Then everything went black and I no longer felt anything. Not even the panic.
Chapter
TWO
My head pounded as I lay there with my eyes closed. Every sound and sensation crept into my awareness as I came to. The surface I had been laid down on was soft and formed to my body. A pillow had been placed under my head that was made out of the same material, light creeping in through my eyelids, making everything red. The voices around me were muffled, and I couldn’t discern who resided in the room with me. Wherever we were. The back of my head hurt the worst, most likely from the impact with the floor after I blacked out. I was certain no one would have been able to catch me as Rayna had been attempting to get them to back up so I could have some space.
I moaned, and my hand went instinctively to the root of my pain. The bed moved as someone sat beside me and placed a hand on my arm in an attempt to be reassuring. Then I felt the familiar pinch of a needle in my arm. A feeling I knew all too well. Panic welled up in my chest as I tried to remain calm, but it wasn’t working. My heart sped up despite my even breathes.
A male voice drifted through the fog. I barely recognized it. Opening my heavy lids, I nearly gave up when they refused to move, but they gave in after another try. The room was too bright. There was too much light, and the blurry mass of a face before mine with one beside it made me panic even more. They both looked like two people that couldn’t be there. Because they were dead.
“Dad? Cato?” I asked, my voice scratchy and throat dry as I spoke.
“Don’t talk. You took a pretty nasty spill.” The voice that came from the face in front of me didn’t match its identity.
Was I dreaming?
The fog over my vision began to lift, and I squinted against the bright white of yet another room. The memories of the compound were all too fresh and too strong, and this room was too much like it. The lights dimmed, and both faces came into crystal clear view. Ryder sat down next to me with his hand on my arm, and Julius stood beside him as everyone else surrounded the bed, watching me intently like I was about to break into a million pieces. I moved my arm, and the needle pinched again, throwing me into sheer and utter terror even though they were all there and the compound was miles and miles away. It just felt all too familiar, but my frazzled brain could barely put two and two together.
“Get it out,” I murmured at first. “Get it out.”
I was screaming, attempting to sit up and pull the needle out of my flesh. My fingers closed around the plastic tube and jerked, ripping it out before anyone could stop me. Ryder’s hands came down on my shoulders. He attempted to force me to lay back down, but the adrenaline caused my ability to activate. It flooded my system with energy so quickly I gasped in shock.
In some way, I knew where I was and I saw the faces of my companions, each of them trying so hard to help me, but I was breaking. My psyche was fracturing, and the sensations and the smells and the sounds tricked my mind into believing I was back there with King and his doctors and his soldiers.
Blood ran down my arm from where the IV had been placed. My power pushed out in a wave with my terror and sent each person in the room into the far walls. Startled shouts echoed through the space. I jumped off the bed and scrambled to a far corner where nothing occupied it, putting my back to it and sinking to the floor. Tears stung my eyes and fear ran rampant through me. As I looked out through my tear-clouded vision, everyone looked terrified. Everyone except for my mother who had no doubt seen this kind of reaction before.
And that was when it truly set in. I wasn’t in the compound anymore. I was with the Fallen Paradigm, and I was safe. I was safe.
Once I came to the realization none of those around me would hurt me, my power snapped back inside of me. Gaia and my mother stood slowly with hands out in a calming gesture. My mother moved forward and signaled for everyone else to stay back. I needed the familiarity of what came before it all. That much I knew. I needed my mother in the only way a daughter could. Caius, Julius, Ryder, Cecilia, Jameson, and Rayna stayed back as Gaia and my mother approached. Once within reaching distance, they both touched me gingerly. That was when I fell apart.
I sobbed as Gaia’s arms came around me, our mother’s enveloping us both in a soft and comforting embrace as I let my sadness and my terror roll out of me in waves.
“I’m so sorry,” I cried, holding onto them with everything I had.
I apologized over and over as if I had hurt them, knowing full well that I wasn’t truly telling them how sorry I was for everything. I was apologizing to Cato for the life that I took. To my father for the life that was cut short when I was a child for reasons unknown to me. For everything I had no control over and never would. Things I couldn’t change no matter how much I wanted to.
Gaia smoothed my hair down and made comforting and soothing noises as she held onto me. My hair was wet in the place where her face nuzzled into it, alerting me to the fact that she was crying along with me. As if she felt my pain and my suffering. And I was certain she could.
My mother turned slightly and said, “Everyone out except for Rayna. The rest of you will be taken to examination rooms for a once over to check your injuries.”
When I looked up, I saw the determination in Julius and Ryder’s eyes. I knew in that moment that they weren’t going anywhere. Jameson turned quickly and Caius followed, who shot a sorrowful glance my way. I nodded, and they left without a word.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Ryder stated.
“Me neither,” Julius reiterated.
“Fine. I don’t have the time to argue with any of you to convince you to go. But please be considerate of my daughter. She has been through enough,” she explained as I watched them.
Julius stuffed his hands in his pockets and moved to a wall to lean against it, looking down at the floor the entire time as if my mother had just slapped him. Ryder came toward us, slow and deliberate as he watched me. Tears still streamed down my cheeks, but I needed Ryder. I needed Julius. I was happy they stayed, even if they were acting against my mother’s wishes. I would’ve done the same thing if it were either one of them.
I reached out toward him, which made him hesitate as his eyes flicked between the two women surrounding me. When they finally stood and backed away, he came to me, and I rose to meet his waiting arms. Sobs left me again as I fell against him, wrapped my arms around his body, and took his scent deep into my lungs.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled away from him and examined him quickly from head to toe with just me eyes, “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
He smiled and looked down at me with those beautiful green eyes that reminded me of the forest we had forged through for what felt like an eternity. Then he chuckled and wiped my tears away, pushing my hair away from my face with his large hands.
“I’m made out of tougher stuff than that, but how about we have Rayna look at you, huh? You scared all of us,” he stated.
With a laugh, I replied, “You really think you’re made out of tougher stuff than me?”
“Definitely not.”
My mother and sister laughed and, when I looked over to them, Gaia had her hand over her mouth to stifle giggles.
“That’s the sister I know,” she said past her hand.
“That’s definitely a good sign,” Rayna said as she used her hand to motion to the bed. “Now, please, Mila. If you don’t mind.”
I did as instructed, reluctantly pulling away from Ryder to make my way to the hospital bed. My eyes met Julius’s. I gave him a frail smile and patted him on the arm to assure him that I was all right. The concern in the room was palpable, and I felt that, if I reached out into the air between us, my fingers would ripple through it. He nodded then, as if he understood, and looked back down at the floor. His shoulders slumped. Without warning, he reached out to me and wrapped me in a hug so fierce
I felt like I could break all over again. And just like that, it was over. He pulled away and placed his hands on my shoulders.
“Don’t do that ever again, you hear me? There have been way too many close calls, and I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”
I beamed up at him and assured, “Never again. Same goes for you.”
“You got it.”
He removed his hands, and I walked to the bed, sat down, and looked to my sister who was still across the room standing by the corner I had cowered in. She came to sit with me without hesitation, taking one hand in hers and holding it tightly as she hugged it to her chest. I felt her heart race within her. She grinned at me with such light in her eyes, just like she was waiting for me and had lost hope when my mother showed up without me.
That was when Rayna moved in with a penlight in between her delicate fingers. It came on with a click and, when her eyes met mine, I could only see Famke in them.
“I am going to check the responsiveness of your pupils. Okay?”
I nodded.
“I assumed you were dehydrated before, so we gave you some fluids. As long as everything here checks out you’re good to go and get settled in. I’m certain your mother will want to brief you before too long. Right, Horatia?”
“Yes, but not until all of them are cleared by you and your team,” she responded, firm and contrite all at the same time. The tone of remorse in her voice was all too evident.
All I could do was sigh in response as Rayna flashed the penlight in my eyes, a smile gracing her lips as they responded correctly. Next was a neurological exam to make certain the fall didn’t cause any damage that wasn’t outwardly evident. I had already had stitches back there from Jones’s assault in the compound, and I still felt them, but I could tell they had been redone.
Everyone else stayed back, but Ryder sat down on the bed behind me gently, one hand on the small of my back as I faced away from him.
With the clipboard in her hand again, Rayna asked, “Date of birth?”
“May fifteenth, two thousand one hundred and twelve,” I responded.
“Age?”
I gave her a sideways glance. I was exasperated and tired, and I felt the question was silly.
“Age?”
“Twenty-three,” I relented.
“Good, thank you.” Rayna reached forward and held her hands out in front of me with the index, and middle fingers of both hands held out. “Squeeze my fingers,” she ordered, “as hard as you can.”
I did as she requested and, from the look on her face, she seemed pleased with the result. She then turned her hands palms up, her eyes meeting mine with intensity.
“Now push down.”
I did this as well, knowing it had to serve some kind purpose, but I was uncertain as to what that purpose was. I had never been tested like this before now. She picked up her clipboard and jotted down some notes on the papers clipped to it.
“So, what is this for exactly?” I asked.
“It is a neurological test,” she replied, her answer short and clipped.
I glanced at Gaia, who nodded. Ryder’s hand began to move up and down my back in comforting circles. My mother stood off to the side with Julius, both of them watching me carefully as Rayna then asked me to use my legs to keep her from pushing them down. I did, and she made another note.
“And?”
“You passed,” Rayna said with a weak smile.
She was tired. I could see it on the set of her face and the faint purple half-moons underneath her eyes.
“Alright, any injuries I should know about? Any abrasions? Gashes? Traumas?” Her eyes met mine, and there was an expectant look in them as if she knew I was injured and was waiting to see if I would fess up to any of it. I hated being a burden, and it was bad enough I was already in the middle of a war.
“Umm, yes,” I nearly stuttered, moving to lift one of my sleeves up so she could see where I had been grazed in the compound.
She leaned down and took a good look at it, only moving away to pull on some purple nitrile gloves. Panic set in at the sight of the gloves, but I swallowed it down and took a deep breath to slow my heart rate. She touched my arm, and I flinched. It wasn’t because of the pain. This injury was one I barely noticed anymore, and it had even begun to heal, but I did have to admit having it stitched up and treated properly could have saved me an ugly scar. She moved back slightly and leveled her gaze at me.
“Does it hurt?”
“No. It’s old, but I’m sure Doctor Aserov has one just like it that does,” I responded.
“I’ll make sure to remember that,” she said as she moved back and touched me again.
It took all of my mental efforts not to react to the feel of the purple gloves, leaving me exhausted by the time she pulled away from the scabbed-over gash on my arm. I wasn’t lying when I said it wasn’t painful. If anything, I barely noticed it anymore.
“Have you noticed any unusual sensations in that arm since you were shot?” she asked with her eyebrows raised, her face turned up toward me.
“I haven’t, no.”
She stood up. “I want to try something. Please place your arm on your thigh and turn it over, so your palm is facing up.”
Without hesitation I did it, but I was terrified of what anything could mean at that point. I truly hadn’t experienced any type of discomfort or odd feelings in the arm but, then again, I had been fueled with adrenaline nearly the entire time we were on the run except for a few sparing moments to breathe. She clicked her pen, causing the ball point tip to retreat into the plastic, and ran it down my arm, starting from my bicep and down toward my exposed wrist.
“Can you feel that?”
“Yes,” I replied as I watched the pen move across my skin. She traced it down into my palm, the very center of it extremely sensitive and nearly painful. “Ow.”
“Painful?”
I had to stop myself from slapping the worry from her face, but I refrained. “Overly sensitive is more like it.”
She moved the pen again, going down my thumb and each finger after, an off sensation of numbness as the metal glided over the underside of my middle finger.
“Wait, my finger is numb.” My eyes flicked around the room, each pair of eyes wide with concern except for Rayna and my mother who both remained calm despite the obvious tension around their eyes and mouth. “What does that mean?”
“Looks like you’ve got some nerve damage to the radial nerve from the graze. It went just deep enough, it seems.”
“Is it permanent?” Gaia asked as she took my other hand in hers and squeezed it.
Rayna nodded. “You’re very lucky that this seems to be the extent of the damage. The wound is healing nicely, but I can’t stitch it now. Within the first couple of hours I could’ve done something for it, but not now. I’m not certain if this will affect your abilities or not. Have you noticed anything,” she paused, “off about them?”
I shook my head.
She smiled weakly and said, “Good. Unfortunately, you’ll be left with an ugly scar, but I’m certain you already guessed as much. Once I am finished examining you, I will bandage you up and start you on a round of antibiotics so we can keep infection from setting in. How is your head?” Rayna said.
“I have a small headache, but nothing I can’t handle.”
She nodded for the umpteenth time in the last few minutes and made another note. Her examination of the back of my head went quickly, all eyes on me as they gauged my reactions to her examination. I wasn’t a raving mad lunatic, granted, but the terror inside of me was already causing my body to bead with sweat and fill with dread of what would happen next. I closed my eyes and only saw the white room with the metal chair, forcing my eyes to open again to take in yet another sterile room that I
couldn’t get away from.
“Everything looks good. Anything else I should be made aware of before we leave this room?” She began to peel the purple gloves off.
“There’s one more thing,” I admitted.
The questions surfaced in her eyes as soon as the words left my mouth and she stopped removing the glove, pulling it back down over her wrist.
“And it is?”
The room was dead silent. I hadn’t mentioned it to the others that my right ear hadn’t been the same since the missile went off next to me. They had seen the blood, but I didn’t divulge anything else.
“My right ear. A missile had gone off next to me, and it hasn’t been right ever since.”
I heard Ryder inhale deeply while the others remained quiet, listening and absorbing.
“I can’t hear very well. Everything has been muffled in the right ear. And it rings whenever there’s another loud sound on that side.”
“Ah, I think I know what’s going on.” Rayna removed a device from the wall, coming over to me and leaning down. A light came on as she placed the device right at my ear canal. She peered into the other end of the device as she held it there, her breath hot against my ear and neck.
Without moving away, she questioned, “Was there any bleeding after the explosion?”
“Yeah,” Julius answered when I didn’t. “Her ear bled like a stuck pig.”
She stood and placed the device back on the wall, turning back to me as she picked up the clipboard and jotted down yet another note.
“Your eardrum was ruptured by the blast. It could also be the reason you passed out. This type of damage can cause nausea and vertigo, which I’m sure you have also experienced.”
My memory recalled the moment nausea hit me, and I vomited on the forest floor. It had happened multiple times and always after I had used my power, which caused me to wonder if that had anything to do with it, but I kept that to myself.
The Scorned (The Permutation Archives Book 3) Page 2