Carmina’s face sets in a stubborn frame and she hisses back at him, “Well then, don’t ask me if you don’t want to hear it!”
When Liam turns to face her, his eyes are darker than usual. He glares at her for a moment, sucking in a breath through his teeth. When he speaks, the words carry a tone she has never heard him use with her before. “Don’t push me Carmina.”
Liam leaves the kitchen and starts running. He does not change shape, but forces the full extent of his uncontrolled energy into the run. He allows the memory of the first encounter with this woman race against him.
When he ultimately stops, he realizes that he’s at the family home. Esmeriska open the door before he can do it himself.
The look on her son’s face tells her all she wants to know and she opens her arms to him. Will appears behind his wife and his hand rests on his son’s shoulder.
“She’s a little Vixen, my brother. If she weren’t, she’d not have bonded with you. You need her more than she needs you.”
It is John’s words that had the family turn to him.
“You…?” Liam glares at his brother.
“Yeah bro, I was there. Nearly beat you home, too.” He smirks, pushing himself away from the pillar he was casually leaning against.
“Look, be as mad as you like, but I saw what I saw this morning and I worry about you.” He laughs softly. “It’s your den brother, and I will not intrude but I will not let anything happen to that girl either. I promised her family. If you didn’t leave today, I would have dragged your big brother ass out of there myself.”
John saunters up to his brother, standing chest to chest with him. “You need to get a hold on this thing or make a move … soon.”
There is no hint of banter or joking in John’s tone and Liam knows his brother is echoing the sentiments of his mother and father too.
Esmeriska and Will look surprised when Liam speaks next. Both of them let the brothers resolve their differences on their own. Liam looks at his mother, father and then to John.
“Thank you brother. It won’t happen again, it was just…”
“Yeah, her natural scent is something to guard against, knocked me off balance too and I don’t even have a bond with her!” He winks at his brother knowingly.
“Well, now it’s settled. Spend the day Liam, it will do you good.” Will wasn’t asking. He was telling his son. Esmeriska clips John on the ear.
“Language.” And then nods approvingly, “Well said, you’ve done good.”
Oh dear gods what have I done?! I have never seen Liam so dark and terrifying. I wanted a reaction from him but not that particular one. Will he be back? I cannot find enough strength to move off the chair. The dent in the fridge catches my eye and I gasp. The whole of the top door is thoroughly bashed in and yet, I get the feeling that he held back a lot! I close my eyes trying to find him.
“Liam?” but there’s no answer. I’m such a stupid girl! I don’t know how to do the whole door thing without him here! I am alone now, like I wanted. Then why am I feeling so terribly unhappy about it?
My legs find strength and I head to my room again. On my way to the window, I grab my frame with the pictures of Liam and me at the wedding, and a pillow. I make myself comfortable on the desk playing the past day over and over in my head. I let my fingers trace his shape on the picture then hold it to my heart. I am so tired. The tiredness snuck up on me and I feel myself dozing off. I try to fight it and lose the fight. I scamper around in the fog looking for a door that I don’t find… The darkness snatches me away.
** The dreams are nightmares are dreams and nightmares**
The grip on my wrist turns into a claw. I feel myself dangling.
My feet kick out to find something solid to stand on.
This time I find it. But the relief is short lived.
I hear a screech above me, and when I look it is a vulture, turning, turning, turning.
“No! No! Shoo! Go away!” I scream at it.
My wrist is still in the claw grip.
I try to pull it free but the thing won’t let go.
It burns like holding a hot coal.
The face of the wolf with the golden eyes pushes straight into mine.
His mouth snaps while he tries to pull me closer to him.
“NO!! HELP! NO!” I scream.
I turn, trying to find a direction to run just to notice several lynxes circling me.
They’re all growling.
The louder they get, the harder the wolf snaps at me, the closer the piercing screeches from above become.
I scream and scream. My voice gives way and all that is left are tears.
I wipe my face to clear my eyes from the tears just to pull my hands away, covered in blood.
I hear Momma scream at me but I can’t make out what she’s saying.
I try to see where she is but the tears, the blood-tears, fill my eyes and keep me blinded.
I use my dress to wipe enough to see Momma rushing towards me with the whole family behind her.
Lilly and Jarrod are snarling and hissing next to Momma.
The clan behind them is manic, screaming and screeching, the wolves still snapping closer and the cats are finding their way to me!
“No! I am family!” I try to speak but it is only a raw, throaty scrape that escapes. “I AM FAMILY!”
They keep coming, more and more of them.
The sky fill with vultures and the ledge threatens to give way under the jumping wolves’ weight, the lynxes jump and I put my hands up in defense.
“STOP! PLEASE! STOP! “
I hear the screams in my own ears sounding hoarse and raw.
“I AM FAMILY!”
YES CARMINA YOU ARE! WAKE UP NOW, PLEASE! OH GODS! CARMINA WAKE UP!
“I am family!” I hear myself still screaming, fighting the arms that are trying to hold me, the picture clutched against my chest.
“You’re awake, open your eyes, please - open your eyes...” When I do, the light in the eyes looking back at me practically chokes me with relief.
“Liam! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I wrap my arms around him. I hear him sigh as his arms circle me securely.
“Carmina….” I feel him move and I tighten my grip.
“I am sorry…” His voice stressed. I refuse to let my grip go, even when his hands are pulling my arms away from him.
“Come, please?” He moves off the desk and pulls me along. I awkwardly try to climb off the desk but he picks me up and stands, holding me against his chest and shoulder, wavering. After a contemplative look down on me, he marches me to the kitchen where my chair is still in the middle of the floor. He puts me down on it and looks me over from head to toe.
“I’m f--” I start, but stop when he gives me an accusatory look.
“Look, I need to lay just this one thing on the table right now. Please.” The chair, with me in it, moves to the table and a short blurry motion later, a plate appears with food on it; bread, cold meats, salad, cheeses and small pieces of liver.
“Eat.” He says and he sits down. There’s a cup of tea for me and a glass of water for him.
“Thank you…”
His head is in his hands and I make an effort to eat. I am not hungry but I can feel my energy slipping and know what will come next if I don’t.
I eat in silence, feeling stroppy at the crunchy sounds filling the kitchen. Liam does not move but stay with his head rested in the palm of his hands, both elbows on the table. I feel my heart break into a million pieces knowing that I am doing this to him. I don’t know how to open the stupid door that will let him in and now he blames himself for my stupid nightmare, too.
Liam speaks again, flatly, “I am letting you know now that I will not accept your banishment of me from your mind again until I’m sure you can find your way back to me when you need it. I can’t stand the excruciating worry of not knowing how you are. I will not leave, even if you order it. I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Relief wa
shes over me and I nod. “I... understand. I won’t ask you to do that again.” I feel the tremble in my voice and to hide it I take a mouth full of food.
“This... you are new to us Carmina… we have as much to learn about you as… you have to learn about us.” I swallow the food and the lump in my throat.
“But I... I’m just human…”
“Just…Human?!” Liam drops his hands on front of him on the table and I jump at the noise it makes. “There is nothing ‘just’ about you Carmina. Not a stitch of ‘just’. We know what we are…”
I push my empty plate back and pin him down with a look. “And what are you, Liam?”
His lips pull in a tense line. I get up and take his face in both my hands, lifting it to me.
“What are you Liam? Tell me.” Fury burns around his mouth as I watch his jaw-line tighten, feeling the tension against my palms. “You can’t even say it, Liam, and you want me to accept it?”
I know I have already accepted it, but I need him to say it. I need them all to admit it. To cement it for me into my soul so they cannot take it back or take it away from me. So it can be as much a part of me as it is of them.
“Carmina… don’t… “
“What are you, Liam?” I ask again, leaning a little closer. Liam takes both my wrists in his hands again, and stands up. He pulls me up to him, my fists against his chest.
“I am a monster, Carmina. I am the nightmares that you dream of. I am a beast with a heartbeat and I am an immortal without one.”
I lean into his chest, pushing myself firmly against his body, hissing at him when I speak.
“Yes, but what are you?” I ask again.
Liam pulls my arms up and around his neck. He lifts me with one arm around my waist and the other tangled in my hair, exposing my neck. His lips are cold against my skin and I feel the words burn into my being.
“I am a wolf at times, and I am a vampire at other times.”
A pained, rolling growl washes after his words over my neck. I try to lift my head to face him again, but his grip tightens in my hair.
“I want to protect you,” raw power in his voice, “and destroy you at the same time…” The words carry a familiar chime to them, but his searching mouth finds the pulse in my neck and hovers there. I feel his body pushing firmer against mine.
I hear a snap! And I’m inside his head. I feel him in mine through the heat that is burning a slow course into my blood. I feel his excitement, the power he is restraining and I feel the fear of…me? Liam lifts his head from me and growls, deep, passionately and loud.
“Liam?”
“Welcome to my room,” the whisper sounds like the growl.
I shut the outside world out and give myself over to the rush of emotions. Liam’s hand releases my hair and I lift myself, grabbing onto the collar of his shirt. I refuse to open my eyes, keeping the outside world as far away as I can get it. I lean against him and taste the blood in my own mouth when his lips crush against mine and his teeth sink into the soft flesh.
“Gods give me strength….” I hear his words before he pulls his mouth away from mine. I grip as hard as I can onto the shirt collar and pull myself back to his lips. I feel drunk and heady. I feel him fighting against his nature and it heightens my own excitement.
“You need to… stop...” He is howling against my lips and I throw my head back in a slow drawn out moan.
“Oh gods, Carmina, you are going to kill me.”
I don’t feel us moving and I don’t know how we got there, but I am being dumped in the snow. Liam’s body is over me, holding me down with one hand to my chest. Kneeling, he is keeping a distance between us. It takes a few moments before the cold of the snow sobers my senses up enough for me to squeal in horror.
“I don’t want this.” He says, pushing me away from him before he gets up.
“You… wait… You…don’t?”
“John was right. You’re dangerous to be around!”
“Liam? What are you saying?”
Liam turns around and looks at me; I don’t move from my little ice-bed.
“Carmina… You can’t play with the devil’s tail and expect to keep your soul.”
“My soul is just fi-- It is not your concern. I assure you, you will not get hold of it.” I feel hurt over the sudden change in atmosphere.
“You are such a stupid little girl!” he shouts at me.
His words motivate me into movement. I jump up and run at him full force. Liam moves out of my way without effort.
“If I want to hurt you, I can – and believe me when I tell you, I want to!” He says, rushing around me in a blur.
“I will always recognize you.” He inhales my scent and I feel the strain he is under to keep control of himself. The power of what my smell is doing to him desiccates my throat profusely.
“I am stronger than you,” he grabs me into a hold facing away from him. I am stunned and numb at this point. I feel the joy he feels of holding me, the forceful power being contained. He is super gentle and yet I cannot move!
His face is between my neck and shoulder when he speaks. “You won’t say no to me.”
He turns me around and kisses me with so much tenderness and passion I feel myself choke. My body trembles, powerless, while his seems to have an endless supply of power coursing through it. There is enjoyment that he draws from the kiss but…There is no pleasure in it. There is but a bitter struggle to stop at the right time.
“So you see, Carmina,” He lets me go, speaking from the doorway, “I am exactly what I said: your nightmares exemplified.”
He disappears into the house and I stare stunned after him. Moments later he is outside again, scooping me up and marching me to the bathroom. He drops me inside, the water already running and “Hidden Carmina” seeping into my pores already.
“Help me, please, so that I can help you – we know what we are… but we don’t know who you are.”
He walks out, slamming the door behind him.
Minutes later I am soaking in the tub and tentatively reach out to Liam.
“Liam…”
“I’m here…” He says
“Your room is dark.” I tell him.
“It is dark…” I ignore his sigh and the irritation he feels towards me.
“Yes, ohm, there’s no color in here.”
“Carmina? I just gave you the Vampire 101 course and … my room is dark?” he sounds like he’s about to throw in the towel. There is a lingering chuckle trapped in the words, so I push ahead.
“Yes. So, I thought… maybe… you know... I can share some of mine?”
“Some of your…?”
“Color.”
“How?”
I lay down on the ground, shaking my hair out and watching the red spread all over his floor.
“Carmina!” he is laughing with every part of his body, enjoying the moment.
“See, Liam, you can’t say no to me either, and like this? You can’t hide from me. And while you are stronger and faster and scarier… it doesn’t matter because you already have my heart… my soul will go willingly. ”
I fade to a corner of his room, finishing my bath.
Picnic
Days become weeks. Liam is gentle but also merciless about me getting to grips with the flow of energy and information between us. Progress is frustrating and aggravating, but progress means that I no longer need the visual representations to form the links with the rest of the Moretti house. I have learned about, and identified, their individual energies, moods, forces and signatures. I have learned how to “knock” and answer when they “knock”.
Liam still keeps me under close guard and refuses to fade or let me drop into complete silence and I am very used to having him as a constant companion. I have learned and grown with his family and am a lot more comfortable in my skin. While I am not allowed to disconnect, I have learned to draw my own thoughts to silence and dwindle to become a noiseless observer hardly noticed. It is not like we spend al
l the time together either. Liam has to eat and his wolf form needs rest.
We also made an agreement that Liam is not to carry me everywhere when I am too slow for his liking. He can either go ahead, or learn patience. I am not a baby and if I’ve not utterly fallen apart by now, I am not going to do so anytime soon. He sulked for a while over the new rule but got over it soon enough when I agreed to piggyback rides.
Today is Wednesday. I know this because there is a knock at the cabin door. Liam told me that his mother is insisting on a face-to-face family day, which includes me, and they will be fetching us at this time. I suspect she’s checking to see if I’m as well as I say - not that she’d be uninformed if I wasn’t. There is very little to hide once you get locked in as tight as I have been.
I open the door and am greeted by three grinning faces.
“Why do you still wait for us to knock? You know we’re here…” John whines.
“Because it is polite… and I like making you suffer a little.” I tease.
Lady E and Uncle Will each receive a warm hug and an invite in. I pretend to close the door on John, but he manages to get inside and scoops me into an embrace.
“You look great! I was starting to think you’re nothing more than a voice in my head!”
Liam makes his way from the shower and, as natural as anything, removes me from his brother’s embrace with a warning grin.
“Hands off…”
John backs off with both hands up in front of him. I roll my eyes and offer something to drink but Lady E stops me.
“Unless you need it sweetheart, but…. Have you been to the river yet?”
“No… I know there is one…somewhere…”
“Ah, then you’re in for a treat. We’re hiking to the river today. But you’re not going like that.” She waves her hand over me like I’m wearing mud.
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