying that.
"Since your break up."
I hadn't heard from Nathaniel since I told him I wouldn’t go on that trip; it had been six months. He moved away to Geneva one month after we broke up, just as he had planned. Kelsie mentioned it, accidentally overhearing Lucinda. It hurt like hell, but I refused to sacrifice what I felt just for the sake of our relationship. My grandmother won: we separated.
For the first three months I was only working night shifts. I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings. Whenever I opened my eyes the pain multiplied, and I would curl up, sobbing even harder than before. It took me months to just carry on living.
That was then, now I was trying to get drunk. For six straight months I hadn't left the house to socialise. Getting over Nathaniel was like going through rehab. I craved his warmth and had withdrawal symptoms. It was difficult to go through these sleepless nights alone.
"You’re better now, Julia. You made progress today," Kate said. "Just have fun, please, or at least try?"
"Yes, I will, Kate. Go on and leave me alone. I don’t need a babysitter."
She smiled and walked away towards the group surrounding Jonathan. Kelsie hadn't come back yet, and I was hoping that she was chatting up someone so I could keep drinking without being judged.
I stopped in front of a large painting representing a woman who seemed lost in the dark, deep forest. I admired it for several moments, moving backwards to have a better view. I’d had several glasses of champagne and was off balance. My head was buzzing, excess magic was giving me hell as usual, but I felt better than I had in the past few months. Today I wanted to live.
"Woah, hold your horses,” someone said behind me. I was about to humiliate myself, falling on my ass because I’d had too much to drink, when strong arms caught and steadied me.
"Fuck," I cursed under my breath. My mind was spinning. I turned around to look at the man who had just assisted me.
"Thank you would do, but I guess fuck is also appropriate," the stranger in front of me said. He was tall, over six foot two.
I flushed, feeling like a total moron. "Thank you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to swear," I mumbled. He was a giant with an incredibly sexy accent. Australian maybe; it was difficult to make out after only one sentence.
"Don’t worry. I was trying to be funny, but my joke seems to be lame." He chuckled.
Something inside my brain rang and my subconscious started to scream.
He’s going to help you forget about the bastard. Start flirting!
End of volume 2
Afterword
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A Nightly Howl Page 26