“Alright, I’ll text you once I talk to her.”
“Okay, thanks, Carter. Can you not mention this to anyone else? And tell Mads not to, either?”
I can hear his hesitation and his desire to ask more questions, but thankfully he doesn’t. “Yeah, no problem.”
I hang up the phone and start to throw all of my stuff in the suitcase. I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna say to Christen. I can’t let her dad ruin my family, though. They are the most important thing to me, and they are innocent in all of this. I’m sure she’ll be fine. As for me, this will be the last time I make myself this open to someone.
When my phone buzzes again, I almost don’t want to look at it in case it’s Christen.
Carter: We are gonna be good to leave around 6. Fair warning, though, Maddy is freaking out and there is no way you are escaping the interrogation. Do you need me to pick you up?
I text him back a thank you and let him know I’ll meet him at my house. I need to at least say goodbye to my family. Just then, I hear the door open and close downstairs, followed by the sound of footsteps coming toward my room. I take a deep breath and get ready to put on a show. I know at the end of all this I am going to hate myself, but unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it. I’m backed against a wall right now.
When she walks in, everything I had practiced saying in my head disappears.
Chapter Fourteen
Christen
I practically run up the stairs because I can’t wait to tell Shawn I’ve decided to spend the summer with him. I told my mom while we were out today, and she took it a lot better than I thought she would. She barely even made a sarcastic comment, which is really rare for her. When I open the door, I see Shawn putting stuff in his suitcase. What is he doing? We aren’t leaving for another four days.
“Hey, what’s—” I don’t even get a chance to finish my sentence before he crashes his mouth to mine. He reaches behind me, pushes the door closed, and backs me up against it. His hands grip my hips so hard I let out a moan of half pleasure, half pain. I don’t know what the heck got into him, but whatever it is, it’s hot.
I have a sweater dress and tights on today because it’s kind of cold out. Within seconds, my dress is pulled up to my chest and my tights are ripped down to my knees. His mouth leaves mine only to attack the sensitive spot on my neck. His hands move around to cup my ass and lift me into the air. I instinctively wrap my legs around him, causing him to moan and grind against me.
I hear a zipper, and the next thing I know, he’s burying himself inside me. I thread my hands through his hair, giving it a tug, and he lets out an animalistic growl. Shawn starts to pound into me so hard I think when we’re finished I’ll have marks from the indentations of the door. His one hand leaves my butt and creeps in between us.
“I can’t hold back much longer.” With that, his hand finds my clit and pinches it, sending me into an earth-shattering orgasm. I bury my head in his neck to mask the scream coming out. At the same time, Shawn’s hands tighten and grip me even harder as he finds his release. We both stand there, trying to catch our breath, when he puts me down and turns away from me. He walks back toward his suitcase, pulling up and fastening his pants on the way. I try my best to rearrange my clothes to where they look somewhat presentable again.
Shawn slams his suitcase closed, “Fuck!”
I jump and slowly make my way over to him, “Hey, what’s going on?” I place my hand on his back but he jumps and moves away from me like I have burnt him.
“Don’t touch me.,” He says it so low I almost don’t hear him.
“What are you talking about?” Something is really wrong right now.
“I said, don’t touch me. I don’t think there is anything confusing about that.” He walks back to his suitcase and lifts it off the bed.
My head is spinning right now. What is he doing? Where is he going? “Why did you pack your suitcase? What’s going on?”
“I packed my suitcase because I’m leaving.” He’s leaving? Why? He makes a move toward the door and I step in front of him. “Get out of my way, Christen.”
“No! Not until you tell me what happened!” I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes, but I’m not willing to let them fall yet.
“I’m done with this, with us. I think I’m making it pretty clear by leaving.”
He tries to walk around me but I stop him again., “You’re done? Why? And if you really are done, why the heck would you have just done that with me?!”
“Because I wanted to. Now, you need to get out of my way before I say something you will regret.”
“Who are you? What happened while I was gone? Look me in the eye, you coward!” The tears are flowing now as I yell at him and pound his chest with both of my fists.
“I am who I always was, you just chose not to see it. As for what happened, I realized I don’t want to be the spoiled little princess’s plaything anymore. I’m only gonna say this one more time, and then I’m gone whether I need to go through you or not.” He looks into my eyes for the first time since I walked into the room. They aren’t the eyes that had looked at me for the past couple of months. They aren’t the eyes I had spent so much time falling in love with. They are dead. “I. Don’t. Want. You. Anymore.”
He moves around me, and this time I don’t have the strength to stand in his way. I collapse on the floor of the guest room and watch him walk away without a second look my way. “Don’t leave me. I love you,” I whisper, even though I know he can’t hear me.
After what feels like an hour of crying because of the burning hole in my chest, I pull out my phone. I can barely see the screen, but I manage to tap Holly’s name.
“Hey there, gorgeous! Shouldn’t you and lover boy be off hiding from your parents and doing it in the pool?”
There goes another shot to my heart. “He…left…me.” I can barely choke the words out.
“What?! Oh my God! That’s why Carter and Maddy decided to leave early! I’m going to kill the bastard! I will be over as soon as I can, Chris!”
Holly hangs up the phone, and I make the stupid decision to call Shawn. It goes straight to voicemail, so I decide to do something even more stupid. I beg for him to come back. The voicemail cuts me off. It probably had enough of my pathetic rambling. I can’t make myself get up. I just curl up into a ball and wait for Holly to help me pick up the pieces he shattered.
I must have fallen asleep on the floor, but the sound of Holly yelling wakes me up. “Shut the hell up, Janine!” When I peek through my swollen eyes, I can see her at the top of the steps. She goes to my room at first, not even noticing the limp, pathetic version of me lying on the floor of the guest room. She comes back out into the hallway and then she sees me, “Shit.”
She walks over and plucks me off the floor like a feather. “I am going to kill him for leaving, and then I’m going to kill my brother for taking him.”
Holly walks me downstairs, the entire time muttering about the body parts she’s going to cut off of him. We’ve made it to the front door when my mother appears.
“Where do you think you are taking her?”
“Far away from you people.” Holly has never been scared of my parents, and isn’t afraid to tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.
“She is upset and needs her family right now.” My mother is speaking in her normal condescending tone, trying to pretend she actually cares about what I need.
“I know she does, which is why she sure as hell isn’t staying here. Blood doesn’t make you family, love does. You haven’t loved anyone but yourself in a long-ass time.” Before my mother can say another word, Holly takes me out to her car and speeds out of the driveway.
I fall back asleep in the car, hoping my dreams won’t be as cruel as my reality.
Chapter Fifteen
Shawn
When I walk into my house, my mom immediately knows something is up. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were s
taying with Christen until you guys went back.”
I look up at her, “We broke up. Carter is coming to pick me up any minute. I just wanted to stop by and say goodbye.” I had a cab waiting for me outside of Christen’s because I didn’t want to chance Carter picking me up there.
“What happened? You guys seemed so happy.”
I can’t tell her. She would never want me to sacrifice my happiness for hers. “It just didn’t work, Mom.” I hear a car horn. Thank God. I give her a kiss and say goodbye to my dad.
When I get into the car, Carter speeds off. “Thanks for picking me up. Is there a reason you are speeding, though?” Whenever Mads is in the car, Carter drives like a damn eighty-year-old woman, so the way he’s driving now surprises me.
“Holly just called me and ripped me a new asshole. She’s out for blood, bro, and I know she is probably going to swing by your house to see if I picked you up yet. I would have never thought I would be running from my little sister, but the girl is scary.”
Mads turns around to face me, “Why did you leave?” The simplest question has no simple answer. I just shake my head in response. “Absolutely not, Shawn Matthews. You do not get to destroy that poor girl and not even tell us why.” Her eyes bore holes into me and I can see the rage in her. The girls are really close and I knew my actions would cause a ripple effect.
I’ve never been on the receiving end of pissed off Madison, and if I’m being honest, she is definitely scary. I can’t tell them, though. They wouldn’t let me leave and they would tell Christen. “It’s just not there, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”
She lets out a sight of frustration and turns around, “This isn’t over.”
I remember then, I had turned my phone off when I left Christen’s just in case she called. I don’t have the strength to ignore it. I turn it back on so I can let Paul know I’ll be back in town in case there are any fights. Once it powers back up, I get a voicemail notification. It’s from Christen. I know I should just delete it, because it will only make things harder if I listen to it. I’m a glutton for punishment, and I’m really hoping it’s her telling me how much she hates me.
It isn’t. I can barely understand half of what she says because she is crying, and the half I do understand kills me. I don’t know how in the hell I’m going to stay away from her once she comes back to school. Hopefully, she will make it easier on both of us and just ignore me.
It’s been two days since I left Christen and things are still just as shitty. Nicole won’t talk to me, except to curse at me when she walks by, which is just great because she basically lives here since Jason doesn’t want her staying at her house alone. Holly is still sending me death threats, but since she comes home tonight, she will probably start threatening me in person. Mads isn’t trying to kill me, but she also isn’t talking to me, either.
I’m absolutely miserable without Christen, and I’ve fought the past two nights, trying to force myself to feel something other than pain. The door to my room is flung open and Holly, Nicole, and Madison are standing there. Holly lunges at me and almost punches me in my face before Carter catches her by the waist.
“I said no bodily harm, Holls.”
“Carter, what the hell? You could have given me a heads up.” All three girls shoot me death stares and I shut my mouth. They all sit at the end of my bed, and I have to admit, I flinch a little when Holly sits down.
“Get out, Carter.” Nicole sounds just as pissed as she did the first night I got home.
“Are you sure I shou—”
“Get out, Carter!” they all yell at him in unison.
“Sorry, dude. Good luck.” He shuts the door.
“Fucking traitor,” I mutter under my breath. I look into the eyes of the girls, knowing they all want to kill me. “What are you guys doing here?”
“Well, I can’t speak for everyone,” Holly says, “but I’m here to give you a chance to explain yourself before I go through with my plan to castrate you.”
Nicole and Madison don’t say anything, they just stare at me, waiting for me to say something. I have no idea what to say. I know if I tell them the truth, they’ll tell Christen. “How is she?” I know it isn’t the smartest thing for me to say, but I need to know.
Holly jumps up like she’s about to go off on me when Madison grabs her hand and pulls her down next to her. She looks back at me and I can tell she’s really upset. I know it’s because of me and it makes me feel like shit. “She isn’t good, Shawn. You really wrecked her. She doesn’t understand why you left or what she did to drive you away. She also told us what happened before you left and I honestly can’t believe you would use her that way. I thought you were better than that.”
Her words shoot me right in my heart. “Shit, I didn’t use her.”
Nicole’s face gets even redder. “Yes you did, Shawn! You basically gave her the hooker treatment, complete with a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am!”
Now I’m pissed. “I would never treat her like that! She meant everything to me and I just wanted to have her one last time!” When I realize what I just said, I want to kick myself.
“If she meant everything to you, then why would you do that to her? She’s like my sister, Shawn, and you have no idea what she is going through right now.” Holly looks more upset than pissed now.
“I do know what she is going through! I can’t get her out of my head! She’s there every time I close my eyes. I tried to fight to get her out of my mind, and that didn’t work. I’m not happy about the way things are at all right now, but that’s the way they are going to have to be.”
“Why?” When I don’t answer Mads, she gets up and sits beside me. “What is going on?”
I just shake my head, though. “I can’t tell you guys.”
Madison lets out a frustrated groan, “Ugh! Why not? I thought all of the secrets were over? I’m going to tell you right now, you either tell us what’s going on or don’t bother talking to us again.”
My head snaps up, “Are you serious?”
She doesn’t answer me. She just stands up and walks to the door with Holly and Nicole following. I want to stop them but I can’t. A couple of minutes later, my door opens again, but this time when I look up it’s Jason. “Not you, too.”
“Listen, I’m not here to lecture you.” He shuts the door and takes a seat. “You also know I’m not into this whole share your feelings shit, either, but what the fuck is going on? I get you can’t talk to the girls, but at least tell me. If you fucked up, just let it out. I’ve made my share of mistakes, so I am definitely not going to judge you. Shit, I pushed Nicole away in every asshole way you can imagine.”
I run my fingers through my hair, knowing it would be nice to be able to tell someone about what happened. “Okay, I’ll tell you.” I tell J everything—from the dinner with her parents, to the blackmail her dad laid on me, and even what happened before I left. When I’m done, he doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes.
“Fuck, that’s messed up. I get you not wanting anything to happen to your family, but you know you are letting him win, right? If it was me, I couldn’t stand him knowing he got the best of me.”
“What the hell am I supposed to do?” I rest my head in my hands.
“You are supposed to grow some damn balls, go to the stupid-ass party she’s at tonight, and tell her dad to stick it up his ass. You know how much Christen means to them and how much they don’t want to lose her. If you tell her what’s going on, she’ll make sure your family is okay.” I’m not sure it’s going to be that easy. “Plus, the girls said her mom is making her go to the party with some douche tonight so she could probably use the help right now.”
“What?” I jump up.
“I’m guessing you know the douche? Oh wait, is it the asshole from dinner?” Jason starts laughing.
I grab my jacket off the chair. He’s right, we’re both miserable and I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t wait to see the look on her dad’s face when I s
how up there tonight. “You feel like a road trip, J?”
He smiles at me, “Hell yes.” We walk out to the living room where Carter and Madison are. “I talked some sense into him. You wanna take a boys’ road trip, Carter?”
Mads smiles, “You’re going to go get her?” I nod my head and she jumps off the couch and gives me a hug. “Carter, you should go with them.”
“Are you sure, babe?”
“Yeah, I’ll text Nic and see if she wants to come over and hang out. Holly has a date tonight so she will be out anyway.”
A date? I look over at Carter and can tell he had no idea about this. “Mads, who is she going out with?”
Madison’s eyes get wide as she realizes she said something she shouldn’t have. “Just that guy Josh she has been talking to. You two need to leave her alone. I promised her I wouldn’t say anything.”
Carter reluctantly agrees and we make our way out to my truck. I just hope when I get there, she is happy to see me.
And that she even wants me back.
Chapter Sixteen
Christen
It’s only been two days since Shawn broke up with me, but it feels like a week. I don’t want to eat, and the only time I ever sleep is when I’ve cried so much I can’t open my eyes anymore. It’s not just because I miss him, it’s feeling like such a fool. I can’t believe I never realized he was like that. My mother has been hovering over me and I feel as though I’m suffocating. She refuses to let me stay home tonight and practically drags me out of the house. If that isn’t bad enough, she decides to try and set me up with Scott again. He’s been with us all night and I honestly can’t take another second of it.
He is so egotistical and rude. I can’t believe I’ve survived being around him all night. My mother keeps pushing us out to the dance floor, and keeping his hands off my butt is almost a full time job. People like Scott refuse to accept the word no. When we head back to the table, I excuse myself and take a walk in the garden of the country club. I walk out to the gazebo that has always been my escape and sit down on the bench. I want to be here with Shawn tonight, not sitting here by myself, trying to hide from Scott.
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