“Thank you,” I said without turning to her.
“No, you’re right. I kept you in the shadows for far too long and, if I had told you about all of this before, it’s possible King would’ve never found out about you at all. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
For a moment, all I could hear was the rapid hammering of my heart in my chest. Blood thrummed in my ears as something hummed just underneath the sound. A soft whisper that I could not discern from the hush of the room itself. I knew exactly what, or who it was. My passenger that I had never asked for, but Cato felt necessary for me to have. I still didn’t completely understand it, but I hoped someone within the Fallen Paradigm could help me in the quest to learn from it and use it. Maybe even earn some semblance of control over it. I looked at my mother, the poster child for the Fallen Paradigm and their leader. She stood tall now, her eyes met those of my great-great grandfather’s projection, and she took a deep breath. Her ribs expanded and I felt her resolve return.
“Because of his involvement in the initial rebellion after the Wall was built, he was killed. Same goes for your father, but he was only slain because of who he was. Nothing he had done.”
“King,” I growled to myself.
“Yeah,” my mother said, “King.”
I blushed and fought the urge to sink into my chair in embarrassment. I truly hadn’t thought she would hear me. She pressed a button on the remote again, and an image of my father took my grandfather’s place.
“He is one reason I have done all of this. King took him from our lives, and he has to pay, as well as face the consequences of what he has done since. You guys know the history. King killed our President five years ago and took the Presidency for himself and, as you can see, he prefers to rule with an iron fist and fear. But the Presidency wasn’t enough for him. Once the discovery of Specials was made, a plan began to form. We aren’t one hundred percent certain what that plan is, but we know what the end game is.”
“And that is?” Julius asked. His gaze flicked between each of us and landed on my mother, who stood like a sentinel at the head of the table.
She cleared her throat and stared at Julius. Caius answered before she could.
“World domination, kid. Plain and simple.” Caius clapped Julius on the back.
Irritation flared in Julius’s expression but disappeared quickly as he regained his composure.
“Complete and utter control over the entirety of the planet and its resources,” my mother explained further. “And, from what little information we’ve been able to get, some kind of ‘terrorist’ attack will start the war. King wants to take down every country on this Earth, so they will bow to his will. Not entirely certain how he plans to do this, but he does. That’s as much as we know.”
Ryder asked, “Does he plan to bring down the Wall?”
“We don’t know. We had Madeline on the inside as well as you, Ryder, feeding us information. Now that you are no longer within his ranks, we’re nearly blind. We only have one person left under cover, and that’s just not enough.”
“So, how are we supposed to do anything if we have no clue?”
My mother sighed. “It’s something we are working on, but I can assure all of you that this has not changed our ultimate goal.” Her eyes met each of ours and settled on mine. “Find King and kill him before anyone else has to die for his cause.”
“So, we are going in blind. Now that’s just wonderful.” I couldn’t hide my frustration.
“Not entirely.” My mother pressed the button on the remote again, and the image before us changed to a map of the entire United States, each major city and government road marked in bright blue lines and dots, shining like a star in the darkness. She touched another button, and bright red dots appeared on the map in different locations, spread out all over the country in line with the intersections of the government roads, but far enough away from them so people like us couldn’t find our way to them and back to the major cities.
“See the red dots?”
We all nodded in silence. No doubt Ryder had seen this all before, probably even helped give her the information himself.
“Those are the compounds built to house, study, and experiment on Specials.” She pressed another button. A bright green dot flared to life within the lines that signified the state of Oregon. “This green sphere here indicates the location of Fuji-O’Hara Industries.”
“Not to sound like an idiot, but is this a place we should know about already?” Julius asked once we heard the name. I was clueless as to what their purpose was as well.
“Not likely since it’s within the private sector, government run and completely secret from those who don’t have the security clearance. They are responsible for the Paralisix used on any Special they abducted as well as a number of other things. That is all the information we have on them since we haven’t been able to plant a mole within their staff.”
Quiet moved over the room like a warm blanket, but my mind was still reeling from all the new things I had learned. It would take some time to absorb. And the name my mother used. Specials. I couldn’t even come close to understanding it, but I desperately wanted to. I had all of this at my disposal now, so there was no room for ignorance of any kind. Especially not when it could help me take King down once and for all. His reign of terror would end, and I would see to it.
“I know I’m backtracking here, but what the Hell is a ‘Special?’” I demanded.
Ryder held a finger up to my mother and turned to me, his gaze locking with mine. His green eyes looked tired, dead, and cold. I only hoped we could restore some life in them somehow once this was over.
“I’ll take this one, Horatia.” He paused and then opened his mouth to speak. “It’s what King’s regime trained us to call people with abilities like you. In conversation, we were to address you as ‘Specials’ and your assigned numbers, nothing else.”
“Oh,” I whispered as I looked down at my hands in my lap.
Then I realized that both Doctor Aserov and Julius had broken the rules. Not only by calling me by my name instead of what they were trained to call me but by associating with me like I was a human being. To King and his doctors, I was no such thing. I was something that deserved to be cut apart and studied, ripping at the very fabric of what I was to use what was inside of me for their own goals.
And now I was armed with even more than I had before, and I would use it against him.
Chapter
Four
“Just beyond this door is your living quarters. Of course, you are free to come and go as you please. I just ask, as your mother, that you two don’t,” she paused as her face filled with embarrassment, “you know. I mean, I can’t stop you, but…”
The sentence hung in the air between all of us as we stood in the hallway that looked so much like those of the compound and those of the underground Fallen Paradigm complex at King’s Forge. The only difference was the cool blue lights.
It felt awkward, my mother looking at us in that way. Before this, she had stated that Ryder had a separate room just a few doors down. Stated that we needed to remain close for our safety just in case anything was to happen. So he could protect me and keep me out of King’s clutches if they were to attack while we slept. But not too close, never too close. Even us just standing side by side seemed to be too close for her taste, but, little did she know, one of us would end up in the other’s room despite her insistence we remain separate.
“Ryder, you are dismissed,” my mother stated, her eyes locking on him. “I suggest you get as much rest as you can. We are going to be very busy around here until this is all over.”
“Yes, Horatia,” Ryder barked with military precision. He looked at me and smiled, the fatigue plain on his face as I was certain it was in mine. “Goodnight, Mila.”
With those words he
was off, following my mother’s commands as if he was still in King’s regime. That thought sent a shiver up my spine and goosebumps formed on my flesh.
“Goodnight, Mom,” I muttered as I gripped the door handle and began to turn it.
My mother’s next words stopped me.
“Have you spoken to Ryder?” she asked, her words hushed and worried.
I refused to look at her, making the determination that the private workings of our relationship were truly none of her concern. But she was my mother. How could I hide that I was in love with him and that I had accepted him despite what had happened with his brother before I even knew him? Would she understand? I gave in regardless of my feelings toward her intrusion. I was just too exhausted to fight with her.
“Yes, we talked,” I replied. I turned my head to look at her.
Her shoulders sagged in relief. “And?”
Frustration bloomed in my chest along with the need to hit something. “And what, Mom?”
“How did it go?” she ushered as if my answer was of the utmost importance and nothing else mattered until she had it.
I sighed and closed my eyes in preparation for what I knew was coming once the words left my lips.
“I know you thought it would change my opinion of him, but it hasn’t.” I opened my eyes and glanced at her. Her blue orbs were wide, and her mouth had dropped open slightly with shock. “Plus, you felt he was fit enough to serve you and your purpose despite that. So who are you to judge? It was before I came along. Before you recruited him. If we are going to point fingers at the bad guys, then shouldn’t a finger be pointed at you as well? I mean, you did work for them too.”
“Now, Mila, that’s not fair.”
I dropped my hand to my side and turned completely to face her. My hands went up to my hips, and I tilted my head as fury filled me. My fists flexed and tightened, my fingernails bit into the flesh of my palm, and I was certain they had begun to bleed.
“You know what’s not fair? Really? Because I have plenty of answers to that question. What’s not fair is that I’m different and that caused this one difference in so many people to be taken and subjected to tortures you wouldn’t even begin to understand. What’s not fair is that I’ve had so much taken from me that my life will never be the same again. What’s not fair is that I was forced to kill one of my best friends because they wanted a guinea pig to test my abilities. What’s not fair is that I am helping to fight a war that I was forced into. What’s not fair is that my little sister has to fight against something that has no direct effect on her because she’s not like me. She’s not a freak. She’s not ‘special.’” A silent tear rolled down my cheek as my eyes burned with even more waiting to be set free.
“What’s not fair is that not only did I have to suffer at the hands of a madman and will continue to do so until I take him down, but that even my own mother sees me differently. And, as a result, treats me differently.”
“Now, Mila, that’s not…”
I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “I’m finished. I’m going to bed.” When I turned away from her, I said, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I just need some time.”
“All right.”
The word sounded resigned like I had hit an invisible target with my own statements. Maybe I had, but that didn’t matter.
I didn’t even take a moment to look at her before I opened the door and immersed myself in the darkness of the room she had led me to. My back was flush against the door as I closed it, the sound of the click of the mechanism within it louder than it should have been. The sleek and smooth metal it was made of was cold against the backs of my arms, and the slight chill in the room caused a shiver to run through my entire body. The door had been perfectly clean and white on the outside, the hallway matching it to give off a sterile and orderly feel. All it did was make me feel as if I were caged in the compound again. Even the missing blue lights didn’t make the feeling any less terrifying. Hope surfaced that this room wouldn’t look the same, but I wasn’t going to hold onto it. Every room in the place had the same style relatively as well as the same suffocating cleanliness like at a doctor’s office. I wasn’t sure how much more of it I could take without breaking down.
I reached out and felt the wall to my right for a light switch. My fingers grazed a flat pad that could be tilted up and down, which I assumed was the switch. Pressing the top and hoping it was the on position, I took a deep breath and waited for the light to flicker on. When it did, I had to stifle a cry. The walls were completely white with no breaks of color, which I could have tolerated because it wouldn’t be such a stark reminder. I barely registered the open door on the other side of the room with the same color scheme, or lack thereof, the bathroom just beyond it glaring at me. I squeezed my eyes shut and switched the pad to the off position. My heart hammered in my chest, and I broke out in a cold sweat as images of my torture played over and over in my mind. The crimson mixed with the black of Cato’s blood as he died at my hands flowed over the floor.
It was there, on my skin. I felt it, sticky and warm as it absorbed into my clothing and stained my hands forever.
“Oh God,” I muttered as I rubbed my hands over my arms. “No, no, no, no.”
My mind and body told me I was coated in his blood, but a part of me knew it wasn’t real. That there was no way it still covered me like a sheet wrapped tightly around my body. I felt it against my skin but knew that if I were to look at myself, there would be nothing there. Just my reddened flesh from scrubbing my palms against it so hard.
I needed a shower. I needed to wash it off, but in the perfect darkness of the room, I couldn’t see. From the quick glance of the room, I had noticed there were no windows so I could see outside, knowing it was a security measure that I could understand. So I was blind unless I wanted to brave the brightness of the room that had already sent me into a deep enough spiral.
The sole of my shoes slipped across the linoleum as I held my arms out in front of me, feeling for anything that could lead me to the bathroom without having to turn the light back on. My fingers reached along the wall, my palm gliding over the switch again. I jerked my hand away quickly and moved it down an inch to avoid it. I did not want the light on again. I couldn’t handle it.
After what felt like an eternity, my fingers gripped the threshold of the bathroom, which had been the only other doorway inside of the room beside the one that led out and into the hallway. I reached out toward the other side of the threshold and gripped the edge of it firmly as I positioned myself within the doorway. Now, I just needed to figure out where the shower was.
It may have seemed childish to someone else to wonder in the dark because the color of the room bothered you, but I didn’t care. No one else had to filter through the barrage of images in their mind that the hue continued to produce. Just me. Only me. And I would live with them for the rest of my life, however long that may be. If King had anything to do with my longevity, my death would be quick and swift, but only after my power was taken from me if he could not sway me to his side. So, as far as I was concerned, I could be dead at any moment. Even as I stood there and tried to steady my breathing and slow my rapid heartbeat.
“Okay, just find the shower,” I whispered to myself, giving myself the pep talk I knew only I could. “You can do this.”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t make myself react without terror to the white on the walls and floors. Maybe one day that would ease, but I didn’t see it happening anytime soon. I pushed a breath out through pursed lips and lifted my foot to cross the threshold when I heard the door to my room open, a sliver of the light from the hallway filtering into the space. I had to stop myself from looking back at it. Even the white illuminated by the sliver of light from the hallway would send me into another panic. That I was certain of.
“Mila? Are you in here?” came a voice I recognized.
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A voice had been so happy to hear when we first arrived at the Paradigm’s headquarters. Cecilia had come to check on me, which was the only assumption I could come to. At the same time, I couldn’t lie and say I had expected her. Ryder had always been there in my time of need, comforting me as best as he could even though he too was as broken as I was. But I was still so happy to hear her voice.
A breath pushed out of my lungs I hadn’t realized I was holding and my shoulders sagged as relief flooded through my system. I hadn’t expected her. Not after earlier in the examination room, but there she was. There to comfort the friend that she thought she had lost to scientists with scalpels and test tubes. She had no idea that they had taken so many things from me that I’d never be able to get back, including a tiny bit of my sanity. If not more.
“Yes, Cecilia. I’m here,” I answered as I continued to stare into the darkness just beyond the threshold that led into the bathroom.
It took all my willpower not to turn to look at her. I had missed her so much that it was difficult not to even though my brain knew exactly what would happen if I were to glimpse the brightness of the room again.
“Um, why is it dark in here? Where are you?” There was a hint of nervousness in her voice, a telltale crack in it that told me she was attempting to hold the tears back.
Could I tell her? Would she think I was crazy? I took a deep breath and decided that it was better to let her know than to let her wonder.
“The white. I just can’t,” I said.
My voice shook as the words left my throat and it was as if the vibrations moved through my entire body. My hands and knees began to quake as I waited in the silence for her response. I felt her eyes studying my back as I refused to turn around, to look at her and the light she let into the room for fear of criticism. That I couldn’t withstand the white walls that surrounded me because of what I had been through. I was broken, and even I knew that.
The Scorned (The Permutation Archives Book 3) Page 4