by Tijan
literal standing bleeding heart, right in front of you. How can you turn your back on that?"
I shook my head. Everyone knew Ned would never win over my grandmother, except for maybe Ned, but there was some entertainment in his attempts. I always suspected my grandmother was flattered by his attention, which was why she kept shopping at Nellie's even though she always left with a tenfold promise to never step foot in that store again.
I was proven right as I heard a slight hint of laughter in Viola's false sternness. "If he was literally bleeding, I'd have the decency to hand him a towel. Until then, I don't have the time to even offer him a tourniquet. Now scootch, both of you."
I tuned out Brady's predictable comeback and perused the toiletries. I didn't know if I chose that aisle on purpose or if my wanderings guided me to the right spot, but as I kept moving down, I saw a couple of pregnancy tests resting on the white stand. I caught my breath and stood frozen for a moment. Should I move away, ignore what I already worried about, or should I… I had no idea. This was above my head.
Something kicked in my stomach, perhaps my guilt. Without thinking I reached out and picked up one of the foreign boxes. This box, this tiny, simple box could hold an answer for something that could change my life. I blinked away tears and ignored the sudden pounding in my chest. The box felt too heavy to hold. As my hand started to fall, another caught it and tucked it against his chest.
I looked up and saw Brady. He held me tight against him and transferred the pregnancy test from my numb fingers to his.
"Are you worried about this?" There was a gruff note in his voice, but there was something else.
I shook my head. "We didn't use…"
Brady switched the box to the other hand and squeezed my hand with his free one. "We'll get through it. I promise."
I wanted to believe him. I really did. I wanted to close my eyes and know that whatever Brady said was true. He could do anything. But this, I knew he couldn't stop something that might already be growing inside of me. The time to stop it had already passed.
"Don't make promises that you can't keep," I whispered back.
Looking up, Brady caught his breath at my emotion. I let it shimmer, bright and shining, because I needed him to see how serious I was. I couldn't have him shrug it off and party it away. This was real, could be real.
"Holy. Mother of God. Are you kidding me?"
I whirled around and saw Viola at the end of the aisle. Her eyes were hot and she gripped the ice cream pail until her knuckles became white. Her face lost all the blood flow as she stomped forward. "You had better be joking. This had better be an elaborate pathetic joke, Brady. I won't be laughing if I'm the brunt of this awful, awful trick. Brady? Tell me you're kidding."
A lesser man would've laughed off the false joke. He would've taken the opening and ran for the hills.
Brady tucked me behind him and lifted a sober chin. "We'll handle this. Rayna and me."
"Like hell you will!" Viola whipped out, her eyes storming. She stepped forward with her hand outstretched to grab me, but Brady shuffled me out of her reach. She reared back. "You give her to me now. I can't believe you—I can't believe the two of you—Rayna! What were you thinking?"
"All due respect, Viola, we weren't thinking. We were doing what most kids do. We were living in the moment."
My grandmother's mouth clamped shut, but she flung a finger up and thrust it against his chest. "You know better," she seethed. "Of all kids, of everyone, you know better! You don't give me that crap. Now Rayna, she's sheltered, but you knew better."
"And she doesn't?" Brady firmly planted himself in front of me. "You treat her like she's a two-year old. You act like she's this fragile future spinster who doesn't know how to walk on her own two feet. You're clueless about her."
"You don't tell me about my granddaughter." Viola bristled in her rage. "You don't tell me."
"All due respect, but I know your granddaughter a little better than you do."
"No, you don't."
Brady quieted, but he only lasted a second. "You have always preached to me about making her live a little. You wanted her to have adventures, but still stay the same person. You wanted me to be the person to help her with that. You picked me on purpose. You saw how I was going to be a long time ago and you constantly called me over for lunch and supper. You handpicked me to be friends with Rayna. You knew that I'd take care of her. And now that the friendship has gone to another level, what'd you expect? You know who I am. You've always known who I am. What'd you expect?"
Viola surged forward and gritted out, "I expected you to respect her. I expected you not to treat her like one of your hussies. I expected you to not have sex with my granddaughter, who you know doesn't do those things easy. She's not like the rest of them."
"Like the rest of who? The rest of the skanks in this town? Or just the ones I sleep with?" Brady tilted his chin up further.
"I'm inferring that you didn't respect her enough to use a rubber," Viola lashed back.
"Enough!" I cried out.
"Rayna, no…" Brady urged.
I ignored him. "Grandma, we can talk about this later. I think it'd be the smart thing to schedule a doctor appointment for me tomorrow or as soon as possible."
"When?" Viola gutted out.
Brady flashed a triumphant smile, but I inquired, "When what?"
"When'd you do it? It might not even need to be done."
"Oh you mean about the—it was within seventy two hours, but I won't even think about any abortion pill. If it's…," My throat was tight. It was painful to swallow. "If it's supposed to be, it's supposed to be. I do think I could benefit from a check-up and further birth control measures." I finished and then tucked my chin against Brady's shoulder. It took everything I had to muster that maturity.
Viola didn't see my weakness and chuckled to herself as she shook her head. "Which one is the adult here?"
"Welcome to my world," Brady bit out. He swept a hand behind him and held me tight against his back. I felt his fingers flex against the lower muscles of my back, but any reassurance fell to the wayside. I could only hear my grandmother's damning words.
I was a failure.
And I sucked in my breath when Brady massaged my back because a part of me didn't care that I had failed. I wanted his touch. I needed his touch. I knew that if given the opportunity, I'd feel that touch again.
"I cannot believe you two…," Viola grumbled.
I hesitated to ask. "Should we…are you going to tell my mother?"
Viola snorted. "Hell no. Your momma ain't here and your momma ain't a part of your life, not in that way. She don't got no say whatsoever in what we do. Now," she seared us both with her glare. "You two get in your car and you head straight back home. I don't want no stop-over in between. You better be in the house in ten minutes flat. I don't have the time and patience to play games."
As she left the store Brady dispelled a deep breath
"Why didn't she make me go with her?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to guess, but I already knew the reason. She couldn't stand to be alone with me. She couldn't handle having me right next to her.
When Brady hugged me to him, I closed my eyes, just for a moment. I relished the firmness of his chest and the safety of his arms. A tear teased the corner of my eye because I knew he'd pull away in a moment and I'd have to feel the cold alone.
"You okay?"
I burrowed against his chest. I didn't want to answer. I wouldn't lie and I couldn't tell him the truth. My world was ending. I was going with it because I hadn't realized how much I needed him. Now that Viola knew what happened, I knew it'd all end somehow. It'd unravel and I'd be left standing, empty and alone.
"I'm fine," I whispered, raw.
He squeezed my shoulders once more. "You sure?"
I nodded with my eyes closed and pulled away. Then I blinked back more tears. "I can handle it."
Brady frowned.
"I can," I reassured him, but we both
knew I was lying.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When we got to the house, Neil was sent out to the car to make sure I went in alone. He looked regretful as he explained it'd be best if Brady didn't come inside, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. My grandmother had essentially cast him out of the house. In Brady's world, that meant the family. Of course, a part of me knew this wasn't how it really was, but that's how it felt that moment.
When I got out of the car, I looked at the house. It was large and looming in that moment.
"It'll all be fine. You know that, right?"
I didn't, but I mustered a smile and turned to Brady. "Of course…"
He saw through my lie but didn't dispute it. I sighed in relief.
Brady patted the steering wheel. "I'm going to go. Should I call you later?"
"No. No!"
"What?"
"I mean, it might be best if I talk to you tomorrow."
Brady sighed and nodded. "Fine. I'll—screw it. See you tomorrow." He jerked the car around and sped down my driveway. Then he braked and reversed. I watched as he parked underneath the weeping willow, climbed out, and tossed the keys towards me.
He grumbled as he passed by, "Forgot it's not my damn car."
I pocketed the keys as he walked past the house and through the small line of trees that separated our home from the Forresters. When I heard a door slam shut, I knew he was home and couldn't stall any longer.
I still didn't move.
In fact, I stayed for another five minutes. I should've gone inside. I'm a rational near-adult type of person. I had sex with my best friend. Yes, we were stupid and didn't use protection. Yes, we didn't tell our secret, but who does? Yes, I might have to face certain huge, huge circumstances, but Brady was right. We'd handle it. Me and him. But…I'd disappointed someone who looked out for me. There were only three of them.
I wiped a tear away and tried to rationalize that the world really wasn't ending.
"Rayna."
I looked up at Grandpa Neil's soft voice. He stood outside the door with a hand that held it open. One of his coverall straps slipped off his shoulder.
"I'm okay, Grandpa. I just need some time."
"Come on in. She went to bed."
She didn't want to face me.
"Okay." I nodded and slowly climbed off the tire. My throat was thick. "I'm coming in." As I went inside, I felt a chill in the cozy living room. "Did she tell you?"
He nodded and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. One squeeze and he murmured, "It'll be okay. We've gone through this before. You're not the first to have made a mistake."
A mistake. Was that what Brady and I had done?
"It's late. Morning will be here soon. You should try and get some sleep. We've got church in a few hours."
I nodded and moved upstairs, but my feet dragged as I went past their door. The light flickered underneath it and their fan was whizzing. Instead of turning on my own light, I just curled underneath my covers.
When I woke, I saw the same darkness in my room. Blinking tiredly, I sat up and squinted towards my clock. I stared long and hard before I realized what I was looking at.
Nothing.
My clock always rested on my nightstand, but it wasn't there. When I looked for my phone I saw it wasn't where I usually placed it either. In fact, I looked around my room and realized nothing was the same. Someone had come in and rearranged my room—then I remembered. My clock had been pushed to the floor from when Brady and I had been in there—when my hand had flung upwards. I remembered hitting it, but I hadn't registered what had fallen. And, patting my pockets, I found my phone tucked into my back pocket. When I opened it, it took a couple seconds before I registered that it said 9:03.
I started to climb out of bed, but my phone buzzed in my hand. There were ten text messages from Brady. The last one read, 'Where are you? Are you ignoring me on purpose or is she that pissed off? She wouldn't look at me in church. Call me.'
Church?
That was at nine—oh God. I scrambled out of bed and lunged towards the door. When I opened it, the entire house was dark. No one was home and there was no way that it was nine in the morning.
"Hey!"
I whirled around and screamed when I saw a dark figure crouched in my window.
"Hey! It's me."
Brady. That was Brady. Gasping, I fell against my door and patted my chest. "You scared the crap out of me."
"I think I just peed my pants. Jeez," Brady grumbled.
"That was shut." I pointed towards the window.
"But not locked, babe. I left it open an inch the other night. Figured we might have to climb back inside." He smirked. "That plan went differently, huh?"
"Not funny," I retorted and closed the door behind me. The room was dark, but an intimate feeling swept over me. I shivered, not from fear or excitement, but ignored it as I sat on the bed. "I just woke up."
"I was wondering," Brady murmured as he inspected the pictures on my wall.
I watched his back, noted the muscular build and thin waist. Brady looked good. He always looked good, as he always would, but I saw an extra tension in his shoulders that he normally swept aside.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Brady shook his head and asked instead, "Have you talked to your grandmother today?"
My 'grandmother.' He asked so formally. I shook my head. "She went to bed this morning before I got inside and I've been sleeping since. I'm kind of relieved. I really don't know if I can handle seeing how she looked at me last night again."
"Yeah," Brady mumbled as he sat beside me on the bed. Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees, cupped his chin with his hands, and watched me steadily. His normally dusty blonde hair was cast in shadow.
A shiver passed through me at the intensity of his eyes. "What?" I tried to ignore the arm muscles that bunched together when he leaned further on his elbows.
"I was just wondering how you're handling this. I mean, you usually freak out. How come you aren't freaking?"
"Thanks for your support." I tugged the bottom of my shirt down.
Brady shrugged. "I'm just saying that you aren't acting normal. I'm concerned."
"You want me to freak out?"
"Oh come on. You're going to freak out sometime. Since you haven't done it yet, it means it's going to be really bad. I'd rather deal with it now, not later."
"Excuse me, but you don't get to pick when I decide to 'freak out.'"
"Don't get all huffy about it. I'm just saying—"
"—I don't care what you're saying. This isn't even about you anymore. This is about…this is about…" I turned away from Brady and wrapped my arms around myself. I started towards the door, needing to get away, but stopped short. I couldn't go out there either.
"Rayna?" Brady asked behind me.
I started to tell him to go away, but I stopped that too. Did I want him to go away? Did I want to be alone? I didn't know what I felt or what I wanted. "Maybe you should go. I don't know what to say right now."
I heard the bed creak in protest as he stood up. "Are you sure? I wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I don't think I am, Brady. I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Rayna…come on…"
He wanted me to say that everything was alright, but I couldn't. I could still see the look on my grandmother's face. She looked at me like I was a stranger. I couldn't get that out of my mind. My throat choked up again. I shook my head and rasped out, "Brady, just go. I'll talk to you later."
He waited another few seconds, which seemed like minutes, before he crawled out of the window. As soon as I felt him go, I