Saffron was shaking. Jethin ignored her. The sickle moon glazed them in mediocre light. For the first time that night, Saffron got a good look at his face. Under his heavy brows his eyes were large and bright and fringed by lustrous, long lashes.
“What’s up?” His question was clipped.
Saffron blushed and looked away, but soon enough her eyes crawled back to his face as if it were the scene of an accident. His cheeks were flushed. They were very red. And his mouth…he had a smear of blood near the corner of his mouth.
Saffron tilted her body away from him, repulsion making her face pucker. She turned her head to stare at the farmhouse wall. This was much worse than noticing your friend had a little Bar-b-cue spare ribs caught in her front teeth.
“What, Saffron? What is it?”
Her eyes fixed once more on his lips. She gulped down the vomit in her throat.
He sat up straighter, his nostrils flared. He was thrown by her intent scrutiny. He knew he looked perfect. What possible cause could there be for her sour expression? The final pretense of his accepting demeanor shifted like ice breaking on a river. His eyes turned liquid black as they bore into her.
“I…I’m sorry, but you have some….” She didn’t want to say, “blood,” she would just as soon say “crotch rot.” Instead, she took her fingers and brushed at her own mouth to simulate cleaning.
Jethin licked two fingers and worked the skin near his mouth where she had indicated. He looked at the greasy smear on his fingertips and under his finger nails. He licked them clean. “It’s just blood, Saffron. No big deal.” He smirked. “I just ate.”
She clutched herself in a hug, shut her eyes, and leaned her forehead on her knees. The sinking feeling in her gut told her that today she had made one stupid mistake after another. Dressing up like a pitiful heroine from a 1960’s vampire flick! Did she expect Christopher Lee to come visit her in all of his black-and-white glory? What had she been thinking? Placing herself so carefully on that rock. Had she really planned to act out the scene all the way to her death? No. Until this moment, she had never thought of her actual death. She only thought of the incidents leading up to it. Now she felt awake and sharply in tune; it was awful. She had gone out there to greet him, serve herself up. He could take her now - she had no more protection from him - she had traded it all in for a couple of romantic notions.
Earlier, she had felt so ashamed about the woman who threw herself from the cliff…and fantasized about being a vampire. She saw Markis and his longing eating away at him because of her…and fantasized about becoming a vampire. She saw Audrey nagging her about cutting her hair, going to college, making some friends, getting out of the house…and fantasized about becoming a vampire. She saw Ny harassing her and Li treating her like a brain-dead child…and fantasized, fantasized, fantasized. Where would she escape to when she didn’t want to be a vampire?
Her heart beat erratically. Her whole body quaked and sweated. What if he grabbed her right now and ripped her throat out? The skin along the back of her neck and tops of her arms crimped uncomfortably.
Her fear wafted over to him. He felt it like a cool breeze in the desert and he smiled. This was good; he could use her fear to control her. It was so stimulating. He remained calm and adopted a soothing, familial behavior. He moved over to her side and put his arm around her. “It’s all right. I know this scares you.”
She felt his body alongside hers. He was so hot; his skin felt like beach sand in August. She tried to pull away.
“Don’t worry. It’s just fresh blood. It won’t harm you. Everything will seem so unusual to you at first. But you’ll get used to it. You’ll get used to your power and the important place in this world that you are about to accept. You’ll be catapulted to a level so fantastic - to a place you can’t even comprehend right now.” He chucked her chin. “But not until you try.” He smiled encouragingly and kissed the top of her head. “You know, we should just get this over with. Later, I can show you wonders greater than anything found in the entire universe. Hidden intrigues, all for us.” Fear, fear, and more fear, washing off her in tidal proportions. He drank it in as it poured almost sweeter than blood. The fear would dull her senses and make her pliable.
Saffron’s breathing came in short, shallow gasps puffed through her lips as her throat tightened and locked. She clamped her teeth.
“C’mon… I know you’re anxious. But listen, we’ll just do it quick and end your indecisive agony.” He smiled encouragingly, like a father to his child. “I envy you. I remember when it happened to me and I wish I could do it all over again!”
Saffron held herself tighter, braced herself, when she blurted, “Yeah, right! I don’t freakin’ think so.”
Jethin blinked hard. He looked around dramatically. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
She bit her lip shut.
He clicked his incisors. “Excuse me?” What was her problem now? He wondered if he should just kill her. Leave her body like a calling card for Li. He could murder Saffron for the pure joy of it, like smashing eggs at Halloween instead of cooking them up for egg-salad sandwiches. It wasn’t frugal, but, meh, he’d try again next time. This incarnation, this body, this girl was a pain in the ass. Yet, if he retained control, he could have more fun toying with her in the long run. But hey, sometimes one can’t ignore one’s impulses. He would ruin everything. By breaking her body he would set her soul free. But, oh, that first smashing bite - how fabulous. Larry Goile, the vampire from Provincetown, always drank the blood and ate the jugular. He claimed there was nothing finer. Jethin wasn’t into jugulars though. When he went to town on Claudia, on all the others, he just threw her “stuff” in the ocean along with the creatures that came through his cave walls. But what to choose now? He held himself back. He shifted to sit on his fingers; they positively itched to grapple Saffron’s swan neck. Visualize the win. Li will be crushed if you take her beloved toy away for all eternity. Don’t let Saffron have the luxury of returning to the fairy world. She might plop herself there and wait with them again. This is your golden opportunity. They will hide indefinitely this time, for sure. In the meantime, some fool might turn you to dust. Then they can come back at their leisure, play their silly human game, and laugh at you. It’s nothing to them, the passing of time. And it’s everything to you, the dragging of time. Take a moment to relax. You can do this.
Jethin swung his head round to face Saffron. She had no idea how beautiful she was, stupid girl. She could never imagine how he had admired her in her past life. After he first became a vampire, he used to linger in Molly’s yard. He did this often in the early days. He contemplated the meaning of life, while the wafting scent of Molly’s decomposing body curled up from the black hole of the well and tickled his nostrils. It was a few months before he could drink the blood of humans, so repulsed was he by that lingering odor that he gagged on the blood of sheep instead.
He had been sitting on the edge of the well for hours when suddenly, he realized he was being watched. Nothing more than the tightening of the skin on his neck let him know this, but he knew, and looked across the lawn to a little window in the house that Jack built (Jack was Molly’s father). There Rosemary hid, peeking at him from behind the heavy brocade of a dark curtain. Saffron peeked just the same way when she was afraid. Only Saffron hid behind her hair so she could take her cover everywhere she went.
Rosemary and Jethin had stared at each other for several seconds, then she lowered the curtain and disappeared. After that, Jethin found a lamb waiting for him when he went to Molly’s yard. He didn’t know how Molly’s mother knew, but another lamb was there each night he visited. He watched her window as he fed but never saw her again.
Rosemary and Saffron had some things in common. In some ways, they weren’t alike at all. Rosemary was aware that she was beautiful. She feared other things… But Saffron was all hopped up on this ‘fat and ugly’ trend that was the zeitgeist of her generation. Jethin longed to see the end of this era with i
ts diets and plastic surgery. It was such a bore.
Saffron was splendidly built with hair that shone like molten metal even in starlight. And what did she do? Hunch and gape. Blanch and bite at her fingernails. And every time she crouched back into that spineless, simpering bit of blob, he felt the blood within him curdle. Oh, how he wanted to dispose of her. “Sit up!” Jethin snapped. His eyes probed her as he ravaged the tip of his tongue with one elongated incisor. Why was this proving to be so tedious? Maybe he should have consulted a shrink before the big night. This was grueling. He felt their close rapport, built with careful attention over these last few months, had been blown away like clouds on a rising wind.
“I’m going to bite my wrist,” he pointed “here. I’ll pierce the veins so my blood will flow smoothly and make it easier for you.”
“Make what easier?” She knew what he was talking about. She was stalling. But she felt him, his pressure. It would be too hard to push him away, and so much easier to give in. She was so exhausted and sitting on the roof was giving her vertigo. She imagined rolling off the roof and drifting to the ground.
“Biting my wrist makes it easier for you to drink, Saffron. Don’t you watch vampire movies? I love the movies. That’s why I bought the Cineplex. I watch the sheep flock in for the horror movies. They bleat and scream at all the right moments. I watch them leave. I feel their ‘just a movie’ relief, and laugh. Sometimes I even pay one or two a little visit.”
Saffron frowned. “You told me you only took the bad people. You told me you “cleanse the earth of scum.” Is that what ‘scum’ is to you? A bunch of teenagers screwing around?”
“Au contraire, Saffron. Not all teenagers are innocent. I assure you, mine are well-chosen and well-punished, each for his or her particular sin.”
Saffron sighed and brought her hands up to cover her eyes. This was so bizarre. What was she doing?
Jethin pulled her hands from her face and began to croon soft words to calm her. “Never the innocent, Saffron, you have my word. Your life will be perfection. You can have anything you want! There’s a shop in Ogunquit. It’s small and dusty and hushed and they sell exquisite jewelry. Antique diamonds as big as your eyes and set in platinum. Do you want one? Do you want them all? Do you want to visit Mindy one night and show them to her?”
Saffron hissed. “You leave her alone!” She didn’t like Mindy but she didn’t want her tortured! “Stop talking like that. You don’t know what I want. When it’s time I’ll tell you what I want.”
Jethin clapped. “That’s my girl!” His smile was sweet and brimming like a four-year-old before his birthday cake. He put his wrist to his lips and was about to pierce the skin when they both heard a low moan on the wind. They listened, and after a few moments the sound came again. It was louder. The sound was familiar to Saffron, but Jethin had only heard it once. Then promptly forgotten it.
“You have a banshee here?”
“No,” Saffron whispered, “it’s her.” Her face reddened as she crossed her arms protectively across her chest. “Look,” She mumbled and pointed toward the cliff.
Jethin searched in the direction Saffron had indicated, and finally found the woman. Well, the dead woman. A moaning spirit. Disdain crept across his perfect features. He felt no pity for them. He had no idea why they would choose that existence. The vampire life was the most admirable, the fairy world had its perks, being human wasn’t the worst thing. But, being a ghost? Just plain deplorable.
“She doesn’t matter. Let’s go; we have work to do.”
Since the very first moment Saffron laid eyes on the ghost, all those months ago, she had feared her. Not now. Tonight, she watched the woman with a mixture of great sorrow and empathy. Saffron felt the woman’s ache and wanted to reach out to her, to soothe and help her.
“Don’t you feel her pain? Can’t you tell? She matters.”
“I don’t feel anything. It’s just a defect of that fairy dust you’ve got clinging to you. C’mon, now. I don’t want to spill this all over my jeans. Drink up.” He had since bitten himself and was keeping the flow of blood back by pinching the punctures with his thumb and forefinger. He held his wrist before her and smiled. “You won’t like it at first, but give it a couple of seconds and you’ll find you become addicted very quickly. Drink away. Enjoy. I’ll stop you when you’ve had enough.” He moved his wrist closer to her mouth. “Open up, Saffron.”
She shifted her position. She screamed inside her head to tell him, “No!” She closed her eyes. He shoved his wrist in her mouth, forcing her lips open until they split at the corners. She heard a crack in her jaw and screamed with the pain. The blood was spurting from his wounds. It was hitting the roof of her mouth. It was pooling near the back of her tongue. She took a great big gulp of it. It was heinous. It tasted like copper and…. She didn’t know what else. It tasted like metal. Like charred metal. Like sickening, sweet, cloying spice swirling all together, thick and black. Her gag reflex was triggered, and she gulped down another dose of the wretched liquid.
Her eyes widened with fear as her body recoiled from it. A chill rushed through her limbs and froze her bones. She thought of old things and dead things and things unchanged and ignored since the dawn of time. All around her, it smelled like a mildewed antiques barn. She shivered. Cold overtook her entire body, and she knew that if someone were to poke her, she’d shatter into a million frozen shards. Just as quickly, the frigidness rushed from her body and she discovered her mouth was full again, full of the viscous fluid, a thickening draught which threatened to force its way down her throat. Saffron actually felt it pushing to go down as if it were aware of what it was doing. This time, she spat it out. Everywhere, she retched and spit and blew.
“No, Saffron. No! You’re so close, quickly, drink again! You are on the edge of need! Just drink it and you’ll see, you’ll crave it! You won’t be able to get enough! Hurry!”
“no.” The tiny two-letter word was firm and sure. “I will not drink it!” She swiped the back of her hand over her mouth and felt the oily blood smear between her fingers. This wasn’t going to be easy, but she didn’t care anymore. She knew what he was; she had figured what he was hiding. “I will not become what you are. I will not exist forever as one person. Look at you.” She leaned back to take a look at him. “You’re like a block of ice at a New Year’s parade. Yeah, you’re cut and you look like a piece of art, but there’s nothing else there! You have no pulse! And you love nothing! Remember the greatest power on earth? ‘It’s love.’ You don’t love anything, Jethin. What do you do with yourself every day, every week, every month, year, and century? If I were you, I’d fill my time up with loving people. I mean, what else is there? But I can’t love them when I’m a vampire; can I? I’ll just want to eat them.” She shook with the effort of her speech.
“You realized too late that the true beauty of life is…” she fluttered her arms wildly. She frowned, her mouth twisting with the pressure of quick thought and exasperation. Burning blood dribbled from her chin as she struggled to understand. “…ahhh…” She slapped her forehead lightly, several times.
Jethin watched her fumbling in surprised annoyance. Luckily for Saffron, it made him pause.
“To be born again!” Saffron yelled, causing some wild turkeys to fly from the branch where they had been roosting. Was that what she meant to say? All of the puzzle pieces were so confusing. It was true; there were two sides to every story. And anything could be justified. “In your search for the most envious life, you messed up. Instead of getting more, more, more; you denied yourself. You denied yourself the prize most humans take for granted. Change. You truly are dead.” Her mind popped with epiphanies. “You want that life back. You want a chance to be what you used to be. Man, you reek of jealousy. My God, what was I thinking?” She rubbed her knuckles into her eye sockets. “I was going to throw my life away because it was the easiest thing to do.” Her eyes burned like an evangelist’s one hour into the sermon. “But I’m not dead. I c
an start over any time I want! You have absolutely nothing to give me.”
Not a blink or a twitch broke the stare that bound them. She waited for him to attack. Her intestines spasmed and she doubled over. She groaned and hissed when she spoke. “How dare you!” Her nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed as the blood continued to drip from her chin. “You were tricking me in the same, exact way that Cecilia tricked you. Why? Weren’t you mad at her for doing that to you? Didn’t she hurt you so bad you could never be happy again? Why would you do that to someone else? Why would you do that to me? Jethin, I would never do something like that to you.”
He had been sitting there, all this time, watching her work things out. He could have slaughtered her ten times over; he could have walked away. Yet, he sat there and watched in amazement at the transformation that sped through her like pure energy. He felt a grudging admiration for her. Did he cause her to change like this? He was more powerful than he thought…
She was mostly right in her accusations. She had the wrong person though…the Countess hadn’t thrown him over the edge. Li had, when she was Molly. He couldn’t tear Saffron’s steaming organs from her lily-white belly now. How could he enjoy it? She gave him no incentive. After all, she wasn’t afraid anymore. He could feel it, the fear draining from her as water from a sieve. Now she felt…pity. And pain. Blek. What a waste of a night. How would he piss Li off now? Maybe if he got Saffron to marry him… He sniffed. Like a dandy perturbed before his cold afternoon tea, he actually sniffed with great disparagement.
“Fine, Saffron. This is all very well, but I should let you know. If you don’t continue the process within the next few seconds, you are going to become very, very…unwell. My blood flows through you. Your blood will reject it as a foreign invader. If you don’t allow me to drink of your blood and break down its defenses, you will enter a world of such extreme torture the likes of which you and your kind could never imagine. Do you think you’ve had nightmares before? They will not compare to the inescapable hell you are about to enter - a black death that will eviscerate you and leave you delirious with pain. That doesn’t sound very good, does it?” He tilted his head. “And just when you think the pain couldn’t possibly get any worse, it does, and it leaves you begging for the easier pain you had just wished away.
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